change

Change Is

Hello dearest! Embrace change, it saves you a lot of grief in the long run.  Think back to something you were absolutely sure was a bad thing.  You were certain nothing good would come, you were dragged into it kicking and screaming (inside or outside)… How do you feel about it now?  We run from change like we run from a mugger.  Things being different than they are and us not controlling how and when the change occurs is fear inducing, to say the least.  We are creatures that get attached quickly and let go reluctantly.

Change is inevitable, I am sure you know this, yet it doesn't make it less jarring.  Change means going from what is known to what is unknown.  It is scary.  We like to believe that we have control over our future.  We like to believe that we are in charge of what is next.  We set up our lives so that we know what is going to come next.  We have 401K's, IRA's, Social Security, mortgages, etc.  We buy things for future use, we save information for future telling.  We believe that we will be able to dodge the unexpected by planning properly.  What we are really doing is trying to deny the inevitable.  Change is going to come no matter how much planning, hiding, digging your heels in you do.  Change is constant and you won't be able to stop it from happening.  You also won't be able to plan accordingly or to lessen the amount that you experience.  You get exactly the amount of change your soul needs for growth and exactly the amount you can handle.

So why do we resist change so?  Don't we all have experience with it being for the better in the long run?  I would wager a bet that you have more positive results to unexpected change than negative, if you were to truly take away the judgment that change is bad.  When we let go of the unknown equalling the scary we can begin to see change as the universe's way of gifting us growth.  We get über comfortable with routine, things we know, even if we aren't getting the same charge off of it as when it was new.  We refuse to let go of things regardless of their usefulness.  We become attached to things, people, situations, places.  Our ability to remember can be what holds our complex social structure together and what can also be our downfall when it comes to handling change.  We remember how things were.  We remember in a way that makes the memory better than the actual experience (or worse depending on what we are remembering) which makes it even harder to process change or let go of the past.  Another block to accepting change is our desire to want it to happen the way we think it should… as if we know best for how things need to go.  History shows that humans are profoundly stupid in most every way.

If there is something that is going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it, what is the best way to respond?  What do you think?  I hear from any and everyone that it is hard to change patterns of behavior or the way you think or react to a situation.  I say it isn't.  If you decide to accept change being growth and growth being necessary; if you understand and totally get that you will have to deal with change no matter how much resistance you exert, you can make your response to change have a less harsher impact than it otherwise would and has had.  When you are better able to accept change as a normal part of life you are better able to receive the information, I like to call them gifts, that lies within the change.  You can almost completely side-step devastation and move directly to appreciation.  The more you resist that which you are given the more it shows up in your life… that includes the things that pull you towards forward movement.

How can you embrace something in your life that was unexpected but isn't going away just yet.  What in your life is changing that would be less awful if you accepted it for what it was… without taking it personally?  The better you get at allowing things in your life to move and grow the easier your life becomes.

Image

 xo

a

Go Get It

Hidee Ho! If you want something you will need to go after it, it is not going to come after you.  Whether it is juggling, running, eating well, finding a lover that meets your requirements, dancing, listening, writing, cooking, loving, exercising, or anything else, you will have to actually do something towards it in order to see any improvement in it.  It really is that simple.  We make things so complicated when they really are not.  I know that there may be years and years of layers of perceived failure or habits that support all that you would like to rid yourself of.  There may be a life that you live now that would have to change dramatically if you were to begin to do what your heart truly longs to do.  I know that we get so addicted to the familiar, to our misery that changing it, even to gain all the joy in the world, seems daunting and less appealing than staying put.  Truth is, you are going to need to do something at some point whether you go willingly or kicking and screaming, whether you initiate the change or the change initiates you.  Change is coming.

You will have to work, sometimes really hard at whatever it is that you have asked to have in your life.  You may need to do things that aren't fun, that scare you, that are downright challenging; and you will need to do these things repeatedly.  At some point you will have to write over what was the norm for years and years and years.  The thing is, once you begin taking steps towards what things you really want in your life, you will find the world bending to help you reach your goals.  You will find support in ways you never dreamed, when you are serious about changing your life.  What was there all along but ignored, due to lack of desire, willingness or simply being asleep will become opportunities.  You will be given choices to keep moving forward toward what you desire or to stay in the same place that you are familiar and comfortable in.  You might find that as soon as you make a choice to go after your dream or shift something to finally reach a goal an opportunity to leave things as is becomes sweeter.  This is only a test.  Testing you to either stay put or truly go after what you say you wanted.  You always have choices… you are never stuck.  Will you buy in to what you want or play it safe?

