It Was Never Forever

Hi there! I was in a car accident a couple of days ago, and, from what I can tell my car was totaled. My first response was to acknowledge that it was totaled and then let it go. There was no sadness, no grieving. There was curiosity around the accident because there were magical events that led up to, created and sustained it until my car was towed away. If I hadn't been in the car with someone else I may not have believed how everything happened. The most important part for me, and possibly for you, is that I didn't have to grieve. It was a loss that had already occurred. It occurred on one iteration of this world or another, many times over. It was never something that was forever and it played out for many reasons, the first of which was as a letting go drill. There are other reasons that I needed to experience this accident and they are revealed in the order that works for my brain and heart and being to understand.


Letting go is something that most of us have had a hard time doing at one point or another in our lives. I know that I have been in several relationship where letting go of them was like cutting off an arm, or at least it seemed like I put as much effort into debating ending it as I would cutting off my arm. We become attached energetically to people, places and things and it is just as real as being attached physically to those things. Energy is real, it is what all things are and when we are bound by it it can sometimes take great effort to come undone. But letting go is one of the most important things we will learn on this plane of existence besides loving with and without expectation.

I have, for most of my life, been in training for mastery of letting go. It is one aspect of what I am here in this body, during this time, called to do. I have let go on purpose, I have had things ripped from me and I have learned to simply not get attached. It is a peaceful movement through the world honestly. Knowing that all things will go means you don't have to concern yourself with the outcome and you are left to enjoy the moments you are in, when you are in them. It is possible to go the direction of worry if it is what you are used to and what is most comfortable, but you can choose to take the information of knowing that all things transform into other things (or end, as we like to say) and use that to detach from the desire to hold onto something that is fleeting. Even an orgasm would be unwanted if it was never ending.

One of the things that makes life so valuable is that it has an expiration date. The big issue is that we foolishly cling onto a sinking ship and hope it will float because we want it to so badly. Very little is done with making each moment that we are gifted something valuable honor the value of the thing. We abuse our bodies, our spaces, our people. We put negative and dirty energy into the world and expect it to sustain us. We ignore our spiritual gifts and wonder why so many are spiritually devoid. Let go of forever and start enjoying, appreciating and honoring today. The next time you are in an accident or have something pulled away from you it may not have the impact it once did. You may start to see the grand design, the master plan and laugh at the way it all works. It is possible and attainable now.

xo a

Love Brings Joy

Hello lovely, I am happy 99.8% of the time. I am asked how is that possible and what do I do. Well the short answer is that I do what I want. But truly it is because I take responsibility for me, how I feel, that my feelings are mine and not someone else's. I don't blame another for where I am, who I am or how I am. I realize that I have the power to view things in a way that will foster love and growth or fear and destruction. I am happy because I put so much love into me that nothing else has room to grow. I have no space for someone else to set up shop and start dismantling what I have built. Believe me, people will try; they will try to get inside of you and tell you that you are wrong, bad. It is your choice whether to let them in or to tell them to high-tail it out of town.

We are so used to feeling the need to be validated by others that we allow them to tell us that we are doing our lives all wrong. As an example: I was discussing family with a friend when she asked me how I respond to people being less than understanding when they find out that I don't speak to my mother (except in cases of emergency). I responded that I don't give people the space to judge what I do (to my face at least). The idea that someone would feel comfortable telling me that they feel I should live my life differently is comedy to me. Honestly hilarious. Part of the reason there is no room is because I am never confused about decisions I make. I recognize this as a blessing, I do. I work with my clients to gain clarity around their own lives so that they can also make clear and definitive choices, and change their minds if they choose to.

I live my truth at all times. I do not ever attempt to be someone other than who I am, fully. That person is absolutely deserving, worthy, worthwhile, amazing and divine. She is also an asshole, stubborn and selfish when she needs to be. I don't EVER feel wrong. I don't ever feel like I am not good enough. I don't ever believe someone is going to know better than I will how I feel. I never allow those stories, those lies to be a part of my universe. They are allergic to the air in my atmosphere. It is the most freeing thing that you can ever experience, being authentic. I do what I want and you can too; things will still get done, life will continue, work will be worked and tasks accomplished.

So, yes, I am happy because I wouldn't have it any other way. My joy is of the utmost importance. When I am joy I am able to give without needing to take many breaks; I don't feel used; I don't need it reciprocated because it is without expectation that I am giving. Happiness is available to every single one of us… you just have to take it.


One Foot In Front of The Other

Hello, Keep going.  I know how hard things can feel.  I know how sometimes you think that it is all for naught; that you are just going in circles.  You aren't even though it truly doesn't seem like any forward movement is happening.  Then there are times where you know you are moving forward but it just isn't at the pace you would like it to be.  You want quicker results.  You want the results to fit into your expectations, you want what you want and anything else seems like failure.  I get it but cannot support it.  We set ourselves up for failure on a regular basis and don't take responsibility for managing our own expectations around our growth, success or advancement.  When you expect to be rid of something you only just recently learned you were embodying for most of your life you are setting yourself up for disappointment; you can at least give yourself a similar amount of time to get above what you don't like as it took to make what you don't like a habit; 5 years of making something a habit takes is going to require longer than a few months to truly unlearn.

This isn't for you to become discouraged.  On the contrary, it is so you understand patience.  When you are working on learning how to live a life that is new in a large number of ways, the last area of your life to truly shift is your emotional life.  How we view the world, how we see ourselves, what we want, feel, desire, all of these things are deeply embedded in our core.  Changing how we respond to present situations so that we aren't repeating behaviors of the past is difficult and an ongoing process.  You mustn't get ahead of yourself and, at the same time, you must dream bigger and see farther than your present state of being.  In other words, you must stay rooted in the present moment but peer over it to see that there is light; faith is needed.

Anything you want to change, grow, learn will take time.  You will have to put energy into whatever it is that you would like to attain.  Giving up, deciding that it isn't happening fast enough, becoming discouraged, losing faith are the enemies of love, life and the pursuit of emotional, spiritual and physical evolution.  As you stumble, recognize that there is something that slowing down will show you.  As you feel like you are spiraling or having a setback, know that you need to gather more tools for your journey and this is an opportunity to do so.  There are no mistakes if you are consistently learning.

