Growth

It Was Never Forever

Hi there! I was in a car accident a couple of days ago, and, from what I can tell my car was totaled. My first response was to acknowledge that it was totaled and then let it go. There was no sadness, no grieving. There was curiosity around the accident because there were magical events that led up to, created and sustained it until my car was towed away. If I hadn't been in the car with someone else I may not have believed how everything happened. The most important part for me, and possibly for you, is that I didn't have to grieve. It was a loss that had already occurred. It occurred on one iteration of this world or another, many times over. It was never something that was forever and it played out for many reasons, the first of which was as a letting go drill. There are other reasons that I needed to experience this accident and they are revealed in the order that works for my brain and heart and being to understand.

lettinggoooooo
lettinggoooooo

Letting go is something that most of us have had a hard time doing at one point or another in our lives. I know that I have been in several relationship where letting go of them was like cutting off an arm, or at least it seemed like I put as much effort into debating ending it as I would cutting off my arm. We become attached energetically to people, places and things and it is just as real as being attached physically to those things. Energy is real, it is what all things are and when we are bound by it it can sometimes take great effort to come undone. But letting go is one of the most important things we will learn on this plane of existence besides loving with and without expectation.

I have, for most of my life, been in training for mastery of letting go. It is one aspect of what I am here in this body, during this time, called to do. I have let go on purpose, I have had things ripped from me and I have learned to simply not get attached. It is a peaceful movement through the world honestly. Knowing that all things will go means you don't have to concern yourself with the outcome and you are left to enjoy the moments you are in, when you are in them. It is possible to go the direction of worry if it is what you are used to and what is most comfortable, but you can choose to take the information of knowing that all things transform into other things (or end, as we like to say) and use that to detach from the desire to hold onto something that is fleeting. Even an orgasm would be unwanted if it was never ending.

One of the things that makes life so valuable is that it has an expiration date. The big issue is that we foolishly cling onto a sinking ship and hope it will float because we want it to so badly. Very little is done with making each moment that we are gifted something valuable honor the value of the thing. We abuse our bodies, our spaces, our people. We put negative and dirty energy into the world and expect it to sustain us. We ignore our spiritual gifts and wonder why so many are spiritually devoid. Let go of forever and start enjoying, appreciating and honoring today. The next time you are in an accident or have something pulled away from you it may not have the impact it once did. You may start to see the grand design, the master plan and laugh at the way it all works. It is possible and attainable now.

xo a

You Gotta Get You First

Hello, I enjoy being understood therefore I work hard at understanding myself so that I can clearly communicate me to others; and, in that way, I know when they truly understand. I am the expert on me. That is how it works. You are the only one who can figure you out. You are the work that you have been tasked with. Your gateway to everyone else is through you; without digging inward you will find the outside world easy to get lost in. Without understanding your truths, reasons, excuses, motivations, fears, intentions, desires, judgments, needs, hopes and dreams you will find yourself apologizing, being angry, feeling stuck, living dangerously, feeling unsettled, discontented, frustrated, depressed and more not so yummy things. When we refuse, whether consciously or unconsciously, to ignore the work that is before us, we will be pushed in every way possible towards it. There is no way out, only through. There is no way to ignore that we are the key to our joy and our sorrow, the answer to our questions and concerns, the grantor of our hopes and dreams. No one else.

When you feel like you aren't being heard, listen. When you feel like you aren't being understood, seek to understand yourself more. When you realize that you are not getting what you want, give it to yourself. We wait for someone else to figure out what makes us tick, we do our best to get away from who we are, yet we want others to really know us. Really know yourself… when you do there will be no confusion. When you do the work to understand yourself you will discover when you are sabotaging, being hurtful, helpful or careless, loving grateful, positive, etc. You will be able to behave on purpose. When you put energy into getting to know yourself fully you will stop worrying about someone else doing that work for you. When you turn your attention inward you stop allowing people into your world who haven't done their own work. When someone hasn't come to know themselves they will never be able to truly know another. The more you see of yourself the more you are able to see of others.

My understanding myself has allowed me to absolutely connect with others in a way that is deeper than being empathetic, it is a knowing, a full and total connecting with what is happening on a deep and unconscious level. My understanding myself has allowed me to remain happy 99% of the time because I know what works, how I am feeling and why about anything that enters into my realm of existence. Understanding myself allows me to reprogram any ways of thinking that aren't serving me anymore. When we put a ton of energy into denying ourselves, focusing on others or numbing out we end up at the start of the journey, kind of like groundhog's day. Your work pays off when you do it, truly. When you do your work you can address your needs and make sure that they are met; you can pamper yourself, you can practice being disciplined and bring solid structure to your life. You can, ultimately, truly love yourself when you put the time and effort in understanding you fully. It is what we all want, right; that and unconditional love? Show everyone how it is done for you, teach us how to treat you, live as an example of what you want for you. Be that and see it becomes the world that surrounds you.

Lightbody
Lightbody

xo a

Love Brings Joy

Hello lovely, I am happy 99.8% of the time. I am asked how is that possible and what do I do. Well the short answer is that I do what I want. But truly it is because I take responsibility for me, how I feel, that my feelings are mine and not someone else's. I don't blame another for where I am, who I am or how I am. I realize that I have the power to view things in a way that will foster love and growth or fear and destruction. I am happy because I put so much love into me that nothing else has room to grow. I have no space for someone else to set up shop and start dismantling what I have built. Believe me, people will try; they will try to get inside of you and tell you that you are wrong, bad. It is your choice whether to let them in or to tell them to high-tail it out of town.

