judgment

Grab Happy

Howdy! I was recently working with a client discussing tempering joy… It isn't the first time I have had this discussion, it is rather commonplace actually. Many people have a hard time allowing themselves to celebrate good news, possible successes or simply enjoy the moments they have for fear of those moments being gone. Now, not getting too excited about things because you could end up disappointed is like not washing up because you are just gonna get dirty again; except that every day you get dirty without fail and you need a shower/bath… bad shit happening isn't as frequent as that. No matter how you slice it, not allowing yourself to be happy because something bad could happen is simply flawed thinking and a sign that there is a life that is fear based being lived (if we can call it that).

The bottom line is that something bad is going to happen to most of you. The first reason is your judgment around your life experiences as bad or good. It is true that most people have a good category and a bad category and place things in their lives in one of the other. The lists in these categories are not set in stone and, depending on what is going on in your life, change from time to time (which tells you that good and bad are about as reliable as a 2 year old keeping a secret). When you have a bad and a good outcome you bring probability into existence. Just like flipping a coin, you will get both sides to show up evenly if you keep flipping. The other reason something bad is going to happen is because you expect it to. You see the downside so it shows itself to you. Everything likes attention and when you give yours to something that something get's fed and grows bigger.

So now that you know something is going to happen that is the opposite of good (in your opinion) what is the reason to, when nothing bad is happening, not enjoy your life? When something isn't happening, that we don't want to happen, what is the point of focusing on it? Well, most people think that they can prepare for the bad that will happen. Let me explain, you rejecting joy will never prepare you for devastation. You cannot get around feeling sad because you never allow yourself to feel happy, life doesn't work that way. You trying to not feel bad by never feeling good doesn't make the things in life that are hard, less hard. It just makes most of your life depressing. So, since you already believe that happiness is fleeting, why not live it to its fullest when you aren't going through hell. If you are certain shit is going to hit the fan, run around getting as much joy as you can until things go south, stock pile it! Then, when they do, and for you they always do, feel sad until you don't… then be happy as all get out again.

happy_place
happy_place

Another way to live is to recognize that labeling things bad and good is a paradigm that isn't mandatory. When you shift your paradigm to recognize that the purpose of all your life experience is to help you grow, you let go of worrying about the next thing that will show up. You begin to look forward to your life instead of bracing for it. Your baseline becomes happiness and contentment and nothing else really seems to penetrate or bleed through for too long. But, that is only if you want to see things absolutely different.

Either way, let go of the pain that doesn't exist and when it enters your life move through it instead of holding on.

xo a

You Never Know

HI there, I grew up in Cleveland, OH on the westside in Riverside Projects.  Now, I don't know why it was called riverside because the only thing we were next to was an airport.  Ok, not directly next to it, but planes would come so low overhead that I felt like I was going to be hit by one.  I became so scared of a plane missing its landing and hitting our house that I started freaking out about death in general.  I remember that I was more afraid of the plane hitting the house when I was in situations that I thought would be compromising.  I really never wanted to be found on the toilet, dead, so I would get nervous when I went to the loo.  That fear passed and would come back here and there.  We lived at Riverside for 13 years.

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When we finally moved out of Cleveland and out of the projects we went to North Carolina.  We had high hopes to live in the house my mother was raised in, restore it, and live a life farming, loving each other and living dreams we hadn't dared to dream yet.  When we arrived we were greeted with an unwelcoming committee (my mother's uncle who, like a lot of her family have a chip and are simply an unhappy lot).  We moved into the projects of Dunn, NC and it started again; save for this time we were in 102 degree heat in the middle of a little town that wasn't at all familiar to me.  I struggled through depression for years in NC.  It was some of the darkest days (until my early 20's) that I had experienced.

During the time I spent in the projects, which was up until I was 14 basically, no one ever asked me if I was going to college or truly cared about what I would do with my life.  It was assumed that life was pretty much decided for me… I would probably have babies early and repeat a cycle that I was actually not a part of, but believed to be because everyone is a fuck up in the projects living off of welfare, right?  Well, my mother had me when she was 31 and grew up middle-class.  She didn't finish college but she is off the charts IQ-wise and had a strong sense of self-worth.  She had/has shitty taste in men (yep, my father is great in ways and not in others) and ended up raising her babies alone.  It is not an easy thing, being a single parent, and so she lived where she could afford and did what she needed.  I am glad because I am a badass because of it.

