desires

Our Responsibility

Hello, We are responsible for each other in a way that may not seem obvious.  I don't mean as mother and child, husband and wife, brother and sister.  I don't mean in the way of volunteering by handing out food and clothing to the disenfranchised.  I don't mean by taking care of an elderly neighbor's lawn in the summertime or helping someone across the street.  All of these things are wonderful and natural ways we show love to one another but there is a responsibility that I feel we have failed miserably in meeting.  We don't allow others to be who they are.  We don't give people the space to become who they are and support needed to blossom into their ideal selves.

What we do is quickly give humans the rules to what is right and what is wrong.  Humans get bullied from very early on.  Before we ever find out what someone wants we tell them what is and isn't ok to want.  We set up a system (in every culture) that is  based on things we were told, that were based on things that the ones who told us were told, etc. without giving that much thought to whether or not most people are ok with the system or whether the system actually works.  When someone doesn't fit into the structure that was set up before they existed they are either crazy, evil, an abomination, wrong or a misfit.  There isn't a lot of room to be accepted when you don't fit the norm in most societies.  When we create right we create wrong.  You cannot say something is good without deciding that there are things that are bad.  When you create an extreme you create it's opposite; is this what being responsible for one another means?  To determine who is bad and who is good.  What do we base it on?  What the majority are doing or not doing (that they will admit to)?  What some religious document says?  What happens to those who are wrong in our society?  What happens to the misfits?

I truly believe that we are responsible for those who feel left out, bullied by a society that never gave them a chance;  told that they were wrong for feeling, thinking, saying something that went against what society has determined as ok to say, think or feel.  When we set up a system that automatically rules out certain types of people as worthy in a systematic way (the way that we do in this country) we have neglected our responsibility to love each other as ourselves because we are connected.  We have forgotten that we cannot exist separate from one another.  We are all necessary and important and responsible for each other in a deep way that never touches on aiding with groceries to someone's car… though that is important and it does matter.  However, we are responsible to each other in the way to not cause harm, to not destroy, to not judge.  When we decide that someone is less than we tear a part of them away.  We build up rage that at some point will have to come out.  We create dangerous situations and hazardous environments when we push others down for being who they are.

I believe we need to allow what is.  We need to allow everyone to communicate who they feel they are, what their desires are and how they see the world.  We need to learn boundaries at a young age so we can become aware of where I begin and you end.  We need to help others love who they are and find their own voice.  We need to discuss what it means to be aware.  We need to be very careful with each other's hearts. We need to take ownership of our feelings and not blame others for the things that don't belong to them (like our feelings).  We need to understand when we judge others we are judging ourselves.  We need to understand that we cannot always be comfortable and things aren't always going to be the way we would prefer them to be, nor are people.  We need to understand that it isn't our responsibility to put one another down or to marginalize each other, but to uplift and propel each other forward.  I believe we need to first do this for ourselves, once we are no longer in the direct care of others.  Once we have given ourselves permission to feel what we feel and be who we are without the judgement, we can decide if it is what we want to keep or not.  Acceptance is power; the power to change, the power to heal; the power to move on.  Our responsibility, in my opinion, is to accept each other.  Embrace each other.  To love.

xo

a

I Want Some Things

Howdy! Tis the season to get stuff right.  Oh, I know most of you would say 'to give' but let's be honest… you want some things too.  We have this funny way of trying to be altruistic when it is a big ol' lie.  Seriously.  You weren't put here to not want something.  We want lots of things and there isn't anything wrong with it.  I mean, if you are being selfless and giving to others, who are the others and wouldn't they be trying to do the same thing if wanting things were so bad?  I believe that one of the reasons we 'get' things is because we are open to receiving them, and, if you look around, how much do you get?  I am sure you get a lot of things, which tells me that on various levels you feel deserving, you feel worth receiving.  Make the fact that you do want things something that you own instead keeping your wanting hidden in your subconscious (like a dirty secret).  When you bring it to the surface you are able to direct it a bit more, you can be more specific about getting your desires met.  Getting isn't a sin, wanting isn't a sin, asking isn't a sin.  When you want (which is all of the time in so many different ways) you are giving someone the chance to please you… and you, the altruistic one, knows how giving someone something they want or need feels.  It feels amazing.  We not only want to be loved, we desire to give it as well, in its various forms.

I believe that a life of service doesn't mean a life of struggle.  We have decided that those who want to help others shouldn't want to help themselves as well.  They should be selfless, oftentimes poor, in only a bit better spot to those they are helping.  How would anyone be an example of success by not being successful?  How is it wrong to have abundance and be of service.  Wouldn't you believe the person who has figured out how to have what they need would be able to tell you a thing or two about getting somewhere that you are not, like a place of abundance?  It is like asking someone who doesn't love themselves to love everyone else.  When you have done your work, figured out how to meet your needs or ask for help, serving is done in a much purer way.  It isn't being used to squash the very real fact that you don't feel deserving on some level; it isn't covering up a deep feeling of guilt.  In any case, that isn't really giving, in my opinion.  It is being selfish in a deep and unconscious way.

