learning

Paradigm Shift

Howdy, Aloha, Good Morning, Moods, we all have them.  Some say Gemini's have a lot of them!  Ha.  Whatever.  The truth is feelings are information.  So how do we begin to get the information that we are being given.  Feelings aren't exactly what they seem to be.  It is like looking at a painting close up.  You have to get some distance in order to really take it all in.  Perspective.  Feelings are also a code to which we have the incorrect key more often than not.  The key we have is the paradigm of victim.

The victim paradigm looks like this:

Things happen to you.

You have no say over how you feel.

People owe you.

"Should" is a word that exists

Right and Wrong are used regularly

You wonder 'why me'

You have unspoken expectations or you expect others to know what you want and to do it

You believe your happiness is the responsibility of someone else

You don't do your own work

You 'don't know what to do' on a regular basis or you say it regularly

You believe others have more control or know better than you

When you live in this paradigm you expect the government to fix the economy.  You expect others to not cut you off when driving and you feel angry when they do.  You believe that your perfect mate is out there waiting and all you have to do is look pretty (or not) and they will show up and your life will make sense.  You believe that God created all things yet many of those things are wrong.  You look at what is and say it shouldn't happen.  You believe that if only x would do y everything would be ok.  You don't know why your life turned out how it did.  You throw your hands up and wonder 'why me???'  You get angry that someone didn't do something you never explicitly asked them  to do.  You believe that you deserve something from someone and that them not doing it means that they aren't right.

Do you know anyone who lives under this paradigm?  Do you?  Sometimes?

The paradigm of the person who sees feelings as a code to the secrets of the universe lives under the paradigm of the curious one.  The curious one looks at everything from the standpoint of "what am I experiencing this for, if anything.  When you are curious you are not judging.  You are asking, you are open, you are ready for what is.  You aren't trying to push things away and you aren't judging.

The curious one paradigm looks a little like this:

You are open

You want to know why but aren't attached to any answer

You do your work, you want to learn about you

You want to learn about others

You feel that things happen for a reason

You don't expect, you wonder

You know perspective is key

You see many sides because of perspective

You relate to others, you see yourself in their place

You see things as they are, from your perspective and you wonder how they would be if you weren't you

You ask questions

You take responsibility for your feelings

The 'Curious One' looks at the world from the place of awareness.  The CO is looking for the lessons of this existence.  We aren't here to condemn, blame, fall victim to or lament over life.  We are here to learn, love and grow.  Think about a baby.  What do they need?  Love, learning and growth.  That is really all we continue to need.  When you become that CO you begin to look at people as helpers.  They give you information about you.  You learn how you feel about things, what you want or don't want, like or don't like, need or don't need.  You get a chance to look at how you relate to the world through how others relate to you.  You also get a chance to see the world from other eyes when you are curious.  You ask questions, you listen to the answers and you believe that by changing your perspective most anything could make sense to you.  As the curious one, you do not deny, you accept.

How curious are you on a regular basis?  How can you bring some curiosity to your life?  Would you want to?

xo

a

"Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience.

Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion.

Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power back.

Anything you hate is for teaching you unconditional love.

Anything you fear is for teaching you courage to overcome your fear.

Anything you can’t control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the Universe."

~Jackson Kiddard

I Am A Writer

Howdy, We all have a voice that lives inside of us and is aching to come out.  We all have things that we must put down on paper, shout about or sweat out that cannot be pushed aside.  Speaking what is true for us is freedom.  We all have a story or stories that long to be told, to a friend, lover, sister, brother.  We all have a story that brings us closer to our truth, that describes our selves… that reminds us of who we are.

I remember feeling like I had to write a certain way if I was going to be a writer.  I would need to be able to describe things in-depth, be super-duper articulate at all times and basically write like my mother.  It is funny how we try to model ourselves after various people in our world that have had some major impact.  My desire to write in a similar way to my mother actually stopped me from writing.  Every time I would sit down to try to write in her voice I became stuck.  It didn't work.  I am not descriptive in the same way, I am more conversational.  I don't have the fancy way about me that she does, I write, as I have been told, in a more raw fashion.  I live that way too.  It wasn't until I gave up trying to be someone else that I was able to write like myself.

Once I was done trying to be other than me I was able to write about anything and everything that excited me.  I could write about love, about pain, I could write about philosophical ideas or how annoying it is when someone touches my hair without permission. I could write about things that I have lived through and things I want to accomplish.  I realized that writing was a way to create the world that I wanted and remember the world I have lived.  It was a way to make sense of what seemed senseless.  It was and is a way to stay grounded.  Writing can be a way to connect, really connect to the world, to yourself, to the one.  We are all writers.  We are all speakers.  We are all story tellers.

