shadow

You, All Of You

Howdy! How much do you hide in order to be loved?  What about yourself are you ashamed of and would prefer to never see the light of day?  When did you recognize this thing that you so revile was a part of you?  Do you claim it or do you try to ignore it away?  Have you ever been with anyone that has something similar to that thing you have that you try to deny?  How did they handle it?  We are very sensitive souls and we are very afraid little beings in so many ways.  We all at least one thing that we do, have done, would do, that we would prefer no one know about (maybe you have done your work and have gotten through it, but we can all relate).  There are lengths that one goes to in order to get rid of something that they are ashamed of and those lengths are never long enough, never deep enough to hide who we are and push away what we need to accept.

Love, we all want it.  We all crave it.  We all go in search of it.  Some of us have found it, others are on the hunt.  We do things specifically to get it.  Much of the time what we do lacks in authenticity and is covered in judgement.  We show others the parts of ourselves that we have decided are lovable.  We withhold the areas we would prefer to not have from the one we would like to have.  We try our damnedest to be all that we want to be instead of embracing who we actually are.  We don't share with others the parts that we think they would judge as harshly as we have.  Still, we want to be loved fully.  How is it possible for anyone to love us fully if we don't actually do the same.  You are  telling someone that you don't love yourself but you would like it if they could love you.  That is telling someone that you don't want to be yelled at and yelling at everyone else around you.  It is hypocritical.  You are not doing it, you aren't loving yourself.  You are hating on something you are or a behavior that you display and yet you want to be loved fully.  If you don't see how all of you is worthy how will anyone else?

There may be things in your life, history, behavior that you would prefer to change, this is the case for all human beings.  We are always working on progress.  Hating it won't actually make it disappear.  If you want something to change you will need to actually look at it, find out what, why, when and where.  You may find that you don't want that behavior gone or the history erased.  It actually makes up who you are and in some way has a purpose.  We are here and we are deliberate.  We are not mistakes.  When this is a reality in your world it is easier to look at all of you and allow the various parts to be acknowledged and even given space to exist in a way that allows them to show up when you want them to, not on accident.  The very thing you have been trying to hide usually bites you in the ass at some point, so you might as well make friends with it so that you can be its master instead of the other way around.

You may also want to show this to the one you would have love you.  If you aren't showing someone who you are, really, how will they have the opportunity to love who you are, really?  When you decide for someone else what they would or wouldn't like you don't give them the opportunity to decide for themselves.  You may have failed relationships (intimate or otherwise) that have more to do with your inauthenticity than anything else.  Be yourself, be brave, be fearless and you will be loved.

xo

a

All Grown Up

Howdy! Sometimes you feel like a kid, like everyone is going to see right through your grown-up body and realize that you are just pretending to know what is up, where to go, how to do this or that.  Sometimes you feel small and the world seems so big and you just want someone to take care of you.  Sometimes you feel lost and lonely and believe that you are alone.  You have learned to pretend, you have learned to fake being an adult (whatever that is) and mature but every now and then the masquerade becomes a bit overwhelming and you just want a break.  Sometimes you are tired.

We are rarely kind to each other around the very things we ourselves go through.  It is amazing how we will see someone doing something that society has deemed inappropriate and we will judge it all over the place.  We will decide that we are better because we don't have the same issues (or no one knows about our issues).  We will decide that we are more enlightened or smarter, more spiritual, kinder, etc. because of someone else is demonstrating human qualities that we would rather hide.  If at these moments of self-righteousness we could remember feeling small, feeling like we didn't know it all, and relating to 'being found out'  we could be better at connecting, stronger in supporting and brighter in our show of compassion.

What are you afraid of others knowing about you?  What have you been taught to judge as wrong that you, yourself do?  How does that make you connect or disconnect from others?  Do you find yourself putting someone else down who has similar secrets. Often we do this to distract from our own shadow.  Point the finger at someone else feeling small so that you don't bring attention to your own insecurities.  The thing is, we can embrace feeling like we are faking it.  We can accept that we have faked it before and that being a grown up isn't what we have been taught and that there aren't hard and fast rules that one must follow.

When you accept that you feel small, alone, lonely and phony you will be able to communicate to others and find out how not alone you actually are.  Your fear becomes less scary and less exhausting.  We all understand what it is like to feel unprepared for life.  We all understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed and unsure.  We just have to call it up when we are with others who are feeling that way so that we can remember to be understanding and accepting instead of being judgmental and condemning.

Love each other… love yourself.

xo

a