Life

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Language. Puzzles. Living Alone. Energy Work. Black People.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Motivation is a great word. It is a word that describes WHY and at the same time is a bit meatier than just asking "why." In some way the word encompasses the depth of what makes us do what it is that we do. It describes what moves and stimulates us to action or thought or feeling. It is a word that tells the back story of a person's life choices, their behaviors… it gives a reason for something. It is a word that is important to use on a regular basis when we are having inner dialogue (which is just about constant for most people). Using this word regularly before doing anything is one of the best ways to move towards emotional health and integrity.

Asking yourself what your motivation is for your actions, reactions, feelings, judgments, ideas, thoughts, etc. is a powerful way to get to the root of who you are and whether or not you truly need (or want) to continue moving in the direction you are moving in. We spend so much time automatically responding to life that stopping to ask ourselves what the fuck we are doing and why is almost like speaking Klingon. We just don't. When you begin asking, clearly, you will also need to give the answer some deep and true consideration. Be honest, be real, you aren't speaking to a group of people who are going to applaud or boo you. You are talking to yourself; be real with yourself at least. Why are you calling your ex-boyfriend? What do you really want to get out of it? Why are you sending a text to a co-worker? What are you doing and why? What is your motivation?

More often than not most people don't like thinking about everything that they think about… funny huh? If you aren't thinking about what you are responsible for who will be? It is work in the beginning but it gets easier to see where you are living in integrity and where you are not. What motivates you to be who you are, live how you live, do what you do? It isn't about changing yourself, it is about knowing and owning yourself and your life. It is about waking up.

 motivation3

motivation3

xo a

It Was Never Forever

Hi there! I was in a car accident a couple of days ago, and, from what I can tell my car was totaled. My first response was to acknowledge that it was totaled and then let it go. There was no sadness, no grieving. There was curiosity around the accident because there were magical events that led up to, created and sustained it until my car was towed away. If I hadn't been in the car with someone else I may not have believed how everything happened. The most important part for me, and possibly for you, is that I didn't have to grieve. It was a loss that had already occurred. It occurred on one iteration of this world or another, many times over. It was never something that was forever and it played out for many reasons, the first of which was as a letting go drill. There are other reasons that I needed to experience this accident and they are revealed in the order that works for my brain and heart and being to understand.

lettinggoooooo
lettinggoooooo

Letting go is something that most of us have had a hard time doing at one point or another in our lives. I know that I have been in several relationship where letting go of them was like cutting off an arm, or at least it seemed like I put as much effort into debating ending it as I would cutting off my arm. We become attached energetically to people, places and things and it is just as real as being attached physically to those things. Energy is real, it is what all things are and when we are bound by it it can sometimes take great effort to come undone. But letting go is one of the most important things we will learn on this plane of existence besides loving with and without expectation.

I have, for most of my life, been in training for mastery of letting go. It is one aspect of what I am here in this body, during this time, called to do. I have let go on purpose, I have had things ripped from me and I have learned to simply not get attached. It is a peaceful movement through the world honestly. Knowing that all things will go means you don't have to concern yourself with the outcome and you are left to enjoy the moments you are in, when you are in them. It is possible to go the direction of worry if it is what you are used to and what is most comfortable, but you can choose to take the information of knowing that all things transform into other things (or end, as we like to say) and use that to detach from the desire to hold onto something that is fleeting. Even an orgasm would be unwanted if it was never ending.

One of the things that makes life so valuable is that it has an expiration date. The big issue is that we foolishly cling onto a sinking ship and hope it will float because we want it to so badly. Very little is done with making each moment that we are gifted something valuable honor the value of the thing. We abuse our bodies, our spaces, our people. We put negative and dirty energy into the world and expect it to sustain us. We ignore our spiritual gifts and wonder why so many are spiritually devoid. Let go of forever and start enjoying, appreciating and honoring today. The next time you are in an accident or have something pulled away from you it may not have the impact it once did. You may start to see the grand design, the master plan and laugh at the way it all works. It is possible and attainable now.

xo a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Heat. My Closet Full of Clothes. Epiphanies. Gum. Redecorating.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Anger is powerful. Anger brings forth a fearlessness in a person. Anger gives a feeling of worthiness and deservedness. Anger is a truth showing emotion in many ways. In the basic sense anger is information like everything else in the world. You choose how you process it, but in it's natural form it just is. Many people believe that anger is inherently negative and that we need to do what we can to avoid it completely. We have placed it in the category of things that people-who-don't-have-their-shit-together feel; or people who haven't matured enough, or people who are just masking sadness, or blah blah blah. We do whatever we can to run away from it in so many ways. Then, we get into our cars and try to kill people on a regular basis because they made a wrong turn or weren't paying attention to their surroundings properly; or we find ourselves feeling deep sadness and not understanding why or what it is about. Our suppressed anger turns into road rage, depression, an overall numb feeling in our lives.

Anger is a spark, like joy, that activates everything else. It is a deep and intense feeling that tells you when a boundary has been crossed. Anger is a motivator for change. Anger is a sign that you are not happy with something, it gives you a chance to peer into your true feelings, judgments and expectations. To own being angry means you have to admit that you want; wanting means you will have to go after something and going after something means that there is a risk of not getting it (and a chance that you will). For many that risk is too much and so not wanting (which is a lie) is what they opt for instead. Because of this lie there is anger that is misplaced… not even acknowledged because it has no origin that the person feeling it understands since they denied wanting to begin with. When you accept that you deserve to want and are worth the risk of going after what you want you are open to feelings that will motivate and move you forward, anger is one of them.