Keep going.  The only way out is through.


xo a

If You Want It

Hi there, If you want to do something do it… you don't have to be perfect at it or know what you are doing, really… just do it. If you want to write, for example, then write. Write your dreams, write your stories, write your hopes and write your fears. Write about other people, write about yourself, make up stories and speak your facts. If you want to dance, dance… everyday. Put music on, move your body, keep moving your body. Dance every chance you get. If you want to sing, sing in the shower, in your car, living room or kitchen. Sing when you are sad, sing when you are happy, sing when you are walking down the street. Sing when you are working out, sing when you are chillin. If you want to do something you don't yet know how to, you are going to have to 'just do it' as they say.

We hesitate, we come up with reasons why we cannot start something now, we lie, we manipulate and we become dictated by our fears. Our fears consist of not being good at what we are learning to do, not being good at what we are learning to do and oh, yes, not being good at it yet. Ok, so now that you know what you are afraid of, do it anyway. You most likely won't be good at it until you practice whatever you are learning, over and over again. Part of being new at something is making mistakes. Those mistakes you make early on are the building blocks of mastery which you will reach later if you keep on practicing. We also miss out of living the life of our dreams because of a lack of faith. We sometimes believe that things are too good to be true and/or we don't deserve all the great things. Instead of giving you examples of why those ideas are loads of sh*t, I will just tell you, those ideas are loads of sh*t. You deserve the abundance that is available to us all, no doubt about it.

The biggest hurdle to achieving anything is doing it where you are now; not waiting for the right time to strike. If you want it go get it. I remember wanting to write, for years. The second biggest hurdle to achieving what you dream of, practicing what you what you dream of doing, all of the time. Behave like you really want to know, like you really want to learn. No more excuses, get going, have at it. You are wasting time doing things that aren't your dream if you know what you want and aren't running it down. If you aren't sure about your dreams or have been, up to this point, afraid of voicing them, let that go. Put words to your desires and then put action to those words. Yours is a life that is waiting to be lived.





Hi there, One of the reasons I enjoy speaking to children so much is that they are so much easier to talk to, share ideas with, create worlds with.  They dream, they speak their dreams, they sing, dance and have fun for no reason at all.  They laugh easily, make jokes that aren't funny but end up being hilarious because they just enjoy the ridiculousness of it all and make friends easily.  They are far from innocent but they believe what they cannot see because they know that there is so much more… they feel their way through the world and acknowledge that they don't know when they don't know.  They are forever curious.

The older I get the more I enjoy being around children or those who are in the winter of their life for a few reasons.  Old people don't always give a rat's ass about what others think anymore and kids certainly don't.  Somewhere in the middle we get freaked the f*ck out about each and every move we make.  We fear the unknown, we don't dance without being drunk, we second guess our every thought and move.  It is exhausting to think about how much grief each grown-up give themselves for not being perfect.  At what point were we supposed to master perfection?  When were we supposed to learn it all?  We get jobs that pay us and we get set in a lifestyle and we forget what it was like to just be happy.  No one thing needed to happen to be happy, we could just see what is unseen, the fairies, the beauty of the world.  We forget to sing songs into existence and dance to rhythms that only we can hear.  We stop being open to someone who we are drawn to.

Don't wait until you have grown out of the fear and into your later years to regain your joy.  Do the things that are scary, be new at something again.  Bring back that feeling of wonder… live your life like you are in charge because you are.  Know that you cannot make a wrong move if you are learning from every step.  Life isn't about planning and waiting.  Life isn't about pretending to be something you aren't.  Life isn't about competing and comparing.  Life, when you are truly living is scary and thrilling and surprising and rarely, if ever, boring.  Dream again; dream BIG then do what you have to in order to realize that dream.  You have a life to live… it is short, really, and it is worth the risk of failure in order to risk living your dreams.  The tradeoff is not even close.  Nothing beats doing what you truly want to do.  Kids know this… when did you forget?





Hi there, You will be ok.  If you push harder, sweat more, sleep less and go farther you will survive.  We have such a distorted idea of what we are capable of.  If you want to be successful, if you want to reach a goal you are going to need to suck it up and go for it.  Wake up.  WAKE UP!!!!  When things go wrong you figure out how to manage your life around trying to get them to go right… right?  What if you controlled what you could control… like movement, thoughts and behavior.  What if you created habits that supported a lifestyle that supports life?  What if you stopped doing things that sucked energy; things that don't feed your soul, healed your body and broadened your mind?  Do you know what is possible, do you know where your limit is?

I can tell you that you don't know your limits unless you have already figured out how to fly; to just elevate like a ghost.  If you haven't gotten to that point yet you are still at the "I have no f*ing idea what my potential is" point.  And… if you do know how to fly then you understand that we are limitless.  If you decide to work at something with drive, determination, unrelenting discipline you will master it.  You are not limited by who your mom or your dad is, what your bloodline says, or what anyone else in your family has or has not done.  You are only held back by your beliefs; your believing that you are limitless limits you.  Your believing that your family history determines your future is unbelievably damaging to your journey towards flight.  If you want to be a dancer, dance.  If you want to be a writer, write.  If you want to be an amazing lover, love, communicate, practice.  Whatever you see as amazing in someone else you can be too.  Seriously.

I want to be stronger, faster, fitter.  I work at it daily.  I want to be the best DJ that I have heard of.  I work at it daily.  I want to be a proficient, consistent and relevant writer.  I write everyday.  When you want something you need to go after it.  When you see someone living a dream that you wouldn't mind living, at least your version of it, work for it.  When you want to bring something into your world or take something out, make the decision.  That is the secret.  Deciding to do something different, something more, something daring and something you never dared to do will automatically make it a possibility.


Sometimes you just have to make a choice.  Make one that scares you, that takes you farther than you are presently, that challenges your very idea of who you are or ever could be.  Then watch the magic happen, while you sweat your ass off going after it.



