growth

What's Good???

Good Afternoon!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Psychic Ability. Home Cooked Food. Fall Weather. Possibility. Support.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

You will do what you are doing until you don't want to do it anymore. That is how it works, always. So many people want to know why they keep doing what they are doing, why they won't stop. Well, think about it, what have you stopped doing in the past? Was it eating potato chips (my past issue) or snorting cocaine (again, my issue… kidding). Either way when you want to be done you will be done. Think about how you feel when you know that you don't want something. It is clearer than a newly washed window or a summer sky in Seattle. There is no doubt, when you are through, that you are through.

This idea may ruffle some feathers with people who feel like some are addicted and have no choice and blah blah blah… I get it. I really do. When you take the position that everything you do is a choice you don't allow any part of a victim mentality to come into play you are left to take full responsibility of every aspect of your experience on this plane. This is rarely what we want to do. A good old blame card in the back pocket gives one a great sense of security. You can decide that it is the fault of nature or your upbringing or your bad luck that is to blame for your personal situation. You can spill coffee on your lap and sue the company that sold it to you for not letting you know it was hot. We are almost always looking for a way to not be in charge so we can sit on our asses and not take responsibility.

The time is ripe for all of us to stand up. We have deferred, numbed, ignored, run away and denied our power for way too long. Your mother isn't the reason, your father isn't the reason, your history doesn't have to be the reason anymore. You, reading this, now have a choice to see where you have refused to accept that you can change the next steps and ultimately the outcome. What do you want to move away from in your world? What would you like to eliminate from your bag of tricks? What emotional, physical or spiritual skill would you like to attain? When you decide you want something different than what you have, you will go after it… until then own that you want to be where you are. Own that some part of you is being served by your powerlessness or has been and now just may be the right time to grow up.

achievement-cropped
achievement-cropped

xo a

Change Is

Hello dearest! Embrace change, it saves you a lot of grief in the long run.  Think back to something you were absolutely sure was a bad thing.  You were certain nothing good would come, you were dragged into it kicking and screaming (inside or outside)… How do you feel about it now?  We run from change like we run from a mugger.  Things being different than they are and us not controlling how and when the change occurs is fear inducing, to say the least.  We are creatures that get attached quickly and let go reluctantly.

Change is inevitable, I am sure you know this, yet it doesn't make it less jarring.  Change means going from what is known to what is unknown.  It is scary.  We like to believe that we have control over our future.  We like to believe that we are in charge of what is next.  We set up our lives so that we know what is going to come next.  We have 401K's, IRA's, Social Security, mortgages, etc.  We buy things for future use, we save information for future telling.  We believe that we will be able to dodge the unexpected by planning properly.  What we are really doing is trying to deny the inevitable.  Change is going to come no matter how much planning, hiding, digging your heels in you do.  Change is constant and you won't be able to stop it from happening.  You also won't be able to plan accordingly or to lessen the amount that you experience.  You get exactly the amount of change your soul needs for growth and exactly the amount you can handle.

So why do we resist change so?  Don't we all have experience with it being for the better in the long run?  I would wager a bet that you have more positive results to unexpected change than negative, if you were to truly take away the judgment that change is bad.  When we let go of the unknown equalling the scary we can begin to see change as the universe's way of gifting us growth.  We get über comfortable with routine, things we know, even if we aren't getting the same charge off of it as when it was new.  We refuse to let go of things regardless of their usefulness.  We become attached to things, people, situations, places.  Our ability to remember can be what holds our complex social structure together and what can also be our downfall when it comes to handling change.  We remember how things were.  We remember in a way that makes the memory better than the actual experience (or worse depending on what we are remembering) which makes it even harder to process change or let go of the past.  Another block to accepting change is our desire to want it to happen the way we think it should… as if we know best for how things need to go.  History shows that humans are profoundly stupid in most every way.

If there is something that is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it, what is the best way to respond?  What do you think?  I hear from any and everyone that it is hard to change patterns of behavior or the way you think or react to a situation.  I say it isn't.  If you decide to accept change being growth and growth being necessary; if you understand and totally get that you will have to deal with change no matter how much resistance you exert, you can make your response to change have a less harsher impact than it otherwise would and has had.  When you are better able to accept change as a normal part of life you are better able to receive the information, I like to call them gifts, that lies within the change.  You can almost completely side-step devastation and move directly to appreciation.  The more you resist that which you are given the more it shows up in your life… that includes the things that pull you towards forward movement.