We are so used to feeling the need to be validated by others that we allow them to tell us that we are doing our lives all wrong. As an example: I was discussing family with a friend when she asked me how I respond to people being less than understanding when they find out that I don't speak to my mother (except in cases of emergency). I responded that I don't give people the space to judge what I do (to my face at least). The idea that someone would feel comfortable telling me that they feel I should live my life differently is comedy to me. Honestly hilarious. Part of the reason there is no room is because I am never confused about decisions I make. I recognize this as a blessing, I do. I work with my clients to gain clarity around their own lives so that they can also make clear and definitive choices, and change their minds if they choose to.

I live my truth at all times. I do not ever attempt to be someone other than who I am, fully. That person is absolutely deserving, worthy, worthwhile, amazing and divine. She is also an asshole, stubborn and selfish when she needs to be. I don't EVER feel wrong. I don't ever feel like I am not good enough. I don't ever believe someone is going to know better than I will how I feel. I never allow those stories, those lies to be a part of my universe. They are allergic to the air in my atmosphere. It is the most freeing thing that you can ever experience, being authentic. I do what I want and you can too; things will still get done, life will continue, work will be worked and tasks accomplished.

So, yes, I am happy because I wouldn't have it any other way. My joy is of the utmost importance. When I am joy I am able to give without needing to take many breaks; I don't feel used; I don't need it reciprocated because it is without expectation that I am giving. Happiness is available to every single one of us… you just have to take it.

butterflylady
butterflylady

What's Good???

Good Afternoon!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Psychic Ability. Home Cooked Food. Fall Weather. Possibility. Support.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

You will do what you are doing until you don't want to do it anymore. That is how it works, always. So many people want to know why they keep doing what they are doing, why they won't stop. Well, think about it, what have you stopped doing in the past? Was it eating potato chips (my past issue) or snorting cocaine (again, my issue… kidding). Either way when you want to be done you will be done. Think about how you feel when you know that you don't want something. It is clearer than a newly washed window or a summer sky in Seattle. There is no doubt, when you are through, that you are through.

This idea may ruffle some feathers with people who feel like some are addicted and have no choice and blah blah blah… I get it. I really do. When you take the position that everything you do is a choice you don't allow any part of a victim mentality to come into play you are left to take full responsibility of every aspect of your experience on this plane. This is rarely what we want to do. A good old blame card in the back pocket gives one a great sense of security. You can decide that it is the fault of nature or your upbringing or your bad luck that is to blame for your personal situation. You can spill coffee on your lap and sue the company that sold it to you for not letting you know it was hot. We are almost always looking for a way to not be in charge so we can sit on our asses and not take responsibility.

The time is ripe for all of us to stand up. We have deferred, numbed, ignored, run away and denied our power for way too long. Your mother isn't the reason, your father isn't the reason, your history doesn't have to be the reason anymore. You, reading this, now have a choice to see where you have refused to accept that you can change the next steps and ultimately the outcome. What do you want to move away from in your world? What would you like to eliminate from your bag of tricks? What emotional, physical or spiritual skill would you like to attain? When you decide you want something different than what you have, you will go after it… until then own that you want to be where you are. Own that some part of you is being served by your powerlessness or has been and now just may be the right time to grow up.

achievement-cropped
achievement-cropped

xo a

A Vow to Self

"Behind all resistance is fear. Behind all fear is a lack of faith in oneself." ~Dina Bachelor Evan The thing that I love about marriage (besides not being married at the time I am writing this) is that it is a vow, an amazingly brave vow to take. It basically says that you will do the hard work it takes to learn, grow, be vulnerable, not hide, accept, love and support someone, even when you want to run away… it is, in truth a vow to your Self to work on you through your relationship to another. Marriage is a crazy beautiful ridiculous impossible rewarding thing, even when it doesn't work out. Vows are powerful and scary, beautiful and breathtaking, magical and mysterious. They matter when you make them and they matter when you break them. The truth is, many people don't ever imagine a time, when they are getting married, that they wouldn't want to be married to the person they are with, until it happens.

My father refuses to talk about death, scares him shitless. It is going to happen, to him, to me, to everyone that is alive. Death is a promise the moment you are conceived. It is the ONLY thing you can count on from the very beginning. Well, falling out of love with someone is the promise of falling in love with someone. What if, instead of avoiding the inevitable, everyone started discussing what they planned on doing when things get tough with their significant others, how they planned on moving through the struggle? What if we recognized that growth was inevitable and a potential 30, 40, 50 years with someone would yield at least 1-5 years of rough patch territory; seriously. A few years of struggle ain't so bad in the grand scheme of things. When you are looking at eons, a couple of years is a drop in the bucket. Besides, what is the point of getting married if you aren't going to do what you can when shit is going south? That is called dating and it is awesome because you can just get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. The downside to dating is that you can get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not one to tell anyone to stay in something that is shitty. On the contrary, I break up with friends when I feel that the friendship is no longer serving me in a healthy way. I know that everything ends. I know that what happens is what is meant to… so it goes. I do believe, however, if you have the chance to do your work, take it, especially when you made a promise to do so.

