knowing

No Know

Hello, What is it in us humans that makes it easier to believe that we know it all instead of understanding that we know so little that to use the word know is actually humorous?  Knowing belies the fact that we are actually just gathering from our experience.  As our experiences increase our knowing shifts.  So how is it that we know anything and why is it important that we do?  Maybe it is just semantics, but words are important.  The first meaning of know is to be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information.  The second is to have knowledge or information concerning.  The last definition and the one that most people use when they are using the word know; to be absolutely certain or sure about something.  This last definition is what most people are thinking when they use the word know.  Absolute certainty is something that just isn't absolute.  We have all been sure about a lover, a job, a choice only to have time show us otherwise.  Knowing isn't all it is cracked up to be.

We get a sense of security when we can say that we know.  Knowledge feeds our egos and helps us believe that we are somehow in control and dominate our surroundings.  When we feel absolutely sure about something we get this feeling of comfort and familiarity.  It feels good to know.  Our response to what we don't know, or the unknown, tells you how scary it is to go farther than we have.  When you open yourself up to not knowing it is possible to discover that knowledge is less important than curiosity.  You might discover that knowledge is actually a trick to stop magic from happening.  Our dogged desire to understand, to predict, to control keeps us from seeing the fairies, spirits and different dimensions that exist.  Because we feel that it is necessary to be absolutely certain about things in order for them to be true we lose so much experiential information.  Is it true that you love your cat or dog.  Can you be absolutely certain about it; can anyone else?  Knowledge is a distraction, a hurdle, something to get over having to feel.

knowing-gods-will

What if you looked at the world with curiosity?  What if instead of knowing you observed patterns, you had ideas, you didn't know?  What if you recognized that knowledge is always and forever changing, therefore absolutes weren't possible.  What if you stepped out of your comfort zone; how would you experience the world then?  Knowledge is a limitation.  Being open to not knowing is an invitation.  We couldn't possibly, with our limited senses, know anything for certain.  We can't even see in the dark, let alone things we don't know exist.  Everyday you learn something new, something that prior to that moment you didn't know.  If knowing was a relationship we would all be polyamorous, we change our knowing so often.

Accept the invitation to trust that we are always learning, exploring and expanding.  Trust that you don't need to know for sure to believe that all is possible.  Try it, see what comes.

xo

a

Letting Go of What You Know

Hello, How are you responding to your life?  Are you resisting or accepting?  If you aren't sure then think about the ease of your life.  Is there any or are you stressed and generally unhappy?  We tend to resist change and accept what we have grown accustomed to (even when it doesn't make us happy).  We resist change so much that it often comes in the form of big life events that are difficult or impossible for us to ignore.  We humans actually believe that we have some control over the movement of the universe, that we can make things happen how and when we would like them to.  We have some influence, indeed.  After all we are all co-creators of this world.  In reality we are waking up to a new possibility each day, one where the best tool in your bag is curiosity.  

In order to live a life that has a bit less struggle and a lot more snuggle :)  (I sometimes just like to rhyme) you are going to first come to the understanding that you don't need to know everything.  You can trust and have faith that things are happening for a reason and to be open to understanding later.  You can also recognize that as time passes your information will change.  What you know to be the case now will not necessarily stay the same in the future.  Each day brings with it surprises.  Planning is important and valuable, being attached to the plan is a hinderance when plans change (note that it isn't "if" plans change).  Everything is in motion.  Nothing is the way it was yesterday, or two minutes ago for that's sake.  Our desire and efforts to keep things as is is futile on every level and on every layer.  When we are curious, this truth that the only constant is inconsistency or change, becomes less fear making and inspires more creativity and risk taking.  

 

This brings me back to whether you are accepting or resisting your life.  When you accept change as a way of life you live a life with so much less fear.  You become curious about what the change that is presenting itself means.  This doesn't mean that you aren't sometimes afraid, resistant or unhappily surprised.  It just means that you are able to let go of these old programmed responses quickly and come to a place where you begin to see that there is more to change than shock.  There is a depth of acceptance that resistance simply cannot appreciate.  Acceptance is where growth begins.  Growth can only happen when you have an understanding that there is more than what is and curiosity is the gift of staying open to all of the information the situation you are in has to offer you.  You are like a sponge from the day you are conceived.  You soak up information and choose how to use it throughout your life.  As you age you begin to either continue to absorb or dry up.  Imagine absorbing throughout, being as curious, as accepting as a baby is.  How would you see the world differently if you believed it was a never-ending all-knowing school?  How would your life change?

