Being Open

You Are Great!

Hello hello, compliment

Do you think someone is amazing?  Do you like the dress they are wearing.  How about their haircut?  Did someone just walk past you and smell really delicious?  Are you honored to be able to connect with a specific someone?  Have you told anyone or any of them any of this?  How often do you sing the praises of someone you feel is amazing, to them?  When was the last time you went up to the person you admired, loved, were struck by and told them, to their face, that you thought they were great, awesome, smelled good, etc?  This is something that we need to do, daily, at least.  We all are in need of a boost of love.  

I rarely get hit on.  Maybe I don't recognize it all of the time, but to me it seems to be a very infrequent occurrence.  I have been told that it was because people think that I wouldn't give them the time of day.  Well, to that I say, how would you know if you don't even try?  Think about it, if everyone thinks I am out of their league the one person that is bold enough to go for it has a pretty darn great chance.  When you don't put the love out there the love never has a chance to bounce back and gain momentum as it returns to you.  This is true for anything that you feel warm and fuzzy about.  When you are appreciating someone, when you are feeling love for them, share it.  The sharing supports love being abundant in the world and that reinforces the fact that the person being told these loving things is loved.    

So tell that friend what you feel.  Let your co-worker that you can count on know that they are amazing.  Tell the guy with the cool hair that you think his hair is amazing.  When you share your feelings of love for another (platonic or otherwise) you increase that love exponentially.  Besides, even if the person has heard something loving about themselves, they never tire of being told that they are wonderful, brilliant, beautiful, a stunner, a great dresser, etc.  Never think because someone is confident that you can get away with not telling them that you think they are the bomb diggity.  They need it the most sometimes because everyone assumes that everyone else has told them these lovely things and maybe they don't want to hear the same loving thoughts again.  Believe me, they do.  The ones who support others needs the support too, almost more than anyone else.  

Send out verbal and energetic love to those you encounter today.  Trust that we all need love and that you have plenty to give and receive.  Be bold and give it out without expectation.  Then, wait for it…




Let Them Be

Hiya, I know many, many couples and have been in plenty myself.  One thing that is just truth throughout any relationship is the desire for one partner or both to want someone different from who they are with.  No matter how hard you try you will not change anyone.  You can hope and wish and try and berate and ask and pray and beg and prod and threaten and sweet talk and do much more… if the person you are trying to change wants nothing of the sort, you would do better to wish for the sun to blow up and life to continue than to get someone to do something that they don't feel in their soul and have it truly become a part of them.  So many of us begin relationships thinking that our partners will change for the better and in the direction we prefer.  Most of the time our partners want the same things, to get along, to be  nothing but  happen, but often there is little to no work involved and just wishing things were different.

It is hard to tell your partner that you don't like them as they are, so we find ways to do so without ever speaking the truth.  We tell them that they are wrong, that no one else does what they do, that they would be happier if they did a, b, c or d.  We give them ultimatums.  We try to show them our side in hopes that it is enticing enough for them to join us there.  We spend a lot of time not seeing the other person and ignoring what we do see.  We place an idea on someone and expect them to live up to it because it is so much better than their current reality, to us.  We then get very upset when the person we are with never fits into the image we have for the perfect mate.  We somehow feel like they haven't tried… because they haven't morphed into something that wasn't their choosing.

So what if when you met someone you accepted that they were showing up and this was the best they had to give in the moment.  What if you didn't get them to do anything differently or even ask when it wasn't about how you preferred being treated.  What if you just let them navigate their love life and their relationships, including what they wanted with you?  What if you put the energy you would normally put into getting them to be something you would like working on yourself in some way?  What if you actually saw the person for who they were in this moment instead of who they might possibly become (with lots of work and hand-holding and back sliding)?  You may find that resentment goes away on both sides.  You might find that you enjoy the person right now without needing anything to change or you might see that you aren't compatible and find someone who is.

You will always have more success working on yourself than you would working on someone else.  You can hope and wish and pray and beg but you will soon discover that we are who we choose to be, not who someone else makes us.  Try to see, understand and love where people are in their lives.  Try to connect with the person they are now and let the rest take care of itself.  If someone isn't working toward moving closer to you and meeting you half-way, no amount of pressure is going to get them to do it from their own heart.  If you are feeling like the person you are with needs a lot of 'fixing' maybe it is you that needs it too, so you don't choose partners who aren't ready or compatible to you.  There are a lot of people in the world, billions, if one doesn't fit, I promise you, there are many many more to choose from that don't need your magic to turn into prince or princess charming.




I Was Born With It

Hey love,

I was born with certain gifts… now, after that statement I had the urge to say, "we all were."  The urge comes from the understanding that people feel like there isn't enough yummy to go around.  If I say I am great then I am in some way saying that you aren't.  If I say that I am smart you might want to assert that you are too.  We spend so much time worrying about what other people will think of us if they find out that we like ourselves.  We don't want to seem too big or bright or in love with who we are.  We actually pretend to not be as awesome just in case someone takes offense!  What the fuck???  

Ok, this is the deal, those of you who need to assert your own gifts when someone is loving on themselves, you can stop reading now and live all miserable and be an ass somewhere else.  Those who are dimming themselves STOP.  When you pretend to be something you aren't you are lying.  You are also making it hard for those of us who are working to lift the world up by example.  The first relationship you need to be committed to is the one with your own self.  You need to truly enjoy who YOU are!  Who will if you don't.  Who cares if someone calls you conceited or self-absorbed.  It is more a reflection of their lack of being able to focus on themselves instead of a commentary about you.  Besides, there are other things you could be that are actually not that yummy like unhygienic or murderous.  Those are things I would be concerned with if I was being told them by others.  

