Hi there, When you don't own your power it owns you. I have been an example of this one too many times. I have always been a bright light in my life and the lives of others. When I was young I remember feeling that everyone was special and lovely and wonderful and a friend. I was often hurt but easily bounced back from the pain of rejection or bullying because my nature is love. I recall my mother being very concerned with how I would fare in the world. She was certain I would be destroyed in some way once I was older and in contact with more people and no longer under her protection. When we moved to North Carolina, her fears were almost completely realized. I had some of the hardest years of my life there; I learned that people didn't behave to their divine potential, they behaved to their lowest most base vibration, often. It was rough so I became guarded, wary. The one thing that was hated the most was my light. It was like everyone wanted to snuff it out… so I dimmed, I hid, I began taking on the jealousy and inadequacy of others and shut myself down.
I had learned during my NC years that people didn't always appreciate my gifts. Though I tried to temper myself a bit, I was still well loved and known in college. No matter what I did or where I went I stood out. I kept quiet about what I could do, what I knew, how I could see. I lived a wonderful but tumultuous life during those years and following. I found myself, year after year, (during and after college) struggling to succeed, never wanting to make others feel less than me at the same time the very thing I wanted to hide would rear it's head when I pretended to be something I wasn't. Of course, I didn't know I wasn't fully owning that I could see, or kow things that others couldn't. My knowing and my light has always been helpful and allowed me to be an amazing Resident Assistant, friend, confidante, coach, and athlete. It was just that for the longest time I believed that owning my powers, my gifts meant I would have an ego that was out of control or be taking something away from others.
Me being fully me does just the opposite. When I am fully grown, fully showing up I am an example of how it is done. When I don't show up fully, the response to me is muddy. I have lived this over and over. When I am not clear, honest and authentically myself nothing else is. My power becomes my weakness. When I take charge of what I can do and how it is my calling, I am able to benefit and so is everyone else. It is like a person spinning in circles not realizing they have a machete in their hand. You need to own that you have a powerful and dangerous, if ignored, tool in your possession so that you use it purposefully. Whatever your power is, whether it be the responsibility of driving a car sober or knowing that you are charismatic and people are drawn to you without being able to help it; if you refuse to see the importance of being sober when you drive or recognizing someone being intoxicated by you, a crash is going to happen at some point, and people will get hurt. Take what you are in charge of seriously. Whether it is the power of influence or the power of walking understand and own that it is power and yours to shape.