Now, when you ask for it, it will come.  I am giving you fair warning.  When you want something to happen for you it will… it is up to you to say yes to it however.  Just because you ask for the universe to bring to you something you want, you still have to show up to receive it and then take it with you and use it.  Just because you have lost a bunch of weight, gotten the job of your dreams, become a juggler with a small but fantastic circus doesn't mean that you won't have to put into it what you did before you made it to this point.  Until your new choices are just your ways of being you will have to work, focus, intend, and believe every day, every moment that it is not only possible but it just is.  Until your new habits become as normal as the life you had before you will need to put energy into them.  You will need to be purposeful and deliberate and dedicated to yourself, your goals and your dreams.  It took you a lifetime to be solidly miserable in certain ways, or unhealthy or unlearned in the things you want to know… give it a while before what you want becomes what you are.  

Let there be fear, trepidation, lack of motivation and do it anyway.  Let there be concern, worry and consternation and keep moving forward.  Let there be change and wonder around it, let there be the curiosity of the unknown.  Let there be a humbling, an understanding that everything must change.  Breathe, open your eyes and keep moving.  Your work will pay off, your life will improve, your change will come.

xo

a

metamorphosis

Love Revolution

Hi!!

How do we bring about change in one another?  How do we make the world a more loving and creative space?  What is the answer to the question of what or who will change the world?  The funny thing is the answer isn't far-fetched or some equation that only two people know.  Michael Jackson sang about it, most spiritual leaders speak on it.  It is simple, it is profound, it is layered, it is multi-dimensional… it, the thing that can change everything is you loving you, fully and without condition.  

The trick is that it isn't about helping others in the way we have seen it done historically; it isn't about resisting what is. It is about steadily opening yourself up to what is.  About accepting your world and seeing it, truly.  It is about learning what you filter and why… who you are and how you came to be.  It is about sharing that information with those around you and receiving others as they do the same.  When you begin to accept you let go of what should or shouldn't be.  This is where it gets big:  when you stop denying you are able to receive what the truth behind the tragedy, the horror, the struggle and the confusion is.  There is opportunity to find what you need to know everywhere around you.  Most people have been taught that certain things should not exist, though they do, so those things keep happening because no one is actually seeing these things as truths, purposeful truths.  Instead we turn away from the horror and condemn it as evil.  We see tragedy and say that this was not supposed to happen.  We hear pain and we turn away from it, saying it is wrong.  How do we learn, then, from what is happening, if we deem it a mistake and pay no mind? 

What is wrong?  What is tragedy?  What is acceptance?  How do we learn about the human spirit?  How do we discover unity?  How do most people realize they are like others?  These things, these lives that come and these lives that go, these moments that change us forever, they all have reasons.  Some are discovered immediately and others are looked at best in conjunction with other similar happenings.  Until we learn that it isn't about changing others we will constantly be forced inward to deal with you.    There is a method to the madness, seriously… and this is where the layers start to peel back.  There is a grand show being put on for your benefit.  It is like an amazingly lucid and super-duper long lucid dream.  Now it is your turn to switch it up, take control of what is happening and decide what is or is not necessary for a world full of love.

Until you accept where you are, where this world is, ain't nothing gonna change.  This work I am suggesting you do takes love.  You have to love yourself, you have to want love to be the driving force behind all things instead of the fear that moves most of us now.  It isn't rocket science, it is bigger than that.  Loving who you are, working on being the love you truly are on a moment to moment basis, is harder than anything anyone could do outside of yourself.  You will have to accept your judgments, you will have to accept your shit.  You will have to truly find compassion for all things and behave accordingly in order to change the world.  You can do it, we all can, we all will.

The revolution is love.

xo

a        

lovelife 

Your Change, Their Pain

Hi! Are you working on yourself?  Have you made big changes in the past few months?  What have you noticed about everyone around you once you stopped worrying about everyone around you?  In my work I let most of my clients know that resistance is part of the journey, their own and then from the outside as well.  Family and friends may not be supportive of the changes they are making because those changes effect the family and friends as well.  Change is not something that is generally welcomed with open arms…  This life change stuff is no exception.  You may find, if you are getting your sh*t together, so to speak, that those you love the most don't love the developments  the most.

If you are learning how to communicate your needs when you have never really taken care of your needs in the past, you are going to begin to set boundaries that were never set.  This means people won't have access to you in the same way they once did.  This may not just stop people from supporting you, this may actually piss them off.  Your happiness is not the priority of anyone else, period.  Your happiness, your development, your growth responsibility is directly in your lap to be taken care of.  It has always been there, in your lap, you were just a neglectful caregiver. 