You never know what someone has gone through to get to where they are.  You never know the journey it takes to live the life someone is living.  We assume so many things about each other and never stop to ask questions, to be curious.  I went to college and have traveled the world, I am able to relate to any and everyone because I am everyone.  I see myself in the person on the street begging, the woman about to get her child that is crying after waking up from a nap, and the President of a Fortune 500 company.  I know that the idea of separateness that we hold so dear and we believe keeps ups so safe actually does more harm than anything else.  And, at the same time, without all of the rejection, discrimination and classism I have experienced I wouldn't be the compassionate soul that I am today.

Before you decide that you know something about someone you have never met or someone who you have; before you look at statistics instead of individual people; before you write someone off because they aren't familiar to you; before you get all f*cking judgmental think about me or someone else you know that defied odds, ignored statistics, who wouldn't quit.  Maybe your kindness, your inspiration is just what they need to move forward.  Then again, maybe your being an ass is what they need to move forward too.  Either way, evolution, development and growth are happening for all of us at different rates in different ways.  You don't have to be open to the variety of ways there are to get somewhere but life sure is more exciting when you do.

For my part, I am going to inspire.  It is more fun.  What are you going to do?

xo

a

Listen Up!

Hey! This is an appeal coming directly from my heart and soul, please, please, please stop putting yourself down, abusing yourself, telling yourself you don't deserve this or that, being your own worst critic.  Please stop treating yourself like you don't matter, aren't worthy and are less than.  Please stop being the perfect example for emotional and physical abuse.  Please put an end to the constant and unrelenting tirade you wage against yourself daily.  We are all exhausted from pushing back, resisting that voice, giving into that voice, allowing ourselves to be stifled; our light dimmed.  It is no wonder why we are short and irritable with one another, we don't really have the energy to be light-hearted and easy-going when we are invalidated on a regular basis in some way.

The way that we mistreat ourselves comes in a myriad of ways.  So many, in reality, that it is hard to sometimes pinpoint how it is happening.  Often the best way to find out how we are treating ourselves is how we treat or think about others.  Are you short with others; understanding; impatient?  Do you believe that your way is the only way?  Do you have rage that comes out when you are driving or other places where you feel safe from the outside world?  Do you censor your thoughts?  Are there things you would never allow yourself to entertain even in your head?  Are you curious about yourself and others so much so that you ask questions until you can no longer drill the topic down?  Are you sometimes mean or irrational?  All that you project outward you direct inward, period.  You can do nothing to someone else that isn't done to you.  When you send out ill will you receive it as well.  When you refuse to be open you close off from yourself.  When you decide that there is no more than what you can see you will be blinded to so many amazing things that are just outside of your periphery.  When you are mean to others you are being mean, so mean to yourself and projection creates an amazing distraction.  You won't be distracted for long though.  At some point you will recognize the abuse.

Additionally, the abuse also happens in the direction of holding others up to high expectations and being disappointed in them; you are doing the same thing to yourself and feel justified for the disappointment because you have a lot of shoulds in your world.  When you are disappointed in another you are letting yourself down in some way and are triggered when it happens in, what most people call, reality.  Disappointment is a great way to discover how you punish yourself.  When you are disappointed in someone or let down or feel betrayed or believe that someone is plain wrong, you will find that you are feeling strong emotions towards yourself, most of which aren't supportive of your self-worth.  I know this may sound confusing for some… I mean, what does self-worth have to do with what anyone does to you?  Well… when you understand that you are deserving of all things, when you are a miracle that is fully and completely supported in an infinite number of ways without you ever having to "earn" it, you will also notice that the only time someone isn't supportive of you is when they aren't supporting themselves.  When you recognize your own worth you understand when someone else doesn't… and you don't take it personally when they behave accordingly.  Taking offense is a sign of lack of self-worth.

