You are not a mistake. You have done nothing wrong. You are meant to do, be, act, love, hate, cry, steal, hurt and enjoy whatever you have. When you look at your life, what do you see? When you go back over the history of you, what sticks out? Where does your heart drift to, what images does your mind fixate on? What are your judgments around those things past? How often do you lament things that cannot be undone? How many times have you wished you could change what was, make it better? How many times have you been angry with your past self for not knowing better?
Does that make sense? If you don't know better how can you do better? How does replaying something that isn't happening now helping you? What does your past self get out of being told repeatedly that they are stupid, dumb, f*cked up and wrong? If you cannot change it, why are you abusing it into eternity? Please stop. You don't need to continue the hurt past the moment of pain. You can let it be what it is and not inflate it any more. When you hold onto a perceived mistake and dissect it over and over you only imprint that which you obsess over. You don't learn to not do something by being beaten into submission. You just learn how to deal with being hurt, a lot. You learn how to abuse and be abused. You also miss out on all the good stuff that this instant was full of.
Take a look again, at those moments, those defining times when you feel you were damaged beyond recognition or you damaged something or someone else. Look at those times that you regret, that bring up feelings of pain or shame. Take those moments one by one, hold them close and then look ahead, after them. Where did those moments lead you? What was the big amazing yummy fantastic place you landed after it all happened… where did you rise to that you wouldn't have without that mistake? Where that issue bring you that is now a blessing. Believe me, there is a place it took you, there is always somewhere those moments are leading us. Always.
You didn't do it wrong. You didn't go the direction you shouldn't have. You are not a mistake or mistaken. You were going somewhere and one of the towns you had to visit was that situation you keep reliving and wanting to change. But you wouldn't be where you are without it… you wouldn't be getting where you want to be without being where you were. All of it, the stuff you enjoyed and the stuff you didn't… it is all right. How would your life change if you viewed it as being On Purpose?
When you realize you can do no wrong, you will be alright.