Hi there, What happens for you when someone doesn't like you; how do you handle rejection, perceived or real? You can tell a lot about where you are in terms of self-love, self-worth and self-esteem when you look at how you handle rejection. Do you feel that you aren't good enough? Do you feel like your world won't be the same if you aren't loved or accepted by others? Do you feel shaken to the core if things don't fit into your idea of comfortable? When you have to talk yourself down off of the ledge on a regular basis; when you are driving yourself crazy imagining things that you are afraid of happening or when you feel like you won't actually be ok without the attention of others or another it is time for a paradigm shift.
How you view your world, what you think is cause and effect, how you behave, where you place your faith, essentially your worldview is your paradigm. When you shift it you have to change, well, everything. The shift may not be something you have to do piecemeal, however. You can, when you recognize your world isn't working for you in it's present state, shift one thing, one bit of understanding of the world and shift everything else… basically like a domino effect. In a world where you are shaken because of other's feelings about you, you believe that you aren't enough, that you must have outside validation to be ok. You cannot imagine being happy alone. The idea of you being your most important person is a concept not a reality. You may never have truly had a center or feel grounded. It is a world where you feel like you need to control others so that your feelings don't spin out of control. Your way of controlling may seem like love, care-taking, being helpful… but the ultimate expectation is for you to not be left, not be alone, to be liked.
There are an infinite number of ways to change what you are doing in order to do something else, no matter what. The only thing that is truly mandatory is awareness that what you have been doing is no longer what you want to do. You have to have desire. Your desire to change has to be stronger than your fear of change. Basically you need to be fed up with being unhappy, unsettled, shaken, panicky, controlling, desperate and needy. You may have come to this realization through a pattern of failed relationships, friendships or your own lack of being able to get unstuck from a feeling that you can't articulate. When you recognize that you want to be somewhere you have never been you will have to go about things in a way you never have. You will have to go about things in an altogether new way.
Life is a mystery and everyday we get clues. Enjoy the search for your answers.