intention

Go Get It

Hidee Ho! If you want something you will need to go after it, it is not going to come after you.  Whether it is juggling, running, eating well, finding a lover that meets your requirements, dancing, listening, writing, cooking, loving, exercising, or anything else, you will have to actually do something towards it in order to see any improvement in it.  It really is that simple.  We make things so complicated when they really are not.  I know that there may be years and years of layers of perceived failure or habits that support all that you would like to rid yourself of.  There may be a life that you live now that would have to change dramatically if you were to begin to do what your heart truly longs to do.  I know that we get so addicted to the familiar, to our misery that changing it, even to gain all the joy in the world, seems daunting and less appealing than staying put.  Truth is, you are going to need to do something at some point whether you go willingly or kicking and screaming, whether you initiate the change or the change initiates you.  Change is coming.

You will have to work, sometimes really hard at whatever it is that you have asked to have in your life.  You may need to do things that aren't fun, that scare you, that are downright challenging; and you will need to do these things repeatedly.  At some point you will have to write over what was the norm for years and years and years.  The thing is, once you begin taking steps towards what things you really want in your life, you will find the world bending to help you reach your goals.  You will find support in ways you never dreamed, when you are serious about changing your life.  What was there all along but ignored, due to lack of desire, willingness or simply being asleep will become opportunities.  You will be given choices to keep moving forward toward what you desire or to stay in the same place that you are familiar and comfortable in.  You might find that as soon as you make a choice to go after your dream or shift something to finally reach a goal an opportunity to leave things as is becomes sweeter.  This is only a test.  Testing you to either stay put or truly go after what you say you wanted.  You always have choices… you are never stuck.  Will you buy in to what you want or play it safe?

Now, when you ask for it, it will come.  I am giving you fair warning.  When you want something to happen for you it will… it is up to you to say yes to it however.  Just because you ask for the universe to bring to you something you want, you still have to show up to receive it and then take it with you and use it.  Just because you have lost a bunch of weight, gotten the job of your dreams, become a juggler with a small but fantastic circus doesn't mean that you won't have to put into it what you did before you made it to this point.  Until your new choices are just your ways of being you will have to work, focus, intend, and believe every day, every moment that it is not only possible but it just is.  Until your new habits become as normal as the life you had before you will need to put energy into them.  You will need to be purposeful and deliberate and dedicated to yourself, your goals and your dreams.  It took you a lifetime to be solidly miserable in certain ways, or unhealthy or unlearned in the things you want to know… give it a while before what you want becomes what you are.  

Let there be fear, trepidation, lack of motivation and do it anyway.  Let there be concern, worry and consternation and keep moving forward.  Let there be change and wonder around it, let there be the curiosity of the unknown.  Let there be a humbling, an understanding that everything must change.  Breathe, open your eyes and keep moving.  Your work will pay off, your life will improve, your change will come.

xo

a

metamorphosis

Say It With Meaning

Hi there, I have no regrets about anything I have said to anyone in my life.  I am very purposeful with my words, both soft and sharp.  I believe regret is like guilt, pointless.  I know that it can take a lot of energy for most people to speak on purpose.  To shut up when they have not truly thought out their words and to mean what they say when they do finally speak.  So much of our communication is thoughtless and rote.  We ask one another how we are without actually caring about the answer.  It is often just what we say as a greeting not anything we are truly meaning.  The thing about this is that words are powerful and assist in making magic happen.  When we speak without putting energy behind it or recognizing the power in the words we utter we create a world and things within it that aren't what we truly intended.  So often people say things just to fill space, to distract themselves from their own thoughts.  So much of our behavior is to numb ourselves from knowing ourselves.  It is no wonder why we don't see that we teach one another and that everything we do is an example for someone else.  

You never know what affect your words will have on someone.  You never know when someone will be listening and when what they hear will change their lives in some way.  It is impossible to know how someone will truly take your words and filter them to give them meaning.  Each person has their own set of filters, which are, in part, shaped by their experiences in this lifetime and possibly others.  How we interpret something is truly not ever about the present moment.  Our reactions to things are based on our history with similar things and, what we consider important is unique to each of us.  Because of this lack of control over when or what someone considers what you do or say important, consider everything you do or say important and possibly taken to heart.  