What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.

 This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:


Music… I breathe it.


Industrial Fans.

Coach Aina Body Camp - 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

It is not enough to know something intellectually.  Our intellect is limited, so very limited.  We can read books, we can have conversations, write poetry, blogs and books but until you live your ideas, your words, your thoughts all of that intellect is just smoke.  Poof, it can go in an instant, and often does, when life throws us a curve ball.  I have seen all sorts of people espouse love, joy, and self-fulfilling prophecy talk only to be handed a dramatic situation and fall apart from top to bottom.  I have seen the philosophy of man become a song and dance routine when life becomes a bit too real.  It is time to live differently, not just speak differently.  It is time to own your power instead of giving it away.

Saying you understand manifesting and then saying shitty things to yourself is counterproductive, unless what you really want are shitty things.  Knowing, intellectually, that things happen for a reason and then refusing to see the benefit of all things in your life, including losing your job, a loved one, money, having an accident, breaking up with someone, etc. is a sure way to be in conflict with the universe and yourself.  This may be hard for those who feel that there is a right and a wrong and that it is wrong to expect grace in situations that are difficult, or expect composure when life is hard.  How about looking at it like this, life IS.  That is all.  It happens all the time in every way.  We put judgment on it and say it is difficult when what is actually happening is we aren't trusting that this is what we need in order to learn, grow, blossom and know.  Imagine actually living the words "things happen for a reason."  Imagine having that be a daily acceptance, a moment to moment understanding, a belief, your truth.

You can have a different life without anything outside of you changing.  You can have a more purposeful existence without ever asking someone to do something different.  You can be a happier, more contented person when you shift your understanding.  You can live the life of your dreams when you take away the intellect and you replace it with action, with doing, with living.  We think and think and think and it gets us nowhere so often.  Live, do, decide to accept your power, the power of others, the truth of the universe and stay curious.  When you are curious about what is happening instead of intellectualizing it, you can gather up the juicy goodness that exists in all things, people and experiences.

Have fun if you want to,



No Know

Hello, What is it in us humans that makes it easier to believe that we know it all instead of understanding that we know so little that to use the word know is actually humorous?  Knowing belies the fact that we are actually just gathering from our experience.  As our experiences increase our knowing shifts.  So how is it that we know anything and why is it important that we do?  Maybe it is just semantics, but words are important.  The first meaning of know is to be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information.  The second is to have knowledge or information concerning.  The last definition and the one that most people use when they are using the word know; to be absolutely certain or sure about something.  This last definition is what most people are thinking when they use the word know.  Absolute certainty is something that just isn't absolute.  We have all been sure about a lover, a job, a choice only to have time show us otherwise.  Knowing isn't all it is cracked up to be.

We get a sense of security when we can say that we know.  Knowledge feeds our egos and helps us believe that we are somehow in control and dominate our surroundings.  When we feel absolutely sure about something we get this feeling of comfort and familiarity.  It feels good to know.  Our response to what we don't know, or the unknown, tells you how scary it is to go farther than we have.  When you open yourself up to not knowing it is possible to discover that knowledge is less important than curiosity.  You might discover that knowledge is actually a trick to stop magic from happening.  Our dogged desire to understand, to predict, to control keeps us from seeing the fairies, spirits and different dimensions that exist.  Because we feel that it is necessary to be absolutely certain about things in order for them to be true we lose so much experiential information.  Is it true that you love your cat or dog.  Can you be absolutely certain about it; can anyone else?  Knowledge is a distraction, a hurdle, something to get over having to feel.


What if you looked at the world with curiosity?  What if instead of knowing you observed patterns, you had ideas, you didn't know?  What if you recognized that knowledge is always and forever changing, therefore absolutes weren't possible.  What if you stepped out of your comfort zone; how would you experience the world then?  Knowledge is a limitation.  Being open to not knowing is an invitation.  We couldn't possibly, with our limited senses, know anything for certain.  We can't even see in the dark, let alone things we don't know exist.  Everyday you learn something new, something that prior to that moment you didn't know.  If knowing was a relationship we would all be polyamorous, we change our knowing so often.

Accept the invitation to trust that we are always learning, exploring and expanding.  Trust that you don't need to know for sure to believe that all is possible.  Try it, see what comes.



Wait For It


Hey there,

There is a moment that you break through.  There is.  It comes, it really does.  You just need to be patient.  Be patient and deliberate.  Be patient and consistent.  Be patient in your belief, your humanness.  Take your time, there is no rush, no race.  There is only the moment that you are in.  Each one is unique and magical.  Each one holds limitless possibility.  Each one moment contains the universe.  Because each moment is so big and moves so quickly it is imperative that you be still in your movement.  Instead of racing forward or trying so desperately to put yourself in reverse, breathe it in, deeply.  Take the moment as the miracle it is and watch as each moment unfolds into the next.  Watch as you unfold into the you you choose to be.  

We so often give up on what we say we want.  We stop working towards our goals, we give up on our dreams.  We punish ourselves for taking a zigzag path to our destination.  We choose to believe that we aren't worth investing in so we stay stuck.  We would rather put our time and money into someone else or into someone else's dream before we threw ourselves completely into whatever it is that we desired.  We will even begin on our path, dedicated and excited, full of hope and possibility only to make a few changes and get discouraged that we aren't moving faster.  How far do you expect to go if you give up?  How long is too long to keep at it?  If you have never reached your goal before how long do you think it will take to get there?  It will take as long as it does, but you will get there if you never give up.  