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I want you to think about these questions: Who deserves love?  Who deserves as much money as the universe can provide?  Should some people have less than others or more?  What makes someone deserving, in general?  Now listen, we all can agree to this:  when a child is born their very existence is enough to warrant everyone stopping to take care of them.  They are deserving, worthy and there is no question about it.  They don't need to earn love or do anything to be considered a miracle except to exist.  Well love, life and existence isn't like the stock market where you gain or lose over time.  You come into the world deserving of all, fully loved for being and you stay that way.  You are still that baby that came into existence.  Your lack of knowledge didn't matter when you were first born and it doesn't matter now.  You lack of ability didn't take away your right to deserve and nor does it now.  Just because you or  someone else decided to place a judgment on this or that doesn't make you less or more deserving than others.  Your being born is reason enough to hold yourself in hight esteem; to have reverence for.    You are worthy, you are deserving, you are love.  When you feed this truth everything else that takes away from it begins to starve.  You begin to see others for their light the more you shine yours.  

xo

a

worthy3

How Are You Doing?

Hello there, Have you ever had a friend who was going through something potentially devastating?  How did you connect with them?  Did you connect with them?  What were the first words that came out of your mouth or were texted from your fingers?  So often we immediately respond with sounds and words of lamentation.  We say we are sorry, we take on what we feel the appropriate response to whatever the situation is that we are being told about.  Other times we communicate what we believe we would feel if we were going through what our friend/loved one was experiencing.  Psychologists say that this show of empathy is supportive.  I agree that empathy is important, indeed.  My concern is for the person going through whatever the fuss is about.  How do they actually feel?  What if they feel differently than the societal norm?  What if they aren't sad, angry, confused?  What if they were ok with the situation or felt a great sense of peace.  If they go against what others would believe appropriate they not only have to deal with their own judgment of their response but the judgment of someone else who has presupposed a certain reaction.  

I tend to be someone who doesn't react to things the way that society would suggest is normal.  I know that everything happens for a reason.  I rarely lament my situation or experiences.  I am never a victim and I feel like I can change my world by changing my view.  When I am faced with news or a situation that would be perceived as challenging I usually move through it quickly.  Even when I am crying or angry or quiet and sullen I am choosing those feelings in order to absorb the importance of the experience as well as allow the emotions to run their course and not block them.  I feel deeply and quickly move on.   Most of my close family and friends understand that I am overall consistently content.  Others just don't get how I am able to see the shining light in every seemingly dark night.  Well, first you have to look for it.

I prefer to be asked how I am feeling about a certain situation before anyone decides to feel any which way about it.  After all, whatever has happened hasn't happened to you, right?  Why take it on before you know how I or whomever, is handling it?  What if someone finally broke up with their boyfriend after years of being done?  What if they never told anyone that they were ecstatic at the prospect of being away from a toxic environment?  You wouldn't know these things without asking how they were feeling about the breakup.  Asking how someone is doing before deciding that the situation is awful is a good rule of thumb.  The question demonstrates that the focus is on the person going through the drama.  The answer to the question is a great guide on how this person needs to be supported.  If they tell you that they have never felt better you are now off the hook for feeling bad… you can rejoice with them.  If they are feeling down and out you can help lift them up…

We project our feelings onto one another all of the time.  Rarely do we give each other the opportunity to own their own responses to life's ups and downs.  Try asking how someone is taking a life event before deciding to place your own personality and ideal response on it.  You just may be surprised and they just might get supported.

xo

a

openness

Jackpot!

Hey there, What would you do if you won the lotto?  If you won a jackpot of $275 million dollars after taxes, what would you do?  What line of work, where would you live, how would you go about your daily life?  What would you change and what would stay the same?  I know that I have asked myself this question countless times.  Sometimes the only upgrades I would make have to do with my living space and other times I want to do a complete overhaul.  Where are you on that spectrum?  Are you pretty groovy with most things or would hitting the jackpot create a new world for you, happier and yummier (you hope)?  

jackpot

First note anything you would want to get rid of.  Write it down.  Look at it… say it aloud.  It is important to note that we all know what isn't working in our worlds.  You may have written down anything from leaving a partner to living in another country.  You could have simply written down that you would only change your debt status.  Whatever the area that you are willing to drop like a hot potato if money wasn't an object needs to be dropped anyway.  You sometimes have to get out of your own way to see that you know what you need and/or what needs to leave.  