When you shine bright, when you focus on your gifts, when you love all of you things in the world shift.  You will see the light in others without trying.  You will see the abundance and others will too.  Just be steadfast and unapologetic for being who you are.  It is your birthright to be awesome!!!  I know it is mine.  I hear things like, how did you get to where you are?  How do you know what you know?  How did you become Aina?  Hard work.  Moment to moment attention to each detail.  Loving everything that I have been through as my gifts, my lessons to allow me to know me better and in that way know everyone else.  I got here by letting go of judgments and by being open to what is.  I am here because I am supposed to be.  I am great because I don't know how to be anything else.  Maybe she was born with it… yep, that is me. 

Own your life, own your love, own it and let others do the same for themselves… 



2012-12-08 17.52.08

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:


Being Ready.



Sleeping in.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Most of us don't want to work that hard.  Be honest.  You would like to know, to have, to see and to understand without putting in the unrelenting work that all of those things require.  I see a reason for all, I see that nothing is common.  I take everything as information and treat those things that stick out to me as being for me to see for a reason.  From this I gather the information from the world, from the universe.  I see patterns and I see the orchestra that we are a part of.  I feel peace because I see the order, the beauty in it all.

I have been made fun of about how I see a reason for all things.  This is usually by someone who is lost, confused and afraid.  They are not at a place where they see that one of the reasons they are in a holding pattern is because they haven't found their meaning, they haven't figured out that they matter and are here on purpose.  They don't understand that being born is the proof that they are deserving, have worth and are supported.  They live in fear and seeing the amount of work that it takes to live differently seems odd, silly, daunting in some ways.  Most cannot believe that you just have to understand that there is a reason for it all, every detail, in order to receive the love that is overflowing from all things, people and situations.  The hardest part of this truth is that we put ourselves in situations that hurt us on purpose because we don't feel worthy, we don't see purpose and we don't believe that each moment is divine.  The hardest part is owning how we have put ourselves where we are.

When you let go of what you have or have not done in the past you can open up to the now.  You cannot know what you did not know… but you can learn.  You can begin to do the unrelenting work of asking the universe for information, of seeing everything as a gift, of appreciating what you have right now.  You can do the work of owning your feelings, thinking about your thoughts and choosing your words.  You can change your life, which in turn changes the world, when you choose to work hard, tirelessly and with love on yourself, for yourself, with your Self.  You can stop making fun and start having fun.  

My reasons have led me here, to you, and I appreciate that most of all.  Sharing and loving you from where I am to where you are.



To Die For

Hiya, I remember when I knew that there was something that I would die for… not a person, per se… but a cause, a belief.  I remember seeing myself fighting for it, I had a future flash where I was standing in front of people who couldn't believe what I was saying, that I was telling them something that hurt their basic understanding of the world.  I didn't back down, in this vision.  I stood my ground and I communicated, as best I could, why this was such an important viewpoint… how it could and would change the world.  When I finished viewing this flash I felt like I had stepped into my ruby slippers… like I was home.  Everything changed and at the same time everything stayed the same.

When you find out what you are meant to do it can be overwhelming.  You may wonder how you will get from where you are to where you are going.  The steps may not seem obvious to you at first.  The way reveals itself over time and is nothing that needs to be obsessed about.  Finding your calling is like coming home to a place you have never been but know better than you know anything else.  When I realized what I would die for I felt less like celebrating and more like taking a deep breath and moving forward.  At the point where I accepted my fate I started to test out my new surroundings.  I began seeing myself saying things that I wouldn't have said before, putting myself in situations that were familiar but responding to them in a completely new way.  I took my ego out of the driver's seat and into the back seat.  Ego is necessary but does not need to run the show.

Knowing that there is something bigger, something more, and that you are bigger and something more, takes the fear away.  We usually feel fear when we feel small, when we feel lost.  When you take the fear away you have love; lots of it, all of it that you can stuff into your soul and your pockets until it overflows and starts to drown those around you.  When you figure out what matters more than anything, what you were meant to do and what you would be content finishing this experience of being human doing, you realize that everything was just to get you to this feeling, this knowing, this place that, in reality, is the same for everyone… You say potato I say love.  One in the same.  You will find that the only thing that makes sense to give over yourself to is going to be made up of love.

Love would be why I would die and why I will die.  Love brought this experience as Aina about and will end this Aina experience as well.  Love is what I will continue to teach to the masses, in its various aspects, and love is what we all are, where we originated from and what we will return to.  What I saw was me, letting everyone know that we are all deserving, that we are all love, that we will have to begin to head that direction in order to bring about lasting change.  I spoke up for the idea that the souls that sacrifice themselves to be hated in this world by incarnating as tyrants are just as beautiful as the ones who are the victims of the tyrants themselves.  I fought for everyone to accept what is and be open to what is given in each moment.  At some point we will learn that love, not punishment, brings about love and motivates where nothing else will.  Until then I will work tirelessly to awaken others to seeing the divine in their fellow man and, more importantly, in themselves.




Better Better Best

Hiya, What if you looked around at people and thought that they were doing their very best.  What would change in your dealings with them?  Would you be as disappointed?  Would you stop expecting and putting pressure on others?  Would you lose all hope for humanity because you would think that if this was the best they could do then we are simply doomed?  I understand all of those feelings and hope that you can see that understanding this idea, that we are doing our best, isn't condoning behavior we don't enjoy, it is being open to what is… it is acceptance which allows for forward movement.  

When you go through life you don't think about what you can fail at, generally.  You tend to think about things that will make you happy that you want to do, places that you want to go, music, friends, etc.  You are not thinking, overall, how you can be mediocre at things.  You aren't thinking about how you can disappoint people and make them wish you were better than you are.  When we get upset with someone for not living up to an expectation or doing something that we don't want, or being a way that we don't like, and then we put that feeling, that disappointment on them, we are also doing our best.   What we need to begin to do is understand that and let go of the anger and sadness associated with being let down by our own hopes and dreams that never existed in reality.  