xo

a

2013-05-24 20.23.20

Imagine

Hey sweets, imagine 2

Quick answer these questions:  How would you describe yourself?  What are the most awesome things about you?  What do you bring to a situation that you enter into (take your pick on the situation)?  If you are stumbling over answering any of these questions, or would prefer not to, we have some work to do.  I am going to make a wild guess (honestly not at all wild, but you got my sarcasm I am sure) that you could answer these questions without hesitation:  What are the things you need to fix or work on about yourself?  What are your least yummy qualities?  What would you change about you if you had 3 wishes?  

It is interesting how we can find the issues with ourselves way quicker than we can find what is fantastic and amazeballs.  I have a hard time finding my areas of concern… mainly because I really enjoy all of me.  Imagine what that feels like, to enjoy who you are.  You wake up in the morning and you remember you are who you are and you smile.  You are excited because you get to be this person all day.  She is fun, funny, exuberant, energetic, healthy, active, loving and curious.  She expects the best and most days gets it.  She knows that anything is possible, that everything happens for a reason and that nothing is permanent.  She is on her way and the way is the point.  Imagine embodying that plus other delicious feelings, ideas, theories, etc.  How hard would it be to worry, fear, dread, and lament?  Pretty damn hard… and pretty damn useless.  

First, find out what your light (you are light so find out more about yours) does when it enters a room.  Does it get brighter, dimmer, is it turned off or is it shining on everything like the sun or the moon.  Discover what people enjoy about you and see if it is the same thing or things you enjoy about you.  Find out who you are when you are at your best… whatever you consider your best to be.  Spend time asking yourself questions like you are actually interested in finding out the answer.  Treat yourself like a beautiful stranger you would love to spend the rest of your life with.  Have fun with you, learning you, catering to you and your every need.  Then wake up to the you you would want to be… every day work to be all of the things you know about you that you love.  Honestly, it isn't hard, you just need to be intentional about it.  You cannot expect to get to the place where each morning you fall in love all over again with yourself if you are not willing to wake up and do whatever it is that is necessary to enjoy, cherish and appreciate all of you.  

We are very, very special and deserve to be focused on completely.  You aren't ever going to get the kind of love you can give from anyone else. Why are you withholding?  Why are you hesitant to let it pour out of you into you and out again?  We need everyone feeling special and great and loving unconditionally.  Imagine if the world had all the love we are holding onto like there was no more to go around?  Imagine if you took absolute wonderful care of you?  What would that look like, how would that feel… how free would we all be?

Imagine.

xo

a

Order Up!

mentalclarity1 Hiya,

There are signs everywhere, information is abundant.  At no point are you dangling alone in the universe.  I know it seems like it sometimes.  You find yourself feeling confused, frustrated, stuck.  Answers don't seem readily available.  You begin feeling like what you used to know you don't know anymore, what you wanted isn't as appealing, where you are going is no longer set in stone (like it ever was to begin with).  Suddenly you have no idea which way is the right way to move.  You just want answers, direction, clarity. 

Clarity comes with time and practice and sometimes it just comes.  You can look at the universe like a diner, you are the customer that comes in and looks at the menu.  Often you just say "I'll have what they are having" instead of ordering for your own personal needs.  This is your life, you cannot order what someone else is having, it doesn't work that way, and after some time you will be forced to pick your own entrée.  The menu is extensive and you may get tired and overwhelmed while looking through it, oh well.  It is what it is.  You have to go through until you see what is right for you.  There are short order cooks waiting to order up the very thoughts you are having, so be careful, your random unfocused thoughts may not be what you really want, so make your thoughts less random and more focused.  

When you are sitting there, reading the menu the very feeling of being stuck is information.  That is a sign that you may be heading in a direction that isn't best for you.  If you pay attention to feelings or ease, resistance, fear etc.. you will begin to see how much you are actually being shown.  Signs are really all that exist.  You just have to work on being open to them.  Once you begin steps to move towards what you truly want, it is easier to see signs that will help reinforce that you are heading in a direction that your soul has much desire for. 