No matter how far away you go, you will still be where you are. Leaving one thing to go to the next doesn't actually solve the issue, which is always, my loves, you. No matter how much you would prefer the other person to be wrong, fucked up, and unworthy, you only see in another what you have within yourself. The best part of commitment is commitment. You will learn to stretch and grow and do more and go farther and suck it up in ways you would never if you weren't committed. It is like being committed to a workout plan as opposed to just working out when you feel like it. The part that is hard, really really hard is that you have to face the fact that the only way to make things better in your life is to truly love, cherish and honor yourself and that your understanding of how to do that is archaic and often just plain wrong. When you realize that you have to say the hard thing, do the hard work, and look deep inside and face the dark stuff, you may want to run. Wanting to flee is often a response to not wanting to see…. not wanting to see how you gave yourself away thinking you were taking care of your partner, when you were, in actuality, giving your power away to someone who was giving their power away too. Both partners feeling powerless and thinking that they are helping the other out in whatever way they thought they were supposed to, only to get angry and blame the other for their unhappiness at a later date. Relationships can force you, when pushed to their powerful potential, to deal with your Self, in ways you would never if given the chance to just cut and run. Of course, you don't have to deal, but the blessings that come when you do are immeasurable.

Now just because you work on your things and potentially heal your wounds with your partner does not mean you will remain partnered… your work together may be over after that, this healing may be exactly why you joined in a union to begin with. It is also the case that you must have a partner who is willing and ready to work on things in order to actually heal with them. If you have a partner who has given up you may need to move on. I have been there, I was married, have been in long term relationships, I get it. Nothing lasts forever, nothing ever could. My hope is that you receive all of the gifts an experience is here to give and from that place of strength make choices from your highest most ideal space to take your next beautiful steps.

Four-Seasons-Tree
Four-Seasons-Tree

Love, love and more love.

xo a

Self Inflicted

Hello, Writing is one way that I own my personal power… moving my body in another way, speaking my mind, saying what I want, loving myself are all ways in which I demonstrate my awareness around my divinity. One of the ways in which we undermine our personal power is by leaving ourselves. We leave ourselves by being inauthentic; not doing what we want to do. When we don't know what we want, do what others want, or refuse to admit what we want, we dishonor our soul's divinity. We have the same rights as everyone else to feel, want and need. When we put someone's needs, wants or feelings over our own by making ours less than, we cut away pieces of ourselves. We take these pieces and we give them away, in some ways hoping that someone will notice that we are mutilating ourselves for the sake of the love, respect, kindness of others. It is hard to respect someone who doesn't honor themselves; whether we realize consciously they are hurting themselves or not, our soul can see another soul that is abusing themselves.

Abuse is often considered something that is done to another person or thing. However, abuse more often happens within a person's relationship with him/herself. We abuse ourselves by not discovering who we are, what we want, how we feel. We abuse ourselves by never getting to know and love ourselves yet expecting to have a long and healthy life. If you are in a relationship with someone you never speak to, get to know and love most would call that neglect. Very few people would think it was ok to stay in that relationship… yet we are in it with ourselves right now. Most people are the worst partners to themselves, partly because they have no idea that that relationship that you have with yourself is every relationship in your world. The external relationships are just aspects of your very deep and complicated relationship with your Self. We spend a lot of time blaming someone else for making us feel this or that when on a higher level they are showing us what we do to and think of ourselves.

Where this is hard to hear or understand is when you think you are being loving and giving to your partner by looking out for them first, by bending over backwards to make sure they are understood and heard… by going to great lengths to squash any feelings you have that may be contrary to theirs. We think we are being loving, we believe we are taking care. We are being so mean, violently so, to our souls. They don't actually benefit either. They are left stunted without ever seeing that the world doesn't revolve around them, and therefore never getting to figure out what to do with their feelings and desires that aren't fulfilled by another. They don't have the opportunity to fend for themselves and in that way emotionally grow. And you… well, you are being your most ferocious enemy. You make you wrong. You make what you need invalid and when your partner or others support your being invalid, you feel even worse.

Where are you denying you? Notice how you keep people around you who support this abuse you inflict on yourself. Sometimes these abuse supporters feel threatened when you begin to fight for yourself, when you begin to stop the cutting. This is to be expected, but never to be honored. Your power is your own, own it.

BreakFreeSlider1
BreakFreeSlider1

xo a

Forget To Remember

Hiya!! What was your childhood like? What situations do you recall the most? Do you consider these things to be fact? Do you call this memory up often? Do you think it changes over time? It does. Memory is very faulty… our memories are a construction of our past, not a clone of it. What seems to be a single memory of say, a whisk, is actually your brain retrieving the name of the object, the shape, it's function, the object performing it's function. Basically, depending on your ideas about a whisk (plastic or metal) your history of a whisk (used for batter or for being battered) and desire for a whisk (wanting one that is flat or 3-D) your memory of a whisk can and does change. You may not be recalling the whisk from the past but creating a whisk for the present based on your feelings, ideas, desires and judgments. However, if you were to be asked if you remembered a conversation you had with friends the night before you might be someone who would swear that they remembered, and you would be insulted if someone said that your memory was fallible at best. We put a lot of stock in our memories, especially ones that we have used to build the idea of ourselves on.

What does knowing that we recreate our past by pulling what sticks out to us and then adding it to our judgments and so forth make you think? What if the stories of the past weren't really that factual? What if large chunks of memory were false? You probably have stories that you have been telling yourself that you believe to be the way it was. You may have based life decisions on these stories. You might even describe your personality in reference to these stories being the reason you behave certain ways. Correct? Do these stories support your positive movement forward or do they hinder you in some way? Are you harboring ill will or judgment against someone for doing something in the distant past that you keep "remembering" so you won't "forget"? Maybe the energy we spend recreating our past could best be spent creating our future.