Imagine the one that you love waking up one day and saying that the things that were normal and expected are no longer allowed?  What if you were told that the very things you were happy getting from your partner came to a halt?  It would be hard to recognize the changes as wonderful when your world is impacted, in your mind, negatively.  Even if you know that the changes your loved one is making makes them happier, you may feel left out, left behind, confused and in some ways betrayed…  You didn't ask for the changes after all, you are just made to deal with them.  When communicating change to your loved ones, do so with the understanding that they may feel victimized by the changes you are making for yourself, that it isn't about you, their resistance… it is about them working hard to preserve what they feel is theirs.  

When you go forward on this journey of growth and development it is important to understand that some of the journey you may feel alone.  After all, you surrounding yourself with others who supported where you were… not where you were going.  So you have been around others who believed your lack of self-care was ok, normal or healthy.  So as you figure your life out, they may not fit in it the same way they did.  It is not unusual for relationships to go through growing pains when one person in the relationship changes the dance.  It is also to be expected that some of your relationships may not survive.  As you grow you let go of things that no longer serve you, this sometimes includes your closest connections.  

The farther along you go in your growth you may notice that you have lots of opportunities to practice your new outlook, communication style, belief system, etc… You may not call these confrontations opportunities, but that is what they are.  These interactions with others give you the chance to truly solidify your work, to demonstrate or practice your growth in various ways.  Look at each uncomfortable situation where someone or something challenges your newfound understanding as a chance to truly let the old fall away and stretch out in your new skin.  It is a gift, this resistance, use it as such.  

Remember, you owe the world your work on you, that is about it.  Imagine if each of us spent our time figuring out how to be better towards ourselves?  Imagine if we each took responsibility for our feelings, our joys, our pains?  Imagine a world where we didn't project what was happening for us on others… where we could actually differentiate?  This world is on its way… thanks for joining me on the journey.

xo

a

Going In

Hello, There is no getting around doing the work.  There is no magic pill that creates the life you want.  There is no running away from what you don't enjoy about yourself.  There is no ignoring what you would like to forget.  There is no dodging you as your responsibility… not forever anyway.  You will be faced with what you turned your back on before.  You will have to deal with what you have kept out of focus.  What you resist persists.  Now it is time to pony up.

So much of our time is spent doing.  We go to school, we get a job we do our job, we find a mate, we do the whole mating thing and partnering thing.  We keep on doing this or doing that, rarely stopping to check in with ourselves unless tragedy strikes.  Even then we focus on the loss and not our life, our journey.  Much of our lives are spent being distracted from our internal world.  We have been taught to put more stock in what we see on the outside not understanding that our external world is a reflection of our internal universe.  Of course, this understanding is tricky because our outside world can seem awesome when really it is masking what is really happening.

We work so hard to look like our world is all good.  We run around dressing sharp, talking a big game, and working hard.  We have read all of the self-help books and have our spiritual language down.  Then our world starts to get deep.  Things stop happening for us the way we intend for them to.  Our deep work begins to call for attention.  When this happens it is like all hell breaking loose.  This is what looks like a breakdown for most people when truly it is the beginning of a break through.  It is full of change, pain, heartache and growth.  

The only way out of this is through.  The only way to stop the flow of tears is to do the work.  The only thing left to do is you.  You have done family, jobs, partners, stuff.  Now, it is time for you to give yourself the attention you deserve.  You must stop putting yourself last.  You must begin to see your value, you must begin to see your worth.  You have a lot to do but you will be ok.  Take it one day, sometimes one moment at a time and before you know it you will be through the hard stuff.  

Sending love, support and strength,

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.  

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Genelle Benker.

David & Phillip.

My Juicer.

Love.

Lululemon Pacific Place Ladies!  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

As you figure out who you are, what you want and where you are going those things that aren't supporting your discoveries will fall away.  This includes people in your world, activities you are a part of, food you eat and things you desire overall.  As you move toward yourself you have to let go of your past which is easier said than done.  

We can make declarations of wanting this or wanting that, but once you decide that you are moving forward be prepared for the speed of the change you seek.  The change may be a slow go, or it may knock your socks off, either way you must choose to embrace what you have ushered into your world or hold onto what is safe (seemingly) and familiar.  I have been here one too many times and have, in various situations, decided to either move forward or stay "stuck."  

When you are ready the change is available, it is available even when you are not… all you need to do is open yourself, say it aloud, write it down, proclaim it in some way and, like magic your dreams come true.  

xo

a