You Gotta Get You First

Hello, I enjoy being understood therefore I work hard at understanding myself so that I can clearly communicate me to others; and, in that way, I know when they truly understand. I am the expert on me. That is how it works. You are the only one who can figure you out. You are the work that you have been tasked with. Your gateway to everyone else is through you; without digging inward you will find the outside world easy to get lost in. Without understanding your truths, reasons, excuses, motivations, fears, intentions, desires, judgments, needs, hopes and dreams you will find yourself apologizing, being angry, feeling stuck, living dangerously, feeling unsettled, discontented, frustrated, depressed and more not so yummy things. When we refuse, whether consciously or unconsciously, to ignore the work that is before us, we will be pushed in every way possible towards it. There is no way out, only through. There is no way to ignore that we are the key to our joy and our sorrow, the answer to our questions and concerns, the grantor of our hopes and dreams. No one else.

When you feel like you aren't being heard, listen. When you feel like you aren't being understood, seek to understand yourself more. When you realize that you are not getting what you want, give it to yourself. We wait for someone else to figure out what makes us tick, we do our best to get away from who we are, yet we want others to really know us. Really know yourself… when you do there will be no confusion. When you do the work to understand yourself you will discover when you are sabotaging, being hurtful, helpful or careless, loving grateful, positive, etc. You will be able to behave on purpose. When you put energy into getting to know yourself fully you will stop worrying about someone else doing that work for you. When you turn your attention inward you stop allowing people into your world who haven't done their own work. When someone hasn't come to know themselves they will never be able to truly know another. The more you see of yourself the more you are able to see of others.

My understanding myself has allowed me to absolutely connect with others in a way that is deeper than being empathetic, it is a knowing, a full and total connecting with what is happening on a deep and unconscious level. My understanding myself has allowed me to remain happy 99% of the time because I know what works, how I am feeling and why about anything that enters into my realm of existence. Understanding myself allows me to reprogram any ways of thinking that aren't serving me anymore. When we put a ton of energy into denying ourselves, focusing on others or numbing out we end up at the start of the journey, kind of like groundhog's day. Your work pays off when you do it, truly. When you do your work you can address your needs and make sure that they are met; you can pamper yourself, you can practice being disciplined and bring solid structure to your life. You can, ultimately, truly love yourself when you put the time and effort in understanding you fully. It is what we all want, right; that and unconditional love? Show everyone how it is done for you, teach us how to treat you, live as an example of what you want for you. Be that and see it becomes the world that surrounds you.


xo a


Hi there, One of the reasons I enjoy speaking to children so much is that they are so much easier to talk to, share ideas with, create worlds with.  They dream, they speak their dreams, they sing, dance and have fun for no reason at all.  They laugh easily, make jokes that aren't funny but end up being hilarious because they just enjoy the ridiculousness of it all and make friends easily.  They are far from innocent but they believe what they cannot see because they know that there is so much more… they feel their way through the world and acknowledge that they don't know when they don't know.  They are forever curious.

The older I get the more I enjoy being around children or those who are in the winter of their life for a few reasons.  Old people don't always give a rat's ass about what others think anymore and kids certainly don't.  Somewhere in the middle we get freaked the f*ck out about each and every move we make.  We fear the unknown, we don't dance without being drunk, we second guess our every thought and move.  It is exhausting to think about how much grief each grown-up give themselves for not being perfect.  At what point were we supposed to master perfection?  When were we supposed to learn it all?  We get jobs that pay us and we get set in a lifestyle and we forget what it was like to just be happy.  No one thing needed to happen to be happy, we could just see what is unseen, the fairies, the beauty of the world.  We forget to sing songs into existence and dance to rhythms that only we can hear.  We stop being open to someone who we are drawn to.

Don't wait until you have grown out of the fear and into your later years to regain your joy.  Do the things that are scary, be new at something again.  Bring back that feeling of wonder… live your life like you are in charge because you are.  Know that you cannot make a wrong move if you are learning from every step.  Life isn't about planning and waiting.  Life isn't about pretending to be something you aren't.  Life isn't about competing and comparing.  Life, when you are truly living is scary and thrilling and surprising and rarely, if ever, boring.  Dream again; dream BIG then do what you have to in order to realize that dream.  You have a life to live… it is short, really, and it is worth the risk of failure in order to risk living your dreams.  The tradeoff is not even close.  Nothing beats doing what you truly want to do.  Kids know this… when did you forget?




Change Is

Hello dearest! Embrace change, it saves you a lot of grief in the long run.  Think back to something you were absolutely sure was a bad thing.  You were certain nothing good would come, you were dragged into it kicking and screaming (inside or outside)… How do you feel about it now?  We run from change like we run from a mugger.  Things being different than they are and us not controlling how and when the change occurs is fear inducing, to say the least.  We are creatures that get attached quickly and let go reluctantly.

Change is inevitable, I am sure you know this, yet it doesn't make it less jarring.  Change means going from what is known to what is unknown.  It is scary.  We like to believe that we have control over our future.  We like to believe that we are in charge of what is next.  We set up our lives so that we know what is going to come next.  We have 401K's, IRA's, Social Security, mortgages, etc.  We buy things for future use, we save information for future telling.  We believe that we will be able to dodge the unexpected by planning properly.  What we are really doing is trying to deny the inevitable.  Change is going to come no matter how much planning, hiding, digging your heels in you do.  Change is constant and you won't be able to stop it from happening.  You also won't be able to plan accordingly or to lessen the amount that you experience.  You get exactly the amount of change your soul needs for growth and exactly the amount you can handle.

So why do we resist change so?  Don't we all have experience with it being for the better in the long run?  I would wager a bet that you have more positive results to unexpected change than negative, if you were to truly take away the judgment that change is bad.  When we let go of the unknown equalling the scary we can begin to see change as the universe's way of gifting us growth.  We get über comfortable with routine, things we know, even if we aren't getting the same charge off of it as when it was new.  We refuse to let go of things regardless of their usefulness.  We become attached to things, people, situations, places.  Our ability to remember can be what holds our complex social structure together and what can also be our downfall when it comes to handling change.  We remember how things were.  We remember in a way that makes the memory better than the actual experience (or worse depending on what we are remembering) which makes it even harder to process change or let go of the past.  Another block to accepting change is our desire to want it to happen the way we think it should… as if we know best for how things need to go.  History shows that humans are profoundly stupid in most every way.