Everyone is struggling with something.  Everyone has trouble figuring out how to please everyone.  Everyone is afraid and exhausted.  Everyone is trying to be loved, ultimately.  When we recognize that love is the motivation for all living things we can stop our judgement around whether what someone is doing is good enough.  It may not be what you want, but it is what is and that is all.  When you begin to see others as beings working on their sh*t in a multitude of ways, including doing things you would never or that you feel aren't in their or your best interest, they are still working and doing and being.  It takes us all the amount of time it takes us to figure out how to do better than the day before.  It certainly doesn't help to be constantly judged for things you cannot change.  When you adopt the attitude that others are doing their best, you can then be softer and more supportive around their growth.  You can start being compassionate towards your fellow human.  Truth be told, when you really recognize that we are all (including you) doing our best, you begin to let that part of you that has been under the microscope and judged for not knowing what it cannot, relax.  When you relax you are open, when you are open you can receive information that could lead you to doing better.  

Take the pressure off, see what happens when you start being nice, when you begin to see people as where they are supposed to be instead of wishing them to be where you want them to be.  This is their best, right at this moment… be open, if you want to, to them being different in the next moment.  Change is inevitable, growth is mandatory, your best is always better at some point. 




Ending and Beginning

Howdy, Relationships are so rich with so much information it is hard to know where to start when I begin writing about any aspect of them.  I mean, relationships are life after all and there is just so much life all around.  Then I remember that I say one phrase almost every day to someone, "no good relationship comes to an end."  In all honesty, it is what I want everyone to think about when they are either breaking up or in a relationship that is heading that direction.  Breaking up is painful on so many levels, but it doesn't have to be… I promise you.  Yes, you will lose what is familiar and what is comfortable.  Yes you will have to adjust to a new way of life without that relationship… but leaving something that wasn't good… well, that is awesome!  

Two people do not sit around and think how f*cking amazing their relationship is and then decide to break-up.  It isn't like anyone has said, "oh my goodness, I am just so happy and this is just so great I have to get away from it.  I cannot be in this great relationship any longer."  Umm, yeah, no.  If you are wanting out there is good reason.  At the same time, when you are wanting out and finally say so, that is a big deal.  Ending what you initially wanted to last forever (most people don't get in a relationship and look forward to the ending before anything is not working) says you have given it some thought, lots of thought, and you have decided that it isn't what you want.

I feel that people's desires need to be respected.  I have been dumped plenty of times, thank goodness.  I, at no point, imagine that someone should hang onto me because of anything other than their desire to.  When that wanes I would prefer for them to let me go.  I don't desire anyone "sticking it out" with me for the sake of my awesomeness… seriously.  I want mutual joy, love, and respect.  The issue is, for most of us, we get used to our relationships being sh*tty.  We dream of something that isn't, the future, and we ignore the messed up present.  We put all of our stock in things working out when the moment you are in it isn't.  Relationships aren't always ecstasy bringing, but you need to be happy and not hoping for change in order to truly sustain one.  

Do you want your relationship to end in a blaze of hell fire?  Well, be someone you aren't, never speak your mind, never ask the hard questions of your partner, stop having sex, stop taking care of yourself (or never start), imagine you are too good to be left, think that your partner needs you too much to let you go, put your hopes and dreams away somewhere and pretend like they don't exist.  

Do you want your relationship to survive?  Well, don't most of us… the best thing to do is to be honest with yourself and then with your partner.  Tell them the truth of who you are and what you can an cannot hold.  Be authentic and stay present.  This is all a journey and it takes twists and turns… some are fun and some are not.  They all can be learning experiences and survivable.

For anyone going through a breakup I send love and peace and strength.  This is not bad, it is necessary… you will love again.




It's My Life

Howdy! Recently I made a choice that was just for me.  For my life and no one else's.  I took into consideration the pros and the cons as I see them and decided to move forward with my choice.  I didn't stop to think about how others might perceive it, exactly.  I have learned over the years that living for anyone and anything besides what your soul tells you to do is going against truth.  I know that doing things just to please others will get you into trouble once you feel so oppressed that you rebel by swinging the opposite direction pretty aggressively.  One can only fake it for so long before they have to live in integrity.  So with my decision made, I went on my way.  

Sure, we affect one another.  We do, this is truth.  I may walk by you and remind you of something you needed to do because I resemble someone you work with that is expecting this thing.  I may be talking with you and relay a story about my childhood that brings up memories that were suppressed.  Now, I am not going to not be myself because you would prefer not to remember something that I remind you of.  We are all connected so what we do matters in so much as we decide to let it.  This type of influence isn't something that we were meant to try to control.  People are living their lives so that you can better see yours.  You can see your preferences, your struggles, your judgments, your areas of work.  So when I make a decision for my life, I am the one who needs to be consulted.  You and anyone else, will get out of it whatever you were meant to, that isn't up to me to worry about or try to force.  My life is an example in whatever way you decide it is for you, that is personal…

Now I am never interested in your opinion of my life if you want to tell me I am living wrong.  What you think of me, in that way, is none of my business.  If you feel that my life is not the life you would live, then don't live it.  I make every decision with a knowing that is greater than any ego driven, emotionally charged response to it.  I am certain about where I am being exactly where I am supposed to be.  My conviction to myself and my SELF is unwavering.  What is important to know is that whatever charge you get out of me living my life is for YOU and you alone.  

It takes hard work to know yourself.  It takes dedication to live with integrity.  Integrity is being true to your self, not to others opinions.  I wish for you all to find out what you really want, what you truly feel and to be and feel that.  I know that we will be able to accept that we can only do what make sense to us and not make others live our way.  Open your mind, live your life and love each other.  Let it go, let love in, and get on with living.  