We love to tell ourselves that we are stuck in a situation and that there is no way out.  We find every reason that never truly is good to stay in something that isn't working.  Maybe a part here and there satisfies you in some way, but truly, when you are doing something that takes from you, what is the point?  How much money is your soul worth?  How much pain and frustration is your life deserving of?  How long do you need to be discontent before you refuse to be discontent?  At some point it is ok to let go of things that aren't fulfilling you completely.  We tell ourselves that if we had the money then we could do blah blah blah.  We say that if he or she did this or that then a, b, c and d would get done or be better.  We think that we have to be fit to do something challenging.  We think we have to have a certain environment to take better care of our health.  There is always some reason that we don't do what we know we want to do now.  When will you run out of excuses?

Asking yourself what you would do if you won the lotto is a great way to check your true desires.  We often judge what we want before we ever let ourselves or anyone else here it.  This judgement is often based on financial matters or what others may think of you.  Find out what your true desires and motivations are.  This is where happiness is.  Once you line your life up with your love, magic happens.  No amount of money will trump waking up in the morning and not needing to win the lotto to feel like a winner.

xo

a

Get Moving

Howdy, After my marriage ended all I could do was run.  I ran a lot.  It was during one of these runs that I had one of my first moments of enlightenment or oneness.  I lived in Collingswood, NJ at the time and had a running route that took me past the Cooper River and several other bodies of water.  It was a lovely route and a lovely town.  In the middle of my run I passed a tree that I had always loved… it was then I lost sense of myself as I know my self to be, I felt like the tree.  I was in it, around it, looking at it. all at the same time.  I remember feeling connected and elated and free.  I ran like I was on a pogo stick the rest of the way home.  

I have had similar experiences since, but always in different settings.  Usually through movement, usually around a time where I am simply relaxed and open to release.  I was in down dog one of the last times I felt like I was the earth.  I felt like I had been there forever and forever would remain.  It was fantastic.  I also finally realized how down dog could actually be a resting pose.  Up until that point it was all about effort.  I remember being excited for the understanding that there was so much more than I could ever imagine pertaining to the body and connecting with it.  We are limitless, truly.

Movement is magic.  You can overcome fear, pain, illness, resistance, worry, judgement and loss through movement.  You can be brought to a place of oneness.  Oneness is bringing the three parts of us together, connected.  Our mind, body and spirit becoming one entity made up of 3 parts, but finally being connected and working in concert.  My work is to help people move their bodies, connect with their spirit and get guidance from their soul.  We do a bang up job of ignoring just about everything except our spirit (which houses our egos, personalities, characteristics, etc. and comes into existence when the soul connects with the physical), we are somewhat clueless about our soul and we ignore our bodies completely, just look around.

We have grown so far away from our physical gifts that we tell people to not get too skinny but never warn anyone of getting too fat.  We ignore the fact that eating for eating sake is gluttony and suicide, true suicide, and we think feeling like shit all of the time is normal.  We feel tired after we refuel and keep refueling with the same stuff that slows us down.  We are becoming less connected and more miserable and sadder, and well, our health is poor, overall.  How can you be connected to soul or change the vibration of your spirit when you are exhausted, sick, and slow?  The practice of strengthening your body is as holy as worthwhile as strengthening your spirit.  When you ignore your physical you ignore an integral part of your growth and development.  When you cannot use your body to tolerate certain levels of vibration, which you can reach through various movements and activities, you stay stuck.  

This is important, I want you to hear me.  Your body is your church, it houses your soul and when it is clogged there is very little communication that comes through clearly.  You may want to call people vain for being fit or wanting to be healthy, but try it, see how it feels to have freedom of movement, to not be attached to your next meal,  and to be able to play and explore and not have the physical be a limitation but the tool for exploration.  Then tell me how you feel, or that vanity is the issue (or that magazines are pushing this or that form of beauty).  When you figure out how integral movement is, the rest follows.  Enlightenment, joy, love, etc… they are all born from the oneness of your three parts.  Ignore one and you are ignoring the whole.