What if you let go of the stories you hold onto as truth? Recognize that you can't be sure of what happened and it isn't happening now so move on. Holding onto things in the past does not ensure you are on firm ground in the present; it ensures you don't move on. It is going to be a good thing for you to realize that you can, since you do anyway, create the history for yourself that supports growth, love and learning. You can remember yourself into who you are becoming. You can decide to pick out different pieces of your past and hold onto those if they are conducive to movement in the way you desire it. We have unlimited power and potential that we smother aggressively moment to moment with doubt, uncertainty and false ideas of ourselves, each other and the world around us. Begin to think that all is possible, all is love and always was… your history will become your training for your unbelievably magnificent future.

future and past

future and past

xo a

Power

Hi there, When you don't own your power it owns you. I have been an example of this one too many times. I have always been a bright light in my life and the lives of others. When I was young I remember feeling that everyone was special and lovely and wonderful and a friend. I was often hurt but easily bounced back from the pain of rejection or bullying because my nature is love. I recall my mother being very concerned with how I would fare in the world. She was certain I would be destroyed in some way once I was older and in contact with more people and no longer under her protection. When we moved to North Carolina, her fears were almost completely realized. I had some of the hardest years of my life there; I learned that people didn't behave to their divine potential, they behaved to their lowest most base vibration, often. It was rough so I became guarded, wary. The one thing that was hated the most was my light. It was like everyone wanted to snuff it out… so I dimmed, I hid, I began taking on the jealousy and inadequacy of others and shut myself down.

I had learned during my NC years that people didn't always appreciate my gifts. Though I tried to temper myself a bit, I was still well loved and known in college. No matter what I did or where I went I stood out. I kept quiet about what I could do, what I knew, how I could see. I lived a wonderful but tumultuous life during those years and following. I found myself, year after year, (during and after college) struggling to succeed, never wanting to make others feel less than me at the same time the very thing I wanted to hide would rear it's head when I pretended to be something I wasn't. Of course, I didn't know I wasn't fully owning that I could see, or kow things that others couldn't. My knowing and my light has always been helpful and allowed me to be an amazing Resident Assistant, friend, confidante, coach, and athlete. It was just that for the longest time I believed that owning my powers, my gifts meant I would have an ego that was out of control or be taking something away from others.

Me being fully me does just the opposite. When I am fully grown, fully showing up I am an example of how it is done. When I don't show up fully, the response to me is muddy. I have lived this over and over. When I am not clear, honest and authentically myself nothing else is. My power becomes my weakness. When I take charge of what I can do and how it is my calling, I am able to benefit and so is everyone else. It is like a person spinning in circles not realizing they have a machete in their hand. You need to own that you have a powerful and dangerous, if ignored, tool in your possession so that you use it purposefully. Whatever your power is, whether it be the responsibility of driving a car sober or knowing that you are charismatic and people are drawn to you without being able to help it; if you refuse to see the importance of being sober when you drive or recognizing someone being intoxicated by you, a crash is going to happen at some point, and people will get hurt. Take what you are in charge of seriously. Whether it is the power of influence or the power of walking understand and own that it is power and yours to shape.

Spiritual Power
Spiritual Power

xo a

Fear of Flying

Hi! When you let go of the idea that you will be safe if you have a relationship with someone who understands you, who gets you; when you stop worrying about things that are not happening right now; when you remember that all of this is temporary fear pops up and then bounces away. It is the exact opposite of what happens for those who believe that a relationship will fulfill them, "knowing" will calm them or that what they hold onto will last forever; for those people, fear consumes them. The notion that there is safety, security and fulfillment in all the things that truly are temporary, whether you consciously get it or not, would bring up fear because there is no truth to it. We grab onto one another hoping that in the other we will find ground and stop the fall. What we don't understand is that the one we are holding onto is falling also and couldn't stop your internal struggle no matter how much they wanted to. You are the one who can catch you, make you feel secure and loved fully. You are your savior.

We live in a world where most things are unknown yet we try our best to control all. We put rules on everything in order to gain some semblance of being the boss of all. Then life happens, people leave, die, things end, begin, magic happens. We are so set in believing that we KNOW things that we call anything that goes outside of what we have arbitrarily decided could happen, unexplainable, not true, made up, fantasy, conspiracy or some other such definition that usually has a negative connotation. We actually chastise people who refuse to think like the rest of the society we are in. It is understandable then that deep down we are struggling within this box that we are in. Boxes are cramped and somewhere in our soul we see the expansiveness of existence. We know that the world is bigger than the box but because we don't know what lies outside of it, we freak the f*ck out and basically refuse to leave the 'safety' of it. The box says that if you do certain things then certain things will happen. Well, there may be a possibility that those things are going to happen but there is a possibility that other things would happen too. The world is mysterious, exciting and surprising.

Letting go of our illusion of security is a process for most. You can practice it by doing things that challenge you in various ways. You can do it by changing your language around love, relationships, and the world. You can let go of the idea of security by recognizing that the only control that you have is over you and how you respond to your world… Or you can learn through the fact that the world will stop at nothing to get you to see it. The world, universe, will take things away, bring things in, create chaos and then bring order whether you want it or not. The universe will give you opportunity after opportunity to learn how to let go of our attachments. What you call falling I call flying. When you open up to possibility, to understanding that it is the moment that is precious, not the imagined future, you can stop the drop and begin to enjoy the journey. It is your choice to bury your head or spread your wings.

flyowl
flyowl

xo a

Not Shaken, Not Stirred

Hi there, What happens for you when someone doesn't like you; how do you handle rejection, perceived or real?  You can tell a lot about where you are in terms of self-love, self-worth and self-esteem when you look at how you handle rejection.  Do you feel that you aren't good enough?  Do you feel like your world won't be the same if you aren't loved or accepted by others?  Do you feel shaken to the core if things don't fit into your idea of comfortable? When you have to talk yourself down off of the ledge on a regular basis; when you are driving yourself crazy imagining things that you are afraid of happening or when you feel like you won't actually be ok without the attention of others or another it is time for a paradigm shift.

