support

How I Feel

emotions

 

Hiya,

Your feelings matter.  They do.  I mean this wholeheartedly.  Now understand that I am not saying that anyone is to blame for your feelings, on the contrary… your feelings are all about you.  They are about where you are, what you want, what you haven't gotten, what you expect, how you see the world and how you filter information that comes in.  Because of all of these facts your feelings truly do matter.  They are your language, your way of interpreting things that you are perceiving.  They are also a way for you to create what you believe in.  Our feelings are our magic wands and we would all do better to look at them as the information givers they are.  You are a creator, you are a meaning maker, you are a magician and your feelings are your tools.  

What happens when you deny what you feel?  What happens when you tell someone else to deny what they feel?  Invalidation is damaging no matter the direction from which we receive it.  Whether someone else is telling us our feelings aren't valid or we are discounting what we feel because there are children starving in a 3rd world country.  Saying that one person's feelings aren't valid because someone else is in pain somewhere far away isn't helping either person.  Pain isn't about comparison, feelings aren't meant to be in a contest yet we do this to ourselves and one another on a regular basis.  We make fun of someone complaining about their car being damaged by telling them that they are having first world problems…  Well how in the hell are they going to have 3rd world problems if they aren't living in a 3rd world?  Should they only be upset when they find themselves starving with flies landing on their face?  Is that the point, to shame one another for being where we are?  What the hell people, there has to be a better way to help others gain perspective that isn't a put down.  

Why don't you stop and remember what if feels like to be told that your feelings don't matter.  I bet you that a large number of criminals felt small, powerless and invalidated at some point (or at most points) in their lives.  It is a dangerous and violent thing that we do when we tell someone that they don't matter.  That is what we do when we invalidate one another.  Instead of feeling our feelings and recognizing them as momentary, not as big as we may believe and getting out of them what they are meaning to show us we are pushed to either defending or denying them.  It is exhausting when you think about it.  Instead of having space held for us we suck the life out of one another and expect each other to breathe like nothing happened.  Honestly, how many times have you belittled someone for feeling a way you thought was insignificant?  

My motto is "suck it up" and I mean it.  That doesn't mean I want you to ignore or deny your feelings.  I want there to be a healthy detachment from programmed meaning of our feelings.  Instead of thinking that feeling tired means giving up I want being tired to remind you that you are on the right track… and I want you to remember the feeling of pushing through the fatigue to a new world.  Feelings are like messages in a language that isn't native but it necessary and filled with wonder.  Look at what you feel in a way that allows you to maintain perspective.  Are you dying?  No, ok, then does it serve you to behave in a way that makes it seem like things are that dire?  We can choose our response to our feelings… that is when you begin to come into your own power. 

Once you are able to see your feelings (by first owning, admitting and never denying them) as tools you will be more curious to dig into them deeper than before.  Feelings are truly our gifts.  Feelings are our creative power.  Feelings are the beginning of all things.  Let's begin to feel them fully to create a more purposeful and fulfilled life for ourselves and support others on their journey to do the same.  

xo

a

These 3 Things

Heyo! I have been told that I say things that no one else would say.  Well I am here to help to teach you how to be loving and direct.  Stop wasting everyone's time beating around the bush.  Say what you need to say and move the hell on.  The areas I will touch on are 1) other people's opinions of you; 2) other people's concerns about what you are doing in your life; and 3) your opinion of yourself.  I stress that these things take practice and you will have plenty, believe me.  You will get many opportunities to be lovingly direct because people tend to be kind of annoying.  Sorry peeps, it is true.  I love you but you need to learn to let others be who they are and deal with your own shizznit.  

Ok, when someone says something to you about how you are living your life, such as, "I wouldn't do that."  Tell them, "Then don't."  They will quickly get the message that they need to keep on keeping on with their mouths a tightly closed.  When someone comments on how you are changing your diet or exercise habits… ok, I have to get into this a bit before I continue.  People, if you are overweight, eating poorly and feeling shitty leave the ones who are getting it done alone.  If you are taking care of yourself and you think your way is the only way, you are wrong.  Let people do what makes sense to them and let them ask for help before you offer up your sage advice.  Ok, now, to give you some tools to respond when you are being told that you aren't doing your health and well-being correctly, a great response would be, "thank you for giving me information I didn't ask for."  Or, if that is way too blunt for you, "I would prefer it if you didn't comment on my very personal journey around health and wellness unless you are saying supportive things, thank you."    People you must set boundaries, you will be healthier and happier for it.  The friends, acquaintances and others you interact with will also get a great lesson in respect.  We all could do well to pay more attention to what is happening in our own lives instead of meddling in others.

Now onto dealing with people being worried about you.  In all honesty they aren't worried about you.  They are worried about themselves and projecting all over you.  This is the deal, if you are asking for help then I understand if someone is giving it to you, if you aren't then you aren't.  Now, you may let some of your loved ones know to hold you accountable or call you out.  Still permission must be given before you can step in or respect someone stepping in.  I understand that these boundaries get blurry and can disappear altogether when drugs and or children are involved.  Still understand that there needs to be a respecting of boundaries regardless.