If you don't already have a movement practice add it.  If you have never been truly fit, seriously in shape, go for it.  It won't take that long, I promise and you will find out so much about yourself in the process.  It is a gift, being healthy and fit, that everyone has been given, now just take the ribbon off and open the box.

movingdancer

xo

a

Better Better Best

Hiya, What if you looked around at people and thought that they were doing their very best.  What would change in your dealings with them?  Would you be as disappointed?  Would you stop expecting and putting pressure on others?  Would you lose all hope for humanity because you would think that if this was the best they could do then we are simply doomed?  I understand all of those feelings and hope that you can see that understanding this idea, that we are doing our best, isn't condoning behavior we don't enjoy, it is being open to what is… it is acceptance which allows for forward movement.  

When you go through life you don't think about what you can fail at, generally.  You tend to think about things that will make you happy that you want to do, places that you want to go, music, friends, etc.  You are not thinking, overall, how you can be mediocre at things.  You aren't thinking about how you can disappoint people and make them wish you were better than you are.  When we get upset with someone for not living up to an expectation or doing something that we don't want, or being a way that we don't like, and then we put that feeling, that disappointment on them, we are also doing our best.   What we need to begin to do is understand that and let go of the anger and sadness associated with being let down by our own hopes and dreams that never existed in reality.  

Everyone is struggling with something.  Everyone has trouble figuring out how to please everyone.  Everyone is afraid and exhausted.  Everyone is trying to be loved, ultimately.  When we recognize that love is the motivation for all living things we can stop our judgement around whether what someone is doing is good enough.  It may not be what you want, but it is what is and that is all.  When you begin to see others as beings working on their sh*t in a multitude of ways, including doing things you would never or that you feel aren't in their or your best interest, they are still working and doing and being.  It takes us all the amount of time it takes us to figure out how to do better than the day before.  It certainly doesn't help to be constantly judged for things you cannot change.  When you adopt the attitude that others are doing their best, you can then be softer and more supportive around their growth.  You can start being compassionate towards your fellow human.  Truth be told, when you really recognize that we are all (including you) doing our best, you begin to let that part of you that has been under the microscope and judged for not knowing what it cannot, relax.  When you relax you are open, when you are open you can receive information that could lead you to doing better.  

Take the pressure off, see what happens when you start being nice, when you begin to see people as where they are supposed to be instead of wishing them to be where you want them to be.  This is their best, right at this moment… be open, if you want to, to them being different in the next moment.  Change is inevitable, growth is mandatory, your best is always better at some point. 

xo

a

boytreebirds

Surprise!!!!

Hiya, So you are going along and everything seems ok and then, WHAM, someone or something comes into your world and then everything changes.  You have feelings you've never experienced, you do things you never thought you would, you are spinning, spinning… and then you figure out some way around it, some way to either live it, leave it or make it normal.  It happens all of the time with love.  You fall in love, you go nutso feeling and doing things that you never had before, feeling like you are invincible and then, after some time it becomes your normal.  The funny thing is that we tend to forget that we don't know all of ourselves in the least.  It is a bit like goldfish memory (though that theory has been disproven, goldfish do remember things so those small tanks are torture), we actually think that we know how we would or wouldn't behave, even after surprising ourselves on a regular basis.  I mean really, at some point in your life you have done something you never thought you would and you have made it a part of your existence.

Throughout our day we talk to ourselves constantly.  There is almost always a dialogue that is going on in that head of yours.  Now, what are the voices saying?  Well, they comment on this or that and judge that and this and decide that they know.  That is one of the most important things those voices do for you, they tell you what is.  Honestly, the voices are working against you most of the time.  They cause a lot of confusion, drama, stress and fear.  They tend to tell you that something is one way or another and you tend to believe those voices.  Think about this seriously:  what have your voices told you and been right about; wrong about?  I would say that they are wrong most of the time because they like to operate on fear.  Even though the percentage of correct decisions/observations the voices make is low, we still consult those voices.  It is a partnership that doesn't seem sound.  Rarely are the voices ones of curiosity… rarely do we remind ourselves that anything could happen and after it does we might actually like it and want to continue experiencing what we once thought was unappealing, unsavory or beneath us.

