self-love

Not Shaken, Not Stirred

Hi there, What happens for you when someone doesn't like you; how do you handle rejection, perceived or real?  You can tell a lot about where you are in terms of self-love, self-worth and self-esteem when you look at how you handle rejection.  Do you feel that you aren't good enough?  Do you feel like your world won't be the same if you aren't loved or accepted by others?  Do you feel shaken to the core if things don't fit into your idea of comfortable? When you have to talk yourself down off of the ledge on a regular basis; when you are driving yourself crazy imagining things that you are afraid of happening or when you feel like you won't actually be ok without the attention of others or another it is time for a paradigm shift.

How you view your world, what you think is cause and effect, how you behave, where you place your faith, essentially your worldview is your paradigm. When you shift it you have to change, well, everything.  The shift may not be something you have to do piecemeal, however.  You can, when you recognize your world isn't working for you in it's present state, shift one thing, one bit of understanding of the world and shift everything else… basically like a domino effect.  In a world where you are shaken because of other's feelings about you, you believe that you aren't enough, that you must have outside validation to be ok.  You cannot imagine being happy alone.  The idea of you being your most important person is a concept not a reality.  You may never have truly had a center or feel grounded.  It is a world where you feel like you need to control others so that your feelings don't spin out of control.  Your way of controlling may seem like love, care-taking, being helpful… but the ultimate expectation is for you to not be left, not be alone, to be liked.

There are an infinite number of ways to change what you are doing in order to do something else, no matter what.  The only thing that is truly mandatory is awareness that what you have been doing is no longer what you want to do.  You have to have desire.  Your desire to change has to be stronger than your fear of change.  Basically you need to be fed up with being unhappy, unsettled, shaken, panicky, controlling, desperate and needy.  You may have come to this realization through a pattern of failed relationships, friendships or your own lack of being able to get unstuck from a feeling that you can't articulate.  When you recognize that you want to be somewhere you have never been you will have to go about things in a way you never have.  You will have to go about things in an altogether new way.

Life is a mystery and everyday we get clues. Enjoy the search for your answers.

happiness-is-an-inside-job
happiness-is-an-inside-job

xo a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

My Website www.coachaina.com. Soreness From Great Workouts. My Bed. Growth. Goals.

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Being cold, unfeeling, impenetrable and aloof may seem like signs of security, that someone doesn't need other's approval or attention, yet it is more a sign of insecurity.  When you don't feel loved, lovable or loving you aren't going to readily accept those things in your life.  You push them away, pretending that they don't really matter (if you are good at spinning things) or you are depressed and present as desperate for anyone to give you attention and love.  Those extremes are signs of imbalance.  When you find the person who is basically a monk or the one that can never sleep alone you are looking at two sides of the same coin.  Insecurity makes you feel uncomfortable, brings up feelings that you'd rather get away from and is deeply tied into self-worth, esteem and love.

When you try to manage around your insecurity instead of dealing with it head on, pain and suffering ensue; usually for you.  Your feelings become distorted, because you are suppressing or distorting them yourself.  Your relationships are usually not fulfilling; and not only with others, but with yourself. Insecurity is insidious and doesn't allow you to feel at ease at all. There is always some sort of lack, dissatisfaction or uneasiness in your world when insecurity is allowed to live within.  Often those who are insecure are also victims in their world.  They find that things happen to them, that they don't have a say over their journey; it is like they are on a rollercoaster and cannot get off.

Insecurity isn't a life sentence, not at all.  You are absolutely capable of moving beyond it and finding your center.  It takes work, vigilance and desire. Loving yourself is the cure.  Not wearing nice clothing, working out, eating right, or getting rid of the dead weight (people, jobs or places) in your life isn't what I am talking about, only.  Those things are key to self-love, by the way, but the deep stuff, the self talk, belief, understanding that you are here and meant to be here.  That you matter, that you are a gift, a miracle.  When you understand, not know, but understand and believe these truths insecurity is left without oxygen to breathe.  When you recognize your divinity, your awesomeness you are no longer bruised by life's ups and downs, the fickleness of a lover, the dissatisfaction at a job.  You take it as a learning moment and move on.

Keep on keeping on… your time is here and you are doing what you need to in order to reach your soul's goal in this world.  I am proud of you.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

xo a

I Was Born With It

Hey love,

I was born with certain gifts… now, after that statement I had the urge to say, "we all were."  The urge comes from the understanding that people feel like there isn't enough yummy to go around.  If I say I am great then I am in some way saying that you aren't.  If I say that I am smart you might want to assert that you are too.  We spend so much time worrying about what other people will think of us if they find out that we like ourselves.  We don't want to seem too big or bright or in love with who we are.  We actually pretend to not be as awesome just in case someone takes offense!  What the fuck???  

