Howdy, Relationships are so rich with so much information it is hard to know where to start when I begin writing about any aspect of them. I mean, relationships are life after all and there is just so much life all around. Then I remember that I say one phrase almost every day to someone, "no good relationship comes to an end." In all honesty, it is what I want everyone to think about when they are either breaking up or in a relationship that is heading that direction. Breaking up is painful on so many levels, but it doesn't have to be… I promise you. Yes, you will lose what is familiar and what is comfortable. Yes you will have to adjust to a new way of life without that relationship… but leaving something that wasn't good… well, that is awesome!
Two people do not sit around and think how f*cking amazing their relationship is and then decide to break-up. It isn't like anyone has said, "oh my goodness, I am just so happy and this is just so great I have to get away from it. I cannot be in this great relationship any longer." Umm, yeah, no. If you are wanting out there is good reason. At the same time, when you are wanting out and finally say so, that is a big deal. Ending what you initially wanted to last forever (most people don't get in a relationship and look forward to the ending before anything is not working) says you have given it some thought, lots of thought, and you have decided that it isn't what you want.
I feel that people's desires need to be respected. I have been dumped plenty of times, thank goodness. I, at no point, imagine that someone should hang onto me because of anything other than their desire to. When that wanes I would prefer for them to let me go. I don't desire anyone "sticking it out" with me for the sake of my awesomeness… seriously. I want mutual joy, love, and respect. The issue is, for most of us, we get used to our relationships being sh*tty. We dream of something that isn't, the future, and we ignore the messed up present. We put all of our stock in things working out when the moment you are in it isn't. Relationships aren't always ecstasy bringing, but you need to be happy and not hoping for change in order to truly sustain one.
Do you want your relationship to end in a blaze of hell fire? Well, be someone you aren't, never speak your mind, never ask the hard questions of your partner, stop having sex, stop taking care of yourself (or never start), imagine you are too good to be left, think that your partner needs you too much to let you go, put your hopes and dreams away somewhere and pretend like they don't exist.
Do you want your relationship to survive? Well, don't most of us… the best thing to do is to be honest with yourself and then with your partner. Tell them the truth of who you are and what you can an cannot hold. Be authentic and stay present. This is all a journey and it takes twists and turns… some are fun and some are not. They all can be learning experiences and survivable.
For anyone going through a breakup I send love and peace and strength. This is not bad, it is necessary… you will love again.