When you deny your wants and preferences you essentially deny a huge part of being human and being a spirit. When you don't allow your anger to assist you in boundary development and maintenance depression can set in. Anger, when denied and turned inward, manifests as depression. The thing is anger in and of itself is not negative, how we respond to it, however, often is. Our denial and subsequent sadness or rage at seemingly benign things, is damaging and can have negative effects on ourselves and others. Acceptance of our feelings, all of our feelings, allows us to manage them and put them in the place where they will be of the most benefit. We all have anger, all of us. Just like any other emotion we have, anger is important and worth connecting with to understand when it comes up for us. The journey to each other begins with ourselves. You won't fully be able to connect, assist and help (yourself or others) if you deny hide or judge what is as what isn't supposed to be.

angerbaby
angerbaby

xo a

A Vow to Self

"Behind all resistance is fear. Behind all fear is a lack of faith in oneself." ~Dina Bachelor Evan The thing that I love about marriage (besides not being married at the time I am writing this) is that it is a vow, an amazingly brave vow to take. It basically says that you will do the hard work it takes to learn, grow, be vulnerable, not hide, accept, love and support someone, even when you want to run away… it is, in truth a vow to your Self to work on you through your relationship to another. Marriage is a crazy beautiful ridiculous impossible rewarding thing, even when it doesn't work out. Vows are powerful and scary, beautiful and breathtaking, magical and mysterious. They matter when you make them and they matter when you break them. The truth is, many people don't ever imagine a time, when they are getting married, that they wouldn't want to be married to the person they are with, until it happens.

My father refuses to talk about death, scares him shitless. It is going to happen, to him, to me, to everyone that is alive. Death is a promise the moment you are conceived. It is the ONLY thing you can count on from the very beginning. Well, falling out of love with someone is the promise of falling in love with someone. What if, instead of avoiding the inevitable, everyone started discussing what they planned on doing when things get tough with their significant others, how they planned on moving through the struggle? What if we recognized that growth was inevitable and a potential 30, 40, 50 years with someone would yield at least 1-5 years of rough patch territory; seriously. A few years of struggle ain't so bad in the grand scheme of things. When you are looking at eons, a couple of years is a drop in the bucket. Besides, what is the point of getting married if you aren't going to do what you can when shit is going south? That is called dating and it is awesome because you can just get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. The downside to dating is that you can get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not one to tell anyone to stay in something that is shitty. On the contrary, I break up with friends when I feel that the friendship is no longer serving me in a healthy way. I know that everything ends. I know that what happens is what is meant to… so it goes. I do believe, however, if you have the chance to do your work, take it, especially when you made a promise to do so.

No matter how far away you go, you will still be where you are. Leaving one thing to go to the next doesn't actually solve the issue, which is always, my loves, you. No matter how much you would prefer the other person to be wrong, fucked up, and unworthy, you only see in another what you have within yourself. The best part of commitment is commitment. You will learn to stretch and grow and do more and go farther and suck it up in ways you would never if you weren't committed. It is like being committed to a workout plan as opposed to just working out when you feel like it. The part that is hard, really really hard is that you have to face the fact that the only way to make things better in your life is to truly love, cherish and honor yourself and that your understanding of how to do that is archaic and often just plain wrong. When you realize that you have to say the hard thing, do the hard work, and look deep inside and face the dark stuff, you may want to run. Wanting to flee is often a response to not wanting to see…. not wanting to see how you gave yourself away thinking you were taking care of your partner, when you were, in actuality, giving your power away to someone who was giving their power away too. Both partners feeling powerless and thinking that they are helping the other out in whatever way they thought they were supposed to, only to get angry and blame the other for their unhappiness at a later date. Relationships can force you, when pushed to their powerful potential, to deal with your Self, in ways you would never if given the chance to just cut and run. Of course, you don't have to deal, but the blessings that come when you do are immeasurable.

Now just because you work on your things and potentially heal your wounds with your partner does not mean you will remain partnered… your work together may be over after that, this healing may be exactly why you joined in a union to begin with. It is also the case that you must have a partner who is willing and ready to work on things in order to actually heal with them. If you have a partner who has given up you may need to move on. I have been there, I was married, have been in long term relationships, I get it. Nothing lasts forever, nothing ever could. My hope is that you receive all of the gifts an experience is here to give and from that place of strength make choices from your highest most ideal space to take your next beautiful steps.

Four-Seasons-Tree
Four-Seasons-Tree

Love, love and more love.

xo a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Sydnee. Staying Up. Sleeping In. My Guitar. Tuesdays.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

I may be chronologically 39 but in reality I am ageless. I enjoy my life and everything in it. This acceptance and ability to go with the flow keeps me bouncing around the same way I did when I was 30 years younger. I enjoy the unknown (it is like christmas morning to me) and love surprises. I look forward to playing and am never bored. Life is best lived in the moment and our moments are so abundant that it is like winning the lottery on a daily basis to me, this life. So much to see, learn and do. So many people to love and to love you back. Growing up is fantastic if you never let go of love and curiosity. The thing is, many people believe that growing up means leaving the parts of life that were fun, silly, experimental, wondrous and curious behind. I believe that aging, in part, is due to the cutting off of the vital energetic flow. We prepare for and accelerate our demise with the present day belief of what growing up is.

If you are someone who spends most of their time unimpressed with the things around them you might be suffering from "grownupitis" and there is a way out; it doesn't have to be terminal. You can find your way back to love, joy and fun no matter how far down the path to stagnation you have run. The first thing you will need to recognize is that love, joy and fun are never far from you… they are residents inside of you. You may have neglected them but they won't leave, they just need to be nurtured, watered as it were. One of the best ways to nurture love, joy and fun is to do something that you deem immature or childish… or that you may believe is for kids only, like hopscotch, swings, jump rope, trampoline, thumb wrestling, making faces, juggling, playing with putty, coloring or simply dancing around your house. Do something that takes away any sign of appropriateness away, like a whoopie cushion in a board meeting! Let go of trying to control an outcome and just do some stuff for fun. See how it feels to be free.