So, to get back to that decision I made:  when I decide to wear my melon pants with a striped shirt and teal jacket with purple knee socks, that choice was and always is mine to make, to live with and to enjoy!  Have a GREAT Friday!!!!




Order Up!

mentalclarity1 Hiya,

There are signs everywhere, information is abundant.  At no point are you dangling alone in the universe.  I know it seems like it sometimes.  You find yourself feeling confused, frustrated, stuck.  Answers don't seem readily available.  You begin feeling like what you used to know you don't know anymore, what you wanted isn't as appealing, where you are going is no longer set in stone (like it ever was to begin with).  Suddenly you have no idea which way is the right way to move.  You just want answers, direction, clarity. 

Clarity comes with time and practice and sometimes it just comes.  You can look at the universe like a diner, you are the customer that comes in and looks at the menu.  Often you just say "I'll have what they are having" instead of ordering for your own personal needs.  This is your life, you cannot order what someone else is having, it doesn't work that way, and after some time you will be forced to pick your own entrée.  The menu is extensive and you may get tired and overwhelmed while looking through it, oh well.  It is what it is.  You have to go through until you see what is right for you.  There are short order cooks waiting to order up the very thoughts you are having, so be careful, your random unfocused thoughts may not be what you really want, so make your thoughts less random and more focused.  

When you are sitting there, reading the menu the very feeling of being stuck is information.  That is a sign that you may be heading in a direction that isn't best for you.  If you pay attention to feelings or ease, resistance, fear etc.. you will begin to see how much you are actually being shown.  Signs are really all that exist.  You just have to work on being open to them.  Once you begin steps to move towards what you truly want, it is easier to see signs that will help reinforce that you are heading in a direction that your soul has much desire for. 

It is work, the beautiful work of life… your beautiful life.  Take the time and do it.  Open up and see the support that exists all around you.  The signs that you working on what you need and desire is the direction you need to be going.  How many times are you brought back to yourself, in the world?  How often are you made to face yourself?  If there were a bigger sign of you needing to work on you it might be everything disappearing and leaving you alone… think about it.  You are the work, first and foremost.  Take the hint and get started digging in.  



It's Time To Make A Change

Howdy, For over 20 years I have helped people gain control of their nutrition and weight management.  When my clients follow my protocol they get results 100% of the time… and in more ways than they thought they would.  I work on 3 levels, the mind, body and spirit… so no stone is left unturned.  If they are committed to doing the work, the work will be done.  Some of the work is standard and no surprise at all, like conscious eating… then there are the things that are surprising like the fact that some people aren't going to support your weight loss and will try to sabotage you at some point on you journey… and one of those people is sometimes you.

When you decide you want to get fit after years of being out of shape, overweight or both you will be faced with a lot of resistance.  The resistance is fear.  Fear permeates us when we are unhealthy.  Fear vibrations are lower than love vibrations.  Eating processed items, sitting for long periods of time for years on end, thinking things that aren't supportive and doing very little self-love work will cause your vibrations to register low on an energetic scale.  When your vibrations are low, you aren't motivated to make many, if any, changes.  When you do get the gumption to do something different you are up against your brain chemistry that has conditioned responses to what you have been doing, and will resist change if it was up to it; you are up against your regularly scheduled programming, so getting a new routine is daunting.  You are also afraid of judgment, so joining a gym or getting a trainer is big and scary.  Just getting to the point where you can tell people who you are working with someone or doing something is a big hurdle emotionally.  

It is no wonder, then why so many people fail at truly finding the solution to their fitness and weight loss goals.  Not to mention society and the media.  I am all for acceptance, I teach it, preach it, live it.  However, acceptance does not mean no work needed.  Acceptance is where you start to begin changing that which needs improving.  The idea that things don't need improvement is ridiculous.  People go to church to become better people (so they say), people go to therapy to become better equipped to handle their lives, people clean themselves to get clean or improve upon the moment.  Improvement is the nature of life.  We have children and want them to be better off than we were… but as soon as we discuss weight everyone is a-ok and doesn't need to do anything??  We do more damage lying about not wanting to change our bodies than we do changing our bodies.  We oppress more people by saying that it doesn't matter what you look like than we do allowing people to care openly.  Acceptance is the starting point for change… not the end point for life.  When you accept that you are where you are and you want to be where you aren't you can begin the steps needed to make it happen… including getting healthy.


So stop telling people they are big-boned.  No one is big-boned.  Yes, once you have carried excess weight for years and years your femur grows wider to compensate for the force they are under, but no one is born with abnormally big ass bones and then becomes fat.  Stop telling people not to get "too skinny."  Instead tell them that the cheese danish is poison that will end up killing them in the end.  Let them know that the cheeseburger has no nourishment.  Tell them that they look puffy and unhealthy instead of saying that they shouldn't go overboard with working out.  Encourage them to work out, this is what their body needs… this is what their soul needs, this is what will bring them to change, improvement and empowerment.

You have been given a gift, this body that sits reading this… you are the caretaker of a great vessel.  When you take excellent care of this vessel you are able to do amazing and wondrous things with it. It is your servant.  When you neglect it, you become imprisoned by the very thing that is here for you to experience the world with.  Your body becomes the master and you the slave.  Pay attention to the orders that are being shouted out to you from that vessel.  Who is in charge?  Are you afraid to stop eating something because of how it tastes or are you thinking about how you need to be fueled to bring the vibrational levels of this great vessel up?  Where is your focus?  What is your purpose?     

When you decide to make a change know that it may not always be easy, some people may not be helpful, and you may feel like you have been backsliding a little bit.  Just keep on keeping on, you will get to where you dream of eventually.  



