Hi there :) Soon my website will be going live and will have sections for my video blogs (which you can find on YouTube if you search for my Glossylove Channel or Aina Williams), Body Camps, Life Coaching, Personal Training, Nutrition and more! Exciting!!! Stay tuned.
I am someone who is very happy being alone, I truly enjoy being with me… I grew up with two people who were somewhat depressed and enjoyed being solo. At a young age I figured out how to hang with me. I created worlds and scenarios. I walked through my home with candles pretending to be a princess that was looking for her prince. I imagined my future, I created my life many times over. I had fun. I always truly enjoyed the company of others and was made to deal on my own even more when we moved to a small town in North Carolina. I was bullied and even more isolated than I could have ever imagined. It was rough and I was so lonely… I wouldn't trade that time for anything.
So many of us have a really hard time being alone. In some ways it is horrifying for people. Alone, all alone with their true feelings, thoughts, inclinations. Nothing to take them away from themselves. Some turn to constantly having others around, never giving themselves alone time. Others find another way to numb out and escape being alone with themselves; drugs, food, sex, TV, internet… anything that is a distraction, that quiets the voices in their heads. Some people refuse to be alone, sacrificing their true happiness simply so they aren't single. Finding relationship a sort of validation; having it equal them being worthy, lovable. There is no judgment here… just truth and some questions. How long can you keep running from yourself? What are you afraid or ashamed of?
Because I have been trained on being my own best friend I need my space like you need air. When I feel that anyone, friend, family member or lover, wants more time from me than I have had for myself things usually end. What I value in alone time is the space to regroup, assess where I am and how I feel. When I am focused on someone else I am not actually doing my own personal work. I am helping someone else do theirs; which is my work on one level. If I don't have balance with focusing on others and then focusing on me, the two will blend together. Enmeshing is something that can be really damaging to overall happiness. When you cannot tell where you begin or end emotions get truly all-encompassing. I feel strongly that our being in these separate bodies is so that we can feel our separateness and work on the whole through that experience. Truly we are one and that doesn't have to be demonstrated by not owning our very separate feelings. We don't have to lose ourselves in this reality in order to stay connected to one another… We also are truly able to become closer when we become whole on our own. When we stop looking to something or someone else to make us feel valid and full and worthy.
Think about your relationships. Are they serving your best interest? Do they bring out your highest self? If you cannot answer yes to these questions for every relationship, the issue is the relationship you have with yourself. Start there. Fall in love at home, with you… then see how easy it is for love to come into your life and never ever leave.