The second thing that can help you live your moments with reckless abandon is to own your feelings and let others own theirs too. When you release the need to control others you have more time to have fun. Seriously. When you stop trying to get everything to work out in some way or another you have more time to do the things you love. We make things so complicated and we resist the abundance of ease that actually exists. When you love something love it, when you don't, don't. We put up so many walls to love, joy, fun and wonder based on beliefs that are absolutely arbitrary. Create the reality you would like to live in and then live in it! This is your journey, your path, your universe… explore it, love it!

happiness_boy
happiness_boy

xo a

To Not Follow

Hey Hey! So many people are unhappy with their lives… Be honest, what would you change if you won the lotto? Would you keep your job? Would you stay with your partner? We keep doing what we keep doing and never stop to think about how most people feel the same… and people make up the rules. Well, I am a people you are a people, what the hell PEOPLE??!! Why are we repeating the same sh*t over and over? What if we finally woke up and did something different? What would happen? What if the ones that make the rules, "us", made different rules? Do we actually believe that there is no better system than what we live in. It is like we are in an abusive relationship and we refuse to see a way out of it. We don't enjoy how we live yet we refuse to change it???

The next best part of this is that we teach our children to live the lives we loathe, to some extent. We show them that we are ok with not being ok and that this is the only way. Our children grow up believing that they are supposed to follow in our footsteps. How are we ever going to bring about change if we teach our kids to do the same things we did? What about giving them the insight to go another way, to forge a new path, possibly better and certainly different. There are so many choices, so many ways to go… yet we force our ideas of right and wrong (even though the right way tends to be the unhappy way) on them with no regard for the idea that we don't know much of anything really. What if we told our children what we really thought, felt and desired? What if we let them know the pitfalls of following the crowd, what if we demonstrated to them what it was like to do what made their hearts sing instead of making their pockets fat. What if we changed how we went about running businesses and got back to doing trades. What if we figured out a new way to operate and created a different system to work under. What if we believed that there was something more, something better that we have yet to discover?

Our egos, fear and expectations keep us from sharing our true selves with one another. If we were to get real and say what we really felt, their would be a lot more unity I believe. We hide, lie, and suppress our feelings so much that we begin believing that we have no choice with how things are. In 400 years will we still be punching a clock and pushing papers or typing emails all day? What is the point? Seriously? What are we working towards? What do you want your future to look like if you won the lotto? What would you want to do with your days, day in and day out? Teach this to your children, tell this to you friends, write about it in your blog. Speak your desires… the universe will listen and so will everyone around you. You can totally live a life you dream of if you dare to dream.

unique
unique

xo a

As Is, Is Perfect

Howdy, It is ok that you aren't always nice. It is ok that you are sometimes an asshole. It is ok that you don't have it all figured out. It is. Many of us have decided that in order to be ok we have to be void of anything that has been judged as negative, bad, base. We believe that we must cut out our darkness as we would a cancer. We want everyone to live in harmony and light without recognizing that harmony and light need discord and darkness to exist. The issue isn't that everything exists, it is all in how we are viewing it. Our adding condemnation to something that we already have fear, shame and regret around only adds to the strength of the darkness and our fear; it only turns the lights out more. When you recognize the place that darkness deserves and requires in order for you to see the light, you no longer have any reason to fear that the darkness or shadow controls you or will do damage. A gun isn't dangerous unless it is in the hands of a human. The darkness isn't the bad guy.

When we refuse to accept the divinity of all things, including the stuff we hate, we refute, we would like to run the opposite direction from, we are forced then to repeat the experience that we so adamantly condemned. We don't have to learn through suffering, it is simply that we refuse to learn any other way… The universe isn't conflicted, we are. The universe isn't judging you as good or bad, it is simply throwing at you information for you to use to create deeper and richer experiences of your choosing. Imagine being able to look at your experiences in your life as ways to grow closer to your's and other's divinity. What would be the purpose of denying anything that was, in actuality, a gift. It is never the thing itself that is the issue but, instead, the thoughts we have about that thing that becomes our albatross. When you leave the thing as an it, or place on it the wise experience that is its highest potential, your world shifts in miraculous ways.

Our thinking is our biggest hurdle, our wanting to fit into an idea of something we have never truly experienced. We spend our time deciding what ok and what is not or trying to manipulate the world around us to fit into our narrow ideas (based on our limited experience) of love. What we don't fully understand is that all of it is love and worry, fear, hate, etc are also part and parcel to the journey to love… albeit roundabout. It is a hard thing to grasp that you are never without, never alone, never lost; that even when you are an asshole you are divine. Even when you don't know the next move to make you are moving in the direction you are supposed to be moving. Acceptance is an unveiling of the miracle of existence… of everything.

Wake up to the magic, it can be phenomenal if you allow it to be.

chaos
chaos

xo a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference. This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

100 Watt Reveal Lightbulbs. Experiments. Practicing. My Hair. Masturbation :).

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Whatever you push down will rise up with the force equal to the amount of shame and desire you have for it to never be seen/heard or felt. The faster, longer and harder you run away from something, the more speed it gains as it tracks your every move. Try as you may you will never outrun yourself; those parts that you choose to deny, hide and sever will demand attention and focus. You aren't smarter than yourself, you cannot get away from where you are. The only thing you can do when you want something to go away is to look at it in a different way and then deal. Acceptance, appreciation, and acknowledgement are the only ways to release the chains of judgment and shame that we put on ourselves and others.