How can you embrace something in your life that was unexpected but isn't going away just yet.  What in your life is changing that would be less awful if you accepted it for what it was… without taking it personally?  The better you get at allowing things in your life to move and grow the easier your life becomes.

Image

 xo

a

Wait For It

loving-domestic-discipline

Hey there,

There is a moment that you break through.  There is.  It comes, it really does.  You just need to be patient.  Be patient and deliberate.  Be patient and consistent.  Be patient in your belief, your humanness.  Take your time, there is no rush, no race.  There is only the moment that you are in.  Each one is unique and magical.  Each one holds limitless possibility.  Each one moment contains the universe.  Because each moment is so big and moves so quickly it is imperative that you be still in your movement.  Instead of racing forward or trying so desperately to put yourself in reverse, breathe it in, deeply.  Take the moment as the miracle it is and watch as each moment unfolds into the next.  Watch as you unfold into the you you choose to be.  

We so often give up on what we say we want.  We stop working towards our goals, we give up on our dreams.  We punish ourselves for taking a zigzag path to our destination.  We choose to believe that we aren't worth investing in so we stay stuck.  We would rather put our time and money into someone else or into someone else's dream before we threw ourselves completely into whatever it is that we desired.  We will even begin on our path, dedicated and excited, full of hope and possibility only to make a few changes and get discouraged that we aren't moving faster.  How far do you expect to go if you give up?  How long is too long to keep at it?  If you have never reached your goal before how long do you think it will take to get there?  It will take as long as it does, but you will get there if you never give up.  

I have a goal of 1000 push-ups in a day… not at once, but in one session over a couple of hours max.  I remember when it was a struggle to do 300 push-ups (about 5 days ago) and I thought about taking a day off.  It is funny because I truly get frustrated with how many people think that they need a day off of movement.  People, you sit on your ass most of the time… you don't need a day off.  WTF!?  Seriously.  Days off are why you are all jacked up in the first place.  Maybe you won't run 20 miles every day but you can certainly sweat everyday.  Make your days off infrequent and special.  Not regular.  Seriously.  I could care less how many people have been told that their bodies need time to recover.  You have 23 hours of recovery every day.  Get your butt up and move.  Ok, rant over.  So, back to thinking about a day off… I thought it and then I was like, give me a break!  I said to myself, lovingly, SUCK IT UP!  I got on my floor and pressed out the best 300 push-ups I had done so far.  It was at that moment, like so many others I have experienced, that I recalled what it takes to succeed.  You have to do what you don't want to.  You have to go through the fire.  You may need to forgo sleep, hang out time, your favorite restaurants, habits that you thought you couldn't live without; you may need to change jobs, living environments, or let go of some people.  You may need to change every single thing if you want something absolutely amazing and new to exist for you.  

The main thing you will have to do while you work your ass off, while you dedicate yourself to the steps towards your goals, while you bring your dreams to fruition is….

Wait for it.

meditate

xo

a

Letting Go of What You Know

Hello, How are you responding to your life?  Are you resisting or accepting?  If you aren't sure then think about the ease of your life.  Is there any or are you stressed and generally unhappy?  We tend to resist change and accept what we have grown accustomed to (even when it doesn't make us happy).  We resist change so much that it often comes in the form of big life events that are difficult or impossible for us to ignore.  We humans actually believe that we have some control over the movement of the universe, that we can make things happen how and when we would like them to.  We have some influence, indeed.  After all we are all co-creators of this world.  In reality we are waking up to a new possibility each day, one where the best tool in your bag is curiosity.  

In order to live a life that has a bit less struggle and a lot more snuggle :)  (I sometimes just like to rhyme) you are going to first come to the understanding that you don't need to know everything.  You can trust and have faith that things are happening for a reason and to be open to understanding later.  You can also recognize that as time passes your information will change.  What you know to be the case now will not necessarily stay the same in the future.  Each day brings with it surprises.  Planning is important and valuable, being attached to the plan is a hinderance when plans change (note that it isn't "if" plans change).  Everything is in motion.  Nothing is the way it was yesterday, or two minutes ago for that's sake.  Our desire and efforts to keep things as is is futile on every level and on every layer.  When we are curious, this truth that the only constant is inconsistency or change, becomes less fear making and inspires more creativity and risk taking.  