If there is something that is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it, what is the best way to respond?  What do you think?  I hear from any and everyone that it is hard to change patterns of behavior or the way you think or react to a situation.  I say it isn't.  If you decide to accept change being growth and growth being necessary; if you understand and totally get that you will have to deal with change no matter how much resistance you exert, you can make your response to change have a less harsher impact than it otherwise would and has had.  When you are better able to accept change as a normal part of life you are better able to receive the information, I like to call them gifts, that lies within the change.  You can almost completely side-step devastation and move directly to appreciation.  The more you resist that which you are given the more it shows up in your life… that includes the things that pull you towards forward movement.

How can you embrace something in your life that was unexpected but isn't going away just yet.  What in your life is changing that would be less awful if you accepted it for what it was… without taking it personally?  The better you get at allowing things in your life to move and grow the easier your life becomes.




What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Growing Up.

Being My Own Priority.

Rock Documentaries.


Coach Aina Body Camp - 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought: 

I want everyone to take care of themselves, in that way I will be more than supported.  Not that I want everyone to live on an island without contact.  On the contrary, I want lots of contact.  I would simply prefer to have everyone feel whole on their own and at the same time understand the fact that separation is an illusion.  We are more connected than most of understand and our believing the illusion of separateness is the cause of most of our issues.  Our feelings of loneliness are directly related to our trying to connect to what we are not actually separate from.  It is like we are constantly trying to find our sunglasses by looking all over the house and the car when they were on our head all along.  

When we all take care of ourselves we notice that the glasses were on us the whole time.  We become aware of our connection to others through our awareness of our connection to ourselves.  It is like finally seeing for the first time or hearing or smelling or breathing.  We begin to notice that we are all a reflection or an aspect of the whole.  All uniquely separate in the illusion but in actuality just different viewpoints of life.  When we believe that we aren't connected we behave less than ideal because oneness or wholeness is what we long for.  We don't understand that we don't have to hold onto each other for dear life, stay in a shitty relationship, keep a crappy job, deal with less than yummy friends.  We believe that we need to hold on and never let go lest we be alone.  You are never alone.  You are always connected.  

If you could take time to be with you, learn and be curious about yourself; be honest about your motivations and expectations and then see how you are like me or your neighbor or the person on the corner.  Stop believing you aren't everyone else and that you couldn't relate to someone just because they aren't behaving the way you would prefer.  We are so duped that we don't understand that we are examples, inspiration and motivation for one another.  If you look out from your eyes with the idea that you are seeing yourself in various iterations you won't feel so alone; you won't buy into the trick of this human experience; you won't need to stay where it isn't serving you, do what doesn't resonate and live with such uneasiness.  

When you get the hang of truly taking care of you and begin to feel connected you will feel the love that abounds.  When you feel the love that abounds you will vibrate at a level that is magical.  You will shine, you'll glisten; your energy will take on a high gloss.  You will be full and overflowing.  Self-care is universal care and the big secret to changing everything.

My love is you. 



These 3 Things

Heyo! I have been told that I say things that no one else would say.  Well I am here to help to teach you how to be loving and direct.  Stop wasting everyone's time beating around the bush.  Say what you need to say and move the hell on.  The areas I will touch on are 1) other people's opinions of you; 2) other people's concerns about what you are doing in your life; and 3) your opinion of yourself.  I stress that these things take practice and you will have plenty, believe me.  You will get many opportunities to be lovingly direct because people tend to be kind of annoying.  Sorry peeps, it is true.  I love you but you need to learn to let others be who they are and deal with your own shizznit.  

Ok, when someone says something to you about how you are living your life, such as, "I wouldn't do that."  Tell them, "Then don't."  They will quickly get the message that they need to keep on keeping on with their mouths a tightly closed.  When someone comments on how you are changing your diet or exercise habits… ok, I have to get into this a bit before I continue.  People, if you are overweight, eating poorly and feeling shitty leave the ones who are getting it done alone.  If you are taking care of yourself and you think your way is the only way, you are wrong.  Let people do what makes sense to them and let them ask for help before you offer up your sage advice.  Ok, now, to give you some tools to respond when you are being told that you aren't doing your health and well-being correctly, a great response would be, "thank you for giving me information I didn't ask for."  Or, if that is way too blunt for you, "I would prefer it if you didn't comment on my very personal journey around health and wellness unless you are saying supportive things, thank you."    People you must set boundaries, you will be healthier and happier for it.  The friends, acquaintances and others you interact with will also get a great lesson in respect.  We all could do well to pay more attention to what is happening in our own lives instead of meddling in others.

Now onto dealing with people being worried about you.  In all honesty they aren't worried about you.  They are worried about themselves and projecting all over you.  This is the deal, if you are asking for help then I understand if someone is giving it to you, if you aren't then you aren't.  Now, you may let some of your loved ones know to hold you accountable or call you out.  Still permission must be given before you can step in or respect someone stepping in.  I understand that these boundaries get blurry and can disappear altogether when drugs and or children are involved.  Still understand that there needs to be a respecting of boundaries regardless.

I own my actions completely.  If I did it I did it.  If I am in it I am in it.  I am also ok with whatever it is that I am doing, even if it seems like I am miserable, frustrated, upset or what-have-you.  I know that I am supposed to be exactly where I am.  I don't need anyone's concern.  Love, yes.  Support, yes.  Concern (by concern I mean thinking negatively around me or a situation I am in, not 'caring' about me... that is compassion and is always ok) and worry?  No.  Never.  I am unbelievably optimistic and know that I will make the best decisions for me at all times.  At no point am I regretting, fretting or feeling like I am confused.  So if you happen to be feeling any of those things in regards to me, keep it to yourself.  Just a little heads up.  I don't want to know.