How you view your world, what you think is cause and effect, how you behave, where you place your faith, essentially your worldview is your paradigm. When you shift it you have to change, well, everything.  The shift may not be something you have to do piecemeal, however.  You can, when you recognize your world isn't working for you in it's present state, shift one thing, one bit of understanding of the world and shift everything else… basically like a domino effect.  In a world where you are shaken because of other's feelings about you, you believe that you aren't enough, that you must have outside validation to be ok.  You cannot imagine being happy alone.  The idea of you being your most important person is a concept not a reality.  You may never have truly had a center or feel grounded.  It is a world where you feel like you need to control others so that your feelings don't spin out of control.  Your way of controlling may seem like love, care-taking, being helpful… but the ultimate expectation is for you to not be left, not be alone, to be liked.

There are an infinite number of ways to change what you are doing in order to do something else, no matter what.  The only thing that is truly mandatory is awareness that what you have been doing is no longer what you want to do.  You have to have desire.  Your desire to change has to be stronger than your fear of change.  Basically you need to be fed up with being unhappy, unsettled, shaken, panicky, controlling, desperate and needy.  You may have come to this realization through a pattern of failed relationships, friendships or your own lack of being able to get unstuck from a feeling that you can't articulate.  When you recognize that you want to be somewhere you have never been you will have to go about things in a way you never have.  You will have to go about things in an altogether new way.

Life is a mystery and everyday we get clues. Enjoy the search for your answers.

happiness-is-an-inside-job
happiness-is-an-inside-job

xo a

One Foot In Front of The Other

Hello, Keep going.  I know how hard things can feel.  I know how sometimes you think that it is all for naught; that you are just going in circles.  You aren't even though it truly doesn't seem like any forward movement is happening.  Then there are times where you know you are moving forward but it just isn't at the pace you would like it to be.  You want quicker results.  You want the results to fit into your expectations, you want what you want and anything else seems like failure.  I get it but cannot support it.  We set ourselves up for failure on a regular basis and don't take responsibility for managing our own expectations around our growth, success or advancement.  When you expect to be rid of something you only just recently learned you were embodying for most of your life you are setting yourself up for disappointment; you can at least give yourself a similar amount of time to get above what you don't like as it took to make what you don't like a habit; 5 years of making something a habit takes is going to require longer than a few months to truly unlearn.

This isn't for you to become discouraged.  On the contrary, it is so you understand patience.  When you are working on learning how to live a life that is new in a large number of ways, the last area of your life to truly shift is your emotional life.  How we view the world, how we see ourselves, what we want, feel, desire, all of these things are deeply embedded in our core.  Changing how we respond to present situations so that we aren't repeating behaviors of the past is difficult and an ongoing process.  You mustn't get ahead of yourself and, at the same time, you must dream bigger and see farther than your present state of being.  In other words, you must stay rooted in the present moment but peer over it to see that there is light; faith is needed.

Anything you want to change, grow, learn will take time.  You will have to put energy into whatever it is that you would like to attain.  Giving up, deciding that it isn't happening fast enough, becoming discouraged, losing faith are the enemies of love, life and the pursuit of emotional, spiritual and physical evolution.  As you stumble, recognize that there is something that slowing down will show you.  As you feel like you are spiraling or having a setback, know that you need to gather more tools for your journey and this is an opportunity to do so.  There are no mistakes if you are consistently learning.

Keep going.  The only way out is through.

LeapOfFaith
LeapOfFaith

xo a

Check Your Ego

egoabstract

Hi,

No one is making decisions because of you no matter how much you think they are or want them to. Everyone is moving through the world trying to do things that make them happy, that bring them love, that keep them from feeling sad… mostly.  Yes, many people are eating their emotions, drinking their sorrows, stuffing down their truths but they do so because of the search for joy, love and happiness.  Regardless of how they do it, they are working on giving themselves comfort, period.  So when you are feeling like someone is doing something to you there are a few things that need to shift; the first being your perspective, the second being the drama that you like to create and third, your being bossed around by your ego.  You may be a really lovely human being but you aren't the reason someone is doing anything, even if they say that you are.  You might inspire them, encourage or influence, but you aren't the reason. The reason always originates with the person doing whatever they are doing for themselves, because they benefit in some way, or think that they will.

Ok, let that sink in.  You aren't the reason for other's choices or decisions.  When your ego becomes inflated you begin thinking that you are why someone is happy, unhappy, sad, miserable, etc.  You begin to believe that you somehow cause others to live a life that they wouldn't otherwise.  You may also believe that the choices they make that don't serve you are somehow against you.  Basically, when your ego is inflated everything has to be centered around something you aren't doing, are doing or is being done to or for you.  None of the above is the case, though we use language all the time that reinforce the inflation of ego.  We accuse others of making us feel this or that, we accuse others of making us do one thing or another, and we tell people that they need to be different so we can be different.  We are a society that simply does not take responsibility for what we are responsible for.  Our feelings, our actions and behaviors, our choices are our own, not because of anyone else, really.  Once you are able to own this you can make different ones if you feel that you need to.