I have a goal of 1000 push-ups in a day… not at once, but in one session over a couple of hours max.  I remember when it was a struggle to do 300 push-ups (about 5 days ago) and I thought about taking a day off.  It is funny because I truly get frustrated with how many people think that they need a day off of movement.  People, you sit on your ass most of the time… you don't need a day off.  WTF!?  Seriously.  Days off are why you are all jacked up in the first place.  Maybe you won't run 20 miles every day but you can certainly sweat everyday.  Make your days off infrequent and special.  Not regular.  Seriously.  I could care less how many people have been told that their bodies need time to recover.  You have 23 hours of recovery every day.  Get your butt up and move.  Ok, rant over.  So, back to thinking about a day off… I thought it and then I was like, give me a break!  I said to myself, lovingly, SUCK IT UP!  I got on my floor and pressed out the best 300 push-ups I had done so far.  It was at that moment, like so many others I have experienced, that I recalled what it takes to succeed.  You have to do what you don't want to.  You have to go through the fire.  You may need to forgo sleep, hang out time, your favorite restaurants, habits that you thought you couldn't live without; you may need to change jobs, living environments, or let go of some people.  You may need to change every single thing if you want something absolutely amazing and new to exist for you.  

The main thing you will have to do while you work your ass off, while you dedicate yourself to the steps towards your goals, while you bring your dreams to fruition is….

Wait for it.




There Is More

Howdy! I rowed all four years in college.  It was an amazing time and I can honestly say that so much of my philosophies on life are based on my years as a competitive rower.  I learned about myself, what is possible or at least what was possible in the moments that existed then, about others, about stress, joy and love, and about perseverance.  I had never done team sports before college so I was new to competing in a structured environment so it took me a few months to get my feet underneath me.  When I did finally get a glimmer of the possibility I became the strongest female rower (as far as erg times) on both the varsity and novice teams.  I was on top and, because I am competitive, was determined to stay there.

I had a 3.5 years left as a college rower once I reached the top so I had to figure out how to handle the new rowers coming up in order to keep my seat and status as numero uno.  I worked out over the summers, I lifted with friends, I did the extra work that I needed to stay strong.  I worked on my mental toughness, I tested and sent scores into the US Rowing Team to stay motivated.  I also found motivation with the rowers around me.  During tests the top ergers would generally sit next to one another for motivation.  I would make sure that I was always a few seconds faster than the next fastest rower.  It was easy to pace off of someone and to just do enough to stay on top.  It worked and I wasn't topped until I was gone.

Most people compare themselves with others around them to see if they are cutting the mustard.  We are a competitive society after all.  Competition isn't in and of itself and issue, it is how we compete and what meaning we give to the results that end up being problematic.  So often I hear people saying that they eat better than the people they know, they work out more, they are smarter than, more helpful, and so on and so on.  I hear people in various positions saying that they are the best this or that.  You can believe that you are the best, or that you are better or whatever but you always need to be aware of the pool you are comparing yourself against.  If you are the fittest person at your job and you live in the United States, chances are that isn't so hard to do.  Most Americans are obese (40lbs overweight), so being the healthiest is rather simple.  Falling into this line of thinking can be tricky because you stop striving for your best and just look to being the best in comparison to those around you.  Your best is then limited by who you are competing against.  

Well, I get it, I did it and it wasn't until I graduated and began training on my own that I discovered true competition and true success.  When I began training in a single sculling boat I no longer had the team to compare myself to.  I was now a small fish in an ocean and the games were just beginning.  I realized that all I could ever use as a meter to base my success on was the person I was the day before; use the scores from yesterday, three days ago, last week or last month.  I was my competition, I was my motivation.  It wasn't until I realized this that I became great.  I began to challenge what I thought was possible by digging deeper within myself, by going farther than I had the day before, by understanding that there were no limits, really.  When I stopped competing I started winning.  

Everyday I try to push myself farther in some way or another.  I take praise from others as a sign of love and admiration but I don't let it go to my head, ever.  I never believe that I am at the top of my game.  If I believed that I would stop working harder, going farther, dreaming bigger.  I refuse to stop because I am ahead… I never believe that to be the case anyway.  I am always in the middle of the pack, working to see what I couldn't see before, working to be where I never was before.  

Instead of comparing yourself to others, ask yourself if you are working hard and doing your best in the moment.  Dream BIG.  Set your sights on something you think is unattainable and then steadily attain it.  Why not?  It isn't about anyone else, it is about yourself, your potential, your exploration of who you really are and can be.  It isn't about losing or winning it is about stepping outside of the hamster wheel and feeling the real freedom of success.  Going beyond what is expected, not letting others' ideas of what can be dictate your life and what you do.  Truly live your life to it's fullest regardless of the lives being lived around you.



Number 1

Go Get It

Hidee Ho! If you want something you will need to go after it, it is not going to come after you.  Whether it is juggling, running, eating well, finding a lover that meets your requirements, dancing, listening, writing, cooking, loving, exercising, or anything else, you will have to actually do something towards it in order to see any improvement in it.  It really is that simple.  We make things so complicated when they really are not.  I know that there may be years and years of layers of perceived failure or habits that support all that you would like to rid yourself of.  There may be a life that you live now that would have to change dramatically if you were to begin to do what your heart truly longs to do.  I know that we get so addicted to the familiar, to our misery that changing it, even to gain all the joy in the world, seems daunting and less appealing than staying put.  Truth is, you are going to need to do something at some point whether you go willingly or kicking and screaming, whether you initiate the change or the change initiates you.  Change is coming.

You will have to work, sometimes really hard at whatever it is that you have asked to have in your life.  You may need to do things that aren't fun, that scare you, that are downright challenging; and you will need to do these things repeatedly.  At some point you will have to write over what was the norm for years and years and years.  The thing is, once you begin taking steps towards what things you really want in your life, you will find the world bending to help you reach your goals.  You will find support in ways you never dreamed, when you are serious about changing your life.  What was there all along but ignored, due to lack of desire, willingness or simply being asleep will become opportunities.  You will be given choices to keep moving forward toward what you desire or to stay in the same place that you are familiar and comfortable in.  You might find that as soon as you make a choice to go after your dream or shift something to finally reach a goal an opportunity to leave things as is becomes sweeter.  This is only a test.  Testing you to either stay put or truly go after what you say you wanted.  You always have choices… you are never stuck.  Will you buy in to what you want or play it safe?