When we let go of the idea that we can delete the parts of ourselves that we feel are mistakes we can look at them for the blessings that they can be for us. Owning the areas within ourselves that we have deemed as wrong or bad can be difficult in the beginning. It is devastating to us that we are what we have never wanted to be. It is hard to wrap our heads around seeing in ourselves what we despise in others. It is eye-opening to be in a place that we had always condemned and promised never to visit. Yet, all of us will find ourselves faced with embracing the very things we have chosen to deny in our lives and others. When you think you are better than something you will have the opportunity to see how being better is not the point.

Begin by getting to know who you are, honestly. Give yourself the space and the time to actually look at who you are, what you do, why you do it without blaming anyone else. Own your choices, your feelings, your life. It is simple to do but also one of the most difficult journeys you will dare to take… and the most rewarding. Let yourself in on who you truly are. When you get to know yourself in this authentic way, without hiding, judging or shaming, you will finally be able to be seen. When you can see and love you you can be you at all times; there is nothing better than that.

bubbles-in-boiling-water
bubbles-in-boiling-water

xo a

Power

Hi there, When you don't own your power it owns you. I have been an example of this one too many times. I have always been a bright light in my life and the lives of others. When I was young I remember feeling that everyone was special and lovely and wonderful and a friend. I was often hurt but easily bounced back from the pain of rejection or bullying because my nature is love. I recall my mother being very concerned with how I would fare in the world. She was certain I would be destroyed in some way once I was older and in contact with more people and no longer under her protection. When we moved to North Carolina, her fears were almost completely realized. I had some of the hardest years of my life there; I learned that people didn't behave to their divine potential, they behaved to their lowest most base vibration, often. It was rough so I became guarded, wary. The one thing that was hated the most was my light. It was like everyone wanted to snuff it out… so I dimmed, I hid, I began taking on the jealousy and inadequacy of others and shut myself down.

I had learned during my NC years that people didn't always appreciate my gifts. Though I tried to temper myself a bit, I was still well loved and known in college. No matter what I did or where I went I stood out. I kept quiet about what I could do, what I knew, how I could see. I lived a wonderful but tumultuous life during those years and following. I found myself, year after year, (during and after college) struggling to succeed, never wanting to make others feel less than me at the same time the very thing I wanted to hide would rear it's head when I pretended to be something I wasn't. Of course, I didn't know I wasn't fully owning that I could see, or kow things that others couldn't. My knowing and my light has always been helpful and allowed me to be an amazing Resident Assistant, friend, confidante, coach, and athlete. It was just that for the longest time I believed that owning my powers, my gifts meant I would have an ego that was out of control or be taking something away from others.

Me being fully me does just the opposite. When I am fully grown, fully showing up I am an example of how it is done. When I don't show up fully, the response to me is muddy. I have lived this over and over. When I am not clear, honest and authentically myself nothing else is. My power becomes my weakness. When I take charge of what I can do and how it is my calling, I am able to benefit and so is everyone else. It is like a person spinning in circles not realizing they have a machete in their hand. You need to own that you have a powerful and dangerous, if ignored, tool in your possession so that you use it purposefully. Whatever your power is, whether it be the responsibility of driving a car sober or knowing that you are charismatic and people are drawn to you without being able to help it; if you refuse to see the importance of being sober when you drive or recognizing someone being intoxicated by you, a crash is going to happen at some point, and people will get hurt. Take what you are in charge of seriously. Whether it is the power of influence or the power of walking understand and own that it is power and yours to shape.

Spiritual Power
Spiritual Power

xo a

The Gift of Annoyance

Hello there! Who is getting on your very last nerve? Where do you find the challenge in your life? Is it a job, a person, a situation, a behavior? Well, wherever you are finding yourself challenged send thanks to it/them. Without that irritation and agitation you would remain as is mostly. Discontent breeds change. When we are uncomfortable we work to move towards comfort, and with this movement there is growth. Though we often fail to see it, the ones that bother us the most are giving us the best opportunity for progress and growth. It doesn't mean we are happy about it, but it does ease the frustration if you remember to appreciate their place in your life.

We, including myself, tend to want things to be nice and easy. We want people in our world to make sense and do what we want them to, usually we think that those things are the same ;) The thing is, people aren't here to simply appease us or enable our behavior. People and situations are here to reflect back to us what is happening on the inside, where we have a hard time seeing. The lovely interactions, easy relationships, those are reflections of your world too, we cannot expect to only see the sunshine, without the night the day wouldn't exist. So those people who show you the shitty side of life, who bring up things that you cannot stand, who you would prefer to just not deal with because it is so much work… they are truly gifts for your soul's growth.

Often we would rather do anything than be uncomfortable. In that place of anger, irritation, discomfort you can find the areas that have been neglected, denied or suppressed. When we are brave enough to see ourselves in those situations or people, we can truly begin to heal, to love ourselves. Instead of running away, see what happens if we look at the other as ourselves. If we take our irritation as information about what needs healing in us. If we look at the discomfort as moving up a level, getting ready for an exam. Life is all about learning and learning takes stretching, leaving what we knew behind to go toward a bigger idea, a deeper understanding. Embrace life's challenges that come in all the ways it does. When you do accept that there is something to be learned in every thing, and from everyone, you will find that your challenges become less and less and your outlook shifts to one that sees the gifts instead of the hardships.

annoyance
annoyance

xo a

Never Lonely

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Themed cycle classes. My lovely friends. Sleeping in. Fit, Strong, Sexy Bodies. New Fitness Equipment.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

I don't get lonely. I really enjoy being on my own and I really enjoy being with others. No matter the situation I am in I am pretty content with being me and living my life. This is not something that is usual for most. Loneliness is a plague it seems. Many people will do most anything to get away from that feeling of being lonely. The paradox is that no one can fill up that feeling; no one, no thing, no place, no activity. Loneliness is a symptom, a sign, that you have left you. You have deserted yourself. The feeling of loneliness is a sign that the relationship that matters most as far as health, happiness and wellbeing, hasn't been nurtured. When you recognize that you could be your best friend, most amazing confidante and supporter, and you put energy into that relationship, loneliness will not have space to take root.