Take a moment to think about the choices you made in your life so far.  Now think about the reasons you have made them; eating various things, bringing certain people into your world, letting others go from it; being honest, dishonest or authentic; holding back or pushing forward.  How much of your world was decided by someone else?  If you can see that you are the conductor of your life you can recognize that it is the same for all of us.  When you release the idea that someone is doing something to you and instead understand that they are doing something for themselves you begin to bring your ego down to a size that is manageable and healthy.  We are all doing the best we can at any given moment.  The potential to begin to fully love your life is there when you begin to fully take responsibility for it, and let others do the same.

xo

a

Working It Out

HI there! Working out is a wonderful things, or can be. It is also a practice of patience and faith. Results aren't immediate when you begin your journey to fitness; the road is also an arduous one. The thing about getting strong and healthy is that you never regret it, you never ever look back on your less fit self and think that you made a mistake moving beyond that. When you are not at your ideal weight, health or mental state it can be difficult to imagine what life is like to be absolutely well, it may not be something you believe is a possibility. The universe is possibility. It is expanding right now, creating more and new and different. You are the same, creating something from nothing on a regular basis. You are as creative and powerful as the universe, in your own way. You can take your body and your mental/emotional state and get them to be rock solid if you choose to. The choice is yours, and it is a choice.

greattostart

Making the decision to change your life happens when you can imagine loving something more than where you are at the moment. When you decide you no longer want to be where you are you will find somewhere to go. If that place, the place that resonates with you, is a stronger, fitter, healthier you then you will make those things your reality. When you want it you will not stop to get it. To become healthy, persistence is mandated behavior. Persistence assures that even when the going gets tough you will continue going forward, pushing through, not quitting. Fitness isn't handed to anyone, it is worked towards and for most it is something that you have really commit to in order for it to override all of the habits that got you to the point where you weren't healthy. The lifestyle that supports illness, obesity, unhealthy or unsupportive thinking, toxicity and depression cannot be maintained if you plan on creating an environment where none of those past ways will thrive. It doesn't matter if it is about a relationship with a lover that is abusive or with yourself, if you want something to change, you must start (and end) with YOU.

You may need to start small, as it can be overwhelming letting go of habits that have seemingly become a part of you. You just need to consistently begin to take things away that you know aren't supporting your health and well-being while you add things that do. People, places or things all need to be reviewed when you are changing your life or simply living. Keeping up with how your world is working for you isn't just a good idea but a mandatory behavior for those who maintain their health and wellbeing. On top of clearing out your emotional/energetic space you will need to move your body, aggressively. Movement not only creates change, it stimulates growth in ways you aren't able to understand until you do it. You aren't the one that won't make it. You aren't the one who won't see results with hard work. Once you recognize that you, like everyone else, can have what you want and that the only thing in your way is your attitude, you will be a lot better off.

Working out is wonderful, it is… it brings you to yourself in ways you didn't know you could approach. You learn about your feelings, your judgments, your desires. You learn that it is all about perspective and that yours can be whatever you choose.

xo a

Mirror Mirror

Hello! You will have to deal with your sh*t no matter what you do to get away from it. Everyone in your life is a reflection of you… everyone. They tell you where you are by being who they are. This may not be what you want to hear, which means you really want to listen. You are where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing, reading what you are supposed to be reading. You are meant to finally own up to your choices, where you are in your world, what you have ignored, judged, denied, refused, cut out, brought in and pushed away. None of these experiences or choices are meant to shame you or throw you into a spiral of guilt. They are lessons, they are gifts, they are alarms for you to pay attention to.

We have people who come into our world that challenge, excite, depress or ignite us. We don't always know why we are drawn to the same type of person over and over again, we may not yet see our patterns, our repeats. Take a look, see if you are going over your past in different iterations. We may wonder why we like the things in others that we do or find some people unappealing and repelling. When you find these strong feelings rise up in you, pay close attention. These feelings signify areas in yourself that are in conflict or that you need to address. It isn't about the people you like or dislike… it is that you like or dislike that is telling. Your inner struggles, your inner work is played out in front of your eyes everyday. What you struggle with will show up as your lover, your best friend, your nemesis. It will show up in your career, your pets, your health. Your emotional self becomes your life in every possible way. Just as nature finds infinite ways to express beauty, your soul finds a multitude of ways to manifest itself.

Look at the world with the filter that it is all about you; not in the way of taking responsibility for what others say, do or feel; not in the way of wanting everyone to focus on you... Instead see the world as your reflection and then change it for the better by going within; heading to the source. If everything is reflecting your deepest self, working on you and shifting that core perspective changes everything. You have the power, you have the ability, you are omnipotent, you are the creator. You are able to make your world bright or absolutely dim your light. Why do you choose what you choose? What brings you to a place where you often lose? What are you trying to show yourself? Learn what your motivations are so that you can use them to carry you through to your ideal self.

Keep opening up, keep owning your stuff, keep looking within, keep letting love and light in.

reflection-ocean-tree-moon

xo

a

Only The Lonely

Hi there :) Soon my website will be going live and will have sections for my video blogs (which you can find on YouTube if you search for my Glossylove Channel or Aina Williams), Body Camps, Life Coaching, Personal Training, Nutrition and more!  Exciting!!!  Stay tuned.

I am someone who is very happy being alone, I truly enjoy being with me…  I grew up with two people who were somewhat depressed and enjoyed being solo.  At a young age I figured out how to hang with me.  I created worlds and scenarios.  I walked through my home with candles pretending to be a princess that was looking for her prince.  I imagined my future, I created my life many times over.  I had fun.  I always truly enjoyed the company of others and was made to deal on my own even more when we moved to a small town in North Carolina.  I was bullied and even more isolated than I could have ever imagined.  It was rough and I was so lonely… I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

So many of us have a really hard time being alone.  In some ways it is horrifying for people.  Alone, all alone with their true feelings, thoughts, inclinations.  Nothing to take them away from themselves.  Some turn to constantly having others around, never giving themselves alone time.  Others find another way to numb out and escape being alone with themselves; drugs, food, sex, TV, internet… anything that is a distraction, that quiets the voices in their heads.  Some people refuse to be alone, sacrificing their true happiness simply so they aren't single.  Finding relationship a sort of validation; having it equal them being worthy, lovable.  There is no judgment here… just truth and some questions.  How long can you keep running from yourself?  What are you afraid or ashamed of?

