struggle

A Vow to Self

"Behind all resistance is fear. Behind all fear is a lack of faith in oneself." ~Dina Bachelor Evan The thing that I love about marriage (besides not being married at the time I am writing this) is that it is a vow, an amazingly brave vow to take. It basically says that you will do the hard work it takes to learn, grow, be vulnerable, not hide, accept, love and support someone, even when you want to run away… it is, in truth a vow to your Self to work on you through your relationship to another. Marriage is a crazy beautiful ridiculous impossible rewarding thing, even when it doesn't work out. Vows are powerful and scary, beautiful and breathtaking, magical and mysterious. They matter when you make them and they matter when you break them. The truth is, many people don't ever imagine a time, when they are getting married, that they wouldn't want to be married to the person they are with, until it happens.

My father refuses to talk about death, scares him shitless. It is going to happen, to him, to me, to everyone that is alive. Death is a promise the moment you are conceived. It is the ONLY thing you can count on from the very beginning. Well, falling out of love with someone is the promise of falling in love with someone. What if, instead of avoiding the inevitable, everyone started discussing what they planned on doing when things get tough with their significant others, how they planned on moving through the struggle? What if we recognized that growth was inevitable and a potential 30, 40, 50 years with someone would yield at least 1-5 years of rough patch territory; seriously. A few years of struggle ain't so bad in the grand scheme of things. When you are looking at eons, a couple of years is a drop in the bucket. Besides, what is the point of getting married if you aren't going to do what you can when shit is going south? That is called dating and it is awesome because you can just get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. The downside to dating is that you can get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not one to tell anyone to stay in something that is shitty. On the contrary, I break up with friends when I feel that the friendship is no longer serving me in a healthy way. I know that everything ends. I know that what happens is what is meant to… so it goes. I do believe, however, if you have the chance to do your work, take it, especially when you made a promise to do so.

No matter how far away you go, you will still be where you are. Leaving one thing to go to the next doesn't actually solve the issue, which is always, my loves, you. No matter how much you would prefer the other person to be wrong, fucked up, and unworthy, you only see in another what you have within yourself. The best part of commitment is commitment. You will learn to stretch and grow and do more and go farther and suck it up in ways you would never if you weren't committed. It is like being committed to a workout plan as opposed to just working out when you feel like it. The part that is hard, really really hard is that you have to face the fact that the only way to make things better in your life is to truly love, cherish and honor yourself and that your understanding of how to do that is archaic and often just plain wrong. When you realize that you have to say the hard thing, do the hard work, and look deep inside and face the dark stuff, you may want to run. Wanting to flee is often a response to not wanting to see…. not wanting to see how you gave yourself away thinking you were taking care of your partner, when you were, in actuality, giving your power away to someone who was giving their power away too. Both partners feeling powerless and thinking that they are helping the other out in whatever way they thought they were supposed to, only to get angry and blame the other for their unhappiness at a later date. Relationships can force you, when pushed to their powerful potential, to deal with your Self, in ways you would never if given the chance to just cut and run. Of course, you don't have to deal, but the blessings that come when you do are immeasurable.

Now just because you work on your things and potentially heal your wounds with your partner does not mean you will remain partnered… your work together may be over after that, this healing may be exactly why you joined in a union to begin with. It is also the case that you must have a partner who is willing and ready to work on things in order to actually heal with them. If you have a partner who has given up you may need to move on. I have been there, I was married, have been in long term relationships, I get it. Nothing lasts forever, nothing ever could. My hope is that you receive all of the gifts an experience is here to give and from that place of strength make choices from your highest most ideal space to take your next beautiful steps.

Four-Seasons-Tree
Four-Seasons-Tree

Love, love and more love.

xo a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Cool Breezes on Hot Days.

My Space.  

Woo With Amy.

Push-Ups at 2am.

Finding Lost Things.