 

This brings me back to whether you are accepting or resisting your life.  When you accept change as a way of life you live a life with so much less fear.  You become curious about what the change that is presenting itself means.  This doesn't mean that you aren't sometimes afraid, resistant or unhappily surprised.  It just means that you are able to let go of these old programmed responses quickly and come to a place where you begin to see that there is more to change than shock.  There is a depth of acceptance that resistance simply cannot appreciate.  Acceptance is where growth begins.  Growth can only happen when you have an understanding that there is more than what is and curiosity is the gift of staying open to all of the information the situation you are in has to offer you.  You are like a sponge from the day you are conceived.  You soak up information and choose how to use it throughout your life.  As you age you begin to either continue to absorb or dry up.  Imagine absorbing throughout, being as curious, as accepting as a baby is.  How would you see the world differently if you believed it was a never-ending all-knowing school?  How would your life change?

xo

a

2013-05-24 20.23.20

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.  

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

This moment.

My breath.

Possibility.

SYTYCD.

Vulnerability.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

The universe is a funny thing.  I always get corrected when I stray off my path.  I cannot stay aimlessly wandering, artfully procrastinating or deliberately stalling for long.  I am always pushed forward and I do not always greet the change with open arms.  Sometimes I try to pull away from the tugging of my calling, sometimes I just need to sit and mourn the loss of something that wasn't mine and not in line with what I know I need to be doing.  It just isn't fun to be going along and thinking everything is all good to find out I was a little bit wrong… or that it wasn't all quite right.

None of us enjoy being corrected or put back on track.  It can be painful, jarring, soul crushing even.  The truth is we always know that whatever we are forced to let go of wasn't serving us anymore (if it served us to begin with).  We have so many choices, so many ways in which we could deal with abrupt and unexpected change, especially when we view it as necessary.  When you recognize that change is important for forward movement you can move through the pain of loss in a way that is less devastating than if you feel like it should not have happened to begin with.  When you own that the changes you are facing are necessary and in your best interest you begin to create and foster a beautifully loving relationship with yourself.

As you move along in your life recognize what is supporting you and your dreams.  When the universe shows you (by ridding you of) what isn't supporting you and your dreams, which it will, do your best to accept the change with grace and love.  Guidance comes in all forms, sometimes with velvet gloves and sometimes with a push and shove.  How you handle it won't stop it from happening.  Change is inevitable, how will you meet it?  

xo

a

Newbie

Hi there, I am always learning something.  There is something in my life that I am just beginning, have been doing a while and then there are the things I am an expert at.  As a coach I am working with people at various stages in their lives.  Some have never been asked the questions I ask, given the challenges I give or had to do the work I assign. So they are basically novices in the process that I take them through.  If I am not also where they are in some way I wouldn't be able to relate to them enough to help them move forward.  It is imperative that I know what if feels like to need help, to stumble, to get back up and continue on.  Life isn't about coasting, not much is learned on the downhill.  

I understand that a lot of grown-ups like things that are familiar to them and strive for a life where that is all that surrounds them.  They want a schedule, they want predictability, they want to be viewed as skilled.  Being new at something does not make you look cool.  You will stumble, you may fail at first and you most certainly won't be the expert or go to person if you are trying something new.  You may need to ask for help also, which can be difficult for many grown-up egos.  You may need to work really hard (compared to not having to work that hard at the things you have been doing for 20+ years) and you may not pick it up as quickly as you would like to or think you should.  

Learning something new is like becoming a child again.  It can be exciting, stimulating, brain boosting, and fun, if you let it be.  You build new connections neurologically, you learn about yourself emotionally and psychologically and you learn something new in general.  You also, as a by-product, become more empathetic to those who are not experts in the areas you are.  You can relate to someone not picking something up quickly where otherwise you might just be impatient with them.  You see yourself in others that are not where you are.  Your compassion grows (or is born).  Learning something new pushes you to be more of all of you… it reminds you of who you were, are and can be.  

Being a novice is a fantastically humbling experience that I enjoy helping my clients relive.  Being somewhere new gives you perspective you cannot get with the familiar.  Challenge yourself, do something out of your comfort zone.  This is where the great stuff is.  You miss out on so much of life when you keep yourself shielded from being uncool, clueless and brand new.  Life is meant to be messy and sloppy and colorful.  Life is meant to challenge and change you.  There are so many things to do, so many things to try, so much life to be lived.  Try something new each day, week, month or year… you pick.  Try something that challenges your expertise and your comfort.  See how your life changes and becomes richer with these experiences and see how much closer you get to yourself as well.

xo

a

Play Hard

Howdy!! We all deserve to know what it feels like to be able to move our bodies without worrying whether we can or not.  I remember when I was a kid waking up in the summer and thinking about being outside.  I wanted to run, play, see my friends, get on the monkey bars or the merry-go-round.  My sister and I would have to be called inside to eat and would stay out until it was dark.  I remember waking up the next day and doing it all over.  At no point did I ever remark being too tired to have fun or concern myself with over-training.  I honestly cannot ever looking at my sister and saying, "Yeah, I think I need to sit today out, I played yesterday."  No child was concerned with overdoing it when we were growing up… you played until you passed out.  Really we were just recharging.  