Because I have been trained on being my own best friend I need my space like you need air.  When I feel that anyone, friend, family member or lover, wants more time from me than I have had for myself things usually end.  What I value in alone time is the space to regroup, assess where I am and how I feel.  When I am focused on someone else I am not actually doing my own personal work.  I am helping someone else do theirs; which is my work on one level.  If I don't have balance with focusing on others and then focusing on me, the two will blend together.  Enmeshing is something that can be really damaging to overall happiness.  When you cannot tell where you begin or end emotions get truly all-encompassing.  I feel strongly that our being in these separate bodies is so that we can feel our separateness and work on the whole through that experience.  Truly we are one and that doesn't have to be demonstrated by not owning our very separate feelings.  We don't have to lose ourselves in this reality in order to stay connected to one another… We also are truly able to become closer when we become whole on our own.  When we stop looking to something or someone else to make us feel valid and full and worthy.

Think about your relationships.  Are they serving your best interest?  Do they bring out your highest self?  If you cannot answer yes to these questions for every relationship, the issue is the relationship you have with yourself.  Start there.  Fall in love at home, with you… then see how easy it is for love to come into your life and never ever leave.

personal-freedom xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Cool Breezes on Hot Days.

My Space.  

Woo With Amy.

Push-Ups at 2am.

Finding Lost Things.

Coach Aina Body Camp - http://coachaina.com/body-camp/ 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We take things way too seriously in my opinion.  We get so bent out of shape about the smallest things.  We stress and worry and stress and worry some more.  We think that things are supposed to be smooth and without hiccups when what we don't understand is that our definition of smooth and without hiccups is just an opinion, not a fact.  We have decided what it means for something to "go on without a problem."  Though there has never been a problem that was universally a problem.  Problems are perspectives not facts.

How would your life change if you recognized that your issues are perspectives?  Take for example relationship woes, who hasn't had those?  What if you saw the areas of difficulty as benefits.  What better environment to work on bettering yourself than with someone who wants to be with you?  When you see struggle as a partner to growth you can appreciate the times you didn't understand or know something as gifts.  If you were a teacher you wouldn't give calculus to a 6-year-old who didn't show the signs of being a math prodigy, correct?  Well, the universe isn't going to bring to you areas of development if you weren't ready to receive, make sense of and use them to move forward.

When you recognize that you are on the path you were meant to be, hiccups and all, you can let go of stressing and worrying about the way things are playing out.  You can begin to look at your life as perfectly designed for you to be all that you can be.  The work is in you taking each opportunity for what it is.  The best part is the universe never gives up on you; you will have more opportunities to figure your sh*t out, believe me.  I can't say the same for relationships, some of those will end if you choose to put off growing and developing in a timely manner (timely as defined by your partner).  So, instead of wasting time, because that is what lamentation, worry, stress, fear is, take what you need to get you to your becoming as it is handed to you every single day.

Remember, the force is always with you because you are the force.

xo

a

Totally You

Hiya, If you are going to change the world you may not always be well received. Hell, even if you are not trying to change the world, someone will take issue with you at some point. You cannot, if you plan on living longer than a few days, get through life without someone feeling some sort of way that isn't all lollipops and fairies about you. You will have to figure out how to manage triggering someone, being triggered by someone and being liked and disliked for no apparent reason. To top it all off, if you plan on truly being your authentic self you may need to practice being independent in because authenticity, if you have come to it later in life (past the age of 30) you will lose those who enjoyed you when you weren't in touch with who you truly are.

First you must realize that we are all here for a reason. You may not want to think that because it means you need to figure out your reason and this can seem daunting. Your reason can be one singular thing or it can be everything you are ever associated with. The truth of the matter is it is all of the above. Your reason is everything you come into contact with, directly or indirectly. Nothing you interact with is by chance or mistake. Think about it. Our cells do everything on purpose; every function in our body is because of something else that has come before it… at no point does a cell say that its division had no meaning. We are made up of these purposeful beings, how in he world could what we do be by chance or just because?

So, now that you understand you are here on purpose, go and be. Be fully yourself without concern that you aren't doing it right. You are doing it exactly how it is meant to be done by you. When you feel the need to change, for whatever reason, you will and it will be good; until then you may need to understand why you aren't always loved for being you, or supported for that matter… even by those you love. People are wounded, sensitive and afraid; they are also brainwashed. We live in a world where people believe that it is unpatriotic to question the government that was brought into existence to serve us; where we believe that we are separate from one another and some are better than others. When someone in this pack of wolves decides to do what resonates with them despite what the pack feels about it there will be some discomfort, to say the least.

There is no greater reward than being accepted for who you truly are; no greater struggle either. When you open yourself to not fitting in, to doing what makes sense to your soul, not your intellect, you will begin the journey that is paved with love, lifted by wings and filled with light. It is your road to yourself and, in that, the road to all of us. Let people hate, tell you that you need to change, feel insecure, defensive and downright insulted that you refuse to do what they think you should; then, keep on stepping cause you are doing something right.

authenticitydude

xo

a

Kidding

Hi there, One of the reasons I enjoy speaking to children so much is that they are so much easier to talk to, share ideas with, create worlds with.  They dream, they speak their dreams, they sing, dance and have fun for no reason at all.  They laugh easily, make jokes that aren't funny but end up being hilarious because they just enjoy the ridiculousness of it all and make friends easily.  They are far from innocent but they believe what they cannot see because they know that there is so much more… they feel their way through the world and acknowledge that they don't know when they don't know.  They are forever curious.