Moving on…  The only thing that actually matters is how you feel about you.  No joke.  Everyone else will follow your lead.  Do you like you?  Others will like you.  Are you working hard to be kind to yourself?  Other people will be kind to you.  Do you take your truth seriously, do you look into yourself to find out how you really feel, what you really want?  You will be supported if you take deep consideration of yourself.  When you put energy into yourself it comes back to you tenfold.  When you respect your truth your truth is respected.  When you set boundaries you are saying you give a f*ck about yourself, that you are worthy.  You are worthy.  You are worth everything and all things.  You are born worthy and at some point I hope you recognize your worth.  Start by communicating your needs, wants and desires.  Telling others to step back and focus on themselves and let you alone.  You are your own work and you are doing a fine job… getting better everyday.




Go Get It

Hidee Ho! If you want something you will need to go after it, it is not going to come after you.  Whether it is juggling, running, eating well, finding a lover that meets your requirements, dancing, listening, writing, cooking, loving, exercising, or anything else, you will have to actually do something towards it in order to see any improvement in it.  It really is that simple.  We make things so complicated when they really are not.  I know that there may be years and years of layers of perceived failure or habits that support all that you would like to rid yourself of.  There may be a life that you live now that would have to change dramatically if you were to begin to do what your heart truly longs to do.  I know that we get so addicted to the familiar, to our misery that changing it, even to gain all the joy in the world, seems daunting and less appealing than staying put.  Truth is, you are going to need to do something at some point whether you go willingly or kicking and screaming, whether you initiate the change or the change initiates you.  Change is coming.

You will have to work, sometimes really hard at whatever it is that you have asked to have in your life.  You may need to do things that aren't fun, that scare you, that are downright challenging; and you will need to do these things repeatedly.  At some point you will have to write over what was the norm for years and years and years.  The thing is, once you begin taking steps towards what things you really want in your life, you will find the world bending to help you reach your goals.  You will find support in ways you never dreamed, when you are serious about changing your life.  What was there all along but ignored, due to lack of desire, willingness or simply being asleep will become opportunities.  You will be given choices to keep moving forward toward what you desire or to stay in the same place that you are familiar and comfortable in.  You might find that as soon as you make a choice to go after your dream or shift something to finally reach a goal an opportunity to leave things as is becomes sweeter.  This is only a test.  Testing you to either stay put or truly go after what you say you wanted.  You always have choices… you are never stuck.  Will you buy in to what you want or play it safe?

Now, when you ask for it, it will come.  I am giving you fair warning.  When you want something to happen for you it will… it is up to you to say yes to it however.  Just because you ask for the universe to bring to you something you want, you still have to show up to receive it and then take it with you and use it.  Just because you have lost a bunch of weight, gotten the job of your dreams, become a juggler with a small but fantastic circus doesn't mean that you won't have to put into it what you did before you made it to this point.  Until your new choices are just your ways of being you will have to work, focus, intend, and believe every day, every moment that it is not only possible but it just is.  Until your new habits become as normal as the life you had before you will need to put energy into them.  You will need to be purposeful and deliberate and dedicated to yourself, your goals and your dreams.  It took you a lifetime to be solidly miserable in certain ways, or unhealthy or unlearned in the things you want to know… give it a while before what you want becomes what you are.  

Let there be fear, trepidation, lack of motivation and do it anyway.  Let there be concern, worry and consternation and keep moving forward.  Let there be change and wonder around it, let there be the curiosity of the unknown.  Let there be a humbling, an understanding that everything must change.  Breathe, open your eyes and keep moving.  Your work will pay off, your life will improve, your change will come.





Hi there, I am always learning something.  There is something in my life that I am just beginning, have been doing a while and then there are the things I am an expert at.  As a coach I am working with people at various stages in their lives.  Some have never been asked the questions I ask, given the challenges I give or had to do the work I assign. So they are basically novices in the process that I take them through.  If I am not also where they are in some way I wouldn't be able to relate to them enough to help them move forward.  It is imperative that I know what if feels like to need help, to stumble, to get back up and continue on.  Life isn't about coasting, not much is learned on the downhill.  

I understand that a lot of grown-ups like things that are familiar to them and strive for a life where that is all that surrounds them.  They want a schedule, they want predictability, they want to be viewed as skilled.  Being new at something does not make you look cool.  You will stumble, you may fail at first and you most certainly won't be the expert or go to person if you are trying something new.  You may need to ask for help also, which can be difficult for many grown-up egos.  You may need to work really hard (compared to not having to work that hard at the things you have been doing for 20+ years) and you may not pick it up as quickly as you would like to or think you should.  

Learning something new is like becoming a child again.  It can be exciting, stimulating, brain boosting, and fun, if you let it be.  You build new connections neurologically, you learn about yourself emotionally and psychologically and you learn something new in general.  You also, as a by-product, become more empathetic to those who are not experts in the areas you are.  You can relate to someone not picking something up quickly where otherwise you might just be impatient with them.  You see yourself in others that are not where you are.  Your compassion grows (or is born).  Learning something new pushes you to be more of all of you… it reminds you of who you were, are and can be.  

Being a novice is a fantastically humbling experience that I enjoy helping my clients relive.  Being somewhere new gives you perspective you cannot get with the familiar.  Challenge yourself, do something out of your comfort zone.  This is where the great stuff is.  You miss out on so much of life when you keep yourself shielded from being uncool, clueless and brand new.  Life is meant to be messy and sloppy and colorful.  Life is meant to challenge and change you.  There are so many things to do, so many things to try, so much life to be lived.  Try something new each day, week, month or year… you pick.  Try something that challenges your expertise and your comfort.  See how your life changes and becomes richer with these experiences and see how much closer you get to yourself as well.



If It Ain't Broke...