It is work, the beautiful work of life… your beautiful life.  Take the time and do it.  Open up and see the support that exists all around you.  The signs that you working on what you need and desire is the direction you need to be going.  How many times are you brought back to yourself, in the world?  How often are you made to face yourself?  If there were a bigger sign of you needing to work on you it might be everything disappearing and leaving you alone… think about it.  You are the work, first and foremost.  Take the hint and get started digging in.  

xo

a

You Dont Need To Know

not knowing-cr-adj-mod72r750web

Yo!

You think you know but you don't.  We all want to know… something, anything.  It makes us feel like we are smart, special, in control.  Humans are pretty bad at going with the flow.  We set up our lives so we can get familiar and so that things aren't unpredictable.  We want to feel like we can tell what will happen next.  We stress about things when we don't know so much so that we can literally make ourselves "sick with worry."  Sick with worry is not a joke, it happens, people are exhausted from freaking the f*ck out on the regular.  The thing is, most of us don't know and don't need to know… that isn't the point of life.

There are ways that believing you know can become a hinderance instead of the freedom that most think knowing brings.  If, six years ago, you knew you were going to be where you are now what would you have changed?  If you knew the details of your life then how would you have judged this life you live in this moment?  Now, most of us are not who we were six years ago.  Most of us have some different perspectives, experiences, ideas that may have changed the way we view our lives now.  But if your six years younger self had known, he or she may have changed everything so you would be where you are… and wouldn't have grown into whatever you have grown into.  Knowing takes away learning.  Learning is growth.

You have a lover or a friend or a family member who says they know you.  The relationship changes.  You don't see each other for years, though when you were together the relationship was symbiotic almost.  You have experiences, thoughts, ideas.  You then speak with your friend/relative/ex-lover and they tell you that they know you.  You are trying to explain how you have come to see the world differently since you have been gone and they aren't having it.  They tell you who you are, where you came from, what you want, think, etc… You are invalidated, not heard, frustrated because they know you.  They know you.  What in the hell do they know?  Why is it even important?  

You have a friend/relative/ex-lover that it speaking with you after years of not being as close as you were… but you were super-duper close before, you grew up together.  You think you know them, how they would do this or that.  It brings you comfort.  It brings you a sense of belonging to one another, closeness.  You see them do the same things they did a long time ago.  You know them.  Then, they do something that surprises you.  You are unhappy because you thought you knew them and they acted "out of character."  Whose character are they acting different from?  Are they behaving differently from the person you have boxed them in to being or are they doing what they are doing, which is a direct demonstration of how little you know?

You want to know who you will be with, where you will live, what you will be doing in the future.  The future is dependent on you living the present moment.  Learning the present moment.  You cannot get to France if you don't first know where the f*ck you are.  You knowing that you will marry in 10 years, work as a consultant to large corporations helping bring about empathy in business in Paris does what for you now?  If you are currently waiting tables and in love with being single and totally self-absorbed.  Knowing what the future holds takes away the lessons of the present.  

You aren't supposed to know everything, on the contrary, you are being urged to be open, curious, excited about the unknown, not fearful and freaked out.  There are so many gifts in this moment and we lose those gifts when we try to see farther along than where we are.  The future will happen in a more amazing way than you could predict anyway.  Let it take care of itself by being right where you are, fully.  Besides, knowing is less interesting than being.  Being is where it is at.  Why not try that for a spell, see what shakes out.

xo

a

Surprise!!!!

Hiya, So you are going along and everything seems ok and then, WHAM, someone or something comes into your world and then everything changes.  You have feelings you've never experienced, you do things you never thought you would, you are spinning, spinning… and then you figure out some way around it, some way to either live it, leave it or make it normal.  It happens all of the time with love.  You fall in love, you go nutso feeling and doing things that you never had before, feeling like you are invincible and then, after some time it becomes your normal.  The funny thing is that we tend to forget that we don't know all of ourselves in the least.  It is a bit like goldfish memory (though that theory has been disproven, goldfish do remember things so those small tanks are torture), we actually think that we know how we would or wouldn't behave, even after surprising ourselves on a regular basis.  I mean really, at some point in your life you have done something you never thought you would and you have made it a part of your existence.