When you aren't lonely you find that the people in your life change. They are not looking for you to fill a space; they aren't looking for you to complete them in any way. When you fill yourself up, you are able to find others who have done the same. With the neediness removed from connection you are left to learn about yourself through your relationships, you are ready to grow and move forward in ways you couldn't have when you used others to numb yourself out. When you stop abusing others the way we do food, sex, drugs, etc. you will find happiness that is unyielding, unwavering, constant and more comforting than any other love you have known. When you are in love with you, when you are happy being you, when you stop leaving you, you will never be alone.

Be alone, be lonely, be afraid, be sad. Go through the feelings that you are sinking, falling and no one is there… then remember that you are. You could show up. You can bring your light to the surface, it is a choice. It is. We love to play victim and we love to stay confused. Stop using not knowing how to do something as an excuse. Read, google, write, ask, etc. Make a move, take action! You need to be where you are to get to where you are going, stop running from yourself. Stop leaving yourself. You are not alone, you never were and you don't ever have to be again.

self-love-woman
self-love-woman

xo a

Fear of Flying

Hi! When you let go of the idea that you will be safe if you have a relationship with someone who understands you, who gets you; when you stop worrying about things that are not happening right now; when you remember that all of this is temporary fear pops up and then bounces away. It is the exact opposite of what happens for those who believe that a relationship will fulfill them, "knowing" will calm them or that what they hold onto will last forever; for those people, fear consumes them. The notion that there is safety, security and fulfillment in all the things that truly are temporary, whether you consciously get it or not, would bring up fear because there is no truth to it. We grab onto one another hoping that in the other we will find ground and stop the fall. What we don't understand is that the one we are holding onto is falling also and couldn't stop your internal struggle no matter how much they wanted to. You are the one who can catch you, make you feel secure and loved fully. You are your savior.

We live in a world where most things are unknown yet we try our best to control all. We put rules on everything in order to gain some semblance of being the boss of all. Then life happens, people leave, die, things end, begin, magic happens. We are so set in believing that we KNOW things that we call anything that goes outside of what we have arbitrarily decided could happen, unexplainable, not true, made up, fantasy, conspiracy or some other such definition that usually has a negative connotation. We actually chastise people who refuse to think like the rest of the society we are in. It is understandable then that deep down we are struggling within this box that we are in. Boxes are cramped and somewhere in our soul we see the expansiveness of existence. We know that the world is bigger than the box but because we don't know what lies outside of it, we freak the f*ck out and basically refuse to leave the 'safety' of it. The box says that if you do certain things then certain things will happen. Well, there may be a possibility that those things are going to happen but there is a possibility that other things would happen too. The world is mysterious, exciting and surprising.

Letting go of our illusion of security is a process for most. You can practice it by doing things that challenge you in various ways. You can do it by changing your language around love, relationships, and the world. You can let go of the idea of security by recognizing that the only control that you have is over you and how you respond to your world… Or you can learn through the fact that the world will stop at nothing to get you to see it. The world, universe, will take things away, bring things in, create chaos and then bring order whether you want it or not. The universe will give you opportunity after opportunity to learn how to let go of our attachments. What you call falling I call flying. When you open up to possibility, to understanding that it is the moment that is precious, not the imagined future, you can stop the drop and begin to enjoy the journey. It is your choice to bury your head or spread your wings.

flyowl
flyowl

xo a

Free Your Mind

Good Friday! We have so many ideas about things we don't know anything about. We think that relationships should look a certain way, that we should feel a certain way about those relationships, that there are ways to have them and ways to end them. We believe that there is a way to love that is right. We believe that there is a way to love that is wrong. We believe that people should know things that they don't. We believe that there are ways to be that are good and ways to be that are bad. We believe all of these things because we are told that these things are truths. We rarely stop to ask ourselves if we actually feel differently. We are not taught to think critically. We are not taught to forge new paths or think outside of what society thinks is acceptable. We are taught to follow, to be quiet, to accept authority and to do what was done before and be ok with it.

It is no wonder people are depressed, suicidal even. It is no wonder there is violence and hatred. It is no wonder why there is an underlying feeling of fear, stress and uncertainty. Serenity is not valued, love is not openly practiced and we are all but robotic in how we live our lives. The very notion of saying what isn't deemed appropriate brings up fear for most people; let alone saying something that might sound like you believe something that hasn't been sanctioned by a government or a church. Our values are steeped in systems that are broken yet we still believe that anything other than going along with the status quo is just asking for trouble. Think about how you judge rule breakers or people who are on the fringes of society. There is a reason those who do what resonates within them are called "free thinkers." They aren't allowing themselves to be tied down to a rule or form and, in some way are able to bring their souls desires to the forefront and truly be true to themselves.

You could do with an overhaul in thought more than likely. You could let go of your ideas or right and wrong and find what makes sense to your soul. You could be honest about that uneasiness that you have felt most of your life, that sense that something is off. Life isn't what you thought it was, people aren't who you think they are and you really don't know much about much. The thing of it is that knowing that you have been marching along, following orders, not really thinking about your own higher self's values, drives and direction, gives you power. When you recognize that you can decide your feelings, beliefs and, in that way, create your world, you have been given a gift, a magic wand. You have been given the opportunity to not just look beyond the curtain, but to leave the building that you never recognized was keeping you from all that lies beyond it; there is an infinite universe out there where your judgments about life don't matter in the way you think they do. I think it may be time for a visit to it.

