thoughts

Use Your Words

Words Hi there,

One of the most important things you can do for someone is believe them.  You can believe that they mean what they say.  You can hold them to their word.  You can stop trying to read their mind.  Communication of your needs is something you begin to learn at a very young age.  You learn how to say what you want first by crying.  You cry and your parents try to figure out if it is food or holding or something else that you need.  When you learn how to speak you begin the journey of speaking your wants and needs.  This is not always an easy or well designed journey.  Depending on your environment and your parents' ability to guide you through this process, you may or may not truly learn how to say what you want, need or think.  For some you may never be validated in your wants or needs so you stop wanting out loud.  For others, your every move may be attended to, so you don't learn how to ask and instead you learn to expect.  Most people don't learn that they are in charge of getting their needs met by communicating them clearly because of how they learned communication as a child.  We all have carried our learned communication styles into adulthood.

So now you are grown.  You need this or that and from what you have learned, those needs are meant to be met by someone else.  You have learned to say the opposite of what you mean, not what you mean at all, or nothing and hope that someone figures it out.  You may not ever say out loud that you want your mind read, but your behavior around not getting what you want says just that.  You expect someone to understand your needs without you ever stating what they are.  You are basically asking everyone else to do your work for you.  Your desire is for someone, besides you, to figure you out.  You want to be treated like a child without language in one way and, when you do state your needs, however indirect, you would like to be understood.  

Use your words.  Stop expecting.  It isn't nice.  Stop saying what you don't mean and being upset when your words aren't interpreted correctly.  Stop being an infant when it comes to communication.  Stop crying when you really need to state what is happening.  You are an adult.  You have the ability to read a book, seek therapy, figure your stuff out.  The truth of the matter is, that is your job:  YOU.  Making sure your needs are met is your basic job description.  Communicating those to others well, is learned but par for the course as well.  You are capable, no matter how traumatic your upbringing.  You are worthy, no matter how few people cared about you as a child.  It is possible to take responsibility for yourself regardless of your age.  

Additionally, stop doing things for others without them asking for it.  Though it seems sweet, it is actually pretty detrimental to their development.  Asking each of the people in your life to communicate their needs, and then holding them to that, is the most amazingly freeing thing… Now, there will be push back.  There will be those who refuse and some who leave.  Communication is everything.  How you communicate determines the types of relationships you have.  Changing it changes the relationships.  However, once you begin to say what you want, need and think you are going to want to be around others who do the same.  Doing your own work makes doing the work of others less appealing.  

When you begin to take responsibility for yourself you will desire the same in others.  It starts with you.  Now, imagine that world, where we all said what we meant, meant what we said, and didn't want our minds read?  Imagine the lack of misunderstanding, the clarity of needs being stated and the opportunities to meet those said needs.  When you use your words you get us all closer to this.

xo

a

 

It's The Little Things

Hiya, We don't always realize how the little things matter so much more than the bigger things.  There are so many more little things that, when put altogether, add up to waaaaay more than the big things combined.  Like insects.  If all the insects jumped off the earth at once the earth would possibly fall off its axis.  There are way more bugs taking up way more space and weighing way more than other living things combined.  Though I don't enjoy bugs, I appreciate them for, holding it down, so to speak.  I also appreciate the reminder that they play an important role in the function of this planet.   

littlebug

The same holds true for the little things you say to yourself all day every day.  When you wake up to when you go to bed, what are the dominating thoughts?  If you wonder and cannot recall or are not aware of the dominating words, ideas or language you can simply look at your life and you will have your answer.  Do you love you life?  Every aspect of it.  Work, is it fulfilling and are you living your dream?  Love, do you have it in your life and if so is it you ideal?  Your body, are you happy with your body, is your body happy with you?  Health, are you healthy, do you feel great everyday?  Friends, are they supportive and who you want to be around?  If any of those things aren't where you want them to be what are the thoughts about them that come up for you right now?    What do you say to yourself when it comes to the various aspects of your life?  

One of the easiest ways to begin this awareness journey is to pay attention to what you say to yourself first thing in the morning upon waking.  What are the thoughts that come into your mind when you open you eyes?  What is the general feeling in the morning each morning?  What is your normal response to making a "mistake"?  How many times do you go over what already happened to criticize yourself for doing 'a' instead of 'b'?  How often are you called stupid in your own mind?  Do you use the word 'should' on a daily basis?  

Once you begin paying attention you will begin to see how your inner dialogue shapes your external reality.  If you think you aren't very good at something, chances are you won't succeed at it in reality… partly because you may not even attempt various things you have berated yourself out of trying.  Once you awaken to you inner dialogue and hear all that you have said, moment by moment, you may become appalled by the level of abuse you inflict on yourself.  Now imagine yourself as a little girl/boy and you are telling her/him what you tell yourself all day everyday.  This is what we do.  We are, everyday, raising up the inner child.  We have a chance, every day, to raise them up with love or fear.  How do you want to shape her/his world?  

The small things, in reality, are all there is.  We are but molecules all bunched together to create the illusion of solidity.  We are energy and we feed on love and are minimized by fear.  If you are each day, in every way, telling yourself that you matter, the bigger picture is going to be made up of those sweet loving thoughts.  If you, every day in every way are doing the opposite, the opposite is true.  

I am not saying to sweat the small stuff, but, instead, put effort into it.  It matters and so do you.  

xo

a