Ok, this is the deal, those of you who need to assert your own gifts when someone is loving on themselves, you can stop reading now and live all miserable and be an ass somewhere else.  Those who are dimming themselves STOP.  When you pretend to be something you aren't you are lying.  You are also making it hard for those of us who are working to lift the world up by example.  The first relationship you need to be committed to is the one with your own self.  You need to truly enjoy who YOU are!  Who will if you don't.  Who cares if someone calls you conceited or self-absorbed.  It is more a reflection of their lack of being able to focus on themselves instead of a commentary about you.  Besides, there are other things you could be that are actually not that yummy like unhygienic or murderous.  Those are things I would be concerned with if I was being told them by others.  

When you shine bright, when you focus on your gifts, when you love all of you things in the world shift.  You will see the light in others without trying.  You will see the abundance and others will too.  Just be steadfast and unapologetic for being who you are.  It is your birthright to be awesome!!!  I know it is mine.  I hear things like, how did you get to where you are?  How do you know what you know?  How did you become Aina?  Hard work.  Moment to moment attention to each detail.  Loving everything that I have been through as my gifts, my lessons to allow me to know me better and in that way know everyone else.  I got here by letting go of judgments and by being open to what is.  I am here because I am supposed to be.  I am great because I don't know how to be anything else.  Maybe she was born with it… yep, that is me. 

Own your life, own your love, own it and let others do the same for themselves… 

xo

a

2012-12-08 17.52.08

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Family.

Friends.

Planes.

Weddings.

Melodie Nicole's voice (and her being, her everything).  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Effort matters in everything that you do.  It matters that you care about anything you are putting your energy into.  School, work, cleaning the yard, straightening up the house you live in, cooking, caring for animals, love.  We tend to believe that things should be easy and not require a lot of work.  Well, if you put very little into something you will get very little out of it.  See how it works.  What you put in you get out.  

Relationships are all about learning and growth, whether they be in the workplace or in the bedroom.  Relationships take effort.  Even when you are perfectly matched, there will be some things you have to put forth energy to receive the blessings from.  If you were to look back over your life you would see how things that took energy to accomplish tend to be valued at a higher level than those things that did not.  When something matters, time and energy spent on it is less work and more joy.  

Have you tried to impress yourself recently?  Have you efforted in that way at all?  How have you shown you that you care, that you are invaluable to yourself?  When was the last time you poured energy into your well-being with joy, knowing that it would make you feel great?  You are with yourself every step of the way.  How have you tried to make those steps lighter, lovelier and joy filled?  What are the blessings you could receive from yourself if you put time and effort into making sure you were happy, healthy and wise?  

Take the time to nurture your most important connection.  The only connection you cannot make externally.  What is inside of you is the heart of all, the beginning and the infinite.  Your relationship with yourself will not always be easy but it will always be worth it.

xo

a

First You

Hi there, I want to remind everyone to listen closely to what you say to yourself.  How are you talking to yourself in those moments when you are alone, working, walking, driving, hanging out with friends, on the beach, working out, looking in the mirror, taking a shower.  What do you talk to yourself about?  How are you nurturing yourself.  What do you focus on regularly?  What do you say to yourself habitually?  I think the single most devastating thing in the world is the lack of love most people have for themselves.  

We critique how we look in the meanest way.  We call ourselves stupid.  We are impatient with the natural flow of our growth.  We fail to honor what we want and need and give our power away to others.  We seek what we refuse to give to ourselves from others.  We take our health for granted.  We refuse to own our truth in favor of what we feel will please others.  We basically abuse ourselves on various levels.  

A great way to gauge how abusive you are to yourself by how abusive you are to others.  Remember, abuse takes many forms.  There is energetic abuse, verbal, physical, psychic, etc… We tend to take out our feelings about ourselves on everyone else around us.  When we put someone down, when we flip someone off, when we don't help someone who is struggling, when we call someone a name, when we imagine the worse for someone, we are bringing that energy to ourselves and showing the universe how we truly feel about who we are and what we deserve.  

If you knew that what you did directly impacted the direction this world would take how would that change your behavior.  If you knew that your very thoughts and the feelings around them created your reality, what would you do to adjust your attitude, focus your feelings and quiet the critic you take your queues from?  What do you have to lose to start changing how you treat yourself?  What do you have to lose to start to treat others the way you desire to be treated?  

In reality, you are your mommy, your daddy, your sister and your brother, your best friend, your teacher, your lover and your lesson.  You are your work.  You are here to learn the depth of you and in that way you learn the depth of all.  Try it… spend some time loving yourself, truly complimenting, praising, supporting, standing up for who you are.  Expect great things from yourself.  See how others transform around you, see how you transform around others.  When we treat our selves like the guardians we are of our hearts, we stop taking our hearts for granted… hopefully.  

Support is what we need between life and death.  Let's start with being our own greatest source of support and watch our love be reflected in the world.

xo

a