See how you begin to lift off when you let go. See how you begin to find joy when you step away from shame, shoulds, judgments and supposed to's. Try it.

butterflygirl
butterflygirl

xo a

Not Shaken, Not Stirred

Hi there, What happens for you when someone doesn't like you; how do you handle rejection, perceived or real?  You can tell a lot about where you are in terms of self-love, self-worth and self-esteem when you look at how you handle rejection.  Do you feel that you aren't good enough?  Do you feel like your world won't be the same if you aren't loved or accepted by others?  Do you feel shaken to the core if things don't fit into your idea of comfortable? When you have to talk yourself down off of the ledge on a regular basis; when you are driving yourself crazy imagining things that you are afraid of happening or when you feel like you won't actually be ok without the attention of others or another it is time for a paradigm shift.

How you view your world, what you think is cause and effect, how you behave, where you place your faith, essentially your worldview is your paradigm. When you shift it you have to change, well, everything.  The shift may not be something you have to do piecemeal, however.  You can, when you recognize your world isn't working for you in it's present state, shift one thing, one bit of understanding of the world and shift everything else… basically like a domino effect.  In a world where you are shaken because of other's feelings about you, you believe that you aren't enough, that you must have outside validation to be ok.  You cannot imagine being happy alone.  The idea of you being your most important person is a concept not a reality.  You may never have truly had a center or feel grounded.  It is a world where you feel like you need to control others so that your feelings don't spin out of control.  Your way of controlling may seem like love, care-taking, being helpful… but the ultimate expectation is for you to not be left, not be alone, to be liked.

There are an infinite number of ways to change what you are doing in order to do something else, no matter what.  The only thing that is truly mandatory is awareness that what you have been doing is no longer what you want to do.  You have to have desire.  Your desire to change has to be stronger than your fear of change.  Basically you need to be fed up with being unhappy, unsettled, shaken, panicky, controlling, desperate and needy.  You may have come to this realization through a pattern of failed relationships, friendships or your own lack of being able to get unstuck from a feeling that you can't articulate.  When you recognize that you want to be somewhere you have never been you will have to go about things in a way you never have.  You will have to go about things in an altogether new way.

Life is a mystery and everyday we get clues. Enjoy the search for your answers.

happiness-is-an-inside-job
happiness-is-an-inside-job

xo a

One Foot In Front of The Other

Hello, Keep going.  I know how hard things can feel.  I know how sometimes you think that it is all for naught; that you are just going in circles.  You aren't even though it truly doesn't seem like any forward movement is happening.  Then there are times where you know you are moving forward but it just isn't at the pace you would like it to be.  You want quicker results.  You want the results to fit into your expectations, you want what you want and anything else seems like failure.  I get it but cannot support it.  We set ourselves up for failure on a regular basis and don't take responsibility for managing our own expectations around our growth, success or advancement.  When you expect to be rid of something you only just recently learned you were embodying for most of your life you are setting yourself up for disappointment; you can at least give yourself a similar amount of time to get above what you don't like as it took to make what you don't like a habit; 5 years of making something a habit takes is going to require longer than a few months to truly unlearn.

This isn't for you to become discouraged.  On the contrary, it is so you understand patience.  When you are working on learning how to live a life that is new in a large number of ways, the last area of your life to truly shift is your emotional life.  How we view the world, how we see ourselves, what we want, feel, desire, all of these things are deeply embedded in our core.  Changing how we respond to present situations so that we aren't repeating behaviors of the past is difficult and an ongoing process.  You mustn't get ahead of yourself and, at the same time, you must dream bigger and see farther than your present state of being.  In other words, you must stay rooted in the present moment but peer over it to see that there is light; faith is needed.

Anything you want to change, grow, learn will take time.  You will have to put energy into whatever it is that you would like to attain.  Giving up, deciding that it isn't happening fast enough, becoming discouraged, losing faith are the enemies of love, life and the pursuit of emotional, spiritual and physical evolution.  As you stumble, recognize that there is something that slowing down will show you.  As you feel like you are spiraling or having a setback, know that you need to gather more tools for your journey and this is an opportunity to do so.  There are no mistakes if you are consistently learning.

Keep going.  The only way out is through.

LeapOfFaith
LeapOfFaith

xo a

Check Your Ego

egoabstract

Hi,

No one is making decisions because of you no matter how much you think they are or want them to. Everyone is moving through the world trying to do things that make them happy, that bring them love, that keep them from feeling sad… mostly.  Yes, many people are eating their emotions, drinking their sorrows, stuffing down their truths but they do so because of the search for joy, love and happiness.  Regardless of how they do it, they are working on giving themselves comfort, period.  So when you are feeling like someone is doing something to you there are a few things that need to shift; the first being your perspective, the second being the drama that you like to create and third, your being bossed around by your ego.  You may be a really lovely human being but you aren't the reason someone is doing anything, even if they say that you are.  You might inspire them, encourage or influence, but you aren't the reason. The reason always originates with the person doing whatever they are doing for themselves, because they benefit in some way, or think that they will.