What if the voices grew quieter or we didn't pay them attention or we reminded us of what was actually happening instead of what could?  What if you were open to the possibilities in life, you were aware that you didn't know what you would do in a situation you had never been in?  What if you decided right now, that you are in progress, you are in a place of discovery and will be the rest of your life?  What if you allowed yourself to be the growing and changing being that you are?  What if you helped the voices tell you what would allow you to be at ease most of the time and open otherwise?  You can, it is doable.  Now, even when you work on those voices serving you, surprises will still happen.  They won't shake your world the same way because you will be open to them, you will have known that anything can and will happen.  It isn't hard, in theory, to train those voices… it takes time, desire and unrelenting discipline.

You are going to expand.  You are going to incorporate more into your world than what is currently in it now.  You will change, you will grow.  Love will do it to you, life will do it to you, be open and enjoy. 

Growing, growing, growing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1A_uSEjTIQ - It's Oh So Quiet - Bjork :)

xo

a

No Worse, No Better

Howdy! When you look at someone and decide you are better than they are, how does that make you feel?  When you decide that you are somehow superior than another do you stand a bit taller, breathe a bit deeper and smile broader?  The moment you realize that someone is way beneath you do you immediately feel enlightened and freer?  What happens for you when you forget your Self?  

I have, like most, wrestled with my ego.  I have felt like I was better, smarter, or more than others are, in my past.  I have asserted my superiority in ways that unwittingly revealed my insecurities.  I have seen my ego find ways to keep itself afloat over the years and in turn left me high and dry.  So, I don't do that anymore, that judging better or worse stuff.  It is neither here nor there.  Instead, I see me, who I am in the other.  I find out what I can grow from or learn from them.  I see the value that is inherent is all of us and in this way I value all I am.  

Each person you meet, interact with, connect to is an aspect of you.  They are here to be the parts of you that you cannot be in this life.  They are here to show you a new perspective of something that you have had a strong judgment around.  They are here to assist us in building compassion throughout society.  They are here to help you face parts of yourself you would not allow to see the light of day.  They are here to bring up and expose your shadow(s).  They are your teachers and it is wise to appreciate them.  

So, when you are around people you have decided you are better than, or interacting with them in some way, what are they mirroring in you, what is the lesson they are here to give to you?  Everything and everyone has a purpose.  We are all various aspects of one another.  Now, there may be aspects you prefer over other but the truth is, if you can see it then it is within you.  So if you notice something you don't enjoy in someone else, take note, it is you that is needing that information about yourself.  When you raise yourself to a place where you are looking down on others you will be soon to fall.  You will learn, you will see… Until you find the divinity and purpose in everyone you will struggle to truly find it in yourself.  

xo

a

No Excuses, No Regrets

Howdy!! I have a lot of experience in a lot of areas.  I feel that I have really lived a life.  I am pretty protective of my life… and around judgment of it.  I don't care to hear what you think if you are thinking negatively about my life.  I know that I am doing what I am supposed to do… period.  I don't ever feel that I am living in error.  I also make it clear to everyone that I know that they are not allowed to put that energy into my world, that I am making mistakes.  There are no mistakes or missteps in my life.  None.  I see the beauty of every moment, every nuance.  It truly is spectacular.

Today as I was hanging out with a dear, dear friend, one of my favorites, and discussing the oft-times hilarious and other times tragic situations of my love life when she quickly pointed out that I needed to stop dating this or that type of person.  I immediately realized that I had basically had it up to my neck with any and everyone missing what I believe to be the point of life and my life in particular (since it was what was under discussion).  First, do I  feel like I need to stop doing something, because who gives two shits about someone else thinking I need to do something different?  I don't, that is who.  Second, am I wondering "why me" as a victim minded person would?  Ummm no.  I know why… always do.  Do I feel like I don't have a handle on it?  Or is it that she or anyone, for that matter, would like to see me do something different?  If that is the case, what anyone thinks about me is none of my business… unless you think I am awesome… then please, share away!