Hi there, Last night my dear friend David Zarza had a book reading.  His book, When Spirits Call tells his story as a psychic medium.  In his book he recalls readings he has given, including one I initiated to connect my sister and her son Miles.  My sister was at the reading as well so we were able to talk about our experience and give tidbits that weren't in the book to the audience.  She and I are good at telling stories together, we have chemistry when it comes to relaying information.  A talk show may need to happen, you never know. At any rate, there came a place in my retelling where I was immediately flooded with emotion.  I am brought to the very moment again and again every time I tell the story of seeing my sister for the first time after I found out that my nephew has died.  Hmm, before we go there, I want to give you some background.

I am a fixer.  I fix broken faucets, garbage cans, pens, furniture, people :)  Though I don't consider people broken, fractured maybe, but not broken.  In my home, growing up, I was the translator between my mom and my sister.  They didn't communicate very well with one another.  Their's was a volatile relationship in so many ways.  I, being pretty different from them both, was able to understand what they were both seeking so I did my best to communicate for them to one another.  It helped on one level and on another it kept them from figuring it out for themselves.  I am appreciative of all of my years of training because that work I did as a child to young adult is a part of the framework of what I do now for a living.  However, before I understood that what I did was a career I practiced coaching everyone I ever dated.  Everyone that I was romantically linked to left the relationship fitter, more aware and with more love for themselves than when they entered.  I cannot help but improve my surroundings, it is what I do and for a long time it is what I thought I was supposed to do.  If I could make it better then I would.  Well, not everything and everyone is here for me to fix…and not everyone or everything can be.  I learned this truth because there was one time that I wasn't able to fix anything.

I walked into the dark motel room where my sister was sitting on the far side of the bed, it had been about 24 hours since Miles had died.  Her first words to me were, "I'm sorry."  It was then that I knew there was nothing about this experience that would be fixable.  I was devastated to hear her take responsibility for his soul's journey.  I was horrified to see that a large part of her had gone under with him that day.  I was not going to be able to fix it… there was nothing I could do to get her to feel differently than she did, think differently, speak differently.  I could not, for the life of me, take her feelings away.  Sowande was on this journey and all I could truly do was watch.  This for me, was/is the hardest part, so far of my nephew dying: my sister's pain.  

I learned, quickly, that a part of my living through losing my nephew was about letting people be where they are.  My sister was in a place that I had no access to, after MIles died, so I wasn't going to be able to talk her through and back to anything.  I was certain of that.  I have never really taken responsibility for others.  I know that we feel what we feel based on our own discernments and judgments.  You cannot make someone feel differently than they do, though I am sure you, as most do, try your damnedest to do so.  

You may not even realize you are doing it when you do, but I am sure you have a hard time letting someone be in pain when they are in it; and I don't mean pain like getting hit by a car, but pain that is emotional.  You may not hear yourself actually tell someone to not feel a certain way.  Hugging someone can actually be a way for us to stop someone from feeling what they are feeling.  When you reach out and pull someone in, they are no longer in the place they were in.  To both of you this may seem like the point, but for learning and self-soothing, crying or being where you are can be beneficial to moving through it.  I never want to be hugged or touched when I am in the middle of strong emotional feeling.  I want to feel it.  Within the intensity there is information.  I want to access it so that I can move the hell on.  :)   We judge pain as bad.  We want only happy feelings and none that are sad.  This is crazy talk and I knew that the pain my sister was in would remain until it was gone, or shifted in some way… I also knew that I was and am not responsible for it.

Where are you trying to take responsibility for another in your life?  How is that helping to keep you from taking responsibility for yourself and your treatment of you?  The first step is waking up… becoming aware… noticing how you are.  Try to let others be where they are.  You can love and support them without trying to take their feelings away.  





Hey sweets, imagine 2

Quick answer these questions:  How would you describe yourself?  What are the most awesome things about you?  What do you bring to a situation that you enter into (take your pick on the situation)?  If you are stumbling over answering any of these questions, or would prefer not to, we have some work to do.  I am going to make a wild guess (honestly not at all wild, but you got my sarcasm I am sure) that you could answer these questions without hesitation:  What are the things you need to fix or work on about yourself?  What are your least yummy qualities?  What would you change about you if you had 3 wishes?  

It is interesting how we can find the issues with ourselves way quicker than we can find what is fantastic and amazeballs.  I have a hard time finding my areas of concern… mainly because I really enjoy all of me.  Imagine what that feels like, to enjoy who you are.  You wake up in the morning and you remember you are who you are and you smile.  You are excited because you get to be this person all day.  She is fun, funny, exuberant, energetic, healthy, active, loving and curious.  She expects the best and most days gets it.  She knows that anything is possible, that everything happens for a reason and that nothing is permanent.  She is on her way and the way is the point.  Imagine embodying that plus other delicious feelings, ideas, theories, etc.  How hard would it be to worry, fear, dread, and lament?  Pretty damn hard… and pretty damn useless.  

First, find out what your light (you are light so find out more about yours) does when it enters a room.  Does it get brighter, dimmer, is it turned off or is it shining on everything like the sun or the moon.  Discover what people enjoy about you and see if it is the same thing or things you enjoy about you.  Find out who you are when you are at your best… whatever you consider your best to be.  Spend time asking yourself questions like you are actually interested in finding out the answer.  Treat yourself like a beautiful stranger you would love to spend the rest of your life with.  Have fun with you, learning you, catering to you and your every need.  Then wake up to the you you would want to be… every day work to be all of the things you know about you that you love.  Honestly, it isn't hard, you just need to be intentional about it.  You cannot expect to get to the place where each morning you fall in love all over again with yourself if you are not willing to wake up and do whatever it is that is necessary to enjoy, cherish and appreciate all of you.  

We are very, very special and deserve to be focused on completely.  You aren't ever going to get the kind of love you can give from anyone else. Why are you withholding?  Why are you hesitant to let it pour out of you into you and out again?  We need everyone feeling special and great and loving unconditionally.  Imagine if the world had all the love we are holding onto like there was no more to go around?  Imagine if you took absolute wonderful care of you?  What would that look like, how would that feel… how free would we all be?