Every interaction with everyone and everything is an opportunity to bring about change.  How you are with others, what you say, how you say it, makes a bigger difference than you are aware.  When I was around 10 I fell in love with my french teacher, Mrs. Worthy.  I don't exactly know how my mother found out but she told me clearly that it was normal in everyone's development to like both girls and boys.  This was a relief to me because I liked boys and girls and thought it was fabulous that I now had permission to do so and still fall in the range of normal.  :)  I now know that being normal isn't all that groovy and have since adjusted my status to abnormal.  Either way, that statement that my mother made, that information about normal sexual development, helped me throughout my life as I had boyfriends, fell in love with girls and had girlfriends and knew that I didn't have to decide to only like one or the other regardless of how much pressure is on everyone else to do so.  I felt very secure in my being open to loving people first and not caring too much about gender.  At the time my mom wasn't actually thinking about me being something other than straight.  She wasn't even truly focusing that much on me during the Mrs. Worthy conversation… she just knew to not say something tome that would ostracize me or put me down.  She was careful to make sure I felt included, healthy and developmentally on track.  I am so grateful for that.

power-of-intention

 Maybe you have been that person for someone, the one that they remember helping them be ok with who they are.  Maybe you are the one that has helped someone question the validity of who they are.  We all have the power to support or judge.  We all have the power to hate or love.  Are you deliberate with what you create or are you like a drunken college student stumbling around peeing on things?  You can't choose what or how someone takes what you do or say, but you can do or say what you want, what you mean and do it with intention to help and intention to love.

xo

a

A Meaningful, Purposeful Calling

Hellllllooooo!  (a type of calling!) A calling, as defined by Merriam-Webster is 1) a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence; 2) the vocation or profession in which one customarily engages; and 3) the characteristic cry of a female cat in heat.  Let's stick with the first two for this entry.  

Most people would love to have a clear calling, an obvious direction to head in, an arrow pointing toward what they were meant (meant: to have in the mind as a purpose) to do.  Meaning, for most everyone, is very important.  The thing is, we aren't actually allowed to place meaning on our own.  When we are born there are already people here who have decided what is and is not important.  So when you are growing up you may have been told not to waste your life doing anything meaningless.  This actually meant to stay away from various things that were undesirable in the eyes of society, your parents, your family.  When so many things are made to be wrong, how does one go about actually discovering their calling, especially if it falls into the "meaningless" category?  

Before we get to that, let's talk about purpose or having in mind a purpose… which in some ways is a calling and others isn't.  Your purpose can be more than one thing (so to for your calling, one can have several and one can have a calling that is broad enough to encompass a variety of ways to fulfill it,  i.e. serving others) and that one thing can be different depending on who is judging it.  You are put here for so many reasons it is nearly impossible to list.  Your purpose is for every relationship you have, all that is learned from your connection with others and all that the others learn from their connection with you.  Your purpose may also be to create space in some way for someone who may never have met you, or for any other seemingly infinite reasons.  Everything matters, so everything has a purpose… even that breath you just took, and that one.  Your sitting reading this blog, or walking and reading, or laying in bed reading it.  You are where you are supposed to be… there is a purpose to every movement and connection you make and every breath that you take.  You don't have to do anything to matter.  By being you are affecting the world.  You are making it something it wouldn't be without you.  So we could conclude that the initial calling for all of us was to come into this world!  Congratulations!!!  You did it!  You found your calling.  Now, where were we.  Oh yes, that other calling… what do we do once we are here???

Well, now you know that you are meaningful.  Hello!  You are nothing but meaning.  You decide the meaning you are to yourself, and others decide what you mean to them.  But meaningless, impossible!  So whatever you do has meaning, it just isn't the same meaning across the world.  Meaning is an opinion and it is very personal.    

So if everything has meaning then how do we get back to a calling?  A calling is the most meaningful to you.  It resonates the most with you.  You find yourself drawn to it.  You vibrate on high when you are engaged in/with/around it.  When you take away the judgment of something having to be meaningful and replace it with the understanding that you cannot do anything that isn't meaningful, you can begin to see that your desire to doodle all of the time may just be what you were meant to do.  Maybe you love popping pimples… somebody has to do it… that could be your calling.  You may enjoy cleaning tables, reading books, changing light bulbs, steaming floors, singing, pantomime, cheering people on, giving massages, cycling, talking, reading, watching, being… your calling could be anything under the sun.  The first step to figuring it out is letting it be heard.  Taking off the earmuffs that we put on or were put on us and letting our souls voice be heard finally.  Your calling could be to search for a calling… and where that journey takes you.  

The most important thing is to let go of what you think your calling should be like, look like, or feel like.  Do what you enjoy, do what brings your soul the most love and happiness and the rest will fall into place.  

xo

a