Now, when you ask for it, it will come.  I am giving you fair warning.  When you want something to happen for you it will… it is up to you to say yes to it however.  Just because you ask for the universe to bring to you something you want, you still have to show up to receive it and then take it with you and use it.  Just because you have lost a bunch of weight, gotten the job of your dreams, become a juggler with a small but fantastic circus doesn't mean that you won't have to put into it what you did before you made it to this point.  Until your new choices are just your ways of being you will have to work, focus, intend, and believe every day, every moment that it is not only possible but it just is.  Until your new habits become as normal as the life you had before you will need to put energy into them.  You will need to be purposeful and deliberate and dedicated to yourself, your goals and your dreams.  It took you a lifetime to be solidly miserable in certain ways, or unhealthy or unlearned in the things you want to know… give it a while before what you want becomes what you are.  

Let there be fear, trepidation, lack of motivation and do it anyway.  Let there be concern, worry and consternation and keep moving forward.  Let there be change and wonder around it, let there be the curiosity of the unknown.  Let there be a humbling, an understanding that everything must change.  Breathe, open your eyes and keep moving.  Your work will pay off, your life will improve, your change will come.





Hi there, I am always learning something.  There is something in my life that I am just beginning, have been doing a while and then there are the things I am an expert at.  As a coach I am working with people at various stages in their lives.  Some have never been asked the questions I ask, given the challenges I give or had to do the work I assign. So they are basically novices in the process that I take them through.  If I am not also where they are in some way I wouldn't be able to relate to them enough to help them move forward.  It is imperative that I know what if feels like to need help, to stumble, to get back up and continue on.  Life isn't about coasting, not much is learned on the downhill.  

I understand that a lot of grown-ups like things that are familiar to them and strive for a life where that is all that surrounds them.  They want a schedule, they want predictability, they want to be viewed as skilled.  Being new at something does not make you look cool.  You will stumble, you may fail at first and you most certainly won't be the expert or go to person if you are trying something new.  You may need to ask for help also, which can be difficult for many grown-up egos.  You may need to work really hard (compared to not having to work that hard at the things you have been doing for 20+ years) and you may not pick it up as quickly as you would like to or think you should.  

Learning something new is like becoming a child again.  It can be exciting, stimulating, brain boosting, and fun, if you let it be.  You build new connections neurologically, you learn about yourself emotionally and psychologically and you learn something new in general.  You also, as a by-product, become more empathetic to those who are not experts in the areas you are.  You can relate to someone not picking something up quickly where otherwise you might just be impatient with them.  You see yourself in others that are not where you are.  Your compassion grows (or is born).  Learning something new pushes you to be more of all of you… it reminds you of who you were, are and can be.  

Being a novice is a fantastically humbling experience that I enjoy helping my clients relive.  Being somewhere new gives you perspective you cannot get with the familiar.  Challenge yourself, do something out of your comfort zone.  This is where the great stuff is.  You miss out on so much of life when you keep yourself shielded from being uncool, clueless and brand new.  Life is meant to be messy and sloppy and colorful.  Life is meant to challenge and change you.  There are so many things to do, so many things to try, so much life to be lived.  Try something new each day, week, month or year… you pick.  Try something that challenges your expertise and your comfort.  See how your life changes and becomes richer with these experiences and see how much closer you get to yourself as well.



Play Hard

Howdy!! We all deserve to know what it feels like to be able to move our bodies without worrying whether we can or not.  I remember when I was a kid waking up in the summer and thinking about being outside.  I wanted to run, play, see my friends, get on the monkey bars or the merry-go-round.  My sister and I would have to be called inside to eat and would stay out until it was dark.  I remember waking up the next day and doing it all over.  At no point did I ever remark being too tired to have fun or concern myself with over-training.  I honestly cannot ever looking at my sister and saying, "Yeah, I think I need to sit today out, I played yesterday."  No child was concerned with overdoing it when we were growing up… you played until you passed out.  Really we were just recharging.  

Something changed.  We started sitting for longer periods of time.  Our bodies changed and our emotional worlds transformed as well.  We stopped feeling free to just run around and laugh.  Playing was discouraged and activity became a controlled and specific thing.  You played a sport for 'x' amount of time and you had a million hours of homework.  Rules were put into place around how someone behaves who is mature vs someone who is not.  Playing became something that you did as a child but not as an adult.  If you look around, kids are way more happy than adults.  They are doing something really well and it amazes me how we refuse to truly see what is in front of us all of the time.  Movement is joy.  Movement is fun.  Movement helps you be able to do more movement which allows you to have more joy and more fun. 

Look at your life… go ahead and do it.  Maybe you will want to sit down before you truly open your eyes to it.  If we were taking a walk and I asked you to race me to the next block what would your initial feeling, then thought be?  Most would be freaked out because you aren't a good runner, you aren't wearing the right shoes, you might get sweaty, you only run when chased…  What if I asked you to climb a tree with me or asked you to skip for a bit.  Would you be nervous to move your body or would you be excited to see how fast you could go?  We, as a society, are melting away.  We are so unfit that the younger generation's life expectancy is less than our generation.  We worry about overtraining and needing a day off when all we do is 30-45min of activity per day.  We think eating is the same as going to a movie.  We think wheat thins are food and that food needs to be convenient.  

We have a lot of things to untwist in our heads.  You don't need to eat things that aren't good for you, you want to… and just like someone who wants to do crack, it is wack so figure out a way to let that addiction go.  You don't have to sit on your ass all day everyday, you choose to.  Choose something else.  Seriously.  Stop making excuses.  You don't need to 'rest' from your 'workouts' you need to move your body more.  You rest at night and for the 8+ hours you stare at a computer screen.  What needs to change is your approach to your life, if you want your life to change.  With the right nutrition and mindset you would be bouncing off the walls, helping to create recess at your place of business, and taking breaks to do pushups, relay races and such.  Playing is much more beneficial than working 9 hours a day.  What you learn running around with others about yourself and them is invaluable.  Play activates much more of your brain than imitating a robot.

You deserve to feel great, look great and be great.  Let the excuses go and start seeing how far you can take yourself.  Prepare to be  not only surprised but amazed.

Have FUN!!!