Speak Up

Hey there, We spend a lot of time tip toeing around true stories that we are too afraid to tell.  We run from our realities all of the time and wonder why our lives don't go the way we want them too.  How long will it be before you will be forced to deal with what you actually want, need and feel?  How long before you will have to have those difficult conversations and possibly get, in your life, the changes you actually desire?  Well, several things depend on all of the above.  The main thing is timing.  Your soul has to be ready… not you, the one reading this, but the one that is taking it in.  

We tell ourselves that if we want something that impact another (in our opinions, negatively) then we would prefer to save them the heartache and keep it to ourselves.  We wouldn't want someone else to feel uncomfortable.  We even go so far as to diminish our feelings so they don't seem so important and then actually facing them is no longer as necessary.  We basically foreclose on ourselves so we don't have to own what is really going on.  Well, our lack of truth-telling isn't so we can make everyone else comfortable.  Our lack of directness isn't to be gentle with someone else.  We are making ourselves comfortable and trying to be gentle with ourselves.  We use the idea of others feelings as excuses for our behavior.  Truly we don't know how voicing our feelings, needs will impact someone completely.  Maybe they will initially be hurt but it doesn't end there.  That interaction where they were given the truth for someone else may turn into an opportunity to grow in a way that would otherwise not happen without that nudge, that awakening, that push.  

When you keep your true self and your true desires from others you are not helping them.  You are hurting you.  When you refrain from telling someone a preference because they might be offended, you are really just protecting yourself from the potential of a negative response.  You are also making sure you don't get what you want.  You have, basically, put yourself and your needs last. You are now running around protecting others from their own opportunities to live fully in this world, experiencing the ups and downs, the yes's and no's.  The boundaries and the open sky.  When you allow yourself to express your preferences, when you have those difficult conversations, you are allowing growth.  You are also giving space for someone else to then own their feelings and tell you about it.

Of course, there comes a time when you can no longer stay in a place of inauthenticity.  This is when you see no other way but to listen to your soul, your heart.  You are compelled to be all of who you are.  This often happens when you have smothered your truth to a near death situation.  You don't have to get here to make changes, but if you don't make changes, you most  certainly, in some lifetime, get there.  Either way, all things happen for a reason and all things happen in their own time.

When you ask for what you need, say what you want, own how you feel, you discover support in ways you didn't know existed.  Your life begins movement in the direction of your dreams.  As John Mayer puts it, "Say what you need to say."  Life is sometimes short, sometimes long, but it is always yours.




Say What You Need To Say: 

Reason This

Hello there, Everything happens for a reason.  I have said this to you before.  If you are close to me in proximity, you have heard these words fall from my lips and know that everything, not some things, everything is what I truly mean.  There is nothing that is for naught… nothing that is without a purpose.  You can do no meaningless things.  The secret isn't to find the meaning it is to uncover it.  When you begin to see the world as an ordered thing, something that has a language, information, desires, set ups and outcomes, as a living breathing intelligent thing, you can begin to let go of judgment and be open to wonder.

When you miss an appointment you may not, in the moment, feel that great about it.  You might go over the fact that you have been swamped and unorganized.  You may even tell yourself things like, "you always do this, what is wrong with me!"  You may beat yourself up more or less than that as well.  You may take hours or longer to figure out how you are simply a fuck up in so many other areas of your life and this appointment fiasco is just highlighting it for you.  How often have you spent time reinforcing your "failures?"  

Now imagine you understood that everything is moving along as it should.  How would that change your reaction to a perceived mistake?  How could it change your reaction?  You could stop, breathe and ask, "why did I need to miss that appointment?  What am I supposed to take from this?"  When you begin to ask questions around a situation that is less than ideal, you begin to get out of it some of what it has to offer you.  When you recognize the intelligence of the universe as greater than your own you don't become passive, you become receptive.  You are then able to move about the world without judging yourself or others and instead, get to the root… get to the reason.  Maybe your missing the appointment was because you needed time to do something else or you needed to be motivated to organize your work and calendar, or maybe it was because you needed to feel shitty so you could get annoyed with feeling shitty and then read this blog and make a shift in your thinking.  When you begin to look for the reasons, the reasons become clear. 

Now, what if you approached your life with receptivity, wonder and awe?   What kind of world would yours look like?  Love is abundant when you do this, life flows with little resistance, and everyone is a teacher and a lover.  You are calmer, more peaceful. It doesn't mean you won't be annoyed about this or that… you are human and that sometimes goes with the territory and is needed and necessary… but you don't have to spend time putting yourself down when you can spend that same time supporting your own personal growth and forward movement.  Get out-of-the-way, you are a part of the orchestra and though you don't conduct the entire thing, you can determine if the sound is pretty or off-key.  The sound of judgment is the sound of discord, it is the language of abuse.  Let go of the judgment, let in the harmony and grace of life and keep on wondering and uncovering.  



You Dont Need To Know

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You think you know but you don't.  We all want to know… something, anything.  It makes us feel like we are smart, special, in control.  Humans are pretty bad at going with the flow.  We set up our lives so we can get familiar and so that things aren't unpredictable.  We want to feel like we can tell what will happen next.  We stress about things when we don't know so much so that we can literally make ourselves "sick with worry."  Sick with worry is not a joke, it happens, people are exhausted from freaking the f*ck out on the regular.  The thing is, most of us don't know and don't need to know… that isn't the point of life.

There are ways that believing you know can become a hinderance instead of the freedom that most think knowing brings.  If, six years ago, you knew you were going to be where you are now what would you have changed?  If you knew the details of your life then how would you have judged this life you live in this moment?  Now, most of us are not who we were six years ago.  Most of us have some different perspectives, experiences, ideas that may have changed the way we view our lives now.  But if your six years younger self had known, he or she may have changed everything so you would be where you are… and wouldn't have grown into whatever you have grown into.  Knowing takes away learning.  Learning is growth.