I own my actions completely.  If I did it I did it.  If I am in it I am in it.  I am also ok with whatever it is that I am doing, even if it seems like I am miserable, frustrated, upset or what-have-you.  I know that I am supposed to be exactly where I am.  I don't need anyone's concern.  Love, yes.  Support, yes.  Concern (by concern I mean thinking negatively around me or a situation I am in, not 'caring' about me... that is compassion and is always ok) and worry?  No.  Never.  I am unbelievably optimistic and know that I will make the best decisions for me at all times.  At no point am I regretting, fretting or feeling like I am confused.  So if you happen to be feeling any of those things in regards to me, keep it to yourself.  Just a little heads up.  I don't want to know.

Moving on…  The only thing that actually matters is how you feel about you.  No joke.  Everyone else will follow your lead.  Do you like you?  Others will like you.  Are you working hard to be kind to yourself?  Other people will be kind to you.  Do you take your truth seriously, do you look into yourself to find out how you really feel, what you really want?  You will be supported if you take deep consideration of yourself.  When you put energy into yourself it comes back to you tenfold.  When you respect your truth your truth is respected.  When you set boundaries you are saying you give a f*ck about yourself, that you are worthy.  You are worthy.  You are worth everything and all things.  You are born worthy and at some point I hope you recognize your worth.  Start by communicating your needs, wants and desires.  Telling others to step back and focus on themselves and let you alone.  You are your own work and you are doing a fine job… getting better everyday.

self-esteem

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.  

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Astrology Readings.

Healing.

My Karma.

My Knowing.

Love in all of its forms.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Your gift to the world is unique.  You are here on purpose and it is your duty to own that purpose.  No matter what you are engaged in, no matter how it is judged, it has a purpose, a higher meaning than what we, on this plane, can fully see.  Instead of worrying about someone's version of us, or what is right, ask yourself what you need and wait for the inspiration to come.  It could be that you need outside assistance, listen to that, it could be that the work is simply and inside job, listen to that too.  You choose the path you follow, no one else, and we all are working on doing the best we can.

We often don't recognize that we are ALL doing the best we can.  We judge and put down and misuse one another regularly.  The abuse we suffer at the hands of one another is staggering.  It is in direct proportion to the abuse we inflict upon ourselves.  With that understanding, look at the world, see the pain the hurt and the suffering… now stop contributing to it in ANY way… It takes that, the diligent self-care of all of us to create a different world for all of us to thrive.  So the next time you want to put someone down, including yourself, remember that you are sending that abuse out into the world and supporting it in others.  You are creating an energetic space where love doesn't blossom.  You are holding space for fear.  

Remember, you are, like everyone else, trying to figure you out.  You are working to learn and grow and love and know.  When you extend that understanding of your life to others it is extended back to you.  Send out love get back love… it is simple.  When you have more support than resistance, learning what you are here to do is simpler to figure out.  

Have fun!  Share love!  Be light!

xo

a

When You Are Ready You Will Know

Happy Friday!!! We all move at the pace of our own process.  There is nothing you can do to make someone go farther than they are ready to go, learn more than they are ready to learn, see more than they are willing to witness, and be somewhere or someone they are not.  We all come to things in our own time and our own way.  We all have a really hard time standing back and watching the growth of others and seem to completely forget what it was like to go through our own journey to come out to a place of revelation.  No amount of mountain moving would have gotten us to understand what could not be understood before we were supposed to.  

Have you ever been in a relationship or job where everyone around you just knew you needed to quit?  All of your friends and family could see the mistake of your current trajectory except for you, or so they thought.  You may have tried to listen to what they told you and you may have even begun to beat yourself up about not being able to change your situation, a situation you also knew wasn't forever and wasn't what you wanted ultimately.  The thing is, you weren't done with it so it was not something you were ready to let go of.  

How do you know you are ready to let go?  You do.  You let go.  You do whatever is necessary to let go.  Until you are ready you struggle around it, you boomerang back to it, you might even hide your struggle around it from others due to shame, but you don't let it go.  

Until you are ready you are readying yourself.  This is what gets lost or isn't known or simply misunderstood.  When you aren't finished with a situation it is because you have gleaned all of the information it was brought to your life to impart.  It is like baking cupcakes… They look done on the outside and if you don't really check the center you may take them out and find that they haven't baked all the way through.  They might be an ooey, gooey mess on the inside and suffer collapse.  It is the same with people going through the trials and tribulations of life.  We have to go through our joys and pains to get to the center of ourselves… to bake all the way through… to be ready to come out of the oven and hold ourselves up.  Rushing the process is no help to anyone.  

When you find yourself wanting someone to be farther along their path than they are, ask yourself why?  What do you want from them that they aren't able to give you, that you aren't giving to yourself?  Why is it that you can go through your life the way you need to but everyone else needs to be on your same timeline?  Why are you so impatient?  

