Paradigm Shift

Howdy, Aloha, Good Morning, Moods, we all have them.  Some say Gemini's have a lot of them!  Ha.  Whatever.  The truth is feelings are information.  So how do we begin to get the information that we are being given.  Feelings aren't exactly what they seem to be.  It is like looking at a painting close up.  You have to get some distance in order to really take it all in.  Perspective.  Feelings are also a code to which we have the incorrect key more often than not.  The key we have is the paradigm of victim.

The victim paradigm looks like this:

Things happen to you.

You have no say over how you feel.

People owe you.

"Should" is a word that exists

Right and Wrong are used regularly

You wonder 'why me'

You have unspoken expectations or you expect others to know what you want and to do it

You believe your happiness is the responsibility of someone else

You don't do your own work

You 'don't know what to do' on a regular basis or you say it regularly

You believe others have more control or know better than you

When you live in this paradigm you expect the government to fix the economy.  You expect others to not cut you off when driving and you feel angry when they do.  You believe that your perfect mate is out there waiting and all you have to do is look pretty (or not) and they will show up and your life will make sense.  You believe that God created all things yet many of those things are wrong.  You look at what is and say it shouldn't happen.  You believe that if only x would do y everything would be ok.  You don't know why your life turned out how it did.  You throw your hands up and wonder 'why me???'  You get angry that someone didn't do something you never explicitly asked them  to do.  You believe that you deserve something from someone and that them not doing it means that they aren't right.

Do you know anyone who lives under this paradigm?  Do you?  Sometimes?

The paradigm of the person who sees feelings as a code to the secrets of the universe lives under the paradigm of the curious one.  The curious one looks at everything from the standpoint of "what am I experiencing this for, if anything.  When you are curious you are not judging.  You are asking, you are open, you are ready for what is.  You aren't trying to push things away and you aren't judging.

The curious one paradigm looks a little like this:

You are open

You want to know why but aren't attached to any answer

You do your work, you want to learn about you

You want to learn about others

You feel that things happen for a reason

You don't expect, you wonder

You know perspective is key

You see many sides because of perspective

You relate to others, you see yourself in their place

You see things as they are, from your perspective and you wonder how they would be if you weren't you

You ask questions

You take responsibility for your feelings

The 'Curious One' looks at the world from the place of awareness.  The CO is looking for the lessons of this existence.  We aren't here to condemn, blame, fall victim to or lament over life.  We are here to learn, love and grow.  Think about a baby.  What do they need?  Love, learning and growth.  That is really all we continue to need.  When you become that CO you begin to look at people as helpers.  They give you information about you.  You learn how you feel about things, what you want or don't want, like or don't like, need or don't need.  You get a chance to look at how you relate to the world through how others relate to you.  You also get a chance to see the world from other eyes when you are curious.  You ask questions, you listen to the answers and you believe that by changing your perspective most anything could make sense to you.  As the curious one, you do not deny, you accept.

How curious are you on a regular basis?  How can you bring some curiosity to your life?  Would you want to?



"Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience.

Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion.

Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power back.

Anything you hate is for teaching you unconditional love.

Anything you fear is for teaching you courage to overcome your fear.

Anything you can’t control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the Universe."

~Jackson Kiddard

Great Expectations

Hello!! Best laid plans...  So often we want something to happen, we hope something will happen, we expect something will happen… and then something else happens.  Disappointment ensues.  Sadness follows and, depending on the gravity of the disappointment, an alteration happens within us.  It may be small at first, but as it get compounded by more and more disappointment we begin to expect the disappointment.  Before expecting it, or sometimes after, we then start to paint the things that we were focused on being what we wanted them to be as inherently disappointing.  Or as a disappointment waiting to happen.   We will find ways to avoid the potential disappointment by saying we don't want what we want (which is not true and doesn't work), we stop having expectations (outwardly) or that hope is a waste of time and a little foolish.