You have a lover or a friend or a family member who says they know you.  The relationship changes.  You don't see each other for years, though when you were together the relationship was symbiotic almost.  You have experiences, thoughts, ideas.  You then speak with your friend/relative/ex-lover and they tell you that they know you.  You are trying to explain how you have come to see the world differently since you have been gone and they aren't having it.  They tell you who you are, where you came from, what you want, think, etc… You are invalidated, not heard, frustrated because they know you.  They know you.  What in the hell do they know?  Why is it even important?  

You have a friend/relative/ex-lover that it speaking with you after years of not being as close as you were… but you were super-duper close before, you grew up together.  You think you know them, how they would do this or that.  It brings you comfort.  It brings you a sense of belonging to one another, closeness.  You see them do the same things they did a long time ago.  You know them.  Then, they do something that surprises you.  You are unhappy because you thought you knew them and they acted "out of character."  Whose character are they acting different from?  Are they behaving differently from the person you have boxed them in to being or are they doing what they are doing, which is a direct demonstration of how little you know?

You want to know who you will be with, where you will live, what you will be doing in the future.  The future is dependent on you living the present moment.  Learning the present moment.  You cannot get to France if you don't first know where the f*ck you are.  You knowing that you will marry in 10 years, work as a consultant to large corporations helping bring about empathy in business in Paris does what for you now?  If you are currently waiting tables and in love with being single and totally self-absorbed.  Knowing what the future holds takes away the lessons of the present.  

You aren't supposed to know everything, on the contrary, you are being urged to be open, curious, excited about the unknown, not fearful and freaked out.  There are so many gifts in this moment and we lose those gifts when we try to see farther along than where we are.  The future will happen in a more amazing way than you could predict anyway.  Let it take care of itself by being right where you are, fully.  Besides, knowing is less interesting than being.  Being is where it is at.  Why not try that for a spell, see what shakes out.




Hiya, So you are going along and everything seems ok and then, WHAM, someone or something comes into your world and then everything changes.  You have feelings you've never experienced, you do things you never thought you would, you are spinning, spinning… and then you figure out some way around it, some way to either live it, leave it or make it normal.  It happens all of the time with love.  You fall in love, you go nutso feeling and doing things that you never had before, feeling like you are invincible and then, after some time it becomes your normal.  The funny thing is that we tend to forget that we don't know all of ourselves in the least.  It is a bit like goldfish memory (though that theory has been disproven, goldfish do remember things so those small tanks are torture), we actually think that we know how we would or wouldn't behave, even after surprising ourselves on a regular basis.  I mean really, at some point in your life you have done something you never thought you would and you have made it a part of your existence.

Throughout our day we talk to ourselves constantly.  There is almost always a dialogue that is going on in that head of yours.  Now, what are the voices saying?  Well, they comment on this or that and judge that and this and decide that they know.  That is one of the most important things those voices do for you, they tell you what is.  Honestly, the voices are working against you most of the time.  They cause a lot of confusion, drama, stress and fear.  They tend to tell you that something is one way or another and you tend to believe those voices.  Think about this seriously:  what have your voices told you and been right about; wrong about?  I would say that they are wrong most of the time because they like to operate on fear.  Even though the percentage of correct decisions/observations the voices make is low, we still consult those voices.  It is a partnership that doesn't seem sound.  Rarely are the voices ones of curiosity… rarely do we remind ourselves that anything could happen and after it does we might actually like it and want to continue experiencing what we once thought was unappealing, unsavory or beneath us.

What if the voices grew quieter or we didn't pay them attention or we reminded us of what was actually happening instead of what could?  What if you were open to the possibilities in life, you were aware that you didn't know what you would do in a situation you had never been in?  What if you decided right now, that you are in progress, you are in a place of discovery and will be the rest of your life?  What if you allowed yourself to be the growing and changing being that you are?  What if you helped the voices tell you what would allow you to be at ease most of the time and open otherwise?  You can, it is doable.  Now, even when you work on those voices serving you, surprises will still happen.  They won't shake your world the same way because you will be open to them, you will have known that anything can and will happen.  It isn't hard, in theory, to train those voices… it takes time, desire and unrelenting discipline.

You are going to expand.  You are going to incorporate more into your world than what is currently in it now.  You will change, you will grow.  Love will do it to you, life will do it to you, be open and enjoy. 

Growing, growing, growing... - It's Oh So Quiet - Bjork :)



Little Star

Hello Dearest, Have you ever made yourself disappear?  Have you ever wanted to?  There have been moments in my life where I have wanted to fade into the background, not be seen.  There have been times where I have been irritated that I was unable to be incognito.  There have been moments where I wanted to have no impact whatsoever.  I have never been successful in this endeavor, the endeavor of turning off my light.  Thank goodness I failed at it, because turning it back on is a difficult task… not impossible, but arduous.  

We dim ourselves for so may reasons.  Often it is because of the fact we believe others might not approve of our light.  We, at some point in our lives, were told that it was too bright.  We believed that we were responsible for how someone else felt, so we started to manage what we did in order to manage how they felt.  When someone would compare themselves to your light you would turn it down a bit or pretend that your light wasn't that bright.  Whether it is intelligence, beauty, know-how, charisma, popularity… we dim ourselves so that we don't stand out, so that we fit in.  The last thing we want to be is singled out for believing that we are special in a negative way.  We are afraid of our light causing pain in another.

