love

The Age of Attraction

What is happening? I was recently discussing sexuality, which I think isn't discussed enough, with some friends.  We were talking about vaginas and the power of owning your sexuality.  The discussion led to the fact that shame is prevalent whether we admit it or not, in relation to sex and sexual expression.  There are so many rules, roles, assumptions that it is difficult to know what we actually want.  Admitting what we like, where we are in our sexuality and what we think about it is something that is shunned aggressively.  We are, after all, a society that will fine someone for flashing a nipple (at the same time we cover our children's eyes from seeing the .00005 seconds that it was shown) but watch news footage about 26 people, many of them children, being gunned down.

Like the universe works, I perused Facebook where a friend posted an article about a 6-year-old being in love with a character from Glee.  Sexuality seemed to be in the air tonight.  The 6-year-old is a boy and the character on Glee is a boy.  The article goes on to discuss how the mother and father love their son and have no problem if he is gay or isn't.  I think that it is great that parents will love their son even if he is gay, I just look forward to the day we don't have to announce that parents will love their kids even if they are gay.

So, after reading this I then scrolled down to the comments and stopped at one that touched on several things in regards to the article.  First they were not pleased with a 6-year-old watching Glee, then with the idea that a 6-year-old was obsessed about anything especially liking someone.  Third that, even at 11, that would be too young to have attraction.  Ok, I had to breathe after reading this, and after having had the conversation about shame that had happened earlier in the evening.  I know that attraction is as natural as breathing.  If you are a part of a family you (hopefully) see love, coupledom, partnership.  Children mimic adults.  It is how they learn to talk, walk, think, behave, love.  How in the world are they too young to be attracted?  I liked boys and girls for as long as I can remember and I certainly had attractions to all manner of things before the age of 6.  I liked certain colors, foods, music, and people.  The idea that attraction has an age is a funny, funny thing.  Babies are attracted to certain colors and sounds.  We are attracted to love and repelled by hate.  When we see something that resonates with us we are drawn to it.  This is being human.  The idea that we would want to discourage this natural way in others due to them being younger than we think they should be to have the feelings that they actually are having is ridiculous (yes, I am totally judging).

As a parent you may be nervous, because of your own hangups and judgments, around the truth of your child being inherently sexual.  I mean, the damn person was made while you were having sex.  How in the hell can we not be SEXUAL.  What is the problem people???  Let's take our heads out of our asses and start discussing sex, sexuality, love, desire, attraction in a way that doesn't make it shameful, scary, wrong, or inappropriate.

Here is a story that I love to share:  My sister is a massage therapist.  Her son, Miles, used to love to be massaged and loved to give massages, and he was very good at it as well.  There is nothing better than little hands on your shoulders massaging away your worries.  So sweet.  Anyway, during a massage she was giving him he asked if she could massage his penis.  Instead of getting all weird (which I think many of us would) she told him that she wouldn't because that was his to massage.  She let him know that he could massage it in private and that no one else was allowed to until he really wanted them to.  Or some such lovely message like that (I am sure my sister would correct the verbiage).  Either way, the message was clear:  She didn't make him feel that what he asked for was wrong, bad, inappropriate.  She used that moment to let him know the boundaries of his body.

Let's stop being craycray and start empowering one another in love.  Can we do this please???

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Calm.

Electricity.

Cheerleading Championships.

Strangers becoming friends.

Vacuums.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

It matters what you say, how you say it and when you say it.  It matters that you think before you speak.  It matters that you take into consideration who is listening.  That does not mean, however, that you change what you would have said if you hadn't taken these things into consideration… it just means that you have been thoughtful, you have looked at the possibilities so that you can decide what you want to do, instead of just unconsciously doing it.

During this holiday season, as we share space and time with family (blood relatives or chosen family), it is important that we are thoughtful around what, how and when we say whatever it is that we say.  We tend to take family for granted.  We often treat those closest to us the worst.  We believe that it is ok to treat family with little to no regard sometimes.  It is key that you understand the point of family is to practice relationship, like every other human connection you have been in, will be in, or currently are in.  Relationship is about bringing you closer to yourself and family is no different.  Would you like to be treated the way you treat others?  If you cannot answer in the affirmative begin behaving differently.