What do you want to say?

I Want To Write by A.C.

I want to write about books and the way they smell when you love them. About the dog-eared pages that save my place, and how I wish that I could dog ear points in my life.

I want to write about infatuation and adoration and stupidity and trickery and the torment of knowing a lover too well.

I want to write about singers and songwriters and a musician that rocks back and forth with soul as if it were her mother.

I want to write about the sound of the ocean when there's no one else in sight and my hair is tangled and my lips are salty, dry and quivering.

I want to write about starfish and the rocks they cling to.

I want to write about mothers and daughters and safety and unconditional everything forever and ever amen infinity.

I want to write about lunacy and madness.    About rocket ships and words on arms and mathematical equations I will never understand.

I want to write about her and her and the one that walked away with no wounds, and left me with all of mine to lick alone.

I want to write about want and need and co-dependence, about turtle shells and animals that protect themselves with outer layers, that at times I wish I had.

I want to write about faceless people, I have tried to forget,the ones who haunt me in the nite as I fight with sleep.

I want to write about cold hearts and hot coals on the bedroom floor.

I want to write about a girl, my girl, and the words that fall short each time I try to tell her how I feel.

I want to write about needing, and wanting and aching and yearning.

I want to write about capital letters, punctuation, and form.

I want to write about death and birth and what matters most between the two I want to write about writing and how painful it is. About how necessary it is.

xo

a

Imagine That!

Howdy! How often do you use your imagination?  What for and when?  Do you remember when you lived in a world that was designed by your imagination.  If you do, how did it make you feel?

As children we were able to quickly get to one feeling or another by using our imagination.  Our imaginations were the highest quality, like a brand new car.  Over time the imagination gets gunked up with "reality" and "shoulds" just as a car gets gunked up with wear and tear.  At some point the ability to imagine things becomes limited, with restraints put on our thoughts by well-meaning individuals that had the same thing happen to them at some point in their lives as well.  The thing is our imaginations weren't only to produce fun and endless hours of playtime.  Just as a baby tiger plays with its siblings and then, when an adult, uses the skills learned while playing as a cub to hunt, we have an imagination as a child to learn how to use our imaginations as adults to create our world.

If you aren't a daydreaming type of person anymore (because we all were on some level) why not take some time each day to imagine your ideal world.  As you begin to wake up your imagination you may find that your world begins to shift.  You may find more reasons to smile.  Imagination, like anything else, can be made stronger, like anything else.  Encourage others to use their imagination as well.  You may find that the way you solve problems changes.  You may find that the way you see yourself shifts as well.

Happy Imagining!

xo

a

P2P

Howdy!! I have been a coach for a long time.  During this time I have always benefitted from working near and with other coaches.  Once I left the collegiate coaching world I lost the coaching community that was built-in.  Since that time I have worked in clubs and on my own, but never with coaches that were about connecting, communicating and growing themselves and others, in the same way.  When you are able to work with other people who are doing what you do, sometimes better than you do, differently and in some ways the same, you are able to get what you give to your clients/students/athletes:  Coaching.

This holds true for any profession you are in.  If you are a yoga instructor it is important for you to be with other yoga instructors, be instructed and talk about yoga with people who know it.  If you are a photographer, writer, singer, dancer, designer, executive assistant, manager, or you are doing anything that is done by someone else… you would probably benefit from knowing others in your field.  We are so much stronger when we work as a team, when we share what we know.  There is something about hearing how someone else approaches a situation that you too will be, have been, or are presently faced with.  You learn that perspective is everything.  You learn that there are other ways to do what you do as well or better.  You learn about yourself.

In order to improve, in order to elevate yourself you need to be pushed forward, or pulled ahead as it sometimes turns out.  Being around others that are 'on your level' aid in this process.  You can always tell when you have met your equals because the feeling is mutual.  There is an openness that occurs without force.  You just know that you are peers.  It feels great, you relate, you share and, well, growth begins.

Get out there, get going, meet your people and start growing!!!

xo

a

Getting Past It

"Change is inevitable, growth is intentional."  ~Anonymous Howdy!

We all have our personal areas of work.  Some of the areas of work for me are seeing what is and not just what could be.  I tend to get attached to potential, which works in my work, not in my personal life.  Others area may deal with food, money, love, lust, anger, etc.  I often hear people say,  after repeating something they 'used' to do, "I thought I was past that."  When I hear that an alarm goes off for me.  In that statement there are so many things that cover up what is going on.  First, there is regret and shame.  Second, the behavior that is being discussed was judged/deemed to be inappropriate, bad or undesirable.  Third it says, clearly to me, that we the person is approaching growth from the angle of getting rid of instead of accepting (because of the judgement).