We dim ourselves because we believe it will allow others to shine.  We think we are in the way of someone else's light so we move ours, turn it down, in some cases extinguish it altogether.  In reality this does not help someone shine more.  Instead, it just turns your light off, making you smaller energetically.  When you make yourself smaller energetically you are actually diminishing your ability to connect, feel, grow, love and conduct light for others.  Just because you became less bright doesn't mean someone will then brighten up.  Besides, do you truly want someone to be bright only at the expense of someone else?  Isn't that what you are attempting to thwart by dimming your own light???  You are attempting to not be bright at the expense of another… oh the irony.  

The sun does not turn down it's light and expect life to continue.  The sun does not concern itself with your insecurity.  It has a job to do, to keep life going, to warm the earth.  That is our job, to keep our lives going, to warm our place on the earth, to grow ourselves.

What allows others to shine is having permission to do so.  The best way to give permission is to be an example.  To be an example you need to shine, shine in every way.  Shine every day.  Shine your love, shine your joy, shine your light.  Be a beacon, be a lighthouse, be what others can strive for.  Shine your way through the world lighting up every corner of every room of every building you enter.  Use the sun as an example and warm your surroundings, help things grow.  See how your courage to be all of your bright light helps others to do the same.  When we begin to recognize that you cannot erase yourself to outline another you will learn a big lesson in this life:  we are all made up of "star-dust and such" we are all stars.  What we choose to do with that information, whether we choose to shine or not, is our responsibility, individually.  

I choose my light as my guide.  I choose to shine everyday in my way.  What do you choose?



Give In & Let Go

Howdy there, Cry.  Let it out.  Feel, stretch, grow, learn, mourn, let go.  This is what is happening right now for many people.  Emotional and spiritual death and rebirth…  You are growing, you are changing, you are shedding what isn't serving you anymore and moving forward.  Something big, something wonderful, something new is waiting for you.  It truly is simple, this change, this new life you are creating, but it isn't without complications.  Letting go of what you know is hard, and sometimes painful.  Ultimately it is a blessing and you will be thankful, at some point.

One of the biggest hurdles to this progress is the fact that we are attached to what we have and how we are living now.  Regardless of our happiness around our lives, we know what our life is about.  We know our routines, our agendas, our friends, our significant other, our home, our pets our everything.  With this knowing comes comfort and a feeling of stability and security.  When something threatens that, even if it is in our best interest, we balk, resist, defend, freak out and hang on.  Sometimes things have to get truly devastating for us to take a different look, for us to let go.  Sometimes we have to be forced into the very change we have secretly prayed for during years and years of being in pain on deep levels.  Sometimes we don't recognize the gift of the change we are receiving as an answer to our prayers because we weren't aware that we were 1) praying and 2) discontent due to being asleep.  

Awareness is a big deal and not that common.  Most people are walking around asleep, going through the motions, unaware of their own feelings, motivations, reasons…so when this awakening happens it can be really painful and really profound.  Imagine thinking that everything was ok only to find out that you don't fit in your life anymore.  You are no longer where you thought you wanted to be… and you don't really know what you want anymore.  Imagine being in a foreign country where you don't speak the language and you have to find a way to get food and shelter.  Imagine how lonely you would feel.  How lost.  The challenge comes with letting go of what you knew to be true.  The challenges include not judging the fact that you have changed and that this change will affect all of your relationships; some will end, others will change and new ones will form.    

If you have found yourself here, in what seems to be an abyss, you are in the middle of an amazing growth spurt… an awakening to your self that is without judgment, that is no longer burdened with past hurts, that no longer hold on to what doesn't serve you.  You are opening up to love, true love, the love of your self that allows you to have true love for everyone else.  This is a breaking open not a breaking down. This is the shift and it is happening all around and will continue.  At some point embrace it,  It will happen whether you go kicking and screaming or gracefully acquiesce.  



What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.

 This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:


Guest Rooms.

Trusting What Is.


My Soul.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We run as fast as we can from pain.  It is smart really.  If you can get away from what is hurting you then you can find safety, a place where you won't be hurt anymore.  Animals in the wild do it all of the time.  They sense danger or see it and they flee.  They run until danger leaves and then they confidently go back to whatever it is they were doing before.  They find a safe place to continue living.  What if the place that scared them, that was causing injury, that they needed to run from was between their ears?  

When you find yourself running from your past and you find your past years and years before, where are you running to, what from and where will you go.  The abuse isn't happening now.  You aren't the child that was hurt, the adult that was left, the person that was afraid.  You are ok and yet you are still running.  You found safety only to realize you never left the hurt behind.  You relive it on some level all of the time.  You find things to support that this is your new normal, that pain is around every corner.  You stop trusting, you stop believing, you set up your world so that what happened can never ever happen again.  What if what happened was a one off?  What if it was only possible to happen when you were 5 years old and now that you are an adult you are not capable of being in the same situation?  What if you have nothing to fear anymore?  

We replay what has hurt us over in our heads, by the relationships we pick that will mirror parts of our past pain, by not letting go.  We hold onto so many memories that don't serve us.  We decide that remembering the things that hurt you will somehow keep you safe.  What keeps you safe is remembering what things worked, where you were happy and loved and comfortable and repeating that.  Pain is a part of the journey.  Suffering for decades around that pain isn't.  That is a choice.  

What are some memories where everything was great?  Where you were loved, supported, cared for and safe?  What if you looked at your history as a gift for yourself and others?  What if you changed your ideas around your history?  What if you changed the way you saw what happened to you and the language around it?  What happened to you could be what happened for you… for you to be who you are now, all the drama, all the joy, all the experiences are piling up to create the you that you are.  And you are pretty great.



Patterns and Reflections

Howdy, Pay attention.  What are you missing?  What is happening in your life over and over?  What are the feelings that you cannot seem to shake?  What are the situations you cannot seem to stop repeating?  What do you think about these things, these patterns?  What would you say to the movie screen if your life was being played out in a condensed way with all of the things that have "happened" to you as the storyline?  What would you say to a friend that was living the life you have lived or are living?  How would you counsel them?  