If you find that you are being rushed or pushed into being somewhere you aren't, know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, even if it isn't the most pleasant place… and when you are done, no one and no thing can hold you back.  

Sending love to you on your journey at this moment and all moments to come.

xo

a

First You

Hi there, I want to remind everyone to listen closely to what you say to yourself.  How are you talking to yourself in those moments when you are alone, working, walking, driving, hanging out with friends, on the beach, working out, looking in the mirror, taking a shower.  What do you talk to yourself about?  How are you nurturing yourself.  What do you focus on regularly?  What do you say to yourself habitually?  I think the single most devastating thing in the world is the lack of love most people have for themselves.  

We critique how we look in the meanest way.  We call ourselves stupid.  We are impatient with the natural flow of our growth.  We fail to honor what we want and need and give our power away to others.  We seek what we refuse to give to ourselves from others.  We take our health for granted.  We refuse to own our truth in favor of what we feel will please others.  We basically abuse ourselves on various levels.  

A great way to gauge how abusive you are to yourself by how abusive you are to others.  Remember, abuse takes many forms.  There is energetic abuse, verbal, physical, psychic, etc… We tend to take out our feelings about ourselves on everyone else around us.  When we put someone down, when we flip someone off, when we don't help someone who is struggling, when we call someone a name, when we imagine the worse for someone, we are bringing that energy to ourselves and showing the universe how we truly feel about who we are and what we deserve.  

If you knew that what you did directly impacted the direction this world would take how would that change your behavior.  If you knew that your very thoughts and the feelings around them created your reality, what would you do to adjust your attitude, focus your feelings and quiet the critic you take your queues from?  What do you have to lose to start changing how you treat yourself?  What do you have to lose to start to treat others the way you desire to be treated?  

In reality, you are your mommy, your daddy, your sister and your brother, your best friend, your teacher, your lover and your lesson.  You are your work.  You are here to learn the depth of you and in that way you learn the depth of all.  Try it… spend some time loving yourself, truly complimenting, praising, supporting, standing up for who you are.  Expect great things from yourself.  See how others transform around you, see how you transform around others.  When we treat our selves like the guardians we are of our hearts, we stop taking our hearts for granted… hopefully.  

Support is what we need between life and death.  Let's start with being our own greatest source of support and watch our love be reflected in the world.

xo

a

I See You

Howdy there! We all love attention.  All of us.  We just have so much baggage around it that most won't admit it, even to themselves.  The truth is we grew because of the attention we received.  Attention can be encouragement… we were all encouraged to smile, laugh, speak, crawl, turn over, walk, go to the potty and run.  Our encouragement continued as we got older and then something changed.  The attention we received started being judged.  Maybe there was on child that got more attention than another and, believing in scarcity, the child that shone brightest was told to tone it down, in so many words.  Maybe we saw someone want a lot of attention and act out when they didn't receive it… maybe we watched someone be judged because they were ok with being showered with attention.  There are a multitude of reasons why people deny their attention seeking parts.  Judgment is usually the top of the list.

If you let go of the attachment of being pleasing in the eyes of another would you want attention?  If you were able to sit and talk about yourself, your ideas, your thoughts with someone who was genuinely interested in you and wasn't seeking to compare, how would that feel?  Do you offer this to anyone?  Do you offer attention, pure and untainted the way you would a 2-year-old just wanting to talk?  I believe that most people don't know how to… we are so starved for attention ourselves that we act out in ways that perpetuate not being able to actually get the attention that we all desire.

If you aren't allowing yourself to receive attention you will probably have a hard time giving it to someone else.  It is that way with just about everything.  If you deny something for yourself you will most certainly deny it, if not physically, energetically, with others.  Not only will there be denial, there may be resentment or judgment depending on how much you haven't allowed yourself that energy/activity.

What does attention do?  Why is it important to give it?  Well, attention is encouraging.  It is nurturing.  It is necessary to feel loved and cared about.  So many of us feel lonely and lost.  It is true.  Ask anyone what is really happening for them and many will distill their issues down to feeling disconnected.  The disconnection is most often with their own selves and that spills out and over to everyone else.  It isn't that strange to see how disconnected we are.  We text instead of talk.  We check Facebook instead of call.  We have 400 emails per day and feel to busy to actually eat a meal away from our computers.  We have ceased giving attention in a real way to ourselves even.  Even if we have a regular workout we rush away from it as soon as it is done to get back to texting, emailing, sitting, staring, straining and distancing.

We need to get over the idea that attention is bad.  That someone who wants it is a brat.  If that is the case we are all brats then.  Sure, there are healthier ways to get attention than others… just like there are healthier choices for lunch today but you don't always pick those healthier choices do you?  Start with yourself.  Give yourself attention by first admitting that you like it and need it… once you get comfortable with your own needs you will be better able to hold space for someone else's need.

Until then, come here and talk to me… I will give you the attention you seek.

xo

a