How can you love yourself by loving your family today?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!  

xo

a

Dreams of a Child

Hello there, When I was younger I dreamt of things like children do.  I saw myself in the home of my dreams, with the love of my life, with the career that I wanted.  At no point, as a child, did I ever decide that I was asking for too much or believe that my dreams were too grandiose.  I wanted these things and I thought about them as if they would happen.  Life was exciting when I was a child (and luckily for me it still is) and part of that excitement was dreaming, the possibility.  As I grew up and learned the 'truth' about various things in life (money being scarce (ha!) and true love being rare) my dreams changed to fit what I now knew.  I stopped thinking about owning a home as a given, I changed what I wanted in a partner and I changed my mind about my career once or twice.

Still I grew older and things changed even more.  Though I am an optimistic person and tend to dream and desire more than many more "realistic" or "pessimistic" folks, I became discouraged in various ways that I never would have as a child.  I decided that relationships had to be 'work' and that jobs had to include parts that you possibly hated because you can't get everything, right?  You had to take the good with the bad, right?  Those were the 'Facts of Life' were they not?  I mean, everywhere I looked people were compromising their dreams to live a life that didn't quite fit, but did the job.  And for those who weren't compromising or settling, they were considered immature, needing to grow up.  "You can't always get what you want" after all.  We are trained to believe that settling is just growing up.

I question these ideas of grown-ups regularly.  Why wear an ill fitted life?  Why not hold out for your dreams?  Why not work hard to realize what you always wanted.  Why settle?

When you consciously choose your life you have to face the reality that some of what is currently happening in it may not work for you anymore.  Recently I have chosen not to settle in any aspect of my life.  From the time that this decision was made things fell away.  Loss happened.  I ended relationships and began new ones.  I approached work differently and still do on a daily basis.  At the same time, things began falling into my lap.  Struggle became joy, life became love.  Things weren't so 'hard.'  The biggest thing is being honest every day with how I am where I am because I choose to be, and, if I want my life to be different than it is I can choose differently.  I am remembering what I wanted as a child and not judging it as fantasy only.  It is a goal, the foundation for reality.  When you stop compromising your dreams you have to start living your life differently.  You are responsible for making your dreams a reality.

If you knew that you could have it all, would you work for it?  Would you open yourself to it?  What if that meant closing yourself off to what you are currently doing, who you are currently with, how you presently view the world?  What would you do to live the life of your dreams?

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."  ~Walt Disney

xo

a

It's Right, It's Wrong

Howdy!!! I recently told someone that I am never wrong.  I meant this and still do.  I also believe the same for others.  Wrong implies that there is a 'right' and that this 'right' is unshakeable, truth, reality, fact.  The only truth is that right and wrong are opinions…  and you know that opinions are like assholes… everyone has one.  So if everyone has an opinion and opinions determine right and wrong (or religion which is the same damn thing) then I would wager that right and wrong are more about control and less about love.  I believe that right and wrong exist to make insecurities less insecure.

I may do something that you don't like or appreciate.  I may do or say something that annoys or offends you.  You may decide that I am annoying or offensive.  To that I say, you forgot to put "to me" at the end of your sentence so it would read accurately, "You are offensive (or annoying) to me."  To which I would say, "ok."  I am not bothered by the opinion of others, that often, because I don't consider others' opinions my truth.  My truth lives within me and motivates me to do what I feel makes sense for the world that I live in.  We may find that vibrationally we relate to many others and then there are some that you just won't relate to, depending on where they are evolutionarily/vibrationally.  Just because it doesn't make sense to me doesn't mean that it is right or wrong universally… it may be not what works for the world I am creating daily, it may undermine my vision of joy and peace on earth, but that doesn't make it right or wrong in general.  I have not seen (or remembered) enough of what the universe has planned in order to know what the 'big picture' is.  So, I humbly move within the space I understand, and that is a place of love and acceptance that all that exists is meant to.

Once we stop the blame game, the judgement game, the less than or more than game, we may begin to play well with others.  Once we stop deciding that we know all there is to know and become curios about how another sees the world, we might begin to grow.  Once we stop creating a world where there is one side or the other we might get to see the vast array of all that there is and all that there will be.  Until then you will see things as right and wrong and so they shall be.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Direct Communication (not sandwiching stuff).

Tiger Balm.

My Suunto.

Books.