Throughout our day we talk to ourselves constantly.  There is almost always a dialogue that is going on in that head of yours.  Now, what are the voices saying?  Well, they comment on this or that and judge that and this and decide that they know.  That is one of the most important things those voices do for you, they tell you what is.  Honestly, the voices are working against you most of the time.  They cause a lot of confusion, drama, stress and fear.  They tend to tell you that something is one way or another and you tend to believe those voices.  Think about this seriously:  what have your voices told you and been right about; wrong about?  I would say that they are wrong most of the time because they like to operate on fear.  Even though the percentage of correct decisions/observations the voices make is low, we still consult those voices.  It is a partnership that doesn't seem sound.  Rarely are the voices ones of curiosity… rarely do we remind ourselves that anything could happen and after it does we might actually like it and want to continue experiencing what we once thought was unappealing, unsavory or beneath us.

What if the voices grew quieter or we didn't pay them attention or we reminded us of what was actually happening instead of what could?  What if you were open to the possibilities in life, you were aware that you didn't know what you would do in a situation you had never been in?  What if you decided right now, that you are in progress, you are in a place of discovery and will be the rest of your life?  What if you allowed yourself to be the growing and changing being that you are?  What if you helped the voices tell you what would allow you to be at ease most of the time and open otherwise?  You can, it is doable.  Now, even when you work on those voices serving you, surprises will still happen.  They won't shake your world the same way because you will be open to them, you will have known that anything can and will happen.  It isn't hard, in theory, to train those voices… it takes time, desire and unrelenting discipline.

You are going to expand.  You are going to incorporate more into your world than what is currently in it now.  You will change, you will grow.  Love will do it to you, life will do it to you, be open and enjoy. 

Growing, growing, growing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1A_uSEjTIQ - It's Oh So Quiet - Bjork :)

xo

a

Wonderful Wonder

Hi there! We really like knowing things.  We get off on being knowledgable on this or that subject.  We prefer to not look stupid, be an expert or have information that could be helpful.  As we grow up we lose our sense of wonder and replace it with expectation and predictability.  We want to know the outcome and the reason for it.  We want to guess correctly what will happen because somewhere along the way we let fear take over as out jump off point.  Fear needs to know, longs for safety, expects and never wonders.  Fear knows that shit is gonna be shitty, or at least that 'a' equals 'b', and expects it.  

When you jump off from a place of fear your curiosity plummets.  You are no longer looking at the world with excitement.  Investigating the unknown doesn't cross your mind because the unknown equals the unsafe.  The unknown also equals you not looking good, or like you know, which is scary and not fun to anyone who values knowing as an ideal state of being.  So when you think of being in the dark as being unsafe and looking ridiculous you are going to steer towards things that you feel safe and smart around.  Those things that give you those feelings are what you are used to doing, what you have already mastered or experienced regularly at least.  

Do you want to stay where you are?  Is this a place you could live out your life, without change, comfortably and happily?  If you have answered yes then remember to let everyone around you know that you have no intention of growing.  That you have found the perfect moment and you plan on reliving it until life has ended for you.  If you do desire something else you will need to do something else.  You will need to shift something in your life in order to have your life shift.  

When I talk about change, I don't mean cutting all of your hair off and moving to another country.  You can simply start taking a different route to work.  You can go to a different grocery store than you normally do.  You could buy a coupon off of one of the 58 coupon sites that exist and use it for something you don't normally do.  You can say yes to a situation you would normally say no to.  It is about being open, doing what you don't know, being open to being curious.  If you are comfortable, chances are you are not growing.  That doesn't mean you get rid of anything in your life that keeps you comfy.  You need comfy and uncomfy to balance you out.  Stress is not where you want to live, but it does have its place.  

I hope you can see a little more of the wonderful wonder there is to be curious about in the world today!!!    

xo

a

Clarity of Death

Hiya, I am someone who is extremely directed.  I have a strong sense of knowing, always have.  If you were to look at my astrological chart it is obvious that this self-awareness is written in the stars.  I was born this way.  I don't have to effort my knowing, it just is.  Recently I have been in a place where I know something big is happening… something that I cannot get clear on and it has been absolutely jarring for me.  I have been efforting around figuring one thing out and it has taken up a lot of mental space.  Again, this is not usual.  I had been exhausted with the confusion I was feeling.  Then, my cat passed away. 

