Being

You Dont Need To Know

not knowing-cr-adj-mod72r750web

Yo!

You think you know but you don't.  We all want to know… something, anything.  It makes us feel like we are smart, special, in control.  Humans are pretty bad at going with the flow.  We set up our lives so we can get familiar and so that things aren't unpredictable.  We want to feel like we can tell what will happen next.  We stress about things when we don't know so much so that we can literally make ourselves "sick with worry."  Sick with worry is not a joke, it happens, people are exhausted from freaking the f*ck out on the regular.  The thing is, most of us don't know and don't need to know… that isn't the point of life.

There are ways that believing you know can become a hinderance instead of the freedom that most think knowing brings.  If, six years ago, you knew you were going to be where you are now what would you have changed?  If you knew the details of your life then how would you have judged this life you live in this moment?  Now, most of us are not who we were six years ago.  Most of us have some different perspectives, experiences, ideas that may have changed the way we view our lives now.  But if your six years younger self had known, he or she may have changed everything so you would be where you are… and wouldn't have grown into whatever you have grown into.  Knowing takes away learning.  Learning is growth.

You have a lover or a friend or a family member who says they know you.  The relationship changes.  You don't see each other for years, though when you were together the relationship was symbiotic almost.  You have experiences, thoughts, ideas.  You then speak with your friend/relative/ex-lover and they tell you that they know you.  You are trying to explain how you have come to see the world differently since you have been gone and they aren't having it.  They tell you who you are, where you came from, what you want, think, etc… You are invalidated, not heard, frustrated because they know you.  They know you.  What in the hell do they know?  Why is it even important?  

You have a friend/relative/ex-lover that it speaking with you after years of not being as close as you were… but you were super-duper close before, you grew up together.  You think you know them, how they would do this or that.  It brings you comfort.  It brings you a sense of belonging to one another, closeness.  You see them do the same things they did a long time ago.  You know them.  Then, they do something that surprises you.  You are unhappy because you thought you knew them and they acted "out of character."  Whose character are they acting different from?  Are they behaving differently from the person you have boxed them in to being or are they doing what they are doing, which is a direct demonstration of how little you know?

You want to know who you will be with, where you will live, what you will be doing in the future.  The future is dependent on you living the present moment.  Learning the present moment.  You cannot get to France if you don't first know where the f*ck you are.  You knowing that you will marry in 10 years, work as a consultant to large corporations helping bring about empathy in business in Paris does what for you now?  If you are currently waiting tables and in love with being single and totally self-absorbed.  Knowing what the future holds takes away the lessons of the present.  

You aren't supposed to know everything, on the contrary, you are being urged to be open, curious, excited about the unknown, not fearful and freaked out.  There are so many gifts in this moment and we lose those gifts when we try to see farther along than where we are.  The future will happen in a more amazing way than you could predict anyway.  Let it take care of itself by being right where you are, fully.  Besides, knowing is less interesting than being.  Being is where it is at.  Why not try that for a spell, see what shakes out.

xo

a

Momentary Struggle

Hi there, I know many people who are struggling… just simply struggling.  It might be because of things that existed in their past or have never happened in real life or because of being in a place that they don't enjoy in this moment.  There are many reasons for their struggle if you were to dig into it, which I do as a career and path to healing… but ultimately it is a lack of being present that is at the core of the emotional turmoil they are suffering through.  

When I was a freshman in college I began my rowing career.  I embarked on, what was at that point, the hardest training of my physical, spiritual and emotional life.  I was pushed to places I didn't know existed within me.  I was afraid on a daily basis that I wouldn't make it through practice, that I could possibly perish because it would just be too much for me.  An hour before practice I would pace my dorm room and imagine all of the various things I would have to survive in practice.  Everyday, without fail, I would leave practice, alive, feeling like I was the most badass person on the planet for surviving the unthinkable!!  This practice of fear and relief, of going to the imaginary place and then being brought to the present moment and realizing it wasn't anything I thought it was, happened over and over and over.  

I not only experienced this in rowing, I experienced this fear in many areas of my life.  In relationships I would imagine that various things were going to happen and be emotionally devastated as if they had already happened, until I was proven wrong.  And I was proven wrong every time.  The emotional roller coaster of worrying about things, then things ending up better than my worry told me they would, took its toll.  By the end of my freshman year I decided that something had to give.  I wasn't planning on quitting crew, or life, so I was going to need to approach things differently.  

