know

No Know

Hello, What is it in us humans that makes it easier to believe that we know it all instead of understanding that we know so little that to use the word know is actually humorous?  Knowing belies the fact that we are actually just gathering from our experience.  As our experiences increase our knowing shifts.  So how is it that we know anything and why is it important that we do?  Maybe it is just semantics, but words are important.  The first meaning of know is to be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information.  The second is to have knowledge or information concerning.  The last definition and the one that most people use when they are using the word know; to be absolutely certain or sure about something.  This last definition is what most people are thinking when they use the word know.  Absolute certainty is something that just isn't absolute.  We have all been sure about a lover, a job, a choice only to have time show us otherwise.  Knowing isn't all it is cracked up to be.

We get a sense of security when we can say that we know.  Knowledge feeds our egos and helps us believe that we are somehow in control and dominate our surroundings.  When we feel absolutely sure about something we get this feeling of comfort and familiarity.  It feels good to know.  Our response to what we don't know, or the unknown, tells you how scary it is to go farther than we have.  When you open yourself up to not knowing it is possible to discover that knowledge is less important than curiosity.  You might discover that knowledge is actually a trick to stop magic from happening.  Our dogged desire to understand, to predict, to control keeps us from seeing the fairies, spirits and different dimensions that exist.  Because we feel that it is necessary to be absolutely certain about things in order for them to be true we lose so much experiential information.  Is it true that you love your cat or dog.  Can you be absolutely certain about it; can anyone else?  Knowledge is a distraction, a hurdle, something to get over having to feel.

knowing-gods-will

What if you looked at the world with curiosity?  What if instead of knowing you observed patterns, you had ideas, you didn't know?  What if you recognized that knowledge is always and forever changing, therefore absolutes weren't possible.  What if you stepped out of your comfort zone; how would you experience the world then?  Knowledge is a limitation.  Being open to not knowing is an invitation.  We couldn't possibly, with our limited senses, know anything for certain.  We can't even see in the dark, let alone things we don't know exist.  Everyday you learn something new, something that prior to that moment you didn't know.  If knowing was a relationship we would all be polyamorous, we change our knowing so often.

Accept the invitation to trust that we are always learning, exploring and expanding.  Trust that you don't need to know for sure to believe that all is possible.  Try it, see what comes.

xo

a

When You Are Ready You Will Know

Happy Friday!!! We all move at the pace of our own process.  There is nothing you can do to make someone go farther than they are ready to go, learn more than they are ready to learn, see more than they are willing to witness, and be somewhere or someone they are not.  We all come to things in our own time and our own way.  We all have a really hard time standing back and watching the growth of others and seem to completely forget what it was like to go through our own journey to come out to a place of revelation.  No amount of mountain moving would have gotten us to understand what could not be understood before we were supposed to.  

Have you ever been in a relationship or job where everyone around you just knew you needed to quit?  All of your friends and family could see the mistake of your current trajectory except for you, or so they thought.  You may have tried to listen to what they told you and you may have even begun to beat yourself up about not being able to change your situation, a situation you also knew wasn't forever and wasn't what you wanted ultimately.  The thing is, you weren't done with it so it was not something you were ready to let go of.  

How do you know you are ready to let go?  You do.  You let go.  You do whatever is necessary to let go.  Until you are ready you struggle around it, you boomerang back to it, you might even hide your struggle around it from others due to shame, but you don't let it go.  

Until you are ready you are readying yourself.  This is what gets lost or isn't known or simply misunderstood.  When you aren't finished with a situation it is because you have gleaned all of the information it was brought to your life to impart.  It is like baking cupcakes… They look done on the outside and if you don't really check the center you may take them out and find that they haven't baked all the way through.  They might be an ooey, gooey mess on the inside and suffer collapse.  It is the same with people going through the trials and tribulations of life.  We have to go through our joys and pains to get to the center of ourselves… to bake all the way through… to be ready to come out of the oven and hold ourselves up.  Rushing the process is no help to anyone.  