When you are working on yourself and you are looking at something you are not pleased with, say you overeat when you are stressed (I totally do this… I also can under eat).  Maybe you have worked for many years to move to a place where you no longer use food as a method to handle, or numb yourself to stress.  Maybe it has been years since you have binged or withheld food around a stressful situation or event.  Then, one day, you find out something that sends you reeling and you find yourself buying 'comfort' food and eating it all in one sitting.  Or you find yourself refusing food and falling into a deep depression.  Once you are able to see the situation with some perspective you may feel like you have regressed or gone backwards.  This is only the case if evolution was about leaving all that you were behind.  I don't believe this is true.  I believe the concept of evolution isn't about getting rid of your history, I believe it is about accepting it and knowing that you are all, can do all, have done all.

When you move forward you aren't dropping off or losing pieces of who you were and what you have done.  You are taking it all and using it for future reference, to relate to others, to choose to use or not to use when you deem appropriate… to remember where you began.  Acceptance is one of the main areas of evolution.  Accepting that we are capable of all that we have done and so much more.  When you believe you have moved past something you are believing that it is possible to rise above being human in this human experience.  I feel like that phrase is actually the sign that you need to (and will) experience that 'thing' again.  It is like saying, I thought I had moved past using the bathroom… or breathing… or living.  Our lives, our experiences are not to be moved past, but to be taken in.  Seen.  Appreciated.  Given attention.  You move past things when you are walking, biking, driving.  You learn from and take with you your experiences.  That is what makes you, you.

When you realize you don't move past your behaviors you are better equipped to be aware when the ones you aren't keen on expressing begin to creep up.  You have the power to choose when to use the behavior or not.  When you accept that you are someone who is capable of using food to numb yourself you can remember to use food for fuel instead, regardless of what is happening in your world.

You will be faced with yourself (the parts you love and the parts you don't) time and time again; how you respond when faced with those things about you that aren't your ideal is where so much great work is waiting to be done.  Growth isn't about getting past something, it is about taking that 'thing'  by the hand and walking along your path, keeping it where you would like it to be; taking charge of all of you.  Using the experiences from the past to help guide you towards your desired future is why I believe we remember anything at all.

"Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness."  ~Jean Vanier

xo

a

Rinse, Repeat

Hello, hello ;) Is there anything in your life that you keep repeating… over and over and over and over?  You fail to pay a bill, the same bill, each month?  You get into the same relationship, over and over and over?  You put yourself in a situation that isn't healthy again and again?  What is the friggin deal?

Life is about learning.  I know that I am someone who has taken years and years to learn certain things.  Others, not so much.  The areas that I have had to work on have been getting back to folks, returning calls, emails, etc.  I have made amazing progress and there is still so much more to do.  I remember reading evaluations from Wesleyan Women's Novice Team (I was the coach there for years) and the common thread was "Does not return emails/phone calls in a timely manner."  I remember, after 3 years of coaching there and receiving similar evaluations the entire time, finally embracing the fact that I needed to make a concerted effort in this area.  The problem is I had to work at it… and work it is for me.

When you aren't a natural at something everything about it seems foreign.  It is easy to fall back into how you did it before because it is how you did it the longest and it is what you are most comfortable doing, regardless of the repercussions.  In order to actually change your way of doing something (that wasn't working anyway and in need of change) you have to do the things that you do around it differently.  For example, I have had to set up various bill reminders and I do most of my bill pay online.  Simple is simple.  I hate paper and mail.  I would rather run 15 miles a day than open my mail.  Yep.  Seriously.  So when I get mail it piles up, fast.  Even with all of the 'paperless' billing they still send stupid crap.  See, what a judgmental statement about mail!  At any rate, I have had to change my mind about mail and bills as well.  It isn't something to be avoided because the avoidance leads to more discomfort than looking directly at it does.  I am certain that a lot of my issues around bills comes from the fact that I had very little money for a very long time and really no way to pay everything, so avoidance was a way to stay sane.  Since that is not the case anymore, old behaviors have to shift as well.

What area are you struggling with changing?  Where do you find yourself repeating a 'lesson' over and over yet feel like you still aren't 'getting' it?

You will continue to fall into the same situations over and over until you begin to change how you look at them, react to them and what you learn from them.  There are infinite layers to all of this stuff we call life and living.  There isn't an 'end' so let go of that idea.  Once you move past one issue another one will spring up that was being blocked by the recently departed one.  Life is about uncovering who and why until you can get to the business of being… and then we go over it again.

xo

a