The thing is disappointment is information (like everything else).  It tells you that you had an expectation, hope, want, desire that wasn't met.  Maybe you didn't communicate what you needed clearly enough to be heard by whomever didn't do what you wanted, desired, expected etc.  Maybe they don't want to give you what you want, need, expect etc.  Or maybe it isn't a person that you are expecting, needing or desiring anything from.  The bottom line is you are being given insight into yourself when you are disappointed.  You are being shown things that are deep, you may even regress a bit when you become disappointed.  If you are regressing then you really want to pay attention to and acknowledge your feelings.

Once you notice where you go when you are disappointed (ages 3-9 usually) you can communicate effectively around the issue or area that triggered the disappointment.  I know that I rarely am disappointed but when I am it is hard to come out of.  I feel like the whole world has conspired against me and that everyone and everything should have known what I wanted, needed, and felt.  Then, I grow up.  This happens whenever I grow backwards.  The truth is you have to own your disappointment and know that you are in charge of your happiness, your wants, your needs.  It is your job to get those needs met.  It is your job to make sure people who you expect things from are aware of what you want so that they don't suffer the ridiculousness of not knowing what you want but being held responsible for it.

So, say what you mean, mean what you say.   Know what you want and make sure you communicate it to the people, the universe, anything or anyone else that can possibly help you get it.



That Old Feeling

Howdy, "Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain."  ~Robert Gray Lee

We all get hurt.  Nothing that freaks us out, hurts our feelings or brings up a feeling of being overwhelmed stems from this moment.  We are all replaying and reusing old pain when new pain arises.  You may feel abandoned by a friend at some point, regardless of whether or not the friend actually abandoned you.  What that fried may have done is helped you recall the feeling of abandonment.   You feelings of abandonment are not rooted in the present moment.  Something somewhere happened and you are now vigilant about  finding the things that you have been hurt by in the past, in order to not feel them in the future.   You can always tell when the feeling is from the past.  You tell this because you recognize it.  It is familiar.

We don't mean to tell someone that they did something.  We just don't ever get the tools to really say what is happening for us.  In some ways we may actually feel like the person is actually doing something to us because of how attached our response is to their behavior.  What hurts us the most is what we tend to look for the most.  We put energy into it and feel justified on doing so when we tend to find what hurt us everywhere we look.  We believe we find it because it is there.  The truth is that it is there because we look for it.

Taking the blame out of your pain is a big deal.  Knowing that  what pains you stems from past experiences can, if you are able to in the moment, de-escalate the interaction by taking ownership of your issue… by knowing the root as well.  You don't have to know where it cam from to know that it didn't start today.  No one is experiencing trauma (regardless of the kind) for the first time at the age of 30.  You are in the middle of being triggered by a situation that reminds you of previous times.  This can be frustrating at times and unpleasant for the one who does the triggering… but it doesn't have to be all for naught.

When you are in a relationship/friendship or what-have-you, you are working towards a deeper understanding of yourself.  Through others you will see yourself.  All you need to do is look.  Being triggered allows you to face some past hurts that have yet to be resolved.  In actuality being triggered is a blessing if your goals are to know who you are and where you came from.  Being triggered allows you to put some closure on the past.  If it isn't happening right now then you are ok and when it is happening right now you are managing it because that is what we all do.  We are fine, we are strong, we are able even when we are not.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."  ~Khalil Gibran



What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome? This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:



My Girlfriends.



There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

When we are hurt we want to find someone who is to blame.  Someone must be at fault if we feel any negative emotion.  All emotion is necessary and none of it is actually negative, inherently… and no one is to blame for your pain.  When you own your decisions, your reasons, your excuses; when you own your life and your role in it you stop blaming others and you begin to experience pure joy.  No one owes you anything, believe it or not.  You are not a victim.  You are an all-powerful being that, at some point, will come into her power.  Take some steps today to come into yourself a little more.  Claim ownership.  Be in charge.  Stop finding a villain and start living.         

See love, feel love, be love.  See peace, feel peace, be peace.  See strength, feel strength, be strength.