Something changed.  We started sitting for longer periods of time.  Our bodies changed and our emotional worlds transformed as well.  We stopped feeling free to just run around and laugh.  Playing was discouraged and activity became a controlled and specific thing.  You played a sport for 'x' amount of time and you had a million hours of homework.  Rules were put into place around how someone behaves who is mature vs someone who is not.  Playing became something that you did as a child but not as an adult.  If you look around, kids are way more happy than adults.  They are doing something really well and it amazes me how we refuse to truly see what is in front of us all of the time.  Movement is joy.  Movement is fun.  Movement helps you be able to do more movement which allows you to have more joy and more fun. 

Look at your life… go ahead and do it.  Maybe you will want to sit down before you truly open your eyes to it.  If we were taking a walk and I asked you to race me to the next block what would your initial feeling, then thought be?  Most would be freaked out because you aren't a good runner, you aren't wearing the right shoes, you might get sweaty, you only run when chased…  What if I asked you to climb a tree with me or asked you to skip for a bit.  Would you be nervous to move your body or would you be excited to see how fast you could go?  We, as a society, are melting away.  We are so unfit that the younger generation's life expectancy is less than our generation.  We worry about overtraining and needing a day off when all we do is 30-45min of activity per day.  We think eating is the same as going to a movie.  We think wheat thins are food and that food needs to be convenient.  

We have a lot of things to untwist in our heads.  You don't need to eat things that aren't good for you, you want to… and just like someone who wants to do crack, it is wack so figure out a way to let that addiction go.  You don't have to sit on your ass all day everyday, you choose to.  Choose something else.  Seriously.  Stop making excuses.  You don't need to 'rest' from your 'workouts' you need to move your body more.  You rest at night and for the 8+ hours you stare at a computer screen.  What needs to change is your approach to your life, if you want your life to change.  With the right nutrition and mindset you would be bouncing off the walls, helping to create recess at your place of business, and taking breaks to do pushups, relay races and such.  Playing is much more beneficial than working 9 hours a day.  What you learn running around with others about yourself and them is invaluable.  Play activates much more of your brain than imitating a robot.

You deserve to feel great, look great and be great.  Let the excuses go and start seeing how far you can take yourself.  Prepare to be  not only surprised but amazed.

Have FUN!!!

xo

a

1280px-Ultimate_Frisbee,_Jul_2009_-_17

Better Better Best

Hiya, What if you looked around at people and thought that they were doing their very best.  What would change in your dealings with them?  Would you be as disappointed?  Would you stop expecting and putting pressure on others?  Would you lose all hope for humanity because you would think that if this was the best they could do then we are simply doomed?  I understand all of those feelings and hope that you can see that understanding this idea, that we are doing our best, isn't condoning behavior we don't enjoy, it is being open to what is… it is acceptance which allows for forward movement.  

When you go through life you don't think about what you can fail at, generally.  You tend to think about things that will make you happy that you want to do, places that you want to go, music, friends, etc.  You are not thinking, overall, how you can be mediocre at things.  You aren't thinking about how you can disappoint people and make them wish you were better than you are.  When we get upset with someone for not living up to an expectation or doing something that we don't want, or being a way that we don't like, and then we put that feeling, that disappointment on them, we are also doing our best.   What we need to begin to do is understand that and let go of the anger and sadness associated with being let down by our own hopes and dreams that never existed in reality.  

Everyone is struggling with something.  Everyone has trouble figuring out how to please everyone.  Everyone is afraid and exhausted.  Everyone is trying to be loved, ultimately.  When we recognize that love is the motivation for all living things we can stop our judgement around whether what someone is doing is good enough.  It may not be what you want, but it is what is and that is all.  When you begin to see others as beings working on their sh*t in a multitude of ways, including doing things you would never or that you feel aren't in their or your best interest, they are still working and doing and being.  It takes us all the amount of time it takes us to figure out how to do better than the day before.  It certainly doesn't help to be constantly judged for things you cannot change.  When you adopt the attitude that others are doing their best, you can then be softer and more supportive around their growth.  You can start being compassionate towards your fellow human.  Truth be told, when you really recognize that we are all (including you) doing our best, you begin to let that part of you that has been under the microscope and judged for not knowing what it cannot, relax.  When you relax you are open, when you are open you can receive information that could lead you to doing better.  