Go Get It

Holla! What are you willing to do to get what you want?  Seriously?  Are you ready to stop making excuses and actually accomplish what you want to?  So many things start with the reasons why you cannot.  What if you shifted your focus on the reasons you could do something.  What is it you want to accomplish?  What dreams do you have?  We have a million reasons why we don't do what we are truly hankering to do.  

Some of the reasons/excuses are: 

Not enough time, not enough money, not enough support, don't know where to start, too busy, not good at what you want to do, family or friends think it is stupid, too many people doing it already, desire to have a certain outcome, afraid of seeming selfish, you don't know what you want and many more.  This list is in no way a complete one.  There are many, many more excuses that I am sure you can come up with.  Regardless of the nature of the reason/excuse there are no ones that actually can hold a candle to the truth.  The truth is, of course there is no reason you cannot succeed at your dreams.  You are absolutely capable of doing whatever you set your mind to and are willing to work for.  The issue is with your excuses and your actual desire to be somewhere you aren't yet.

When you want something bad enough you won't stop to get it.  When you want your dreams as much as you want food to eat when you are starving, warmth when you are freezing, air when you cannot breathe, or love when you are desperate and lonely, you will stop at nothing make them a reality.  You won't worry about whether you got enough sleep or if someone thinks you are selfish for pursuing your dreams.  You will stop saying you don't have enough time and will use the time you used to use making excuses to get closer to realizing your dreams.  When you are done with the reasons you cannot you will only have the reasons you can…When you want something else more than what you have in this moment, you are well on your way.

I have always wanted to write consistently.  When I graduated from college I promised myself that I would write regularly.  It took me over a decade and a half to make that happen, but it happened when I was done with not having that dream be a part of my life.  It doesn't matter if I want to get sleep, I want to write more.  It doesn't matter if I am missing seeing my friends, I have a dream that needs my attention and I will give it that until it grows into what I know it can be.  Nothing and no one will get in the way of my bringing my dreams into this world.  There is no reason good enough to stop me from being happy.  No excuse valid enough for me to abandon what I truly want for myself.  My dreams are not about pleasing or making others comfortable.  It is about me doing what I want and loving it.  That is pure love, that is happiness. 

So, what did you say you wanted?

world fingers



Get Moving

Howdy, After my marriage ended all I could do was run.  I ran a lot.  It was during one of these runs that I had one of my first moments of enlightenment or oneness.  I lived in Collingswood, NJ at the time and had a running route that took me past the Cooper River and several other bodies of water.  It was a lovely route and a lovely town.  In the middle of my run I passed a tree that I had always loved… it was then I lost sense of myself as I know my self to be, I felt like the tree.  I was in it, around it, looking at it. all at the same time.  I remember feeling connected and elated and free.  I ran like I was on a pogo stick the rest of the way home.  

I have had similar experiences since, but always in different settings.  Usually through movement, usually around a time where I am simply relaxed and open to release.  I was in down dog one of the last times I felt like I was the earth.  I felt like I had been there forever and forever would remain.  It was fantastic.  I also finally realized how down dog could actually be a resting pose.  Up until that point it was all about effort.  I remember being excited for the understanding that there was so much more than I could ever imagine pertaining to the body and connecting with it.  We are limitless, truly.

Movement is magic.  You can overcome fear, pain, illness, resistance, worry, judgement and loss through movement.  You can be brought to a place of oneness.  Oneness is bringing the three parts of us together, connected.  Our mind, body and spirit becoming one entity made up of 3 parts, but finally being connected and working in concert.  My work is to help people move their bodies, connect with their spirit and get guidance from their soul.  We do a bang up job of ignoring just about everything except our spirit (which houses our egos, personalities, characteristics, etc. and comes into existence when the soul connects with the physical), we are somewhat clueless about our soul and we ignore our bodies completely, just look around.

We have grown so far away from our physical gifts that we tell people to not get too skinny but never warn anyone of getting too fat.  We ignore the fact that eating for eating sake is gluttony and suicide, true suicide, and we think feeling like shit all of the time is normal.  We feel tired after we refuel and keep refueling with the same stuff that slows us down.  We are becoming less connected and more miserable and sadder, and well, our health is poor, overall.  How can you be connected to soul or change the vibration of your spirit when you are exhausted, sick, and slow?  The practice of strengthening your body is as holy as worthwhile as strengthening your spirit.  When you ignore your physical you ignore an integral part of your growth and development.  When you cannot use your body to tolerate certain levels of vibration, which you can reach through various movements and activities, you stay stuck.  

This is important, I want you to hear me.  Your body is your church, it houses your soul and when it is clogged there is very little communication that comes through clearly.  You may want to call people vain for being fit or wanting to be healthy, but try it, see how it feels to have freedom of movement, to not be attached to your next meal,  and to be able to play and explore and not have the physical be a limitation but the tool for exploration.  Then tell me how you feel, or that vanity is the issue (or that magazines are pushing this or that form of beauty).  When you figure out how integral movement is, the rest follows.  Enlightenment, joy, love, etc… they are all born from the oneness of your three parts.  Ignore one and you are ignoring the whole.

If you don't already have a movement practice add it.  If you have never been truly fit, seriously in shape, go for it.  It won't take that long, I promise and you will find out so much about yourself in the process.  It is a gift, being healthy and fit, that everyone has been given, now just take the ribbon off and open the box.




I Want...


I want to do 1000 push ups daily and a million other physical feats that I will keep listing here and there.  I want to be a superhero and pole dance like Jenyne Butterfly.  I want to be able to be able to just lift off of the ground and hover until I decide to go somewhere, and then I want to just be there, in a flash.  I want to be able to pick everyone up around me and swing them like when they were little and loved to be held.  I want to give back massages to the masses and then free them from their desk jobs like freeing frogs from freshman biology lab.  I want to show people what life could be like if they loved themselves and enjoyed each and every moment, even when it was hard.  I want so many things and they are all valid and wonderful and possible.  