I Was Born With It

Hey love,

I was born with certain gifts… now, after that statement I had the urge to say, "we all were."  The urge comes from the understanding that people feel like there isn't enough yummy to go around.  If I say I am great then I am in some way saying that you aren't.  If I say that I am smart you might want to assert that you are too.  We spend so much time worrying about what other people will think of us if they find out that we like ourselves.  We don't want to seem too big or bright or in love with who we are.  We actually pretend to not be as awesome just in case someone takes offense!  What the fuck???  

Ok, this is the deal, those of you who need to assert your own gifts when someone is loving on themselves, you can stop reading now and live all miserable and be an ass somewhere else.  Those who are dimming themselves STOP.  When you pretend to be something you aren't you are lying.  You are also making it hard for those of us who are working to lift the world up by example.  The first relationship you need to be committed to is the one with your own self.  You need to truly enjoy who YOU are!  Who will if you don't.  Who cares if someone calls you conceited or self-absorbed.  It is more a reflection of their lack of being able to focus on themselves instead of a commentary about you.  Besides, there are other things you could be that are actually not that yummy like unhygienic or murderous.  Those are things I would be concerned with if I was being told them by others.  

When you shine bright, when you focus on your gifts, when you love all of you things in the world shift.  You will see the light in others without trying.  You will see the abundance and others will too.  Just be steadfast and unapologetic for being who you are.  It is your birthright to be awesome!!!  I know it is mine.  I hear things like, how did you get to where you are?  How do you know what you know?  How did you become Aina?  Hard work.  Moment to moment attention to each detail.  Loving everything that I have been through as my gifts, my lessons to allow me to know me better and in that way know everyone else.  I got here by letting go of judgments and by being open to what is.  I am here because I am supposed to be.  I am great because I don't know how to be anything else.  Maybe she was born with it… yep, that is me. 

Own your life, own your love, own it and let others do the same for themselves… 



2012-12-08 17.52.08

It's My Life

Howdy! Recently I made a choice that was just for me.  For my life and no one else's.  I took into consideration the pros and the cons as I see them and decided to move forward with my choice.  I didn't stop to think about how others might perceive it, exactly.  I have learned over the years that living for anyone and anything besides what your soul tells you to do is going against truth.  I know that doing things just to please others will get you into trouble once you feel so oppressed that you rebel by swinging the opposite direction pretty aggressively.  One can only fake it for so long before they have to live in integrity.  So with my decision made, I went on my way.  

Sure, we affect one another.  We do, this is truth.  I may walk by you and remind you of something you needed to do because I resemble someone you work with that is expecting this thing.  I may be talking with you and relay a story about my childhood that brings up memories that were suppressed.  Now, I am not going to not be myself because you would prefer not to remember something that I remind you of.  We are all connected so what we do matters in so much as we decide to let it.  This type of influence isn't something that we were meant to try to control.  People are living their lives so that you can better see yours.  You can see your preferences, your struggles, your judgments, your areas of work.  So when I make a decision for my life, I am the one who needs to be consulted.  You and anyone else, will get out of it whatever you were meant to, that isn't up to me to worry about or try to force.  My life is an example in whatever way you decide it is for you, that is personal…

Now I am never interested in your opinion of my life if you want to tell me I am living wrong.  What you think of me, in that way, is none of my business.  If you feel that my life is not the life you would live, then don't live it.  I make every decision with a knowing that is greater than any ego driven, emotionally charged response to it.  I am certain about where I am being exactly where I am supposed to be.  My conviction to myself and my SELF is unwavering.  What is important to know is that whatever charge you get out of me living my life is for YOU and you alone.  

It takes hard work to know yourself.  It takes dedication to live with integrity.  Integrity is being true to your self, not to others opinions.  I wish for you all to find out what you really want, what you truly feel and to be and feel that.  I know that we will be able to accept that we can only do what make sense to us and not make others live our way.  Open your mind, live your life and love each other.  Let it go, let love in, and get on with living.  

So, to get back to that decision I made:  when I decide to wear my melon pants with a striped shirt and teal jacket with purple knee socks, that choice was and always is mine to make, to live with and to enjoy!  Have a GREAT Friday!!!!




Speak Up

Hey there, We spend a lot of time tip toeing around true stories that we are too afraid to tell.  We run from our realities all of the time and wonder why our lives don't go the way we want them too.  How long will it be before you will be forced to deal with what you actually want, need and feel?  How long before you will have to have those difficult conversations and possibly get, in your life, the changes you actually desire?  Well, several things depend on all of the above.  The main thing is timing.  Your soul has to be ready… not you, the one reading this, but the one that is taking it in.  

We tell ourselves that if we want something that impact another (in our opinions, negatively) then we would prefer to save them the heartache and keep it to ourselves.  We wouldn't want someone else to feel uncomfortable.  We even go so far as to diminish our feelings so they don't seem so important and then actually facing them is no longer as necessary.  We basically foreclose on ourselves so we don't have to own what is really going on.  Well, our lack of truth-telling isn't so we can make everyone else comfortable.  Our lack of directness isn't to be gentle with someone else.  We are making ourselves comfortable and trying to be gentle with ourselves.  We use the idea of others feelings as excuses for our behavior.  Truly we don't know how voicing our feelings, needs will impact someone completely.  Maybe they will initially be hurt but it doesn't end there.  That interaction where they were given the truth for someone else may turn into an opportunity to grow in a way that would otherwise not happen without that nudge, that awakening, that push.  

When you keep your true self and your true desires from others you are not helping them.  You are hurting you.  When you refrain from telling someone a preference because they might be offended, you are really just protecting yourself from the potential of a negative response.  You are also making sure you don't get what you want.  You have, basically, put yourself and your needs last. You are now running around protecting others from their own opportunities to live fully in this world, experiencing the ups and downs, the yes's and no's.  The boundaries and the open sky.  When you allow yourself to express your preferences, when you have those difficult conversations, you are allowing growth.  You are also giving space for someone else to then own their feelings and tell you about it.

Of course, there comes a time when you can no longer stay in a place of inauthenticity.  This is when you see no other way but to listen to your soul, your heart.  You are compelled to be all of who you are.  This often happens when you have smothered your truth to a near death situation.  You don't have to get here to make changes, but if you don't make changes, you most  certainly, in some lifetime, get there.  Either way, all things happen for a reason and all things happen in their own time.

