should

Ownership Has It's Privileges

Howdy, I was speaking to a relative about communication the other day.  She had never communicated what she wanted or needed but harbored much anger toward those who weren't meeting her needs.  I tried to give her insight into the idea that no one can be held responsible for anyone else's lack of action.  We are all responsible for ourselves and communicating our own needs.  Yet, through our culture of blame it is much easier to see fault in someone not just "knowing" what you need instead of owning the fact that you have to do the work to communicate (as many times as you have to in order to be heard) what it is you need… even if that means risking not getting your needs met.  See, speaking your truth doesn't mean it will be accepted by others… but you cannot get anywhere without trying, without risking, without speaking.  You most certainly have less of a chance of getting what you need if you never actually admit to having needs.

The fear, however, is so great that we hide behind the idea that people should know this or should have know that.  We actually believe that other people should be mind readers even though we don't do a good job of understanding what someone else wants.  We get angry with each other and literally resent people for not knowing what they were never told.  We argue over things being common sense or not, when the reality is, did they know?  Were they told?  Nothing is really obvious when it comes down to it.  If it isn't explicitly communicated you cannot expect it to be understood (even then you may need to do some work around it).  We spend so little time communicating our needs that we don't truly know how to.  Our fear of not being heard or our fear or judgement that we aren't deserving, mixed with our resentment for not getting our needs met create a scary combination.  It is a wonder how any relationship survives (in my opinion).  How many times have you expected someone to treat you one way or another only to have them do something else?  How did you respond?

We are a culture that blames.  We blame the government, the weather, God (if you have one or more), fast food, alcohol, other people, TV, guns, etc.  I don't believe I have ever turned on the TV or listened to the radio to hear our media discuss how each person contributes to their own personal issues, let alone the world's joys and pains.  I don't believe I have ever overheard a conversation where someone was saying, "I must take a long hard look at myself and what I am bringing to this situation that is perpetuating it."  I have heard that they did this, or they did that or they need to stop doing these things and everything would be ok.  It is no wonder why we oftentimes feel powerless over our lives.  It is no wonder why we go to war or have road rage.  It is no wonder why our world is in such turmoil.  We are all pointing the finger at someone/something else, rarely seeing where we can start to make a shift in the world.

How can you take ownership for yourself today?

xo

a

Direct Yourself

Howdy! When is the last time you tried to tell someone what to do without being asked for help?  How did that work for you?  Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that our lives should be emulated by others we feel don't have their lives 'together' or are directionless.  You have heard, and may have even said, that so and so should have their own place by now or should have some idea of what they want to do… etc.  Who the hell said?  Too often the biggest issue we have isn't doing what we are supposed to be doing, but doing what others think we are supposed to be doing.  It isn't that difficult to figure out what you want when everyone else leaves you the hell alone. :)

So many folks who have "direction" as they say feel that everyone should be where they are.  They also believe that their direction means that they are good and that others without what they define as direction are not as good.  Some folks that are subjected to this type of pressure will buck it altogether.  Others jump aboard the direction train that leads them to someone else's dream instead of finding their own.  What if they were went in the direction their heart and soul led them instead of where their big brother or sister persuaded them to go?

The funniest, and saddest in my opinion, part is that the ones who are giving the advice to those who don't seem to be running the same race, is that those folks don't have their sh*t together either.  When someone has their ducks in a row, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, they aren't at all interested in persuading others to do what they do.  They are interested in finding out what is going on for others out of love and curiosity.  The idea of pushing someone in one direction or another, the idea of having a deadline for figuring out the rest of your life, and the idea that they would know what someone else is supposed to do more than that person themselves is not even had.  Those who want to direct others without permission are usually not doing a bang up job on themselves.

If you are one of the directionless or haven't figured out your dream or dreams do your best to not let others opinions cloud your intuition.  You will know when you know.  We are not meant to all walk the same way, dress the same way, talk, think, love, work, etc.  We are not to be carbon copies.  We are not to live the life that someone else wants to live.  We are here for our own personal purpose.  It is your responsibility to figure it out or not.  Life is to be experienced, enjoyed, lived.  Go. Do. Be.

xo

a