needs

I Want Some Things

Howdy! Tis the season to get stuff right.  Oh, I know most of you would say 'to give' but let's be honest… you want some things too.  We have this funny way of trying to be altruistic when it is a big ol' lie.  Seriously.  You weren't put here to not want something.  We want lots of things and there isn't anything wrong with it.  I mean, if you are being selfless and giving to others, who are the others and wouldn't they be trying to do the same thing if wanting things were so bad?  I believe that one of the reasons we 'get' things is because we are open to receiving them, and, if you look around, how much do you get?  I am sure you get a lot of things, which tells me that on various levels you feel deserving, you feel worth receiving.  Make the fact that you do want things something that you own instead keeping your wanting hidden in your subconscious (like a dirty secret).  When you bring it to the surface you are able to direct it a bit more, you can be more specific about getting your desires met.  Getting isn't a sin, wanting isn't a sin, asking isn't a sin.  When you want (which is all of the time in so many different ways) you are giving someone the chance to please you… and you, the altruistic one, knows how giving someone something they want or need feels.  It feels amazing.  We not only want to be loved, we desire to give it as well, in its various forms.

I believe that a life of service doesn't mean a life of struggle.  We have decided that those who want to help others shouldn't want to help themselves as well.  They should be selfless, oftentimes poor, in only a bit better spot to those they are helping.  How would anyone be an example of success by not being successful?  How is it wrong to have abundance and be of service.  Wouldn't you believe the person who has figured out how to have what they need would be able to tell you a thing or two about getting somewhere that you are not, like a place of abundance?  It is like asking someone who doesn't love themselves to love everyone else.  When you have done your work, figured out how to meet your needs or ask for help, serving is done in a much purer way.  It isn't being used to squash the very real fact that you don't feel deserving on some level; it isn't covering up a deep feeling of guilt.  In any case, that isn't really giving, in my opinion.  It is being selfish in a deep and unconscious way.

Own your wants.  Ask for what it is that makes your heart sing without judgement.  No one is served by denying who they are.  Speak your truth.  If all else fails, and you don't believe that it is ok to want, look at it like this.  The world isn't lacking in anything.  We have more people, more stuff, more food (regardless if it is getting to everyone or not, the capacity to feed is infinite), more ideas, more than ever before.  Scarcity is a lie.  When you have something it takes nothing away from me.  It is the argument of gay marriage somehow hurting heterosexual marriages.  One doesn't take away from the other.  There is enough marriage to go around and enough love to sustain the relationships that want sustenance.  My wanting stuff, experiences, my way, doesn't mean you cannot have your stuff, experiences or way.  We can all be in a place of abundance if we just wanted it, openly, without judgement.

xo

a

Ownership Has It's Privileges

Howdy, I was speaking to a relative about communication the other day.  She had never communicated what she wanted or needed but harbored much anger toward those who weren't meeting her needs.  I tried to give her insight into the idea that no one can be held responsible for anyone else's lack of action.  We are all responsible for ourselves and communicating our own needs.  Yet, through our culture of blame it is much easier to see fault in someone not just "knowing" what you need instead of owning the fact that you have to do the work to communicate (as many times as you have to in order to be heard) what it is you need… even if that means risking not getting your needs met.  See, speaking your truth doesn't mean it will be accepted by others… but you cannot get anywhere without trying, without risking, without speaking.  You most certainly have less of a chance of getting what you need if you never actually admit to having needs.

The fear, however, is so great that we hide behind the idea that people should know this or should have know that.  We actually believe that other people should be mind readers even though we don't do a good job of understanding what someone else wants.  We get angry with each other and literally resent people for not knowing what they were never told.  We argue over things being common sense or not, when the reality is, did they know?  Were they told?  Nothing is really obvious when it comes down to it.  If it isn't explicitly communicated you cannot expect it to be understood (even then you may need to do some work around it).  We spend so little time communicating our needs that we don't truly know how to.  Our fear of not being heard or our fear or judgement that we aren't deserving, mixed with our resentment for not getting our needs met create a scary combination.  It is a wonder how any relationship survives (in my opinion).  How many times have you expected someone to treat you one way or another only to have them do something else?  How did you respond?