Someecards.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Authenticity requires integrity and the ability to never pretend you are someone that you aren not.  When you pretend to be someone you aren't you waste the person that you are.  You don't allow that person a chance to shine, be loved, adored, admired, befriended and to improve.  When you decide that you aren't enough you will never have enough love, adoration, admiration or improvement.  You will feel like something is missing and you will constantly look for it, outside yourself in someone else.  That is the danger of trying to push yourself down, shove your truth away, deny who you are.  Not everyone will love you, not everyone will want to be with you, but at least, being authentic, you will know the ones that are around are meeting (and loving) you where you are.  Are there areas you aren't showing to others because you are afraid of what they would think?  Are you ashamed of yourself in some way?  Take that information, own the shame, own the shadows and begin to heal and, finally, to be loved.

xo

a      

Our Responsibility

Hello, We are responsible for each other in a way that may not seem obvious.  I don't mean as mother and child, husband and wife, brother and sister.  I don't mean in the way of volunteering by handing out food and clothing to the disenfranchised.  I don't mean by taking care of an elderly neighbor's lawn in the summertime or helping someone across the street.  All of these things are wonderful and natural ways we show love to one another but there is a responsibility that I feel we have failed miserably in meeting.  We don't allow others to be who they are.  We don't give people the space to become who they are and support needed to blossom into their ideal selves.

What we do is quickly give humans the rules to what is right and what is wrong.  Humans get bullied from very early on.  Before we ever find out what someone wants we tell them what is and isn't ok to want.  We set up a system (in every culture) that is  based on things we were told, that were based on things that the ones who told us were told, etc. without giving that much thought to whether or not most people are ok with the system or whether the system actually works.  When someone doesn't fit into the structure that was set up before they existed they are either crazy, evil, an abomination, wrong or a misfit.  There isn't a lot of room to be accepted when you don't fit the norm in most societies.  When we create right we create wrong.  You cannot say something is good without deciding that there are things that are bad.  When you create an extreme you create it's opposite; is this what being responsible for one another means?  To determine who is bad and who is good.  What do we base it on?  What the majority are doing or not doing (that they will admit to)?  What some religious document says?  What happens to those who are wrong in our society?  What happens to the misfits?

I truly believe that we are responsible for those who feel left out, bullied by a society that never gave them a chance;  told that they were wrong for feeling, thinking, saying something that went against what society has determined as ok to say, think or feel.  When we set up a system that automatically rules out certain types of people as worthy in a systematic way (the way that we do in this country) we have neglected our responsibility to love each other as ourselves because we are connected.  We have forgotten that we cannot exist separate from one another.  We are all necessary and important and responsible for each other in a deep way that never touches on aiding with groceries to someone's car… though that is important and it does matter.  However, we are responsible to each other in the way to not cause harm, to not destroy, to not judge.  When we decide that someone is less than we tear a part of them away.  We build up rage that at some point will have to come out.  We create dangerous situations and hazardous environments when we push others down for being who they are.

I believe we need to allow what is.  We need to allow everyone to communicate who they feel they are, what their desires are and how they see the world.  We need to learn boundaries at a young age so we can become aware of where I begin and you end.  We need to help others love who they are and find their own voice.  We need to discuss what it means to be aware.  We need to be very careful with each other's hearts. We need to take ownership of our feelings and not blame others for the things that don't belong to them (like our feelings).  We need to understand when we judge others we are judging ourselves.  We need to understand that we cannot always be comfortable and things aren't always going to be the way we would prefer them to be, nor are people.  We need to understand that it isn't our responsibility to put one another down or to marginalize each other, but to uplift and propel each other forward.  I believe we need to first do this for ourselves, once we are no longer in the direct care of others.  Once we have given ourselves permission to feel what we feel and be who we are without the judgement, we can decide if it is what we want to keep or not.  Acceptance is power; the power to change, the power to heal; the power to move on.  Our responsibility, in my opinion, is to accept each other.  Embrace each other.  To love.

xo

a

Paradigm Shift

Howdy, Aloha, Good Morning, Moods, we all have them.  Some say Gemini's have a lot of them!  Ha.  Whatever.  The truth is feelings are information.  So how do we begin to get the information that we are being given.  Feelings aren't exactly what they seem to be.  It is like looking at a painting close up.  You have to get some distance in order to really take it all in.  Perspective.  Feelings are also a code to which we have the incorrect key more often than not.  The key we have is the paradigm of victim.

The victim paradigm looks like this:

Things happen to you.

You have no say over how you feel.

People owe you.

