What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Heat. My Closet Full of Clothes. Epiphanies. Gum. Redecorating.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Anger is powerful. Anger brings forth a fearlessness in a person. Anger gives a feeling of worthiness and deservedness. Anger is a truth showing emotion in many ways. In the basic sense anger is information like everything else in the world. You choose how you process it, but in it's natural form it just is. Many people believe that anger is inherently negative and that we need to do what we can to avoid it completely. We have placed it in the category of things that people-who-don't-have-their-shit-together feel; or people who haven't matured enough, or people who are just masking sadness, or blah blah blah. We do whatever we can to run away from it in so many ways. Then, we get into our cars and try to kill people on a regular basis because they made a wrong turn or weren't paying attention to their surroundings properly; or we find ourselves feeling deep sadness and not understanding why or what it is about. Our suppressed anger turns into road rage, depression, an overall numb feeling in our lives.

Anger is a spark, like joy, that activates everything else. It is a deep and intense feeling that tells you when a boundary has been crossed. Anger is a motivator for change. Anger is a sign that you are not happy with something, it gives you a chance to peer into your true feelings, judgments and expectations. To own being angry means you have to admit that you want; wanting means you will have to go after something and going after something means that there is a risk of not getting it (and a chance that you will). For many that risk is too much and so not wanting (which is a lie) is what they opt for instead. Because of this lie there is anger that is misplaced… not even acknowledged because it has no origin that the person feeling it understands since they denied wanting to begin with. When you accept that you deserve to want and are worth the risk of going after what you want you are open to feelings that will motivate and move you forward, anger is one of them.

When you deny your wants and preferences you essentially deny a huge part of being human and being a spirit. When you don't allow your anger to assist you in boundary development and maintenance depression can set in. Anger, when denied and turned inward, manifests as depression. The thing is anger in and of itself is not negative, how we respond to it, however, often is. Our denial and subsequent sadness or rage at seemingly benign things, is damaging and can have negative effects on ourselves and others. Acceptance of our feelings, all of our feelings, allows us to manage them and put them in the place where they will be of the most benefit. We all have anger, all of us. Just like any other emotion we have, anger is important and worth connecting with to understand when it comes up for us. The journey to each other begins with ourselves. You won't fully be able to connect, assist and help (yourself or others) if you deny hide or judge what is as what isn't supposed to be.


xo a

Blame Yourself

Howdy, Something that has always been a challenge with me in relationship is when someone says, "you made me angry, or you hurt my feelings, or you insert blame here.  I first stop caring almost immediately (true story) because blame and Aina are like oil and water.  I literally separate from myself from it.  Then I go into explaining how I cannot make anyone feel anything.  That is solely up to the feeler.  You do that totally on your own.  I cannot tell you how many arguments I have been in where that has been believed to be a debate.  I am imagining that some of you right now are appalled at the idea that your feelings aren't because of someone else.  If this is true for any of you, "Welcome To Truth."  It may not be what you want but it is certainly what you need.

We spend so much of our lives blaming this person or that establishment, or this situation for how we feel, what we do, why we do it… we are running around shirking responsibility like it is our job.  Most people are seasoned pros at how to make it about someone else.  They said it with this tone, she looked at me this way, you made me a, b or c.  Another tool in the blame box is should.  You should have said this, or you should have done that and then everything would be a-ok.  Or you shouldn't do things that make me blah blah f*cking blah.  

The truth is your feelings originate with you.  Period.  I don't like street clothes in the bed, period.  Now no one makes me mad, it is just a preference I have.  I choose to be angry over it or not.  I don't have to be if I choose not to be.  If I am dating someone and they don't do something that I would like for them to do I can decide how I will respond.  It isn't written in the stars that I get pissed off with them.  They certainly aren't choosing my emotions for me.  I, along with the years I have been on this planet as Aina, experiencing her experiences and taking in whatever programming/conditioning I chose to take, help me decide how I am going to feel about not getting what I want in one situation or another.  I could be like most everyone else and decide that something outside of me is pulling the strings… but it just isn't true.  If I were someone else and that person had a different set of rules and programming/conditioning the street clothes issue wouldn't be an issue.  Because my feelings, preferences, want, needs are my own.  How I feel about someone doing anything is also my own.  I create the world I live in which includes the feelings I have.  Once you own it you can work on controlling it a bit… and you can most certainly stop blaming.  

The hard part of all of this is that owning your feelings is the Ultimate Responsibility.  When you realize you are the reason for everything in your life and you have no one to blame you have to start looking at yourself.  No one else can be a distraction any longer.  You will see how you allow yourself to be victimized by this or that feeling.  You allow yourself to be taken advantage of, sick, depressed, unhappy, abused, rejected, etc.  You also allow yourself to be loved, honored, cared for, praised, appreciated.  The ultimate responsibility is ultimately a blessing.  It reminds you that you are in the driver's seat.  Your feelings, your ideas, your situations are up to you.  The world you live in is the one you create, not the one you blame on someone or something else. 

So wake up and take responsibility.  Stop giving others credit for what you are doing.  You are the reason.  Always have been always will be.