Take the pressure off, see what happens when you start being nice, when you begin to see people as where they are supposed to be instead of wishing them to be where you want them to be.  This is their best, right at this moment… be open, if you want to, to them being different in the next moment.  Change is inevitable, growth is mandatory, your best is always better at some point. 

xo

a

boytreebirds

Your Growth is Personal

Hello! Everything in its place.  True story.  Everything is exactly as it should be at this very moment.  I am sitting cross-legged writing, you are somewhere reading.  This is all playing out just as the universe hoped.  Everything is moving along at the pace that makes sense for it.  One of the things that happens when we start our journey towards awareness is a desire to bring others along.  It is natural when gathering info to share it and want others to feel the same sense of awe and discovery that you do.  It is a part of our survival to want to help each other.  This is fantastic and loving and natural.  We fail to realize that growth isn't something that you make happen for someone.  There are things moving along that you cannot see or feel and it isn't up to you to decide when someone is or is not ready to figure something out. 

We do feel bad for each other way too much.  We spend a lot of time pitying, wishing and hoping that someone figures this or that out.  We say we want the best for whomever isn't moving along at the pace we have deemed appropriate.  We say we feel bad for them not knowing as much as we do.  We think that if they did they would feel better, see better, be better.  Maybe they will once they are in the same place.  Until then they are where they need to be.  When working out, you have to begin where you are.  If you have been moving your body for years and lifting weights regularly, working out is simpler than if you haven't really done much since childhood.  Now if two people, one who is an athlete and another who isn't, go into a gym, they won't grow at the same rate.  They won't be able to do the same things and will need to make their workouts separate insofar as the actual weights and movements go.  They can work out at the same time, if their schedule permits, but the actual workout will have to take into consideration where they are individually.  Wanting either of them to be in different places is neither here nor there.  Now, do you feel bad for the person who never worked out?  Why?  Maybe they spend a lot of years raising children and didn't have a lot of time for the gym.  Maybe they lived in Antarctica and didn't have a lot of opportunity for movement.  Maybe they aren't you.  Maybe their life is playing out for them to learn things that yours isn't trying to show you.  There are other lessons in life besides the ones you are learning.  You aren't the center of the ALL.  You are a part of it, and in you there is a center, but you aren't what we all revolve around.  

Often we want others to move along at our pace so we don't have to say goodbye to a relationship that may not fit anymore.  Just as pants get too big when you lose weight, sometimes relationships don't fit when you go through a growth spurt spiritually and emotionally.  You may need to say goodbye to things that aren't for you anymore.  You may need to let go instead of hold on.  When you change how you see the world everything changes.  It is a part of growth that we try to deny and instead force the same changes onto those we are afraid of losing.  Let them go, if that is what is appropriate.  That shift may be the catalyst for a growth spurt of their own.

When you see someone struggling, understand that feeling bad isn't necessary.  That doesn't change where they are, or make you a good person.  It makes you a bit egotistical actually.  You are assuming that they would want to be you, or in your shoes, or in your place.  If you want to be of assistance, find out what that person needs, and, with integrity, decide what your next move is.  Most of all, let people live their lives without the added pressure of pity.  Let people figure out, for themselves, what they need next.  You can do more for others by sharing your story than forcing others to live it.  Besides, you don't have your sh*t figured out, truly.

So here is to figuring your shizznit out without dragging others along kicking and screaming.  Do your work and be the inspiration we all are capable of being!

xo

a

To Oba With Love

Howdy, I love my life.  I love my family and like them most of the time.  I value my relationships but haven't always shown that to each person in my family directly.  I come from a very unique family… don't we all?  Among the 7 children there are two fathers and 6 mothers.  Despite the number of adults in the family, the children have never questioned their belonging to one another.  We are brothers and sisters period.  I have never understood what being a half this or half that meant.  We have a lot of cousins a lot of extended family that may or may not be blood related to everyone… but we are family and we love each other without reservation.

Tomorrow, one of my brothers is about to be married.  Oba is 10 months younger and a touch shorter ;) hehe.  He and I, at the moment, are the same age.  There was a time when he told all of his friends that we were twins… that stopped when we turned 30… he was happy for me to be older at that point.  We have always been close as brothers and sisters go.  There have been times in my life where I wanted to be closer.  Times where I longed for a bit more info on what his life was like.  He is a boy and as such doesn't spend a ton of time chatting on the phone about his life with his sister, yet.  I have a feeling that is gonna change as we grow and I am looking forward to that.  He is one of my favorite people and just a super sweet human being.  Everyone loves him, seriously.  You can't not.  He is just worth it.  There has always been love, lots of love between us and mutual respect.