We often cannot see our own lives due to the fact that our perspective is distorted.  It is like trying to see a shooting star by sitting on it.  We fare better when we can see ourselves from the perspective of another.  This is the beauty of relationship and the difficulty as well.  We need one another to see ourselves clearer.  We use one another to gain perspective about ourselves.  Without the reflection of our behavior in another we would remain pretty blind to a large part of ourselves.  The challenge is understanding how to interpret the information that we get, from everyone around us, about us.  What do we take in, what do we discard, what do we keep or hold onto in order to bring about change?  

First and foremost, we are all working toward figuring things out.  The path for another may not be what you would consider righteous or healthy or preferable, but it is a path nonetheless.  Think about your life and how each step brought you to where you are now, to what you are learning now, to where you are going.  Know that each moment is a necessary part of the whole of your life.  Once you have drilled this into your noggin you can begin to look at your life, and others' lives, as information and not something to be judged or belittled.  When you don't recognize your moments as gifts and/or tidbits of information, you miss the very useful information that the moment is storing and trying to share.  It is hard to see a pattern in things when you are denying these things on a regular basis.

If you can, which I know you have the potential to, truly pay attention to your life and how you have operated it thus far, or ask someone you trust or admire to give you a rundown on what they think you have to work on.  If something irritates or resonates you have found an 'area of interest.'  Once you have noted various patterns in your life you have the choice to consciously repeat or delete them.  This is the blessing of awareness.  I know that the saying ignorance is bliss has some validity but knowledge truly is power.  You may feel stuck because of repeated behaviors you exhibit, you may feel stuck because of recurring thoughts in your head when you reach a certain level of success.  Whatever the reason for feeling unsettled or frustrated, you are in charge of settling yourself and learning how to find a place of ease.  

It is all possible, really.  Open your mind and heart to the possibility of not struggling through something.  Open your heart to ease.  See what comes.



Wonderful Wonder

Hi there! We really like knowing things.  We get off on being knowledgable on this or that subject.  We prefer to not look stupid, be an expert or have information that could be helpful.  As we grow up we lose our sense of wonder and replace it with expectation and predictability.  We want to know the outcome and the reason for it.  We want to guess correctly what will happen because somewhere along the way we let fear take over as out jump off point.  Fear needs to know, longs for safety, expects and never wonders.  Fear knows that shit is gonna be shitty, or at least that 'a' equals 'b', and expects it.  

When you jump off from a place of fear your curiosity plummets.  You are no longer looking at the world with excitement.  Investigating the unknown doesn't cross your mind because the unknown equals the unsafe.  The unknown also equals you not looking good, or like you know, which is scary and not fun to anyone who values knowing as an ideal state of being.  So when you think of being in the dark as being unsafe and looking ridiculous you are going to steer towards things that you feel safe and smart around.  Those things that give you those feelings are what you are used to doing, what you have already mastered or experienced regularly at least.  

Do you want to stay where you are?  Is this a place you could live out your life, without change, comfortably and happily?  If you have answered yes then remember to let everyone around you know that you have no intention of growing.  That you have found the perfect moment and you plan on reliving it until life has ended for you.  If you do desire something else you will need to do something else.  You will need to shift something in your life in order to have your life shift.  

When I talk about change, I don't mean cutting all of your hair off and moving to another country.  You can simply start taking a different route to work.  You can go to a different grocery store than you normally do.  You could buy a coupon off of one of the 58 coupon sites that exist and use it for something you don't normally do.  You can say yes to a situation you would normally say no to.  It is about being open, doing what you don't know, being open to being curious.  If you are comfortable, chances are you are not growing.  That doesn't mean you get rid of anything in your life that keeps you comfy.  You need comfy and uncomfy to balance you out.  Stress is not where you want to live, but it does have its place.  

I hope you can see a little more of the wonderful wonder there is to be curious about in the world today!!!    



There Is Always More

Howdy! Everyday I ask my clients and riders to give a little bit more than the day before.  I ask them to find a place within that is untouched, untapped, masked, hidden… a place that they may be afraid to look at and acknowledge…  Or maybe just a place that they didn't know was there, but exists.  I don't know if most of them get what I am asking or know how to find that uncharted territory on their own, so I try to take them on the journey; a discovery trip, an exploration of self.

Just as the universe is large beyond comprehension and infinite knows no bounds… you are all of that and more.  No matter how long and how far you delve into yourself, you will always have more.  More ideas, reasons, thoughts, feelings, desires.  No matter how much work you believe you have done, you haven't even gotten to the surface of you.  Think of yourself as the earth.  You have only circled one block in Rhode Island at this point.  You haven't even conceived of Papua New Guinea as existing within you, or existing period.  You are so vast that it takes many lifetimes to learn the neighborhood of the block you've been circling in this lifetime, let alone the city, state and country of origin for that block.  

Knowing that there is infinitely more that is unseen than seen is where you begin.  Once you embrace the fact that your perspective is limited and your knowing super-duper small, when it comes to what is possible, you can swing to the other side where everything and anything is possible (and is).  You can begin to imagine yourself where you want to be in whatever form that takes.  You can see yourself doing gymnastics, aerial work, having no cellulite, building strong abs, flaunting your toned body, or feeling GREAT all of the time.  Once you embrace the idea of anything being possible you can stop using the excuse of not ever being perfect as a reason to give up. You can begin to open your heart to what you don't know in reality but you know must be.  

So, the next time you are doing the same thing you've done before, make it different.  Open to being more, giving more, getting more.  Understand that growth happens on an atomic level and, like a fractal, just keeps going and going and going.  You are changing and growing with every moment.  So when I ask you or you are asked to do more than the day before, be open and feel what comes.