The older I get the more I enjoy being around children or those who are in the winter of their life for a few reasons.  Old people don't always give a rat's ass about what others think anymore and kids certainly don't.  Somewhere in the middle we get freaked the f*ck out about each and every move we make.  We fear the unknown, we don't dance without being drunk, we second guess our every thought and move.  It is exhausting to think about how much grief each grown-up give themselves for not being perfect.  At what point were we supposed to master perfection?  When were we supposed to learn it all?  We get jobs that pay us and we get set in a lifestyle and we forget what it was like to just be happy.  No one thing needed to happen to be happy, we could just see what is unseen, the fairies, the beauty of the world.  We forget to sing songs into existence and dance to rhythms that only we can hear.  We stop being open to someone who we are drawn to.

Don't wait until you have grown out of the fear and into your later years to regain your joy.  Do the things that are scary, be new at something again.  Bring back that feeling of wonder… live your life like you are in charge because you are.  Know that you cannot make a wrong move if you are learning from every step.  Life isn't about planning and waiting.  Life isn't about pretending to be something you aren't.  Life isn't about competing and comparing.  Life, when you are truly living is scary and thrilling and surprising and rarely, if ever, boring.  Dream again; dream BIG then do what you have to in order to realize that dream.  You have a life to live… it is short, really, and it is worth the risk of failure in order to risk living your dreams.  The tradeoff is not even close.  Nothing beats doing what you truly want to do.  Kids know this… when did you forget?

kidsplay

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Having Many Talents.

Being Ready.  

Home.

Social Media.

Early Mornings.

Coach Aina Body Camp - http://coachaina.com/body-camp/ 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Take your time.  Breathe.  Let your feelings come to the surface?  What are they?  How often do you check in with yourself?  How often do you just let things be what they are.  We are so busy racing around, doing this, doing that; in this meeting, and that event.  When do you allow time to pass while checking in with yourself and allowing feelings to move through you…?  Better yet, how often do you sit with an idea, an intention and block everything else out and let only what you will in?

What are you running away from?  What keeps you from spending time with you, thinking, feeling, getting down to what is happening under the surface and deeper.  If you never stop to find out how will you move through it, beyond it?  How will you find peace if you aren't willing to look at what is disrupting it inside of you?  Spend consistent time with yourself letting the thoughts come and observing them, not judging them and acknowledging them.  You are the first person in your life you are in relationship with.  Your feelings matter for you.  Your ideas, thoughts, desires and inclinations are important to you.  When you aren't aware of what any of those are it is difficult to truly meet your own needs, let alone have anyone else try to really support you.

You don't need to sit in that place of observation forever.  At some point during your mandatory "you" time you can put your energy into what you want to become, what you want to bring into your life.  Cutting out all of the extraneous chatter and bringing in only what you want to hear, see… what serves you and your highest good.  The practice of focusing your mind and relaxing your mind allows you to do both at will.  We are absolutely lazy when it comes to our thoughts and mental ability.  It is time to shape up mentally in the same way we shape up physically… by practicing everyday.  Anything you want to change, anything you want to create takes energy, takes you seeing it into existence.  Do the work and the work will be done.

xo

a

Choices

Hi there, You will be ok.  If you push harder, sweat more, sleep less and go farther you will survive.  We have such a distorted idea of what we are capable of.  If you want to be successful, if you want to reach a goal you are going to need to suck it up and go for it.  Wake up.  WAKE UP!!!!  When things go wrong you figure out how to manage your life around trying to get them to go right… right?  What if you controlled what you could control… like movement, thoughts and behavior.  What if you created habits that supported a lifestyle that supports life?  What if you stopped doing things that sucked energy; things that don't feed your soul, healed your body and broadened your mind?  Do you know what is possible, do you know where your limit is?

I can tell you that you don't know your limits unless you have already figured out how to fly; to just elevate like a ghost.  If you haven't gotten to that point yet you are still at the "I have no f*ing idea what my potential is" point.  And… if you do know how to fly then you understand that we are limitless.  If you decide to work at something with drive, determination, unrelenting discipline you will master it.  You are not limited by who your mom or your dad is, what your bloodline says, or what anyone else in your family has or has not done.  You are only held back by your beliefs; your believing that you are limitless limits you.  Your believing that your family history determines your future is unbelievably damaging to your journey towards flight.  If you want to be a dancer, dance.  If you want to be a writer, write.  If you want to be an amazing lover, love, communicate, practice.  Whatever you see as amazing in someone else you can be too.  Seriously.

I want to be stronger, faster, fitter.  I work at it daily.  I want to be the best DJ that I have heard of.  I work at it daily.  I want to be a proficient, consistent and relevant writer.  I write everyday.  When you want something you need to go after it.  When you see someone living a dream that you wouldn't mind living, at least your version of it, work for it.  When you want to bring something into your world or take something out, make the decision.  That is the secret.  Deciding to do something different, something more, something daring and something you never dared to do will automatically make it a possibility.

infinity-art

Sometimes you just have to make a choice.  Make one that scares you, that takes you farther than you are presently, that challenges your very idea of who you are or ever could be.  Then watch the magic happen, while you sweat your ass off going after it.

xo

a