When you ask for what you need, say what you want, own how you feel, you discover support in ways you didn't know existed.  Your life begins movement in the direction of your dreams.  As John Mayer puts it, "Say what you need to say."  Life is sometimes short, sometimes long, but it is always yours.




Say What You Need To Say: 

You're Alright

luz-del-corazon_2615453 When everyone realizes they can do no wrong they will be all right.

You are not a mistake.  You have done nothing wrong.  You are meant to do, be, act, love, hate, cry, steal, hurt and enjoy whatever you have.  When you look at your life, what do you see?  When you go back over the history of you, what sticks out?  Where does your heart drift to, what images does your mind fixate on?  What are your judgments around those things past?  How often do you lament things that cannot be undone?  How many times have you wished you could change what was, make it better?  How many times have you been angry with your past self for not knowing better?  

Does that make sense?  If you don't know better how can you do better?  How does replaying something that isn't happening now helping you?  What does your past self get out of being told repeatedly that they are stupid, dumb, f*cked up and wrong?  If you cannot  change it, why are you abusing it into eternity?  Please stop.  You don't need to continue the hurt past the moment of pain. You can let it be what it is and not inflate it any more.  When you hold onto a perceived mistake and dissect it over and over you only imprint that which you obsess over.  You don't learn to not do something by being beaten into submission.  You just learn how to deal with being hurt, a lot.  You learn how to abuse and be abused.  You also miss out on all the good stuff that this instant was full of.  

Take a look again, at those moments, those defining times when you feel you were damaged beyond recognition or you damaged something or someone else.  Look at those times that you regret, that bring up feelings of pain or shame.  Take those moments one by one, hold them close and then look ahead, after them.  Where did those moments lead you?  What was the big amazing yummy fantastic place you landed after it all happened… where did you rise to that you wouldn't have without that mistake?  Where that issue bring you that is now a blessing.  Believe me, there is a place it took you, there is always somewhere those moments are leading us.  Always.  

You didn't do it wrong.  You didn't go the direction you shouldn't have.  You are not a mistake or mistaken.  You were going somewhere and one of the towns you had to visit was that situation you keep reliving and wanting to change.  But you wouldn't be where you are without it… you wouldn't be getting where you want to be without being where you were.  All of it, the stuff you enjoyed and the stuff you didn't… it is all right.  How would your life change if you viewed it as being On Purpose?

When you realize you can do no wrong, you will be alright.



I Want It

gettingwhatwant Hi there,

I get what I want.  This is my mantra.  It flows, feels great when I say it and is true.  I say at any point where I feel a sensation of loss.  It works for me because I know what it is that I want.  Wanting is a loaded word and everyone has a feeling about wants when you ask them about it.  Wanting brings up a lot of stuff for most everyone.  You can feel vulnerable and exposed when communicating your wants.  You can feel unworthy and unloved when you are faced with a decision to want something and go after it or let it go.  Wanting can exemplify your feelings about yourself.

So many people tell me that they don't know what they want.  To that I say, poppycock!  You know when you aren't happy, right?  Well, this is an example of you wanting something and not getting it.  Go through your world, sift through your thoughts, check on your memories and see where you were disappointed.  Wherever that feeling of "should have" comes from is an example of you having a want, a desire that wasn't satisfied.  There is no woman or man on the earth without wants.  You spend everyday each day wanting a sh*tload of things.  Pay attention.

Most people try not to want (out loud) because they fear disappointment (which they experience anyway) and don't believe that they can get what they want.  So they pretend to not want anything.  They also don't believe they have the "right" to want what it is they want; especially if their want is up to another person to fulfill.  There are a few things that are flawed about this whole situation… wanting doesn't mean getting.  Wanting is an expression of your desire.  Wanting means you have done the work to find out who you are, what you like and what you would like to have in your life.  Wanting doesn't mean people are going to satisfy your desires… on the contrary.  When you begin to find out what it is you want you will understand that the onus is on you.  You are the only one that will be able to take care of your wants and needs, truthfully.  

When you get to a point where you can want without feeling guilty and instead feeling deserving, you will be in a place of safety that comes from within.  You will not expect from others in the same way and without permission, you will not limit yourself in the same way you have in the past and you will cease being disappointed on the level you end up at this point in your life.  

Want something?  Own that feeling, that desire.  Don't know what you want??  Stop lying to yourself.  Quit telling yourself those stories.  You want a lot, now admit it and get on with getting it.




Lovin' Life

Howdy, So much has been happening in my life, so much amazingness that sometimes it is hard to breathe.  Everywhere I look there are opportunities for my dreams to come true.  In some cases so much goodness and yumminess is available that I feel like it is a feast of abundance.  Yet, this is also my life.  My experiences, my universe and my joy.  I realize everyday, more and more, how lucky I am.  I have friends that adore me, family that I love (some of them, definitely not all, just sayin), work that fills me up and allows me to grow and expand daily.  I look at my life and realize that I have made it.  I am where I want to be. 

Now, don't get me wrong, there are days I am not pleased, moments I am not ecstatic and people who I end up ejecting from my world.  It is just that I don't spend time imagining these days, moments or people into existence.  I put my focus and energy on the things I love, that I am grateful for and let everything else go…  What you focus on gets bigger, so I focus on love, laughter, joy, happiness, cool people, beautiful animals and myself.  I focus, mainly, on myself.  This is what most people don't understand.  The work that is most important to complete or at least to engage in, is the work of learning and loving ourselves.

When you are able to spend time focused on what you love and loving who you are, even when that part of you isn't going to stick around, you have an easier time overall.  When you allow and accept yourself to exist without harsh criticism and judgments life becomes less of a struggle.  When you see yourself as doing your best, you do your best.  When you approve of yourself it is easier to approve of others.  When you let go of there being a right or wrong  way for you to be and embrace doing what makes sense for your soul, for your higher purpose, you begin to find compassion for others in a way that others can feel.  You begin to radiate energy that brings love to you, safety to others and peace all around.