By the time I graduated I had been working on being in the present moment on a regular basis.  Then I began my post college training in rowing on an elite level.  This was a completely new world of intensity.  Nothing I had done resembled the length or the difficulty of the workouts I was now engaging in daily.  I had done a lot of preparation over four years to get to the point where I could function without too much fear around impending workouts, and I was now faced with testing out my progress.  I remember my first workout was a simple 3 hour steady state row.  Just go, for 3 hours.  See ya, in 3 hours!  After I finished that workout, and felt more than fine… I realized that I would have to control my mind in a way that was no longer half-assed.  I was going to have to just stop the thoughts of worry, concern, fear to enter.  I was going to survive, if nothing the years previous had shown me it was that I was always wrong about what I worried about.  None of the doomsday scenarios had happened and I was, in all honesty, exhausted with being a victim to my own mind.  So I stopped.  I practiced every day, every moment, being in my body, in my life, in my feelings.  I worked relentlessly on it.  I created dynamics in my relationships where I didn't allow what wasn't happening to take up too much space.  

That was a long time ago and I practice being in the moment without so much of a thought these days.  Every now and then I will notice myself drifting off into something that isn't true.  For clarification, things that aren't true are things that aren't happening now.  Literally.  Now you can have memories and you can have hopes, but truth, well the only truth is what I experience in the moment, everything else is interpretation… and to be strict, even this moment is an interpretation and skewed by my perspective.  So, though, I have and always do my work, there is a diligence that is necessary for mastery.  No matter how great you are at doing something, practice is always necessary to stay sharp and skilled.  

For those who are struggling any and everywhere, the true struggle is with yourself, your mind, your beliefs and your perspective.  You are the most challenging thing you will ever encounter.  The rest is cake.  You can choose to do the work or be done.  Good luck.   

xo

a

Because Of Love

Hello! I am asked regularly how I do one thing or another, how I don't sleep, eat very little, etc…  I have discovered that our comparisons of each other can truly take all the fun out of life.  I think that we are all on our own journey and my way works for me and may inspire others to find their way, which may in fact be similar to mine or may not be.  But, I truly feel that we have to carve out our lives for ourselves and that this is the fun.  This is the joy.  Creating what works for us individually.  

For me, well, I have come to where I am in large part because I feel limitless… I don't see obstacles in most situations honestly.  I see my life as a gift, a calling, a joy.  I see my experiences as my tools to connect to others and share what they are going through.  I see my challenges as my schooling, as a time to get better than I was the day before.  I see the world as infinitely creative, abundant and full of love.  I look at everyone as potential so I am always seeing the possibility.  I don't spend time putting myself down.  I live my life with no regrets.  If I am not able to figure out why something is happening for me, then I let it go until the answer shows itself.  I trust in the process of life even when I don't want to.  I love without reservation and encourage others to do the same, I mean, why hoard love?

Love.  That is what I live off of mainly.  It is what energizes me.  It is what feeds me.  It is what allows me to stay up at all times and feel great.  Love.  Love makes my world go 'round.  Love allows me to ride hard in 15 or more classes per week.  Love gives me the energy to run and lift and cheer others on.  Love is basically my fuel.  I am unable to do anything that doesn't come from that place of love.  When I realized how effortless life was when I was aligned with my higher self, that center of love, I refused to ever go back to the life I had known where I sucked it up just to suck it up.  Now I suck it up because it is where I want to be and, even when the going is tough, it is the going that feeds me.  It is the place that grows me.  It is home.

When you are deciding what to do in your life, who to be with, what to spend your time on… ask yourself if love is present, if love is the motivator.  Then proceed as you wish.  You don't have to only do things out of love, you can do whatever you want for whatever reason you decide.  Just asking that question brings to you a different level of awareness.  Now you know why you are doing what you are doing.  You will begin to see how you feel when you answer to the affirmative and when you answer to the negative.  You will then be better able to make choices that feed you energetically, emotionally, physically or otherwise.  You may or may not decide to change anything outwardly after you begin asking that question, but it is guaranteed, if you begin to ask you cannot stop the changes that happen within… and those will at some point reflect in the world you live in.  

What if the world was full of people doing what they loved, sharing what they loved, receiving what they loved and being what they loved?  What if you took your place as a part of the world that could begin doing that?  

xo

a