I remember when Oba and I were young and he would follow me around annoying the sh*t out of me.  I would run down a hallway and he would race me in a race I didn't know I had started.  He wanted to be better in some ways than me and I didn't understand what the deal was.  My father told me that it was a form of flattery, a looking up to of sorts.  I quickly began to appreciate his annoyance as admiration and love, thank goodness, otherwise I would have wanted to beat him up.  Our family expects wonderful things from all of the children.  Our being smart isn't amazing but it is appreciated.  Oba knew all the capitals to all of the states and square roots when he was around 6 or younger.  He was always ahead in school but clueless in the details of things.  I could visit after an absence of a year and he would ask me where his socks were.  His singing voice, though much better now, was unbelievably flat when we were kids, yet we belted out Sade like we were stars, any chance we got.  We had fun growing up, hanging out, being together.  Summer days in New York were sometimes spent lounging all over one another and watching TV.  We are all very loving and tactile.  It is something I appreciate more and more as I grow up.  We touch and hug and show affection.  So many people are out of touch, so to speak.  

Now, he is getting married.  He waited until he fell in love, truly, and that waiting did him well.  His bride-to-be is everything I could have wanted in a sister-in-law and her mother is amazing too (love you Toni).  I am excited to see him grow our family and grow as a person in this love.  He is more open, more communicative and smarter for it.  He is truly someone I adore.  We have a lot more years to be in this life as brother and sister and I am excited to see where it takes us.

We don't always realize how important people in our lives are, especially those who have been around for the majority of it.  We wait until something pulls us apart to recognize the value in it being held together.  I have been that person too.  Everyday is a new opportunity to value the relationships in my life, whether they are new or forever.  Who in your world would smile if you let them know, without expectation, that you loved them absolutely?

xo

a

It's The Little Things

Hiya, We don't always realize how the little things matter so much more than the bigger things.  There are so many more little things that, when put altogether, add up to waaaaay more than the big things combined.  Like insects.  If all the insects jumped off the earth at once the earth would possibly fall off its axis.  There are way more bugs taking up way more space and weighing way more than other living things combined.  Though I don't enjoy bugs, I appreciate them for, holding it down, so to speak.  I also appreciate the reminder that they play an important role in the function of this planet.   

littlebug

The same holds true for the little things you say to yourself all day every day.  When you wake up to when you go to bed, what are the dominating thoughts?  If you wonder and cannot recall or are not aware of the dominating words, ideas or language you can simply look at your life and you will have your answer.  Do you love you life?  Every aspect of it.  Work, is it fulfilling and are you living your dream?  Love, do you have it in your life and if so is it you ideal?  Your body, are you happy with your body, is your body happy with you?  Health, are you healthy, do you feel great everyday?  Friends, are they supportive and who you want to be around?  If any of those things aren't where you want them to be what are the thoughts about them that come up for you right now?    What do you say to yourself when it comes to the various aspects of your life?  

One of the easiest ways to begin this awareness journey is to pay attention to what you say to yourself first thing in the morning upon waking.  What are the thoughts that come into your mind when you open you eyes?  What is the general feeling in the morning each morning?  What is your normal response to making a "mistake"?  How many times do you go over what already happened to criticize yourself for doing 'a' instead of 'b'?  How often are you called stupid in your own mind?  Do you use the word 'should' on a daily basis?  

Once you begin paying attention you will begin to see how your inner dialogue shapes your external reality.  If you think you aren't very good at something, chances are you won't succeed at it in reality… partly because you may not even attempt various things you have berated yourself out of trying.  Once you awaken to you inner dialogue and hear all that you have said, moment by moment, you may become appalled by the level of abuse you inflict on yourself.  Now imagine yourself as a little girl/boy and you are telling her/him what you tell yourself all day everyday.  This is what we do.  We are, everyday, raising up the inner child.  We have a chance, every day, to raise them up with love or fear.  How do you want to shape her/his world?  

The small things, in reality, are all there is.  We are but molecules all bunched together to create the illusion of solidity.  We are energy and we feed on love and are minimized by fear.  If you are each day, in every way, telling yourself that you matter, the bigger picture is going to be made up of those sweet loving thoughts.  If you, every day in every way are doing the opposite, the opposite is true.  