We are a culture that blames.  We blame the government, the weather, God (if you have one or more), fast food, alcohol, other people, TV, guns, etc.  I don't believe I have ever turned on the TV or listened to the radio to hear our media discuss how each person contributes to their own personal issues, let alone the world's joys and pains.  I don't believe I have ever overheard a conversation where someone was saying, "I must take a long hard look at myself and what I am bringing to this situation that is perpetuating it."  I have heard that they did this, or they did that or they need to stop doing these things and everything would be ok.  It is no wonder why we oftentimes feel powerless over our lives.  It is no wonder why we go to war or have road rage.  It is no wonder why our world is in such turmoil.  We are all pointing the finger at someone/something else, rarely seeing where we can start to make a shift in the world.

How can you take ownership for yourself today?

xo

a

Great Expectations

Hello!! Best laid plans...  So often we want something to happen, we hope something will happen, we expect something will happen… and then something else happens.  Disappointment ensues.  Sadness follows and, depending on the gravity of the disappointment, an alteration happens within us.  It may be small at first, but as it get compounded by more and more disappointment we begin to expect the disappointment.  Before expecting it, or sometimes after, we then start to paint the things that we were focused on being what we wanted them to be as inherently disappointing.  Or as a disappointment waiting to happen.   We will find ways to avoid the potential disappointment by saying we don't want what we want (which is not true and doesn't work), we stop having expectations (outwardly) or that hope is a waste of time and a little foolish.

The thing is disappointment is information (like everything else).  It tells you that you had an expectation, hope, want, desire that wasn't met.  Maybe you didn't communicate what you needed clearly enough to be heard by whomever didn't do what you wanted, desired, expected etc.  Maybe they don't want to give you what you want, need, expect etc.  Or maybe it isn't a person that you are expecting, needing or desiring anything from.  The bottom line is you are being given insight into yourself when you are disappointed.  You are being shown things that are deep, you may even regress a bit when you become disappointed.  If you are regressing then you really want to pay attention to and acknowledge your feelings.

Once you notice where you go when you are disappointed (ages 3-9 usually) you can communicate effectively around the issue or area that triggered the disappointment.  I know that I rarely am disappointed but when I am it is hard to come out of.  I feel like the whole world has conspired against me and that everyone and everything should have known what I wanted, needed, and felt.  Then, I grow up.  This happens whenever I grow backwards.  The truth is you have to own your disappointment and know that you are in charge of your happiness, your wants, your needs.  It is your job to get those needs met.  It is your job to make sure people who you expect things from are aware of what you want so that they don't suffer the ridiculousness of not knowing what you want but being held responsible for it.

So, say what you mean, mean what you say.   Know what you want and make sure you communicate it to the people, the universe, anything or anyone else that can possibly help you get it.

xo

a

Jump

Yo! Wherever you are wanting to go.  Whatever you are wanting to do.  Whatever you are wanting to become.  Go. Be. Do.

You are the only thing that is holding you back.  Your ideas about what can or cannot be true are holding you back, not the reality.  What you can or cannot do is based on what you believe you can or cannot do.  Who you are and can be is limitless.  Where would you go if you could go anywhere?  Guess what, you can.  All of your ideas around what is holding you back are false.  Where there is an idea there is a reality.  What you can perceive you most certainly can achieve.

Try to see yourself, uninhibited.  See yourself free of concern, worry.  See yourself doing what you want despite fear.  See the options that are infinite.  Risk dreaming without the judgement that you live your life with, under, around, within.  Have fun.

I see a shift happening where we begin to see our lives as opportunities to experience what we are drawn to and not what we should do.  I see us shining.  I see us happy.  Smiling.  Loving.  Living.  Living.  Living.

Go on, jump.

xo

a