When you find yourself wanting someone to be farther along their path than they are, ask yourself why?  What do you want from them that they aren't able to give you, that you aren't giving to yourself?  Why is it that you can go through your life the way you need to but everyone else needs to be on your same timeline?  Why are you so impatient?  

If you find that you are being rushed or pushed into being somewhere you aren't, know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, even if it isn't the most pleasant place… and when you are done, no one and no thing can hold you back.  

Sending love to you on your journey at this moment and all moments to come.

xo

a

Clarity of Death

Hiya, I am someone who is extremely directed.  I have a strong sense of knowing, always have.  If you were to look at my astrological chart it is obvious that this self-awareness is written in the stars.  I was born this way.  I don't have to effort my knowing, it just is.  Recently I have been in a place where I know something big is happening… something that I cannot get clear on and it has been absolutely jarring for me.  I have been efforting around figuring one thing out and it has taken up a lot of mental space.  Again, this is not usual.  I had been exhausted with the confusion I was feeling.  Then, my cat passed away. 

About 5.5 years ago I walked into PAWS and hung out in the kitten room.  There was this little gray ball of fur that was so striking.  Me, being someone who admits to her love of aesthetics, immediately was drawn to her beauty.  I picked her up and she seemed to be very comfortable in my hands.  I placed her in my lap where she got comfortable and fell asleep.  She stayed in my lap for about an hour.  During this time several people asked if I was planning on keeping her.  She stood out, she was adorable and pretty.  I let everyone know that she wasn't an orphan anymore.  I was told to pick her up the next day after I made the adoption official.  The next day she'd have nothing to do with me… she totally tricked my ass into falling in love and then, her work done, she could resume to being a little asshole that she always was, to me.  She was lovely to most everyone else.  

From that point forward she became my baby.  Then, she died.  She had a tendency to eat things that weren't food, like plastic bags… the kind that veggies are placed in or the ones they used to give before plastic bags were banned.  I tried my damnedest to keep them away from her.  She found ways, she had her ways.  She also ate dust bunnies and string… I always thought about her being the trainer's, who has never done drugs, secret addict child.  This addiction to eating stupid sh*t killed her.  She was a rebel… there are so many stories that I could tell… the main thing is, she was loved by many and loved me unconditionally, except when I moved the wrong way when she was sitting on my lap, then her love was conditional ;)  

Her passing gave me a clarity that I needed.  Death is an awakening for me.  It doesn't confuse or cause turmoil in that way for me.  On the contrary, it makes things laser sharp, super easy to see, and clears up muddy waters for me.  Losing Tabitha gave me courage and allowed me to work on sitting, confidently, in my insecurity of not knowing.  It opened me up to accepting love from everywhere in a way that I needed.  Her passing has been a big sign for me to risk a bit more.  Life is short, death is mandatory, live now.  It also reminded me to accept what I cannot change.  I cannot change this time of knowing I am not supposed to know a few things right now.  I have lived a charmed life in the way of knowing things for certain so easily and have forgotten how to wait for the great stuff.  And it is great, what I am waiting for.  And, during this waiting, I am shifting, growing, learning, and knowing other things about others and about myself.  

I am not who I was two months ago… this is truth. Sitting here in this space I am in is like going in super slow motion after moving as fast as a plant growing with time lapsed footage.  It can be challenging.  But it is what it is and I am busy, still growing, still becoming who I am every moment of every day.  Sometimes the not knowing is the gift.  The waiting is the lesson and the outcome is not the point.  I am ok with the work I am doing right now however and I am using the life of Tabbers as a guide to living life in general.  She was confident, irreverent, happy, and gorgeous all of the time.  So I am going to live how she did… sleep when and where I want, sit in the laps of my loved ones until they annoy me, eat when and how much I feel like, and play whenever the fancy hits me.  

Enjoy your days, for they are numbered.  

It is true people!

xo

a