Howdy! I was recently discussing dating and relationships with a friend when I mentioned that I am transparent when I meet someone, no building myself up here. I basically consider false advertising lying. I think that when a woman sucks in her stomach to seem thinner or a guy says he is taller in a personals ad, they are setting themselves up to fail. Show yourself if you want yourself to be accepted. I have been in many relationships, some great, some awful, all ended for one reason or fifty. Either way, I never left the relationship feeling or being told that I hadn't communicated who I was. Often it was the opposite. I was often dating someone who wasn't who they said they were, but who they wanted to be. I am not one to promise tomorrow when today is all we have. So, I expect the same in return. That expectation has proven difficult to meet in my journey towards love and intimacy.
I have spent relationships hoping for something that wasn't, waiting for someone who might never show. It puts everyone at a disadvantage when you are hanging your hat on the future and hoping the present will hurry up to it. The person who is being asked to be who they aren't yet is not happy. Who would be when they aren't actually being loved for who they are? The person waiting is, well, waiting, for someone who may never pop into existence. Besides, if you want a love, a true love, I believe you have to truly be you without the promises of a you that is 'better' in your mind. Promising a you of the future to someone puts so much stress on the relationship. It is amazing how many of us feel that it is ok to try to change someone, or try to change for someone.
In past relationships I have massaged my partner regularly, written doting love notes, bought expensive jewelry, danced and made up songs, cooked elaborate meals, pampered in numerous ways, yet, when I meet someone now, I truly wouldn't think about saying that these are all of the things that I do. They are things that I have done, that I know I am capable of doing but what I do now is work… a lot. I write. I listen to a lot of music and I talk… I love conversation. The rest is to be discovered, not sold. If someone doesn't like the person I am without them, then I certainly am not going to try to get them to. At this point when I meet someone, I look at their life right now and believe that they are living it the way they have chosen to and that if I don't like it I may do better to move along.
We tend to believe that we are not enough as is. We have decided the things that we judge unattractive should be hidden. How on earth will we have the love we want when we don't show up to receive it? I always admit that I am an asshole, a great friend, a loyal confidante and a Gemini who has to have her freedom. If that doesn't work for someone then it most certainly won't work for me, regardless of what a great catch that person might seem to be. A catch, in my opinion, is someone who wants me, that I want equally and the relationship works the way we feel it needs to. Otherwise they are just fish in the sea.