Own your wants.  Ask for what it is that makes your heart sing without judgement.  No one is served by denying who they are.  Speak your truth.  If all else fails, and you don't believe that it is ok to want, look at it like this.  The world isn't lacking in anything.  We have more people, more stuff, more food (regardless if it is getting to everyone or not, the capacity to feed is infinite), more ideas, more than ever before.  Scarcity is a lie.  When you have something it takes nothing away from me.  It is the argument of gay marriage somehow hurting heterosexual marriages.  One doesn't take away from the other.  There is enough marriage to go around and enough love to sustain the relationships that want sustenance.  My wanting stuff, experiences, my way, doesn't mean you cannot have your stuff, experiences or way.  We can all be in a place of abundance if we just wanted it, openly, without judgement.

xo

a

Great Expectations

Hello!! Best laid plans...  So often we want something to happen, we hope something will happen, we expect something will happen… and then something else happens.  Disappointment ensues.  Sadness follows and, depending on the gravity of the disappointment, an alteration happens within us.  It may be small at first, but as it get compounded by more and more disappointment we begin to expect the disappointment.  Before expecting it, or sometimes after, we then start to paint the things that we were focused on being what we wanted them to be as inherently disappointing.  Or as a disappointment waiting to happen.   We will find ways to avoid the potential disappointment by saying we don't want what we want (which is not true and doesn't work), we stop having expectations (outwardly) or that hope is a waste of time and a little foolish.

The thing is disappointment is information (like everything else).  It tells you that you had an expectation, hope, want, desire that wasn't met.  Maybe you didn't communicate what you needed clearly enough to be heard by whomever didn't do what you wanted, desired, expected etc.  Maybe they don't want to give you what you want, need, expect etc.  Or maybe it isn't a person that you are expecting, needing or desiring anything from.  The bottom line is you are being given insight into yourself when you are disappointed.  You are being shown things that are deep, you may even regress a bit when you become disappointed.  If you are regressing then you really want to pay attention to and acknowledge your feelings.

Once you notice where you go when you are disappointed (ages 3-9 usually) you can communicate effectively around the issue or area that triggered the disappointment.  I know that I rarely am disappointed but when I am it is hard to come out of.  I feel like the whole world has conspired against me and that everyone and everything should have known what I wanted, needed, and felt.  Then, I grow up.  This happens whenever I grow backwards.  The truth is you have to own your disappointment and know that you are in charge of your happiness, your wants, your needs.  It is your job to get those needs met.  It is your job to make sure people who you expect things from are aware of what you want so that they don't suffer the ridiculousness of not knowing what you want but being held responsible for it.

So, say what you mean, mean what you say.   Know what you want and make sure you communicate it to the people, the universe, anything or anyone else that can possibly help you get it.

xo

a

You Want It You Got It

Hello there :) Are you afraid to get what you want?  Seriously?  Are you freaked out to actually see that what you want is possible?  If not then why aren't you asking for it without reservation?  If it isn't fear that is holding you back is it because you don't believe what you want exists?

Someone at some point wanted to fly.  They thought, I want to fly like those squirrels or those lizards that have winged arms.  I want to be able to jump off of a cliff and not die.  When they owned that dream the dream was then able to come to fruition.  Somewhere, someone wanted to talk to someone who couldn't hear…  someone wanted to dance that didn't have legs, someone wanted to read a book without having to carry the book with them and an e-reader was born.  It would seem, then, that what you dream can come true.  Not dreaming would seem to be a sure way to not get what you want.  Resisting a dream before you let it be born seems unproductive, in my opinion.

I always coach my clients to dream, just dream.  You like salt and tasting different salts, cool.  Wanna do that for a living?  You can.  You want to find a way to work bicoastally and work with people, ok, in what industry do you see yourself?  Until you throw it out there the universe cannot get going making it happen!  Everything is conspiring to support you!  Until you put yourself out there how do you know what you are capable of?  If you don't risk, if you don't jump you will never know what you are able to receive in return.  If you never try how will you ever fly?

Look, if your issue isn't fear (even if you think it isn't it probably is) and it isn't doubt maybe you just don't know (which is fear).  That is cool, no worries, you can not know for now.  Sit, be, and open yourself up to your dreams, without judgement, without filtering.  See what falls out of your heart.  You may find your destiny.  You may find yourself.

xo

a