"Should" is a word that exists

Right and Wrong are used regularly

You wonder 'why me'

You have unspoken expectations or you expect others to know what you want and to do it

You believe your happiness is the responsibility of someone else

You don't do your own work

You 'don't know what to do' on a regular basis or you say it regularly

You believe others have more control or know better than you

When you live in this paradigm you expect the government to fix the economy.  You expect others to not cut you off when driving and you feel angry when they do.  You believe that your perfect mate is out there waiting and all you have to do is look pretty (or not) and they will show up and your life will make sense.  You believe that God created all things yet many of those things are wrong.  You look at what is and say it shouldn't happen.  You believe that if only x would do y everything would be ok.  You don't know why your life turned out how it did.  You throw your hands up and wonder 'why me???'  You get angry that someone didn't do something you never explicitly asked them  to do.  You believe that you deserve something from someone and that them not doing it means that they aren't right.

Do you know anyone who lives under this paradigm?  Do you?  Sometimes?

The paradigm of the person who sees feelings as a code to the secrets of the universe lives under the paradigm of the curious one.  The curious one looks at everything from the standpoint of "what am I experiencing this for, if anything.  When you are curious you are not judging.  You are asking, you are open, you are ready for what is.  You aren't trying to push things away and you aren't judging.

The curious one paradigm looks a little like this:

You are open

You want to know why but aren't attached to any answer

You do your work, you want to learn about you

You want to learn about others

You feel that things happen for a reason

You don't expect, you wonder

You know perspective is key

You see many sides because of perspective

You relate to others, you see yourself in their place

You see things as they are, from your perspective and you wonder how they would be if you weren't you

You ask questions

You take responsibility for your feelings

The 'Curious One' looks at the world from the place of awareness.  The CO is looking for the lessons of this existence.  We aren't here to condemn, blame, fall victim to or lament over life.  We are here to learn, love and grow.  Think about a baby.  What do they need?  Love, learning and growth.  That is really all we continue to need.  When you become that CO you begin to look at people as helpers.  They give you information about you.  You learn how you feel about things, what you want or don't want, like or don't like, need or don't need.  You get a chance to look at how you relate to the world through how others relate to you.  You also get a chance to see the world from other eyes when you are curious.  You ask questions, you listen to the answers and you believe that by changing your perspective most anything could make sense to you.  As the curious one, you do not deny, you accept.

How curious are you on a regular basis?  How can you bring some curiosity to your life?  Would you want to?

xo

a

"Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience.

Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion.

Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power back.

Anything you hate is for teaching you unconditional love.

Anything you fear is for teaching you courage to overcome your fear.

Anything you can’t control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the Universe."

~Jackson Kiddard

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Tears.

Bringing Plants Back to Life.

Soft Fuzzy Blankets.

Home.

Possibility.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Life is full of surprises.  You never know what is next.  When was the last time you were surprised by someone or something???  What did that tell you about your expectations?  Without expectations we are constantly amazed and appreciative.  Lacking expectation opens the door for gratitude.  Gratitude means loving what you get and therefore getting what you love.  Be open to what is… abundance, love, each other.

xo

a      

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Airplanes.

The Tropics.

Internet.

Time To Reflect.

Genelle Benker.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We don't often realize what a profound impact we can have on one another until something tragic happens.  Someone dies, leaves, hurts us in some way.  Then we see how affected we are.  What if we realized this with every person we met?  What if we understood the miracle of connection and how we all take care of one another with every breath we take for ourselves?  How would the world look if we began to appreciate everyone as divine, necessary and love?  What if we started with looking at ourselves this way.  We are divine.  We are necessary.  We are love.  I am going to keep telling you these truths until they sink in.  Love is relentless, love is forever, love is all.

xo

a      

I Want You Now

Howdy! I was recently discussing dating and relationships with a friend when I mentioned that I am transparent when I meet someone, no building myself up here.  I basically consider false advertising lying.  I think that when a woman sucks in her stomach to seem thinner or a guy says he is taller in a personals ad, they are setting themselves up to fail.  Show yourself if you want yourself to be accepted.  I have been in many relationships, some great, some awful, all ended for one reason or fifty.  Either way, I never left the relationship feeling or being told that I hadn't communicated who I was.  Often it was the opposite.  I was often dating someone who wasn't who they said they were, but who they wanted to be.  I am not one to promise tomorrow when today is all we have.  So, I expect the same in return.  That expectation has proven difficult to meet in my journey towards love and intimacy.

I have spent relationships hoping for something that wasn't, waiting for someone who might never show.  It puts everyone at a disadvantage when you are hanging your hat on the future and hoping the present will hurry up to it.  The person who is being asked to be who they aren't yet is not happy.  Who would be when they aren't actually being loved for who they are?  The person waiting is, well, waiting, for someone who may never pop into existence.  Besides, if you want a love, a true love, I believe you have to truly be you without the promises of a you that is 'better' in your mind.  Promising a you of the future to someone puts so much stress on the relationship.  It is amazing how many of us feel that it is ok to try to change someone, or try to change for someone.

In past relationships I have massaged my partner regularly, written doting love notes, bought expensive jewelry, danced and made up songs, cooked elaborate meals, pampered in numerous ways, yet, when I meet someone now, I truly wouldn't think about saying that these are all of the things that I do.  They are things that I have done, that I know I am capable of doing but what I do now is work… a lot.  I write.  I listen to a lot of music and I talk… I love conversation.  The rest is to be discovered, not sold.  If someone doesn't like the person I am without them, then I certainly am not going to try to get them to.  At this point when I meet someone, I look at their life right now and believe that they are living it the way they have chosen to and that if I don't like it I may do better to move along.

We tend to believe that we are not enough as is.  We have decided the things that we judge unattractive should be hidden.  How on earth will we have the love we want when we don't show up to receive it?  I always admit that I am an asshole, a great friend, a loyal confidante and a Gemini who has to have her freedom.  If that doesn't work for someone then it most certainly won't work for me, regardless of what a great catch that person might seem to be.  A catch, in my opinion, is someone who wants me, that I want equally and the relationship works the way we feel it needs to.  Otherwise they are just fish in the sea.

xo

a

I Want Some Things

Howdy! Tis the season to get stuff right.  Oh, I know most of you would say 'to give' but let's be honest… you want some things too.  We have this funny way of trying to be altruistic when it is a big ol' lie.  Seriously.  You weren't put here to not want something.  We want lots of things and there isn't anything wrong with it.  I mean, if you are being selfless and giving to others, who are the others and wouldn't they be trying to do the same thing if wanting things were so bad?  I believe that one of the reasons we 'get' things is because we are open to receiving them, and, if you look around, how much do you get?  I am sure you get a lot of things, which tells me that on various levels you feel deserving, you feel worth receiving.  Make the fact that you do want things something that you own instead keeping your wanting hidden in your subconscious (like a dirty secret).  When you bring it to the surface you are able to direct it a bit more, you can be more specific about getting your desires met.  Getting isn't a sin, wanting isn't a sin, asking isn't a sin.  When you want (which is all of the time in so many different ways) you are giving someone the chance to please you… and you, the altruistic one, knows how giving someone something they want or need feels.  It feels amazing.  We not only want to be loved, we desire to give it as well, in its various forms.

I believe that a life of service doesn't mean a life of struggle.  We have decided that those who want to help others shouldn't want to help themselves as well.  They should be selfless, oftentimes poor, in only a bit better spot to those they are helping.  How would anyone be an example of success by not being successful?  How is it wrong to have abundance and be of service.  Wouldn't you believe the person who has figured out how to have what they need would be able to tell you a thing or two about getting somewhere that you are not, like a place of abundance?  It is like asking someone who doesn't love themselves to love everyone else.  When you have done your work, figured out how to meet your needs or ask for help, serving is done in a much purer way.  It isn't being used to squash the very real fact that you don't feel deserving on some level; it isn't covering up a deep feeling of guilt.  In any case, that isn't really giving, in my opinion.  It is being selfish in a deep and unconscious way.

Own your wants.  Ask for what it is that makes your heart sing without judgement.  No one is served by denying who they are.  Speak your truth.  If all else fails, and you don't believe that it is ok to want, look at it like this.  The world isn't lacking in anything.  We have more people, more stuff, more food (regardless if it is getting to everyone or not, the capacity to feed is infinite), more ideas, more than ever before.  Scarcity is a lie.  When you have something it takes nothing away from me.  It is the argument of gay marriage somehow hurting heterosexual marriages.  One doesn't take away from the other.  There is enough marriage to go around and enough love to sustain the relationships that want sustenance.  My wanting stuff, experiences, my way, doesn't mean you cannot have your stuff, experiences or way.  We can all be in a place of abundance if we just wanted it, openly, without judgement.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Sleep.

Taking Risks.

Fountain Pens.

Love.

Redecorating.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We are all deserving of love.  We are all worth someone loving all of who we are, without changing.  You never need to be something for someone except all of you for yourself.  Remember to ask yourself if you are happy, if you want what you have where you are?  Don't settle because you think you cannot do better or because you are hoping that someone will become someone they are not.  Love what is… that is all you have and it is enough.  It really truly is.

xo

a      

We are exactly where we are supposed to be doing exactly what we are meant to do, right now. :)

Help Me

Hiya! In the past when I felt swamped or overwhelmed I would often stop reaching out, stay home, answer few calls and keep to myself.  In theory it is a good idea to cocoon myself so that I could renew myself.  However, reaching out can help make whatever I am going through smaller and more manageable.  When you let others know what is happening in your world you allow your world to shrink, not seem so daunting and you might just see a way out of the stress heap you are under.  Admitting that I needed help was hard, asking for help was harder.

As a life coach I am there for anyone and everyone that needs me to be.  I hold space for people so that they can better view their world and make the changes that they would like to make.  I help take their stress from keeping them stuck to motivating and initiating change.  I am always inspired by the amazing people who reach out and ask me to help them.  It is a HUGE deal to know that you cannot do it on your own, that you don't need to do it on your own.  Life is so much sweeter when lived with others… when you understand that we are here to learn about ourselves through our relationship with others.  When you allow help, when you give permission, you receive it faster than you can imagine.  Usually the only thing that is standing in the way between you and your ideal world is you not asking or asking for others to participate; giving permission for others to help you.

For some reason (conditioning from our society) we believe that we are here to do everything on our own.  The truth is we are dependent on one another no matter how much we would like to think we stand alone.  We need each other and always will.  You have what I need and I have what you need.  It is about sharing, assisting, helping.  Are there ways in which you could use help but you have a judgement around asking?

I ask for help now.  It is more fun to be a part of  team.  I like the fact that others are just as excited to assist me as I am to assist them.  Life is easier with help.  More fun.  Less overwhelming.  Better, overall.  Giving others the permission to assist was a big step from struggling to make it in my chosen life path and success.  Asking for help made me stronger than I ever would have been on my own.

xo

a

Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving! I have been overcome with gratitude today… I am a pretty grateful person but today has been different.  I feel like everything slowed down and I was able to see the awesomeness around me.  I taught an amazing class this morning with so many beautiful souls flying to loud intense music.  Sweating on their day of thanks.  I trained a client who looked like a shining star when I walked in to begin.  She is losing weight, gaining confidence, pushing through her world to create the one she desires.  I am inspired by her dedication to herself.  I drove in my car, that I love, smooth, fast through the barely populated streets.  Past various gyms and fitness centers.  I realized how blessed we are to have so many choices of places to get gas for cars, food for our bellies, equipment to work out on, streets to drive on, sidewalks to walk along.

I am blessed for three furry animals that are in my care.  They love me without reservation which is more than I can say for myself with them.  They annoy me and I have to clean up after them and walk the little teeny itty bitty chihuahua, not how I want to spend my days… but they love me and just want to jump on my lap (all the damn time) and give me snuggles.  I am blessed to have as many vegetables and as much fruit as I can stuff into my stomach at any point during the day or night.  I stay up late which means I eat a LOT… more hours in the day to eat means more food.  I am blessed to receive Facebook messages, phone calls and text messages sending love and thanks.

I am thankful that I love TV and lack the desire to judge others for hating it :)  I enjoy my movies, TV shows and music videos.  I am blessed for my iPad with more crap on it than I can use but options are always grand.  I am blessed to be able to enjoy beauty and see it everywhere in just about everything.  I am blessed to be able to sit and listen to any song from anywhere at the push of a button.  I am blessed and grateful to love what I do everyday and to continue to get better at it.

I am thankful for forgiveness.  For forgiving others and others forgiving me.

Most of all I am thankful that I can and do share.  That I share me with you and that you receive me.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Tattoos.

Movies.

Fruit Smoothies.

Sleep.

Reading.

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

During this time of year we are reminded to give thanks.  Thanks for the people in our lives, for the stuff we have accumulated, for our health, our earth, for any and everything.  I think that it is fantastic that we have a season for gratitude, after all being grateful sometimes is better than being grateful no times :)  If you are thinking about giving back, saying thanks and sending love now, why not try to bring this to your daily practice of life.  See what shifts for you when you spend all year saying thanks, loving each other and spreading peace.

Happy Holiday To You :)

xo

a     

You are love, you are light, send it out and shine it bright.

Ownership Has It's Privileges

Howdy, I was speaking to a relative about communication the other day.  She had never communicated what she wanted or needed but harbored much anger toward those who weren't meeting her needs.  I tried to give her insight into the idea that no one can be held responsible for anyone else's lack of action.  We are all responsible for ourselves and communicating our own needs.  Yet, through our culture of blame it is much easier to see fault in someone not just "knowing" what you need instead of owning the fact that you have to do the work to communicate (as many times as you have to in order to be heard) what it is you need… even if that means risking not getting your needs met.  See, speaking your truth doesn't mean it will be accepted by others… but you cannot get anywhere without trying, without risking, without speaking.  You most certainly have less of a chance of getting what you need if you never actually admit to having needs.

The fear, however, is so great that we hide behind the idea that people should know this or should have know that.  We actually believe that other people should be mind readers even though we don't do a good job of understanding what someone else wants.  We get angry with each other and literally resent people for not knowing what they were never told.  We argue over things being common sense or not, when the reality is, did they know?  Were they told?  Nothing is really obvious when it comes down to it.  If it isn't explicitly communicated you cannot expect it to be understood (even then you may need to do some work around it).  We spend so little time communicating our needs that we don't truly know how to.  Our fear of not being heard or our fear or judgement that we aren't deserving, mixed with our resentment for not getting our needs met create a scary combination.  It is a wonder how any relationship survives (in my opinion).  How many times have you expected someone to treat you one way or another only to have them do something else?  How did you respond?

We are a culture that blames.  We blame the government, the weather, God (if you have one or more), fast food, alcohol, other people, TV, guns, etc.  I don't believe I have ever turned on the TV or listened to the radio to hear our media discuss how each person contributes to their own personal issues, let alone the world's joys and pains.  I don't believe I have ever overheard a conversation where someone was saying, "I must take a long hard look at myself and what I am bringing to this situation that is perpetuating it."  I have heard that they did this, or they did that or they need to stop doing these things and everything would be ok.  It is no wonder why we oftentimes feel powerless over our lives.  It is no wonder why we go to war or have road rage.  It is no wonder why our world is in such turmoil.  We are all pointing the finger at someone/something else, rarely seeing where we can start to make a shift in the world.

How can you take ownership for yourself today?

xo

a

You, All Of You

Howdy! How much do you hide in order to be loved?  What about yourself are you ashamed of and would prefer to never see the light of day?  When did you recognize this thing that you so revile was a part of you?  Do you claim it or do you try to ignore it away?  Have you ever been with anyone that has something similar to that thing you have that you try to deny?  How did they handle it?  We are very sensitive souls and we are very afraid little beings in so many ways.  We all at least one thing that we do, have done, would do, that we would prefer no one know about (maybe you have done your work and have gotten through it, but we can all relate).  There are lengths that one goes to in order to get rid of something that they are ashamed of and those lengths are never long enough, never deep enough to hide who we are and push away what we need to accept.

Love, we all want it.  We all crave it.  We all go in search of it.  Some of us have found it, others are on the hunt.  We do things specifically to get it.  Much of the time what we do lacks in authenticity and is covered in judgement.  We show others the parts of ourselves that we have decided are lovable.  We withhold the areas we would prefer to not have from the one we would like to have.  We try our damnedest to be all that we want to be instead of embracing who we actually are.  We don't share with others the parts that we think they would judge as harshly as we have.  Still, we want to be loved fully.  How is it possible for anyone to love us fully if we don't actually do the same.  You are  telling someone that you don't love yourself but you would like it if they could love you.  That is telling someone that you don't want to be yelled at and yelling at everyone else around you.  It is hypocritical.  You are not doing it, you aren't loving yourself.  You are hating on something you are or a behavior that you display and yet you want to be loved fully.  If you don't see how all of you is worthy how will anyone else?

There may be things in your life, history, behavior that you would prefer to change, this is the case for all human beings.  We are always working on progress.  Hating it won't actually make it disappear.  If you want something to change you will need to actually look at it, find out what, why, when and where.  You may find that you don't want that behavior gone or the history erased.  It actually makes up who you are and in some way has a purpose.  We are here and we are deliberate.  We are not mistakes.  When this is a reality in your world it is easier to look at all of you and allow the various parts to be acknowledged and even given space to exist in a way that allows them to show up when you want them to, not on accident.  The very thing you have been trying to hide usually bites you in the ass at some point, so you might as well make friends with it so that you can be its master instead of the other way around.

You may also want to show this to the one you would have love you.  If you aren't showing someone who you are, really, how will they have the opportunity to love who you are, really?  When you decide for someone else what they would or wouldn't like you don't give them the opportunity to decide for themselves.  You may have failed relationships (intimate or otherwise) that have more to do with your inauthenticity than anything else.  Be yourself, be brave, be fearless and you will be loved.

xo

a

You First

Hello, When it comes to loving others, truly loving and being able to hold space or take care of what it is they need, the order would have to be you first.  Trying to give to someone something you deny from yourself isn't sharing love.  Trying to be what someone else wants when you don't know what you want isn't sustainable and at some point it will be too much for both or one of you.  Being there for someone requires that you know what that feels like, that you do it for yourself and/or have had someone be there for you in the ways you need them, not how they wanted to.  You are that someone…always.

Before you venture off trying to save the world, save yourself.  I am always baffled by the amount of giving people do for one another and at the same time think that giving to themselves is a sin or not the direction that they need to focus on.  Please understand, we are here to assist in the development of the whole but not by sacrificing ourselves… we are the whole.  Look at the world like a fractal, what I do to me just repeats and repeats on all levels.  And, it goes on and on and on.

Be that person that listens well with yourself.  Be the one who is always kind, with yourself.  Notice how well you treat you.  See if there is room for improvement in every aspect.  Do you like to be picked on?  Nagged?  Told that you suck?  Then why would you do it to yourself?  How would you trust someone who doesn't trust themselves?  Do you trust yourself?  Do you feel worthy of love?  Of joy?  Of happiness?  How would someone else really find that in you if you haven't found it in you?  How could you ask for something you yourself won't do?

You are the source.  You are the alpha and omega.  You are where the pain begins and where it can end.  You are where the love begins and where it can spread.  Focus on what it is that you are needing, feeling, seeing, hearing, afraid of, loving, wanting, deciding, thinking.  Make your work you.  Accept the things that you wish to change with the joy of a child.  Be curious about yourself.  You are amazing.  There was a day where your being born was the highlight.  You are enough just because you are… you exist.  Now get on with working on this existence, making it the best one you could imagine.  Share yourself and your growth so that others may shine their own light as well.  When we forget who we are chaos ensues.  When we believe that someone else holds the key we remain locked in place, rigid, unmoving.  We are the key, the lock, the sun and the moon.  When you feel yourself, whole, nothing can penetrate that.  You are much more effective when you are full of love than when you are looking for it.

See where you are taking care of or neglecting yourself.  Then look at your world.  Do you see you reflected?

xo

a

My Hand In Yours

Hello, Reach out, when you are low.  Reach out, when you are lost.  Reach out when you are feeling like you have no one to hold onto, not even yourself.  Reach, and someone, something, maybe your self will reach back.  The thing is, and this is something I am guilty of, when we need to be reached we sometimes cut ourselves off from connection.  We push others away, we close ourselves off, we don't give our concerns, worries, issues a chance to be shared and held by our community and in turn dissipate.  Talking, sharing, giving others the chance to assist actually allows our souls to let go of the burden and brings to the issues a perspective that is hard to find when we carry them alone.

We aren't just here to struggle through the world alone.  Look around, see how many of us are going through the same thing.  We are all mirroring each other.  We bump into the energies that are most like our own.  We are, right now, all of us in contact with others that are in similar places, that are dealing with similar things, that are feeling a similar way.  If each of us, opened our mouths and were vulnerable, if we were honest, we would allow others to do the same and in the same way, hold our pain, share our pain, and help release it… and we can do the same for them.

Be open regardless of whether others are open with you.  In other words, don't wait to be held to hold.  Don't wait to find that one that can hear you or love you to hear or to love.  Be bold, be honest, reach out and when someone does the same, be there and reach back.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

FaceTime.

Baking Soda.

Successful Business.

Patience.

Surprises.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We are so capable of reaching farther than what we know.  The only mistake that we make is waking up and believing that what happened yesterday has some bearing on today.  We don't realize we can create the world like it is a painting… choose different paints, pastels, pencils and paint a new view, a different perspective, a more loving world.  We don't realize we are creating the world by not creating the world.  We let it continue, we keep believing old stuff and we call it reality.  It is more like history and we are doomed to repeat it if we don't decide to do and see something different.  How hard is it to change?  Why?  What is so good about what happened in the past?  Comfort?  Safety.  Well, neither are true.  Try to wake up with a new idea of reality.  Tell me what begins to shift…

xo

a      

See love, feel love, be love.  See peace, feel peace, be peace.  See strength, feel strength, be strength.

xo

a