After I quickly communicated to her why I feel it important to honor my experiences and she, being the brilliant, loving person she is, quickly got it.  I have to hand it to her… and to all of my friends, I am very blunt and pull no punches most of the time… they are all an amazing lot.  I am blessed.

We have so many motivations for communicating that I could write a blog everyday for the rest of my life just on the reasons behind what we do.  It is infinite and infinitely interesting.  Nothing is ever what it seems.  The same goes for everything else in life.  I know why I have dated the lovely people I have dated.  I know why the universe has given me the opportunity to see myself through these folks.  I understand and am so appreciative.  I have no regrets, I want nothing other than what I have had because I am where I am because of what I have experienced….and I LOVE where I am. I understand so much more than many because I have risked a lot more than many.  I have jumped into situations without weighing the pros and cons.  I have weighed the pros and cons and held back.  And I have done a whole bunch in between.  I have some patterns but mostly I go with what I am supposed to do… from my inner knowing.  I have never stayed in a situation that wasn't beneficial to me in some way.  Actually, this is true for all of us.  We don't do anything that we are getting nothing from.

When you are living your life you are experiencing everything you need to in order to get out of it what is most important for your soul.  No one has authority over you in this way.  You have things you need to learn, experiences you need to have and people who you need to know.  Whatever the drama, joys, or encounters, they are yours to glean from them what you will… and you will have ample opportunity to learn, every day, in every way.

So live your life… it belongs to you!

xo

a

I See You

Howdy there! We all love attention.  All of us.  We just have so much baggage around it that most won't admit it, even to themselves.  The truth is we grew because of the attention we received.  Attention can be encouragement… we were all encouraged to smile, laugh, speak, crawl, turn over, walk, go to the potty and run.  Our encouragement continued as we got older and then something changed.  The attention we received started being judged.  Maybe there was on child that got more attention than another and, believing in scarcity, the child that shone brightest was told to tone it down, in so many words.  Maybe we saw someone want a lot of attention and act out when they didn't receive it… maybe we watched someone be judged because they were ok with being showered with attention.  There are a multitude of reasons why people deny their attention seeking parts.  Judgment is usually the top of the list.

If you let go of the attachment of being pleasing in the eyes of another would you want attention?  If you were able to sit and talk about yourself, your ideas, your thoughts with someone who was genuinely interested in you and wasn't seeking to compare, how would that feel?  Do you offer this to anyone?  Do you offer attention, pure and untainted the way you would a 2-year-old just wanting to talk?  I believe that most people don't know how to… we are so starved for attention ourselves that we act out in ways that perpetuate not being able to actually get the attention that we all desire.

If you aren't allowing yourself to receive attention you will probably have a hard time giving it to someone else.  It is that way with just about everything.  If you deny something for yourself you will most certainly deny it, if not physically, energetically, with others.  Not only will there be denial, there may be resentment or judgment depending on how much you haven't allowed yourself that energy/activity.

What does attention do?  Why is it important to give it?  Well, attention is encouraging.  It is nurturing.  It is necessary to feel loved and cared about.  So many of us feel lonely and lost.  It is true.  Ask anyone what is really happening for them and many will distill their issues down to feeling disconnected.  The disconnection is most often with their own selves and that spills out and over to everyone else.  It isn't that strange to see how disconnected we are.  We text instead of talk.  We check Facebook instead of call.  We have 400 emails per day and feel to busy to actually eat a meal away from our computers.  We have ceased giving attention in a real way to ourselves even.  Even if we have a regular workout we rush away from it as soon as it is done to get back to texting, emailing, sitting, staring, straining and distancing.

We need to get over the idea that attention is bad.  That someone who wants it is a brat.  If that is the case we are all brats then.  Sure, there are healthier ways to get attention than others… just like there are healthier choices for lunch today but you don't always pick those healthier choices do you?  Start with yourself.  Give yourself attention by first admitting that you like it and need it… once you get comfortable with your own needs you will be better able to hold space for someone else's need.

Until then, come here and talk to me… I will give you the attention you seek.

xo

a