Self Inflicted

Hello, Writing is one way that I own my personal power… moving my body in another way, speaking my mind, saying what I want, loving myself are all ways in which I demonstrate my awareness around my divinity. One of the ways in which we undermine our personal power is by leaving ourselves. We leave ourselves by being inauthentic; not doing what we want to do. When we don't know what we want, do what others want, or refuse to admit what we want, we dishonor our soul's divinity. We have the same rights as everyone else to feel, want and need. When we put someone's needs, wants or feelings over our own by making ours less than, we cut away pieces of ourselves. We take these pieces and we give them away, in some ways hoping that someone will notice that we are mutilating ourselves for the sake of the love, respect, kindness of others. It is hard to respect someone who doesn't honor themselves; whether we realize consciously they are hurting themselves or not, our soul can see another soul that is abusing themselves.

Abuse is often considered something that is done to another person or thing. However, abuse more often happens within a person's relationship with him/herself. We abuse ourselves by not discovering who we are, what we want, how we feel. We abuse ourselves by never getting to know and love ourselves yet expecting to have a long and healthy life. If you are in a relationship with someone you never speak to, get to know and love most would call that neglect. Very few people would think it was ok to stay in that relationship… yet we are in it with ourselves right now. Most people are the worst partners to themselves, partly because they have no idea that that relationship that you have with yourself is every relationship in your world. The external relationships are just aspects of your very deep and complicated relationship with your Self. We spend a lot of time blaming someone else for making us feel this or that when on a higher level they are showing us what we do to and think of ourselves.

Where this is hard to hear or understand is when you think you are being loving and giving to your partner by looking out for them first, by bending over backwards to make sure they are understood and heard… by going to great lengths to squash any feelings you have that may be contrary to theirs. We think we are being loving, we believe we are taking care. We are being so mean, violently so, to our souls. They don't actually benefit either. They are left stunted without ever seeing that the world doesn't revolve around them, and therefore never getting to figure out what to do with their feelings and desires that aren't fulfilled by another. They don't have the opportunity to fend for themselves and in that way emotionally grow. And you… well, you are being your most ferocious enemy. You make you wrong. You make what you need invalid and when your partner or others support your being invalid, you feel even worse.

Where are you denying you? Notice how you keep people around you who support this abuse you inflict on yourself. Sometimes these abuse supporters feel threatened when you begin to fight for yourself, when you begin to stop the cutting. This is to be expected, but never to be honored. Your power is your own, own it.


xo a