Ok, let that sink in.  You aren't the reason for other's choices or decisions.  When your ego becomes inflated you begin thinking that you are why someone is happy, unhappy, sad, miserable, etc.  You begin to believe that you somehow cause others to live a life that they wouldn't otherwise.  You may also believe that the choices they make that don't serve you are somehow against you.  Basically, when your ego is inflated everything has to be centered around something you aren't doing, are doing or is being done to or for you.  None of the above is the case, though we use language all the time that reinforce the inflation of ego.  We accuse others of making us feel this or that, we accuse others of making us do one thing or another, and we tell people that they need to be different so we can be different.  We are a society that simply does not take responsibility for what we are responsible for.  Our feelings, our actions and behaviors, our choices are our own, not because of anyone else, really.  Once you are able to own this you can make different ones if you feel that you need to.

Take a moment to think about the choices you made in your life so far.  Now think about the reasons you have made them; eating various things, bringing certain people into your world, letting others go from it; being honest, dishonest or authentic; holding back or pushing forward.  How much of your world was decided by someone else?  If you can see that you are the conductor of your life you can recognize that it is the same for all of us.  When you release the idea that someone is doing something to you and instead understand that they are doing something for themselves you begin to bring your ego down to a size that is manageable and healthy.  We are all doing the best we can at any given moment.  The potential to begin to fully love your life is there when you begin to fully take responsibility for it, and let others do the same.

xo

a

Honestly

Hello, Honesty, it is sometimes the best policy.  Sometimes the pressure to be honest leaves people lying to themselves.  If you just don't admit what is happening then you aren't lying, right?  What if honesty isn't the best policy in the way we have been using it.  How about it being the best policy for you to be honest with yourself, to own what is happening for you in order for you to figure out how to live an authentic life without the pressure or sway of the judgment, fear or obligation of others.  So much of what you think you want is based on what you think someone else will think/feel.  We curb our behavior to fit into what is expected of us based on past teachings and judgments.  This censorship goes so deep that we often don't allow in a thought that goes against these expectations; and if we do, we make ourselves pay with abusive condemning language.

What you really want, really, really want, is personal.  You don't ever have to tell anyone anything actually.  Now for you to get what you want speaking it aloud is a pertinent step, along with being open for it and wiling to work.  Sharing what you want, however, is up to you regardless or what it is.  Right and wrong have nothing to do with whether or not you are ready to speak your needs, desires, dreams, etc.  When you can get past this notion of good, bad, right wrong, should or should not you can get to what is.  What is true for you, what is real for you, what you may honestly, truthfully want in your life or want out of your life is something that isn't really held well in the hands of others.  Not to say that you cannot find others to hear or listen in order to reflect back to you what you are saying; it is often the case that we can fail to understand what we are really saying when we never say it.   The trick is to find someone who can truly reflect what you are saying without interjecting their own beliefs, judgments and expectations all over it.

Start with getting reacquainted with you, your deepest self.  In all honesty you may never have truly met you.  We start of being told that we are limited by societal and familial expectations.  So get to know you, really know you without putting a judgment on what you are thinking or wanting.  There are clues to knowing you aren't being honest to yourself which include a general uneasiness in your life; an undercurrent of melancholy.  You may never have mentioned it to anyone and you may be great at pretending everything is ok, but when you have little moments where you want to let go or give up pay attention… your soul is speaking.  Another clue is when you hate everything and make no bones about it.  You are just grumpy, irritable and irritated.  If joy isn't your default you have some opening up to do with yourself.  There is no doubt about it.

Even if you aren't sure what to do when you know what your really want, at least you won't be surprised by your behavior and can, in some ways, prepare for the choices you will make on down the line.

5souls

xo

a

Working It Out

HI there! Working out is a wonderful things, or can be. It is also a practice of patience and faith. Results aren't immediate when you begin your journey to fitness; the road is also an arduous one. The thing about getting strong and healthy is that you never regret it, you never ever look back on your less fit self and think that you made a mistake moving beyond that. When you are not at your ideal weight, health or mental state it can be difficult to imagine what life is like to be absolutely well, it may not be something you believe is a possibility. The universe is possibility. It is expanding right now, creating more and new and different. You are the same, creating something from nothing on a regular basis. You are as creative and powerful as the universe, in your own way. You can take your body and your mental/emotional state and get them to be rock solid if you choose to. The choice is yours, and it is a choice.

greattostart

Making the decision to change your life happens when you can imagine loving something more than where you are at the moment. When you decide you no longer want to be where you are you will find somewhere to go. If that place, the place that resonates with you, is a stronger, fitter, healthier you then you will make those things your reality. When you want it you will not stop to get it. To become healthy, persistence is mandated behavior. Persistence assures that even when the going gets tough you will continue going forward, pushing through, not quitting. Fitness isn't handed to anyone, it is worked towards and for most it is something that you have really commit to in order for it to override all of the habits that got you to the point where you weren't healthy. The lifestyle that supports illness, obesity, unhealthy or unsupportive thinking, toxicity and depression cannot be maintained if you plan on creating an environment where none of those past ways will thrive. It doesn't matter if it is about a relationship with a lover that is abusive or with yourself, if you want something to change, you must start (and end) with YOU.

You may need to start small, as it can be overwhelming letting go of habits that have seemingly become a part of you. You just need to consistently begin to take things away that you know aren't supporting your health and well-being while you add things that do. People, places or things all need to be reviewed when you are changing your life or simply living. Keeping up with how your world is working for you isn't just a good idea but a mandatory behavior for those who maintain their health and wellbeing. On top of clearing out your emotional/energetic space you will need to move your body, aggressively. Movement not only creates change, it stimulates growth in ways you aren't able to understand until you do it. You aren't the one that won't make it. You aren't the one who won't see results with hard work. Once you recognize that you, like everyone else, can have what you want and that the only thing in your way is your attitude, you will be a lot better off.