About 5.5 years ago I walked into PAWS and hung out in the kitten room.  There was this little gray ball of fur that was so striking.  Me, being someone who admits to her love of aesthetics, immediately was drawn to her beauty.  I picked her up and she seemed to be very comfortable in my hands.  I placed her in my lap where she got comfortable and fell asleep.  She stayed in my lap for about an hour.  During this time several people asked if I was planning on keeping her.  She stood out, she was adorable and pretty.  I let everyone know that she wasn't an orphan anymore.  I was told to pick her up the next day after I made the adoption official.  The next day she'd have nothing to do with me… she totally tricked my ass into falling in love and then, her work done, she could resume to being a little asshole that she always was, to me.  She was lovely to most everyone else.  

From that point forward she became my baby.  Then, she died.  She had a tendency to eat things that weren't food, like plastic bags… the kind that veggies are placed in or the ones they used to give before plastic bags were banned.  I tried my damnedest to keep them away from her.  She found ways, she had her ways.  She also ate dust bunnies and string… I always thought about her being the trainer's, who has never done drugs, secret addict child.  This addiction to eating stupid sh*t killed her.  She was a rebel… there are so many stories that I could tell… the main thing is, she was loved by many and loved me unconditionally, except when I moved the wrong way when she was sitting on my lap, then her love was conditional ;)  

Her passing gave me a clarity that I needed.  Death is an awakening for me.  It doesn't confuse or cause turmoil in that way for me.  On the contrary, it makes things laser sharp, super easy to see, and clears up muddy waters for me.  Losing Tabitha gave me courage and allowed me to work on sitting, confidently, in my insecurity of not knowing.  It opened me up to accepting love from everywhere in a way that I needed.  Her passing has been a big sign for me to risk a bit more.  Life is short, death is mandatory, live now.  It also reminded me to accept what I cannot change.  I cannot change this time of knowing I am not supposed to know a few things right now.  I have lived a charmed life in the way of knowing things for certain so easily and have forgotten how to wait for the great stuff.  And it is great, what I am waiting for.  And, during this waiting, I am shifting, growing, learning, and knowing other things about others and about myself.  

I am not who I was two months ago… this is truth. Sitting here in this space I am in is like going in super slow motion after moving as fast as a plant growing with time lapsed footage.  It can be challenging.  But it is what it is and I am busy, still growing, still becoming who I am every moment of every day.  Sometimes the not knowing is the gift.  The waiting is the lesson and the outcome is not the point.  I am ok with the work I am doing right now however and I am using the life of Tabbers as a guide to living life in general.  She was confident, irreverent, happy, and gorgeous all of the time.  So I am going to live how she did… sleep when and where I want, sit in the laps of my loved ones until they annoy me, eat when and how much I feel like, and play whenever the fancy hits me.  

Enjoy your days, for they are numbered.  

It is true people!

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.  

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Tabitha, my favorite baby girl kitty.

Drugs that put my Tabbers out of misery quickly.

Breaker.

Carnwath.

Keach.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Losing someone you love is so f*cking annoying.  I remember when my nephew died I just couldn't believe it.  Then it was that I couldn't believe nothing could be done to reverse the situation.  Then it was just what the f*ck??!!  Losing Tabitha has been this frustrating thing for me.  I just had no desire for her to be gone.  I am simply not in the mood to lose my baby kitty.  Life isn't about waiting for your mood to be just so, however, and it isn't always what you would want to happen that happens.  Nope, sometimes you are literally just observing shit.

I am in a place where I don't yet know why she passed.  I don't know what the universe wants me to know about her leaving.  I know that it was her time, it was destined on some level for her to be gone now, but what am I to get out of it… well I think I may need to give it a few more days to settle and then maybe the reasons will begin to flood in.  

There is one thing, I believe, this has done for me.  I feel fearless on some levels, once again.  When Miles passed I remember feeling like the worst thing that could happen had happened, so what did I have to worry about ever again.  As time has passed the feeling of Miles' passing isn't as intense or raw and my feelings of fearlessness aren't as dramatic.  With Tabbers leaving I am feeling like all bullshit in my life (Imean all people who are full of it) need to get to steppin'.  Seriously.  I believe, at this very moment, Tabbers being gone makes me want, even more fervently, quality in my world.  She was the top of the top of animals.  Beautiful, smart, funny, loving, crazy as hell, sneaky, super quick, Whodini kitty (as one of my best friend's pointed out) and mine.  Her being gone makes me realize, even deeper than I live it, how important having quality in my world is.

You and I deserve the best, period.

xo

a