I'm good, thanks.

Heyo! I am almost always doing what I want to do.  Whether it is watching TV, doing push-ups, napping in the middle of the day, writing or just doing whatever I am doing.  I think that there are a lot of things going on for most of us on many levels.  We have what we want to do, what we think is expected of us, what is expected of us, what we think we should do regardless of what is expected of us, what we think about all of it (if we think about any of it).   It is a lot to process.  Most of us do a combination of what we think others expect and what others expect.  We often squash our own wants in favor of pleasing others… then resentment comes later.

I sometimes am asked to go look at the moon.  Let me tell you something, I never want to look at the moon when someone tells me to. Usually I am at home, relaxing.  It is nighttime, usually, and I am probably happy to be home after working most of the day, if I am not still working.  I enjoy the moon when I am out and about and it catches my eye, but not enough to stop what I am doing and go outside to see something I am not that excited about.  If you like the moon enjoy it.  If you want someone to know how much you like the moon, say so, but do they need to see it?  Is it enough to just say, "Wow, the moon looks so beautiful to me tonight"; instead of saying, "You have to see the moon."  Give me a break.  I don't ever NEED to see something.  You might want to share it with me, but need is a strong word.  And besides, I really am not that interested in the moon if I am doing something else.  Just sayin.  So when someone implores me to look at the moon, or do this or that… without really seeing that I am content or fine or whatever, I usually don't do it.  I think it is very important to do what you want to.  The last thing I ever want is to resent someone because I have been doing what they want me to do when I could have just as easily not done it and been fine.

Though the moon example may seem silly to some, it is just an example of how much we feel the need to please… You may think that it is sweet that someone wants to share something with you.  If you feel that way, then do what you want to with that.  Just understand that not everyone feels the same, nor do they need to.  We all have different wants, needs, desires, expectations… we are all figuring things out.  I believe that we can be more helpful if we choose our language carefully.  If we think about what we are really saying.  If we are hearing what we are really meaning.  Sharing something with someone can be done many ways without them having to do it too.  Shit rolls downhill they say, and we learn how to make others bend to our will just as we have learned how to.  So when someone says they don't want to do whatever it is that we are hoping they do, we take offense.  What if you didn't.  What if you were absolutely understanding about someone conforming to their own will?  How would that change things?  How would you feel?  What if you started to do what you wanted….?  Does that scare you?  Do you think relationships you are in currently would suffer if you let go of expectations and started to own your desires?

Everything in your life would change.  Everything.  You decide when you want to truly become who you are; when you do, conforming won't be an option.

Hey, wanna see the moon?




Order Up!

mentalclarity1 Hiya,

There are signs everywhere, information is abundant.  At no point are you dangling alone in the universe.  I know it seems like it sometimes.  You find yourself feeling confused, frustrated, stuck.  Answers don't seem readily available.  You begin feeling like what you used to know you don't know anymore, what you wanted isn't as appealing, where you are going is no longer set in stone (like it ever was to begin with).  Suddenly you have no idea which way is the right way to move.  You just want answers, direction, clarity. 

Clarity comes with time and practice and sometimes it just comes.  You can look at the universe like a diner, you are the customer that comes in and looks at the menu.  Often you just say "I'll have what they are having" instead of ordering for your own personal needs.  This is your life, you cannot order what someone else is having, it doesn't work that way, and after some time you will be forced to pick your own entrée.  The menu is extensive and you may get tired and overwhelmed while looking through it, oh well.  It is what it is.  You have to go through until you see what is right for you.  There are short order cooks waiting to order up the very thoughts you are having, so be careful, your random unfocused thoughts may not be what you really want, so make your thoughts less random and more focused.  

When you are sitting there, reading the menu the very feeling of being stuck is information.  That is a sign that you may be heading in a direction that isn't best for you.  If you pay attention to feelings or ease, resistance, fear etc.. you will begin to see how much you are actually being shown.  Signs are really all that exist.  You just have to work on being open to them.  Once you begin steps to move towards what you truly want, it is easier to see signs that will help reinforce that you are heading in a direction that your soul has much desire for. 

It is work, the beautiful work of life… your beautiful life.  Take the time and do it.  Open up and see the support that exists all around you.  The signs that you working on what you need and desire is the direction you need to be going.  How many times are you brought back to yourself, in the world?  How often are you made to face yourself?  If there were a bigger sign of you needing to work on you it might be everything disappearing and leaving you alone… think about it.  You are the work, first and foremost.  Take the hint and get started digging in.  



Speak Up

Hey there, We spend a lot of time tip toeing around true stories that we are too afraid to tell.  We run from our realities all of the time and wonder why our lives don't go the way we want them too.  How long will it be before you will be forced to deal with what you actually want, need and feel?  How long before you will have to have those difficult conversations and possibly get, in your life, the changes you actually desire?  Well, several things depend on all of the above.  The main thing is timing.  Your soul has to be ready… not you, the one reading this, but the one that is taking it in.  

We tell ourselves that if we want something that impact another (in our opinions, negatively) then we would prefer to save them the heartache and keep it to ourselves.  We wouldn't want someone else to feel uncomfortable.  We even go so far as to diminish our feelings so they don't seem so important and then actually facing them is no longer as necessary.  We basically foreclose on ourselves so we don't have to own what is really going on.  Well, our lack of truth-telling isn't so we can make everyone else comfortable.  Our lack of directness isn't to be gentle with someone else.  We are making ourselves comfortable and trying to be gentle with ourselves.  We use the idea of others feelings as excuses for our behavior.  Truly we don't know how voicing our feelings, needs will impact someone completely.  Maybe they will initially be hurt but it doesn't end there.  That interaction where they were given the truth for someone else may turn into an opportunity to grow in a way that would otherwise not happen without that nudge, that awakening, that push.  

When you keep your true self and your true desires from others you are not helping them.  You are hurting you.  When you refrain from telling someone a preference because they might be offended, you are really just protecting yourself from the potential of a negative response.  You are also making sure you don't get what you want.  You have, basically, put yourself and your needs last. You are now running around protecting others from their own opportunities to live fully in this world, experiencing the ups and downs, the yes's and no's.  The boundaries and the open sky.  When you allow yourself to express your preferences, when you have those difficult conversations, you are allowing growth.  You are also giving space for someone else to then own their feelings and tell you about it.

Of course, there comes a time when you can no longer stay in a place of inauthenticity.  This is when you see no other way but to listen to your soul, your heart.  You are compelled to be all of who you are.  This often happens when you have smothered your truth to a near death situation.  You don't have to get here to make changes, but if you don't make changes, you most  certainly, in some lifetime, get there.  Either way, all things happen for a reason and all things happen in their own time.

When you ask for what you need, say what you want, own how you feel, you discover support in ways you didn't know existed.  Your life begins movement in the direction of your dreams.  As John Mayer puts it, "Say what you need to say."  Life is sometimes short, sometimes long, but it is always yours.




Say What You Need To Say: