acceptance

It's Right, It's Wrong

Howdy!!! I recently told someone that I am never wrong.  I meant this and still do.  I also believe the same for others.  Wrong implies that there is a 'right' and that this 'right' is unshakeable, truth, reality, fact.  The only truth is that right and wrong are opinions…  and you know that opinions are like assholes… everyone has one.  So if everyone has an opinion and opinions determine right and wrong (or religion which is the same damn thing) then I would wager that right and wrong are more about control and less about love.  I believe that right and wrong exist to make insecurities less insecure.

I may do something that you don't like or appreciate.  I may do or say something that annoys or offends you.  You may decide that I am annoying or offensive.  To that I say, you forgot to put "to me" at the end of your sentence so it would read accurately, "You are offensive (or annoying) to me."  To which I would say, "ok."  I am not bothered by the opinion of others, that often, because I don't consider others' opinions my truth.  My truth lives within me and motivates me to do what I feel makes sense for the world that I live in.  We may find that vibrationally we relate to many others and then there are some that you just won't relate to, depending on where they are evolutionarily/vibrationally.  Just because it doesn't make sense to me doesn't mean that it is right or wrong universally… it may be not what works for the world I am creating daily, it may undermine my vision of joy and peace on earth, but that doesn't make it right or wrong in general.  I have not seen (or remembered) enough of what the universe has planned in order to know what the 'big picture' is.  So, I humbly move within the space I understand, and that is a place of love and acceptance that all that exists is meant to.

Once we stop the blame game, the judgement game, the less than or more than game, we may begin to play well with others.  Once we stop deciding that we know all there is to know and become curios about how another sees the world, we might begin to grow.  Once we stop creating a world where there is one side or the other we might get to see the vast array of all that there is and all that there will be.  Until then you will see things as right and wrong and so they shall be.

xo

a

Our Responsibility

Hello, We are responsible for each other in a way that may not seem obvious.  I don't mean as mother and child, husband and wife, brother and sister.  I don't mean in the way of volunteering by handing out food and clothing to the disenfranchised.  I don't mean by taking care of an elderly neighbor's lawn in the summertime or helping someone across the street.  All of these things are wonderful and natural ways we show love to one another but there is a responsibility that I feel we have failed miserably in meeting.  We don't allow others to be who they are.  We don't give people the space to become who they are and support needed to blossom into their ideal selves.

What we do is quickly give humans the rules to what is right and what is wrong.  Humans get bullied from very early on.  Before we ever find out what someone wants we tell them what is and isn't ok to want.  We set up a system (in every culture) that is  based on things we were told, that were based on things that the ones who told us were told, etc. without giving that much thought to whether or not most people are ok with the system or whether the system actually works.  When someone doesn't fit into the structure that was set up before they existed they are either crazy, evil, an abomination, wrong or a misfit.  There isn't a lot of room to be accepted when you don't fit the norm in most societies.  When we create right we create wrong.  You cannot say something is good without deciding that there are things that are bad.  When you create an extreme you create it's opposite; is this what being responsible for one another means?  To determine who is bad and who is good.  What do we base it on?  What the majority are doing or not doing (that they will admit to)?  What some religious document says?  What happens to those who are wrong in our society?  What happens to the misfits?

I truly believe that we are responsible for those who feel left out, bullied by a society that never gave them a chance;  told that they were wrong for feeling, thinking, saying something that went against what society has determined as ok to say, think or feel.  When we set up a system that automatically rules out certain types of people as worthy in a systematic way (the way that we do in this country) we have neglected our responsibility to love each other as ourselves because we are connected.  We have forgotten that we cannot exist separate from one another.  We are all necessary and important and responsible for each other in a deep way that never touches on aiding with groceries to someone's car… though that is important and it does matter.  However, we are responsible to each other in the way to not cause harm, to not destroy, to not judge.  When we decide that someone is less than we tear a part of them away.  We build up rage that at some point will have to come out.  We create dangerous situations and hazardous environments when we push others down for being who they are.

I believe we need to allow what is.  We need to allow everyone to communicate who they feel they are, what their desires are and how they see the world.  We need to learn boundaries at a young age so we can become aware of where I begin and you end.  We need to help others love who they are and find their own voice.  We need to discuss what it means to be aware.  We need to be very careful with each other's hearts. We need to take ownership of our feelings and not blame others for the things that don't belong to them (like our feelings).  We need to understand when we judge others we are judging ourselves.  We need to understand that we cannot always be comfortable and things aren't always going to be the way we would prefer them to be, nor are people.  We need to understand that it isn't our responsibility to put one another down or to marginalize each other, but to uplift and propel each other forward.  I believe we need to first do this for ourselves, once we are no longer in the direct care of others.  Once we have given ourselves permission to feel what we feel and be who we are without the judgement, we can decide if it is what we want to keep or not.  Acceptance is power; the power to change, the power to heal; the power to move on.  Our responsibility, in my opinion, is to accept each other.  Embrace each other.  To love.

xo

a

Be Happy Now

Hello there, How many times a day do you say no, silently, to your world, your life, to others?  How many times do you wish for something that isn't happening at the moment?  How often do you try to change what has already happened by going over it in your head and remembering it differently.  How many times do you try to get someone to be someone else, including yourself?  How do you think your world is affected when you deny, refuse, resist and consistently try to wish away what is?  Is life, your life, that unsatisfactory that wanting something other than what you have is more fun, more rewarding and overall more enjoyable?

Happiness is not something you shoot for.  Joy isn't a goal.  These are states we have always within us, totally accessible.  We spend so much time choosing to dislike what is that we never see the beauty in the moment.  We take for granted all that supports, loves and appreciates us because it isn't exactly what we want it to be or how we would like it to be.  The truth is we may never get where we want to go, we may not be around long enough.  Nothing is promised, certainly not an amount of time in this human experience, so, though planning for the future is important, being attached to it isn't.  The future has a mind of its own and it is better to bet on what is right now.

Learning to love this moment brings you to that state of being we call happiness.  Loving the moment doesn't stop you from wanting the moment to change or be something else.  It allows for you to spend less time efforting change.  When you are happy, when joy seeps from your pores the world is yours.  What you thought you had to force now flows easily in your direction.  What you thought was going to take forever and be a struggle is done with joy and realized sooner than you thought.  Most of all you forget to be miserable when you are busy being happy.  You forget to worry when you trust in the moment you are in.  When you give up resisting your life, your life stops resisting you.

Be expansive, be joyful, be love.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Asking for help.

New Tattoos.

Intuition.

Saying No.

Intimacy.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

I know that we all want to be open for all of the gifts that the world has to offer.  I know that I do.  I say yes as much as it makes sense to me.  I do my best to say no when I feel a strong sense that something won't work for me, but that is only after many years of figuring out what doesn't work for me.  Life is trial and error.  Sometimes lots of errors so that the trials become less and less severe.  So at this point I do my best to say yes and when I say no, I mean it.  Unless I change my mind ;)  It is mine to change after all… and the same goes for you.  Do what you want and then change your mind and do something else.

xo

a      

Us

Howdy, Relationship, whether it is with ourselves or with another, is integral to the human experience we are all in.  We learn about ourselves in relation to others.  When we are shown who we are in relationship, we choose to deny or accept what we have learned.  We choose to take ownership or we blame.  We either hold or let go of what is being given to us.  The choice is ours.

If you don't like where you are, who you are, in this moment then you are going to have a hard time relating to others and at some point, to yourself.  When you spend much or your time denying and lying about what is really happening for you the ability to move beyond it is nearly impossible.  Without an acceptance of what is, what will be remains elusive.  You are not able to find out what is next when what is here is turned down and denied.  If you have left yourself, turned your back on where you are, pretended like never are yet always will be, you will remain stuck, churning and frustrated.  Working on relationships with others and with yourself is imperative for growth.  You cannot only know yourself as you are reflected back through relationship with another, you will need to find out who you are in relationship to yourself.

We all have parts of ourselves that we neglect when we are alone or put on others when we are together.   Having a balance is important for a healthy relationship to be sustained.  Where do you see your place in your life and relationships?  How well do you know yourself?  The constant in all of your relationships is you, so it may behoove you to figure you out.  What patterns have emerged whether you are alone or not?  What relationship has helped you accept the parts you would choose to hide?  Where do you still try to keep yourself from seeing who you are?  When was the last time you had a love affair with yourself or another?  Does it feed you daily?  I feel that your relationship with yourself needs to be your foundation; your relationship with another is a reflection of that.

I know that my relationships with others reflect strongly my relationship to myself.  When I am healthy in regards to my loving of me, I have an easier time with others treating me well, loving me well, knowing me.  When I feel undeserving, less than, I attract those who support those feelings.  If you are feeling less than, unsupported and alone… go home to yourself.  Come back to your first love affair with you or find that love in relation to another.  Let one feed the other, however you find it, just find it.  Allow yourself to be loved for being, for just simply being.  No judgement, no fear, no reservations.

 

Come Back

Come back now

and wrap your

self

around my shell, for I have felt

my core

melt with your words and touch

 

and whatever is left of me

I want you to catch, de-liquify

 

my heart, place it gently back

as we meet eye to eye.

 

Until then

have me at breakfast

so you are strong throughout the day.

~A.C.

 

xo

a

Resistance Is Painful

Howdy! What was the thing that happened to you?  You know, when you were a kid, teenager, young adult, thirty-something, middle-aged, yesterday?  How was it awful?  What triggers it?  How often do you relive it?  Where do you see it seeping into your current life and relationships?  Do you think, just for a moment, that whatever it was that happened was a blessing?

I have mentioned before that my psychic gift is 'knowing.'  I 'know' things and that is simply just the way that it is.  One of the reasons this gift is stronger than others that I have is because of my being raised with a mother that could be very depressed, extremely loving, moody and mean, generous and giving, dark and light.  I so wanted to please her that I worked on knowing exactly what she wanted/needed before I had to deal with the mood in a negative way.  My gift was honed by my desire to survive in a peaceful way.  I was told by a friend/client/psychic that I needed to remember to appreciate my upbringing for giving me the opportunity to grow my talent.  If I didn't show gratitude for all, and I mean, all that I have experienced that would mean I was not grateful for who I am now.  Honestly, I couldn't be happier with who I am and am more than grateful for all of the trials, challenges, and tribulations I have faced.  I have learned how to be me through those experiences.

Recently, my sister and I were discussing how pain is resistance.  When we resist our experiences those experiences become painful.  When we say, "It should NEVER have happened" we feel pain associated with it.  When you accept that it happened and are curious as to what you were meant to know from it, the pain ceases and the learning begins.  We are so caught up with blame, fault, guilt and regret that we spend little to know time on growth, learning, joy, love and happiness.  Even now, someone reading this may feel like they need to feel bad about the bad things that happened to them.  To that I say.  Do what you want… if it works for you, it works for you.

Try to look at your life with a different lens.  See your life as a series of gifts to create the you of today, tomorrow and the next.  You have so much to learn, do, see, feel and share.  Be grateful, always in all ways.  Do you believe that is possible for you to do?

xo

a

Letting Go To Grow

"The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different."  ~Peter Drucker Howdy!

We hold on to things.  We hold onto feelings, people, places, jobs, experiences.  We take photos of food for goodness sake!  We don't seem to be able to let things go.  We believe that we can actually stop time, that we can stay in one place.   We make promises to never leave.  We sign contracts to always stay in place.  We believe we have control over growth.  Not so much.

Everything must change, nothing stays the same, the young become the old, mysteries do unfold (to quote one of my favorite songs).  At some point all the holding on will begin to feel burdensome and unhealthy.  At some point we won't want to wear the same jeans day in and day out.  Most of us are not there yet.  We live fearing the inevitable.  It is amazing to me how afraid of 'endings' we are… and beginnings for that matter.  Change is enough to send most people over the edge.  The most interesting part of this fear of change is how we handle it after the shock has worn off.  Most of us find that the grass is greener when all is said and done.  We realize, if we are being honest, that change is growth and growth means becoming more of who you are, learning more about the world, and ultimately evolution.  Staying in one place is akin to the death of the body or being inanimate.  When you don't move you die.

When you allow change to happen without the fear and the fuss you end suffering.  You are also better able to see where you weren't allowing for a blessing to enter until you made room.  Sometimes making room is letting go of what isn't serving you any longer.  That could be a relationship with a person, place or thing.  It could be a way of thinking or habits that you have acquired over the years.  Letting go of the stories we have retold time and time again allow for the greatest growth and the deepest change, which, in turn means you are opening yourself up for the biggest blessings and more life.

I take stock of my life consistently.  I end what doesn't work (though sometimes it takes me some time) and am always headed towards my dreams, my goals, my self.  I know that the more space I create the better able I am to fill it in the way that makes sense for where I am in that moment.  It is important to let go of the idea that where I am right now is where I will be… or that who I am right now is who I will be.  We are all, every single one of us, in progress.

xo

a

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly" ~Henri Bergson

Getting Past It

"Change is inevitable, growth is intentional."  ~Anonymous Howdy!

We all have our personal areas of work.  Some of the areas of work for me are seeing what is and not just what could be.  I tend to get attached to potential, which works in my work, not in my personal life.  Others area may deal with food, money, love, lust, anger, etc.  I often hear people say,  after repeating something they 'used' to do, "I thought I was past that."  When I hear that an alarm goes off for me.  In that statement there are so many things that cover up what is going on.  First, there is regret and shame.  Second, the behavior that is being discussed was judged/deemed to be inappropriate, bad or undesirable.  Third it says, clearly to me, that we the person is approaching growth from the angle of getting rid of instead of accepting (because of the judgement).

When you are working on yourself and you are looking at something you are not pleased with, say you overeat when you are stressed (I totally do this… I also can under eat).  Maybe you have worked for many years to move to a place where you no longer use food as a method to handle, or numb yourself to stress.  Maybe it has been years since you have binged or withheld food around a stressful situation or event.  Then, one day, you find out something that sends you reeling and you find yourself buying 'comfort' food and eating it all in one sitting.  Or you find yourself refusing food and falling into a deep depression.  Once you are able to see the situation with some perspective you may feel like you have regressed or gone backwards.  This is only the case if evolution was about leaving all that you were behind.  I don't believe this is true.  I believe the concept of evolution isn't about getting rid of your history, I believe it is about accepting it and knowing that you are all, can do all, have done all.

When you move forward you aren't dropping off or losing pieces of who you were and what you have done.  You are taking it all and using it for future reference, to relate to others, to choose to use or not to use when you deem appropriate… to remember where you began.  Acceptance is one of the main areas of evolution.  Accepting that we are capable of all that we have done and so much more.  When you believe you have moved past something you are believing that it is possible to rise above being human in this human experience.  I feel like that phrase is actually the sign that you need to (and will) experience that 'thing' again.  It is like saying, I thought I had moved past using the bathroom… or breathing… or living.  Our lives, our experiences are not to be moved past, but to be taken in.  Seen.  Appreciated.  Given attention.  You move past things when you are walking, biking, driving.  You learn from and take with you your experiences.  That is what makes you, you.

When you realize you don't move past your behaviors you are better equipped to be aware when the ones you aren't keen on expressing begin to creep up.  You have the power to choose when to use the behavior or not.  When you accept that you are someone who is capable of using food to numb yourself you can remember to use food for fuel instead, regardless of what is happening in your world.

You will be faced with yourself (the parts you love and the parts you don't) time and time again; how you respond when faced with those things about you that aren't your ideal is where so much great work is waiting to be done.  Growth isn't about getting past something, it is about taking that 'thing'  by the hand and walking along your path, keeping it where you would like it to be; taking charge of all of you.  Using the experiences from the past to help guide you towards your desired future is why I believe we remember anything at all.

"Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness."  ~Jean Vanier

xo

a

Lies & The Liars That Tell Them

"To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development.  To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life.  It is no less than a denial of the soul."  ~Oscar Wilde Good Day!

Are you a liar?  Have you been honest every moment of your life?  Have you denied yourself love because of lies you have told?  I have lied, to others and to myself.  I have been caught in lies, gotten away with lies and squashed my light because I haven't forgiven myself for some of the lies I have told.  Because I know that I am a fantastic actor I keep myself in check.  I am aware of that liar part of me that enjoys showing up and I give her tasks that are harmless to others and helpful to me.  When you own who you are you become your greatest gift.

First and foremost when we judge we cut off knowledge; we distance ourselves from ourselves.  Second, when we judge we oppress; we put ourselves down and create a deeper hole to climb out of in order to see light.  When you lied  you had a reason.  It served you in the moment.  That part of you that is capable of lying, stretching the truth or bending reality is probably a very handy part of yourself.  Too often we run from what we are ashamed of and we lose the gift that experience has to give.  When you deny any one part of you, you deny all of you.  What you don't allow yourself to see about yourself becomes bigger until it gets the attention it needs.  You will find yourself faced with the parts of you that you try to ignore or reject either in others or by you expressing it yourself over an over again.  What your resist persists.

Owning your truth & your lies allows you to see patterns in your life a bit clearer.  It also allows you to have more compassion and to be more connected to others in general.  So many of us deny that we are capable of the very things we deem horrible, awful, terrible, sinful, shameful, etc. only to find ourselves in a situation where we are forced to go back on that judgement.  The universe gives you all you need to learn about love and acceptance which can sometimes be delivered with a punch.

Instead of looking back at some of your behavior and recoiling in horror, how about letting the judgement go.  See the action, delve into the reasoning you gave as to why you did what you did and see if that is true for you now.  Does that make sense to you now, do you want to do it again?  When you know what you can do, you can do it when you want to.  You become the master of you… you become free.

xo

a

Dream A Little Dream

Hello peeps, Man does the heat bring out the stench of piss and poop and garbage that is all over New York.  I remember when I was a teenager living in New York City walking around with my sister on the weekends.  We would come home and shower before bed; wiping off our necks was always the most interesting part.  The wash cloth would be dark with the smog that had collected on us from walking around.  It was pretty amazing.  Luckily the air quality is better now and my neck doesn't get as dirty from walking around… I always check.  Even with all of the stinky stank I do love the city and enjoy visiting as much as I can.  I don't, however, enjoy the lack of recycling bins, the pissing on the walls, and the garbage everywhere.  It is possible for New York to smell great, look great and still maintain its awesomeness.

What if it was cleaner in the City?  What if it didn't smell like raw sewage?  Imagine living somewhere that was crowded and smelly?  How would you feel on a regular basis?  Would you be a little on edge?  Would you just get used to it?  Honestly, we are very adaptable.  We are able to get through what we have deemed unthinkable and live productive lives after.  We are able to live in a place that is dirty and stinks and see the beauty in it.  That does not mean we couldn't live in the same place where it smelled nice and was clean and not love that too.  Too often we take the status quo as the way it is supposed to be and we do little if anything to improve upon it.  Too often we accept mediocrity as how it is and always will be.  We set our expectations low because we don't want to be disappointed when the outcome isn't what we hoped.  Somewhere in our history we dreamed big and the dream never came about the way we wanted it to, or we were discouraged from dreaming by someone who had been disappointed in the past.  We have been taught to be ok with things being kind of shitty.  Have you ever told someone to just accept things as they are when you really meant for them to stop hoping things will get better?  Acceptance is important, no change happens without acceptance of the present circumstance.  Acceptance does not mean inaction.  When you accept things as they are you are able to see where they could be and know the work needed to get there (or at least you can see that there is work that can be done).  For example:  I eat too fast.  I have for a long time.  My father used to ask me if I ever tasted anything.  I accept this fact and now I plan on monitoring the speed at which I eat and slowing it down.  I accept that I am a fast eater that wants reforming.  Acceptance is awareness, awareness allows for growth.

What if we asked people how they would improve something instead of telling them to stop dreaming, wishing, wanting?  What if we helped each other become actionable?  What if we kept dreaming of a clean, peaceful, joyful, loving world?  What if we accepted that it isn't that way now and figured out ways to move in that direction?

Have a sparkly day!!!

xo

a