Are you loving your life right now?  It isn't going to change without movement.  You will need to figure out if you want the change to be brought about by love or pain.  Either you will make things happen because something is hurting you or something is loving you.  Love is a way more fun motivator than pain…though we sometimes choose to ignore this fact and wait until shit hits the fan before we do anything differently.  You have all you need to make your world whatever you would like it to be…  your call, your choice, your life.  What's it going to be?



Clarity of Death

Hiya, I am someone who is extremely directed.  I have a strong sense of knowing, always have.  If you were to look at my astrological chart it is obvious that this self-awareness is written in the stars.  I was born this way.  I don't have to effort my knowing, it just is.  Recently I have been in a place where I know something big is happening… something that I cannot get clear on and it has been absolutely jarring for me.  I have been efforting around figuring one thing out and it has taken up a lot of mental space.  Again, this is not usual.  I had been exhausted with the confusion I was feeling.  Then, my cat passed away. 

About 5.5 years ago I walked into PAWS and hung out in the kitten room.  There was this little gray ball of fur that was so striking.  Me, being someone who admits to her love of aesthetics, immediately was drawn to her beauty.  I picked her up and she seemed to be very comfortable in my hands.  I placed her in my lap where she got comfortable and fell asleep.  She stayed in my lap for about an hour.  During this time several people asked if I was planning on keeping her.  She stood out, she was adorable and pretty.  I let everyone know that she wasn't an orphan anymore.  I was told to pick her up the next day after I made the adoption official.  The next day she'd have nothing to do with me… she totally tricked my ass into falling in love and then, her work done, she could resume to being a little asshole that she always was, to me.  She was lovely to most everyone else.  

From that point forward she became my baby.  Then, she died.  She had a tendency to eat things that weren't food, like plastic bags… the kind that veggies are placed in or the ones they used to give before plastic bags were banned.  I tried my damnedest to keep them away from her.  She found ways, she had her ways.  She also ate dust bunnies and string… I always thought about her being the trainer's, who has never done drugs, secret addict child.  This addiction to eating stupid sh*t killed her.  She was a rebel… there are so many stories that I could tell… the main thing is, she was loved by many and loved me unconditionally, except when I moved the wrong way when she was sitting on my lap, then her love was conditional ;)  

Her passing gave me a clarity that I needed.  Death is an awakening for me.  It doesn't confuse or cause turmoil in that way for me.  On the contrary, it makes things laser sharp, super easy to see, and clears up muddy waters for me.  Losing Tabitha gave me courage and allowed me to work on sitting, confidently, in my insecurity of not knowing.  It opened me up to accepting love from everywhere in a way that I needed.  Her passing has been a big sign for me to risk a bit more.  Life is short, death is mandatory, live now.  It also reminded me to accept what I cannot change.  I cannot change this time of knowing I am not supposed to know a few things right now.  I have lived a charmed life in the way of knowing things for certain so easily and have forgotten how to wait for the great stuff.  And it is great, what I am waiting for.  And, during this waiting, I am shifting, growing, learning, and knowing other things about others and about myself.  

I am not who I was two months ago… this is truth. Sitting here in this space I am in is like going in super slow motion after moving as fast as a plant growing with time lapsed footage.  It can be challenging.  But it is what it is and I am busy, still growing, still becoming who I am every moment of every day.  Sometimes the not knowing is the gift.  The waiting is the lesson and the outcome is not the point.  I am ok with the work I am doing right now however and I am using the life of Tabbers as a guide to living life in general.  She was confident, irreverent, happy, and gorgeous all of the time.  So I am going to live how she did… sleep when and where I want, sit in the laps of my loved ones until they annoy me, eat when and how much I feel like, and play whenever the fancy hits me.  

Enjoy your days, for they are numbered.  

It is true people!



It Is As It Should Be

Howdy! Would you consider yourself someone who pays attention?  Are you picking up on the things that are happening all around you?  Do you see patterns in events in your life or do you believe that there are coincidences and that nothing really follows any order???  :)  What if everything did happen on purpose.  How would you change your worldview (do you have a worldview)?  What if there were no mistakes in the way we view mistakes, "things that just shouldn't fucking happen."  What if you took that idea, that certain things shouldn't happen, and turned it around to ask, "why did this happen?"  How would that change you?  How would you see things differently?  

When you stop denying reality you are faced with it.  When you stop trying to not see you begin to SEE.  You can then be a part of the grand orchestra in a way that you can't if you are choosing to believe that their isn't one because of your view being so narrow. When you look at this life as a part of the whole you can begin to see that each and every movement, no matter how insignificant seeming, plays a role in the sound that the universe is making.  You are a part of this orchestra whether you can hear it or not… and everything that happens within you is a note that joins everyone else to make a melody and finally the Grandest of Symphonies.  

The symphony is infinite.  The reasons for things are multifaceted.  The music is subtle until you open up to it.  Paying attention to how things come together or, as it may be, fall apart, is important if you want to see a larger section of existence than your own.  When you begin to embrace the purposefulness of life you begin to move towards the life that is your highest ideal.  Life begins to work for you and support you in a way that is more obvious than ever before.  From the big things to the small things.  Everything from wishing you could buy a juicer on sale and then finding out 2 hours later that Macy's is having a sale on the very juicer you want at over 50%… then being pushed to get there that night, though you have had the busiest fucking day ever, with 10 minutes to spare before they closed, only to find out the sale was only for 1 day and you made it by 10 minutes...  To being dumped by someone who you thought was the rest of your life and then finding the rest of your life because of it.  Knowing that a series of events is actually a string.  These events are connected and not random.  

When you deny reality or decide it shouldn't be what it is you miss so much of the various movements of the symphony and things seem random and unfair.  If I had decided that the sale was too good to be true, or ignored the internal urging to get to the store no matter what or assumed that Macy's closed at 9 like everywhere else instead of checking to see then finding out it closes at 10, I would have missed this opportunity.  Or, if I had decided that buying a juicer was insignificant and not connected to anything, I would have missed the point.  The point is encouragement.  The point is support.  The point is that the juicer awesomeness is an example of the kismet that is everywhere.  Patterns exist so you can see the bigger picture.  So you can see the connectedness to something more and to encourage you to be open to whatever may be on the horizon.  