 You want things too.  You do.  You want to keep your relationship steamy and delicious.  You want to have work that you consider fun and forget that you get paid.  You want to feel worthy and deserving all of the time.  You want to be fearless unless it is necessary for your safety.  You want to be loved and be love.  We all do.  There are a lot of other things that you want that you refuse to admit to.  We censor so much of ourselves, judge it really.  We spend so much time deciding that what we want, what we desire is something that is impossible, not cool, acceptable or important that we forget that we create all of this, everything around us.  Someone somewhere decided that smells should be sprayed and we have perfume and air freshener.  Another person thought it would be cool to jump out of  a plane and not die… tada: the parachute was born!  Better yet, someone or something imagined us into existence and here we are.  Now, how do we go from the amazing miracles that exist in our everyday to believing that we cannot have what we want??

Look around, how many things can be explained to the source.  Really.  Even the idea of God… where, how, why?  Where does God come from?  Where does the universe originate and why?  What is this thing called existence?  If we can be here posing these questions with no certain or universally accepted answer then why can I not fly by just deciding it to be so (and working hard at it)?  Why can't we stop the madness of sitting for hours on end hating what we do and create a different paradigm?  Why do we keep doing the things that someone made up that we don't like?  Make something new up.  Seriously.  

I am going to keep on stating my wants loudly and proudly.  You never know who is listening and can help you bring your wants into reality.  Speak them for yourself, be unafraid and have fun.  This is life, no one is going to get out of it alive so what do you have to lose?



ps - Two videos for your pleasure :)

Jenyne Butterfly being amazing:

Tee Major doing some pretty awesome shizznit:


Howdy! Mediocrity is something that I don't buy into.  I teach indoor cycle classes, 15+ per week.  I ride 98% of the class only stopping to either drive a point home, adjust volume or help a rider out.  I create individual playlists for each class unless it is on the same day but in a different studio.  I also don't repeat a song within a 30 day period.  I love variety and I strive for excellence and work towards perfection.  I cannot tell you how often someone tries to discourage me from making as many playlists as I do or says that I work too hard.  I have been asked if anyone cares that I make different mixes for each class.  To that I respond with "I care."  I have also been told that I am a bit extreme.  Let me address all of these comments and opinions.

I am happy.  Extremely.  I don't desire anything to really be that different in this moment.  I am doing what I know I am meant to each day and I am consistently shown appreciation for the love I pour into the work that I do.  I don't believe that perfection is unreachable and I don't care that someone thinks of me as extreme.  I am here to do what makes sense to me, not to you.  Many people have trouble committing to much of anything and believe that it is impossible to be disciplined or consistent with any one thing.  When they see someone who is dedicated to something and steadfast in their motivation to do it, there is a desire to drag them down, to bring them to the place where they are less focused, less driven, less ambitious.  Somewhere we were told that being half-assed was normal and much more acceptable than being amazing.  Somewhere we were told that it was impossible to be great at everything and so the best you could hope for was to be meh at most.  Mediocrity became the only thing we worked for and in all honesty, when anyone went for the gold, they were looked at as crazy or too ambitious.  

Well, you can be great at everything you do if you want to be.  Chew on that.  You can work your ass off for what you love and make it amazing.  You can take care of your body like it is the only one you have and you cherish it… oh wait, it is the only one you have.  Well, you can cherish it and respect what it does for you by not putting sh*t into it.  You can make your mind a playground for love instead of a container of negative thoughts and feelings.  You can see the best in others and be optimistic about the world.  You can be dedicated to what is important to you and not let anything or anyone get in the way of it.  You can actually shoot for the moon and not miss.  

When you realize it isn't about what others are thinking or saying about you that matters really and you discover it is about you, yourself and you, things change.  I care about doing my best work every time I have the opportunity to do work.  I care about my name being attached to this or that class, client or situation.  I want to be proud of what I do.  I matter more than anyone telling me that I could do less.  I don't want to be that person with that thought about the things that I love.  I never asked anyone's opinion of me or whether or not I need to change how I am living my life, so your thoughts, if you want me to live differently, can stay in your head.  If you want to send support or encouragement, then by all means do it!

If you have tried to talk someone out of being great, think about what the hell is going on for you.  If you are someone who is told you need to do less (and it isn't because you are a workaholic or neglecting your Self in some way) then set a boundary and keep on keeping on.  Keep shining, keep striving and keep being your perfect self.  




Story Moments

Hiya, Yep, the details matter.  The details are the difference between I kissed a girl and I kissed my best friend's girl.  The details are what make a story unique, interesting, fun and well a story.  The details give things form and structure.  The details make the whole, in reality.  What are the details you focus on?  What are the small points that you spend time fleshing out?  How much attention are you paying to how you frame your thoughts?  We all want our lives to be great but we aren't willing to put the energy into what would actually bring that greatness to us.  Though the details make us up, shape our world, create our experiences, we have a hard time being detailed when we want to change our world and have different experiences.

The details change the picture.  When you need to shift your thinking the details are the fastest most reliable ways of doing so… and the hardest.  Changing your stories is a moment to moment process that can be all-consuming, if you are doing it correctly.  You will have to be on your every thought, at first.  Taking note, finding out what you are saying to yourself to create the feeling of uneasiness that you have grown accustomed to.  You will have to "listen without prejudice" to all the voices in your head.  You will need to let go of the judgment that you have about what you hear when you become aware.  You will need to finally hear the barrage of insults that you inflict upon yourself, the limitations that you set up and the abuse that goes on in the background for ambiance.  At first there may be shock, sadness, awe… keep listening, hear the details and then look around at your world, your life.  See where you struggle, see where there is fear and pain.  The inside terrorist is way more dangerous than anything that could happen to you on the outside.  You cannot run away from yourself, you cannot hide from the attacker that lives within.


You are going to have to decide what story you would like to live.  You will have to decide what words you want to hear, what feelings you want to predominantly experience.  You will have to do the hard work.  The moment to moment work.  You will have to change the details.  The best part is you can.  You can totally shift your life by shifting the ideas you hold up as truth.  You are worth the struggle, the relentless silencing of the voices you will have to do.  You can and, if you are reading this, you are ready to.  

Good luck on your journey of growth, change and opening to love.