Coach Aina Body Camp - http://coachaina.com/body-camp/ 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We take things way too seriously in my opinion.  We get so bent out of shape about the smallest things.  We stress and worry and stress and worry some more.  We think that things are supposed to be smooth and without hiccups when what we don't understand is that our definition of smooth and without hiccups is just an opinion, not a fact.  We have decided what it means for something to "go on without a problem."  Though there has never been a problem that was universally a problem.  Problems are perspectives not facts.

How would your life change if you recognized that your issues are perspectives?  Take for example relationship woes, who hasn't had those?  What if you saw the areas of difficulty as benefits.  What better environment to work on bettering yourself than with someone who wants to be with you?  When you see struggle as a partner to growth you can appreciate the times you didn't understand or know something as gifts.  If you were a teacher you wouldn't give calculus to a 6-year-old who didn't show the signs of being a math prodigy, correct?  Well, the universe isn't going to bring to you areas of development if you weren't ready to receive, make sense of and use them to move forward.

When you recognize that you are on the path you were meant to be, hiccups and all, you can let go of stressing and worrying about the way things are playing out.  You can begin to look at your life as perfectly designed for you to be all that you can be.  The work is in you taking each opportunity for what it is.  The best part is the universe never gives up on you; you will have more opportunities to figure your sh*t out, believe me.  I can't say the same for relationships, some of those will end if you choose to put off growing and developing in a timely manner (timely as defined by your partner).  So, instead of wasting time, because that is what lamentation, worry, stress, fear is, take what you need to get you to your becoming as it is handed to you every single day.

Remember, the force is always with you because you are the force.

xo

a

Patterns and Reflections

Howdy, Pay attention.  What are you missing?  What is happening in your life over and over?  What are the feelings that you cannot seem to shake?  What are the situations you cannot seem to stop repeating?  What do you think about these things, these patterns?  What would you say to the movie screen if your life was being played out in a condensed way with all of the things that have "happened" to you as the storyline?  What would you say to a friend that was living the life you have lived or are living?  How would you counsel them?  

We often cannot see our own lives due to the fact that our perspective is distorted.  It is like trying to see a shooting star by sitting on it.  We fare better when we can see ourselves from the perspective of another.  This is the beauty of relationship and the difficulty as well.  We need one another to see ourselves clearer.  We use one another to gain perspective about ourselves.  Without the reflection of our behavior in another we would remain pretty blind to a large part of ourselves.  The challenge is understanding how to interpret the information that we get, from everyone around us, about us.  What do we take in, what do we discard, what do we keep or hold onto in order to bring about change?  

First and foremost, we are all working toward figuring things out.  The path for another may not be what you would consider righteous or healthy or preferable, but it is a path nonetheless.  Think about your life and how each step brought you to where you are now, to what you are learning now, to where you are going.  Know that each moment is a necessary part of the whole of your life.  Once you have drilled this into your noggin you can begin to look at your life, and others' lives, as information and not something to be judged or belittled.  When you don't recognize your moments as gifts and/or tidbits of information, you miss the very useful information that the moment is storing and trying to share.  It is hard to see a pattern in things when you are denying these things on a regular basis.

If you can, which I know you have the potential to, truly pay attention to your life and how you have operated it thus far, or ask someone you trust or admire to give you a rundown on what they think you have to work on.  If something irritates or resonates you have found an 'area of interest.'  Once you have noted various patterns in your life you have the choice to consciously repeat or delete them.  This is the blessing of awareness.  I know that the saying ignorance is bliss has some validity but knowledge truly is power.  You may feel stuck because of repeated behaviors you exhibit, you may feel stuck because of recurring thoughts in your head when you reach a certain level of success.  Whatever the reason for feeling unsettled or frustrated, you are in charge of settling yourself and learning how to find a place of ease.  

It is all possible, really.  Open your mind and heart to the possibility of not struggling through something.  Open your heart to ease.  See what comes.

xo

a