The universe is always encouraging or discouraging.  Depends on what it is we are doing and how that lines up with our soul's plan.  When something seems to come easy, that is encouragement.  When it is like being struck by lightning, twice in the same spot, well that might be discouragement… and it is truly up to you to figure this out.  No one else.  When you choose to deny the very things the universe is giving you, showing you, bringing to you or taking away you are demonstrating an exercise in futility.  You will have to deal with it until you can no longer ignore the music that you are not only a part of but you are playing.

If you are denying what is, how is that working for you?  If you are accepting what is, how is that working for you?  Either way it is what it is.    



Because Of Love

Hello! I am asked regularly how I do one thing or another, how I don't sleep, eat very little, etc…  I have discovered that our comparisons of each other can truly take all the fun out of life.  I think that we are all on our own journey and my way works for me and may inspire others to find their way, which may in fact be similar to mine or may not be.  But, I truly feel that we have to carve out our lives for ourselves and that this is the fun.  This is the joy.  Creating what works for us individually.  

For me, well, I have come to where I am in large part because I feel limitless… I don't see obstacles in most situations honestly.  I see my life as a gift, a calling, a joy.  I see my experiences as my tools to connect to others and share what they are going through.  I see my challenges as my schooling, as a time to get better than I was the day before.  I see the world as infinitely creative, abundant and full of love.  I look at everyone as potential so I am always seeing the possibility.  I don't spend time putting myself down.  I live my life with no regrets.  If I am not able to figure out why something is happening for me, then I let it go until the answer shows itself.  I trust in the process of life even when I don't want to.  I love without reservation and encourage others to do the same, I mean, why hoard love?

Love.  That is what I live off of mainly.  It is what energizes me.  It is what feeds me.  It is what allows me to stay up at all times and feel great.  Love.  Love makes my world go 'round.  Love allows me to ride hard in 15 or more classes per week.  Love gives me the energy to run and lift and cheer others on.  Love is basically my fuel.  I am unable to do anything that doesn't come from that place of love.  When I realized how effortless life was when I was aligned with my higher self, that center of love, I refused to ever go back to the life I had known where I sucked it up just to suck it up.  Now I suck it up because it is where I want to be and, even when the going is tough, it is the going that feeds me.  It is the place that grows me.  It is home.

When you are deciding what to do in your life, who to be with, what to spend your time on… ask yourself if love is present, if love is the motivator.  Then proceed as you wish.  You don't have to only do things out of love, you can do whatever you want for whatever reason you decide.  Just asking that question brings to you a different level of awareness.  Now you know why you are doing what you are doing.  You will begin to see how you feel when you answer to the affirmative and when you answer to the negative.  You will then be better able to make choices that feed you energetically, emotionally, physically or otherwise.  You may or may not decide to change anything outwardly after you begin asking that question, but it is guaranteed, if you begin to ask you cannot stop the changes that happen within… and those will at some point reflect in the world you live in.  

What if the world was full of people doing what they loved, sharing what they loved, receiving what they loved and being what they loved?  What if you took your place as a part of the world that could begin doing that?  



No Excuses, No Regrets

Howdy!! I have a lot of experience in a lot of areas.  I feel that I have really lived a life.  I am pretty protective of my life… and around judgment of it.  I don't care to hear what you think if you are thinking negatively about my life.  I know that I am doing what I am supposed to do… period.  I don't ever feel that I am living in error.  I also make it clear to everyone that I know that they are not allowed to put that energy into my world, that I am making mistakes.  There are no mistakes or missteps in my life.  None.  I see the beauty of every moment, every nuance.  It truly is spectacular.

Today as I was hanging out with a dear, dear friend, one of my favorites, and discussing the oft-times hilarious and other times tragic situations of my love life when she quickly pointed out that I needed to stop dating this or that type of person.  I immediately realized that I had basically had it up to my neck with any and everyone missing what I believe to be the point of life and my life in particular (since it was what was under discussion).  First, do I  feel like I need to stop doing something, because who gives two shits about someone else thinking I need to do something different?  I don't, that is who.  Second, am I wondering "why me" as a victim minded person would?  Ummm no.  I know why… always do.  Do I feel like I don't have a handle on it?  Or is it that she or anyone, for that matter, would like to see me do something different?  If that is the case, what anyone thinks about me is none of my business… unless you think I am awesome… then please, share away!

After I quickly communicated to her why I feel it important to honor my experiences and she, being the brilliant, loving person she is, quickly got it.  I have to hand it to her… and to all of my friends, I am very blunt and pull no punches most of the time… they are all an amazing lot.  I am blessed.

We have so many motivations for communicating that I could write a blog everyday for the rest of my life just on the reasons behind what we do.  It is infinite and infinitely interesting.  Nothing is ever what it seems.  The same goes for everything else in life.  I know why I have dated the lovely people I have dated.  I know why the universe has given me the opportunity to see myself through these folks.  I understand and am so appreciative.  I have no regrets, I want nothing other than what I have had because I am where I am because of what I have experienced….and I LOVE where I am. I understand so much more than many because I have risked a lot more than many.  I have jumped into situations without weighing the pros and cons.  I have weighed the pros and cons and held back.  And I have done a whole bunch in between.  I have some patterns but mostly I go with what I am supposed to do… from my inner knowing.  I have never stayed in a situation that wasn't beneficial to me in some way.  Actually, this is true for all of us.  We don't do anything that we are getting nothing from.

When you are living your life you are experiencing everything you need to in order to get out of it what is most important for your soul.  No one has authority over you in this way.  You have things you need to learn, experiences you need to have and people who you need to know.  Whatever the drama, joys, or encounters, they are yours to glean from them what you will… and you will have ample opportunity to learn, every day, in every way.

So live your life… it belongs to you!