Working out is wonderful, it is… it brings you to yourself in ways you didn't know you could approach. You learn about your feelings, your judgments, your desires. You learn that it is all about perspective and that yours can be whatever you choose.

xo a

Mirror Mirror

Hello! You will have to deal with your sh*t no matter what you do to get away from it. Everyone in your life is a reflection of you… everyone. They tell you where you are by being who they are. This may not be what you want to hear, which means you really want to listen. You are where you are supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to be doing, reading what you are supposed to be reading. You are meant to finally own up to your choices, where you are in your world, what you have ignored, judged, denied, refused, cut out, brought in and pushed away. None of these experiences or choices are meant to shame you or throw you into a spiral of guilt. They are lessons, they are gifts, they are alarms for you to pay attention to.

We have people who come into our world that challenge, excite, depress or ignite us. We don't always know why we are drawn to the same type of person over and over again, we may not yet see our patterns, our repeats. Take a look, see if you are going over your past in different iterations. We may wonder why we like the things in others that we do or find some people unappealing and repelling. When you find these strong feelings rise up in you, pay close attention. These feelings signify areas in yourself that are in conflict or that you need to address. It isn't about the people you like or dislike… it is that you like or dislike that is telling. Your inner struggles, your inner work is played out in front of your eyes everyday. What you struggle with will show up as your lover, your best friend, your nemesis. It will show up in your career, your pets, your health. Your emotional self becomes your life in every possible way. Just as nature finds infinite ways to express beauty, your soul finds a multitude of ways to manifest itself.

Look at the world with the filter that it is all about you; not in the way of taking responsibility for what others say, do or feel; not in the way of wanting everyone to focus on you... Instead see the world as your reflection and then change it for the better by going within; heading to the source. If everything is reflecting your deepest self, working on you and shifting that core perspective changes everything. You have the power, you have the ability, you are omnipotent, you are the creator. You are able to make your world bright or absolutely dim your light. Why do you choose what you choose? What brings you to a place where you often lose? What are you trying to show yourself? Learn what your motivations are so that you can use them to carry you through to your ideal self.

Keep opening up, keep owning your stuff, keep looking within, keep letting love and light in.

reflection-ocean-tree-moon

xo

a

Toxic

Hello there! There are people in your world that may not need to stay. If that resonated then I am talking to you. It doesn't matter if they are your sister, mother, brother or friend, if they are toxic then they aren't helping you. I know you may feel like I am being harsh or that you couldn't possibly cut off ties with someone you are related to or are friends with, but it isn't about what you think you should do, it is about what is best for you; what is best for your soul. In order to hear what I am saying you have to let go of your sense of duty and obligation and your fear and judgment around being left by someone you want to stay in your life. You will have to be brutally honest with yourself and you might have to have a "come to Jesus" moment where you give yourself a mini intervention. You may be in an abusive relationship in some way and refused to see it as such simply because you love the person, are related to them or have been acquainted for some period of time.

Know that saying how you feel about a, b or c doesn't actually label someone as bad or wrong… you are simply stating your feelings. We often refuse to say how we truly feel about a person or situation because we think that saying you don't like a person's particular behavior is saying you think ill of the person. Not the case. Those two things are separate. For example: For me, my mother is toxic. This doesn't actually mean that I am saying my mother is evil, horrible or a bad person, just that I feel happier and healthier when I have little to no interaction with her. I am stating the truth about how I feel and what my experience has been in regards to her. She says very unkind things on a regular basis and seems to get a kick out of using very aggressive language to illustrate her disdain for me, so I choose to take my leave. When something is toxic it is poisonous or harmful. People can be toxic regardless of their connection to you, you being close doesn't equal yummy treatment. People can be mean and hurtful in your opinion and you don't actually have to judge them or take it personally. You can let them be who they are without having to be with them. We forget that we don't have to force change on people, we don't have to always make someone understand us or do what we want. It isn't reasonable to always try to have others bend to your will. Sometimes relationships aren't meant to be and that is and always will be ok. We make things really complicated when we judge them; when we judge them we have a hard time letting them be what they are.

What they are is simple too. People aren't generally mean to you because they just love being mean or they desire toxicity. If someone isn't treating you well, in your opinion, they most likely are doing the same thing to themselves. If you can stop and remember that we see the world the way that we are… so if someone is unhappy, mean, cruel, abusive they most likely are in pretty bad shape spiritually and emotionally. They don't need judgment, no one does. They don't need cruelty in return and they most certainly don't need enabling. You aren't here to be abused or mistreated. Being loving isn't staying with or around someone who brings you down. Regardless of understanding why someone is being awful to you, you don't actually need to deal with it. or stay in the abusive situation or relationship. The understanding is so you can remember to be compassionate, from a distance if necessary.

Now, what if the person that is toxic is you? This is the case for at least one person that will read this. If you are your own worst connection you aren't going to be able to take your leave as you could with something that isn't you. You will have to stay and deal with your demons. We can be the biggest abusers to ourselves and not even recognize it. If you put yourself down, discourage, say mean things, or are impatient with allowing yourself to be where you are, you most likely are toxic to you… The first step in getting out of this cycle with yourself is recognizing that this is true and that you would prefer to do something different; that you would prefer to be supportive of you. When you can be your own biggest fan, the wind beneath your own wings the possibilities are endless (they are endless anyway).

Find what makes you sick, nauseated, anxious, unhappy and remove it from your world. Your thoughts and the feelings that come up around them make up the world you live in. Create a space in your life that is conducive to you living your best life, being your best self, and feeling your best. This space should be guarded like the priceless treasure it is. Let no one, not even that meanie that lives within, disrupt it. You are worth being honored and cherished every day of your life by any and everyone that wants to be a part of it. See how your life changes when you begin to accept only the best from yourself and others.

Tree Silhouette Against Starry Night Sky

xo

a