It's Time To Make A Change

Howdy, For over 20 years I have helped people gain control of their nutrition and weight management.  When my clients follow my protocol they get results 100% of the time… and in more ways than they thought they would.  I work on 3 levels, the mind, body and spirit… so no stone is left unturned.  If they are committed to doing the work, the work will be done.  Some of the work is standard and no surprise at all, like conscious eating… then there are the things that are surprising like the fact that some people aren't going to support your weight loss and will try to sabotage you at some point on you journey… and one of those people is sometimes you.

When you decide you want to get fit after years of being out of shape, overweight or both you will be faced with a lot of resistance.  The resistance is fear.  Fear permeates us when we are unhealthy.  Fear vibrations are lower than love vibrations.  Eating processed items, sitting for long periods of time for years on end, thinking things that aren't supportive and doing very little self-love work will cause your vibrations to register low on an energetic scale.  When your vibrations are low, you aren't motivated to make many, if any, changes.  When you do get the gumption to do something different you are up against your brain chemistry that has conditioned responses to what you have been doing, and will resist change if it was up to it; you are up against your regularly scheduled programming, so getting a new routine is daunting.  You are also afraid of judgment, so joining a gym or getting a trainer is big and scary.  Just getting to the point where you can tell people who you are working with someone or doing something is a big hurdle emotionally.  

It is no wonder, then why so many people fail at truly finding the solution to their fitness and weight loss goals.  Not to mention society and the media.  I am all for acceptance, I teach it, preach it, live it.  However, acceptance does not mean no work needed.  Acceptance is where you start to begin changing that which needs improving.  The idea that things don't need improvement is ridiculous.  People go to church to become better people (so they say), people go to therapy to become better equipped to handle their lives, people clean themselves to get clean or improve upon the moment.  Improvement is the nature of life.  We have children and want them to be better off than we were… but as soon as we discuss weight everyone is a-ok and doesn't need to do anything??  We do more damage lying about not wanting to change our bodies than we do changing our bodies.  We oppress more people by saying that it doesn't matter what you look like than we do allowing people to care openly.  Acceptance is the starting point for change… not the end point for life.  When you accept that you are where you are and you want to be where you aren't you can begin the steps needed to make it happen… including getting healthy.


So stop telling people they are big-boned.  No one is big-boned.  Yes, once you have carried excess weight for years and years your femur grows wider to compensate for the force they are under, but no one is born with abnormally big ass bones and then becomes fat.  Stop telling people not to get "too skinny."  Instead tell them that the cheese danish is poison that will end up killing them in the end.  Let them know that the cheeseburger has no nourishment.  Tell them that they look puffy and unhealthy instead of saying that they shouldn't go overboard with working out.  Encourage them to work out, this is what their body needs… this is what their soul needs, this is what will bring them to change, improvement and empowerment.

You have been given a gift, this body that sits reading this… you are the caretaker of a great vessel.  When you take excellent care of this vessel you are able to do amazing and wondrous things with it. It is your servant.  When you neglect it, you become imprisoned by the very thing that is here for you to experience the world with.  Your body becomes the master and you the slave.  Pay attention to the orders that are being shouted out to you from that vessel.  Who is in charge?  Are you afraid to stop eating something because of how it tastes or are you thinking about how you need to be fueled to bring the vibrational levels of this great vessel up?  Where is your focus?  What is your purpose?     

When you decide to make a change know that it may not always be easy, some people may not be helpful, and you may feel like you have been backsliding a little bit.  Just keep on keeping on, you will get to where you dream of eventually.  



It's The Little Things

Hiya, We don't always realize how the little things matter so much more than the bigger things.  There are so many more little things that, when put altogether, add up to waaaaay more than the big things combined.  Like insects.  If all the insects jumped off the earth at once the earth would possibly fall off its axis.  There are way more bugs taking up way more space and weighing way more than other living things combined.  Though I don't enjoy bugs, I appreciate them for, holding it down, so to speak.  I also appreciate the reminder that they play an important role in the function of this planet.   


The same holds true for the little things you say to yourself all day every day.  When you wake up to when you go to bed, what are the dominating thoughts?  If you wonder and cannot recall or are not aware of the dominating words, ideas or language you can simply look at your life and you will have your answer.  Do you love you life?  Every aspect of it.  Work, is it fulfilling and are you living your dream?  Love, do you have it in your life and if so is it you ideal?  Your body, are you happy with your body, is your body happy with you?  Health, are you healthy, do you feel great everyday?  Friends, are they supportive and who you want to be around?  If any of those things aren't where you want them to be what are the thoughts about them that come up for you right now?    What do you say to yourself when it comes to the various aspects of your life?  

One of the easiest ways to begin this awareness journey is to pay attention to what you say to yourself first thing in the morning upon waking.  What are the thoughts that come into your mind when you open you eyes?  What is the general feeling in the morning each morning?  What is your normal response to making a "mistake"?  How many times do you go over what already happened to criticize yourself for doing 'a' instead of 'b'?  How often are you called stupid in your own mind?  Do you use the word 'should' on a daily basis?  

Once you begin paying attention you will begin to see how your inner dialogue shapes your external reality.  If you think you aren't very good at something, chances are you won't succeed at it in reality… partly because you may not even attempt various things you have berated yourself out of trying.  Once you awaken to you inner dialogue and hear all that you have said, moment by moment, you may become appalled by the level of abuse you inflict on yourself.  Now imagine yourself as a little girl/boy and you are telling her/him what you tell yourself all day everyday.  This is what we do.  We are, everyday, raising up the inner child.  We have a chance, every day, to raise them up with love or fear.  How do you want to shape her/his world?  

The small things, in reality, are all there is.  We are but molecules all bunched together to create the illusion of solidity.  We are energy and we feed on love and are minimized by fear.  If you are each day, in every way, telling yourself that you matter, the bigger picture is going to be made up of those sweet loving thoughts.  If you, every day in every way are doing the opposite, the opposite is true.  

I am not saying to sweat the small stuff, but, instead, put effort into it.  It matters and so do you.