I am not saying to sweat the small stuff, but, instead, put effort into it.  It matters and so do you.  

xo

a

Your Change, Their Pain

Hi! Are you working on yourself?  Have you made big changes in the past few months?  What have you noticed about everyone around you once you stopped worrying about everyone around you?  In my work I let most of my clients know that resistance is part of the journey, their own and then from the outside as well.  Family and friends may not be supportive of the changes they are making because those changes effect the family and friends as well.  Change is not something that is generally welcomed with open arms…  This life change stuff is no exception.  You may find, if you are getting your sh*t together, so to speak, that those you love the most don't love the developments  the most.

If you are learning how to communicate your needs when you have never really taken care of your needs in the past, you are going to begin to set boundaries that were never set.  This means people won't have access to you in the same way they once did.  This may not just stop people from supporting you, this may actually piss them off.  Your happiness is not the priority of anyone else, period.  Your happiness, your development, your growth responsibility is directly in your lap to be taken care of.  It has always been there, in your lap, you were just a neglectful caregiver. 

Imagine the one that you love waking up one day and saying that the things that were normal and expected are no longer allowed?  What if you were told that the very things you were happy getting from your partner came to a halt?  It would be hard to recognize the changes as wonderful when your world is impacted, in your mind, negatively.  Even if you know that the changes your loved one is making makes them happier, you may feel left out, left behind, confused and in some ways betrayed…  You didn't ask for the changes after all, you are just made to deal with them.  When communicating change to your loved ones, do so with the understanding that they may feel victimized by the changes you are making for yourself, that it isn't about you, their resistance… it is about them working hard to preserve what they feel is theirs.  

When you go forward on this journey of growth and development it is important to understand that some of the journey you may feel alone.  After all, you surrounding yourself with others who supported where you were… not where you were going.  So you have been around others who believed your lack of self-care was ok, normal or healthy.  So as you figure your life out, they may not fit in it the same way they did.  It is not unusual for relationships to go through growing pains when one person in the relationship changes the dance.  It is also to be expected that some of your relationships may not survive.  As you grow you let go of things that no longer serve you, this sometimes includes your closest connections.  

The farther along you go in your growth you may notice that you have lots of opportunities to practice your new outlook, communication style, belief system, etc… You may not call these confrontations opportunities, but that is what they are.  These interactions with others give you the chance to truly solidify your work, to demonstrate or practice your growth in various ways.  Look at each uncomfortable situation where someone or something challenges your newfound understanding as a chance to truly let the old fall away and stretch out in your new skin.  It is a gift, this resistance, use it as such.  

Remember, you owe the world your work on you, that is about it.  Imagine if each of us spent our time figuring out how to be better towards ourselves?  Imagine if we each took responsibility for our feelings, our joys, our pains?  Imagine a world where we didn't project what was happening for us on others… where we could actually differentiate?  This world is on its way… thanks for joining me on the journey.

xo

a

Going In

Hello, There is no getting around doing the work.  There is no magic pill that creates the life you want.  There is no running away from what you don't enjoy about yourself.  There is no ignoring what you would like to forget.  There is no dodging you as your responsibility… not forever anyway.  You will be faced with what you turned your back on before.  You will have to deal with what you have kept out of focus.  What you resist persists.  Now it is time to pony up.

So much of our time is spent doing.  We go to school, we get a job we do our job, we find a mate, we do the whole mating thing and partnering thing.  We keep on doing this or doing that, rarely stopping to check in with ourselves unless tragedy strikes.  Even then we focus on the loss and not our life, our journey.  Much of our lives are spent being distracted from our internal world.  We have been taught to put more stock in what we see on the outside not understanding that our external world is a reflection of our internal universe.  Of course, this understanding is tricky because our outside world can seem awesome when really it is masking what is really happening.

We work so hard to look like our world is all good.  We run around dressing sharp, talking a big game, and working hard.  We have read all of the self-help books and have our spiritual language down.  Then our world starts to get deep.  Things stop happening for us the way we intend for them to.  Our deep work begins to call for attention.  When this happens it is like all hell breaking loose.  This is what looks like a breakdown for most people when truly it is the beginning of a break through.  It is full of change, pain, heartache and growth.  

The only way out of this is through.  The only way to stop the flow of tears is to do the work.  The only thing left to do is you.  You have done family, jobs, partners, stuff.  Now, it is time for you to give yourself the attention you deserve.  You must stop putting yourself last.  You must begin to see your value, you must begin to see your worth.  You have a lot to do but you will be ok.  Take it one day, sometimes one moment at a time and before you know it you will be through the hard stuff.  

Sending love, support and strength,

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.  

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Astrology Readings.

Healing.

My Karma.

My Knowing.

Love in all of its forms.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Your gift to the world is unique.  You are here on purpose and it is your duty to own that purpose.  No matter what you are engaged in, no matter how it is judged, it has a purpose, a higher meaning than what we, on this plane, can fully see.  Instead of worrying about someone's version of us, or what is right, ask yourself what you need and wait for the inspiration to come.  It could be that you need outside assistance, listen to that, it could be that the work is simply and inside job, listen to that too.  You choose the path you follow, no one else, and we all are working on doing the best we can.

We often don't recognize that we are ALL doing the best we can.  We judge and put down and misuse one another regularly.  The abuse we suffer at the hands of one another is staggering.  It is in direct proportion to the abuse we inflict upon ourselves.  With that understanding, look at the world, see the pain the hurt and the suffering… now stop contributing to it in ANY way… It takes that, the diligent self-care of all of us to create a different world for all of us to thrive.  So the next time you want to put someone down, including yourself, remember that you are sending that abuse out into the world and supporting it in others.  You are creating an energetic space where love doesn't blossom.  You are holding space for fear.  

Remember, you are, like everyone else, trying to figure you out.  You are working to learn and grow and love and know.  When you extend that understanding of your life to others it is extended back to you.  Send out love get back love… it is simple.  When you have more support than resistance, learning what you are here to do is simpler to figure out.  

Have fun!  Share love!  Be light!

xo

a

When You Are Ready You Will Know

Happy Friday!!! We all move at the pace of our own process.  There is nothing you can do to make someone go farther than they are ready to go, learn more than they are ready to learn, see more than they are willing to witness, and be somewhere or someone they are not.  We all come to things in our own time and our own way.  We all have a really hard time standing back and watching the growth of others and seem to completely forget what it was like to go through our own journey to come out to a place of revelation.  No amount of mountain moving would have gotten us to understand what could not be understood before we were supposed to.  

Have you ever been in a relationship or job where everyone around you just knew you needed to quit?  All of your friends and family could see the mistake of your current trajectory except for you, or so they thought.  You may have tried to listen to what they told you and you may have even begun to beat yourself up about not being able to change your situation, a situation you also knew wasn't forever and wasn't what you wanted ultimately.  The thing is, you weren't done with it so it was not something you were ready to let go of.  

How do you know you are ready to let go?  You do.  You let go.  You do whatever is necessary to let go.  Until you are ready you struggle around it, you boomerang back to it, you might even hide your struggle around it from others due to shame, but you don't let it go.  

Until you are ready you are readying yourself.  This is what gets lost or isn't known or simply misunderstood.  When you aren't finished with a situation it is because you have gleaned all of the information it was brought to your life to impart.  It is like baking cupcakes… They look done on the outside and if you don't really check the center you may take them out and find that they haven't baked all the way through.  They might be an ooey, gooey mess on the inside and suffer collapse.  It is the same with people going through the trials and tribulations of life.  We have to go through our joys and pains to get to the center of ourselves… to bake all the way through… to be ready to come out of the oven and hold ourselves up.  Rushing the process is no help to anyone.  

When you find yourself wanting someone to be farther along their path than they are, ask yourself why?  What do you want from them that they aren't able to give you, that you aren't giving to yourself?  Why is it that you can go through your life the way you need to but everyone else needs to be on your same timeline?  Why are you so impatient?  

If you find that you are being rushed or pushed into being somewhere you aren't, know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, even if it isn't the most pleasant place… and when you are done, no one and no thing can hold you back.  

Sending love to you on your journey at this moment and all moments to come.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.  

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Genelle Benker.

David & Phillip.

My Juicer.

Love.

Lululemon Pacific Place Ladies!  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

As you figure out who you are, what you want and where you are going those things that aren't supporting your discoveries will fall away.  This includes people in your world, activities you are a part of, food you eat and things you desire overall.  As you move toward yourself you have to let go of your past which is easier said than done.  

We can make declarations of wanting this or wanting that, but once you decide that you are moving forward be prepared for the speed of the change you seek.  The change may be a slow go, or it may knock your socks off, either way you must choose to embrace what you have ushered into your world or hold onto what is safe (seemingly) and familiar.  I have been here one too many times and have, in various situations, decided to either move forward or stay "stuck."  

When you are ready the change is available, it is available even when you are not… all you need to do is open yourself, say it aloud, write it down, proclaim it in some way and, like magic your dreams come true.  

xo

a