Hello, Honesty, it is sometimes the best policy. Sometimes the pressure to be honest leaves people lying to themselves. If you just don't admit what is happening then you aren't lying, right? What if honesty isn't the best policy in the way we have been using it. How about it being the best policy for you to be honest with yourself, to own what is happening for you in order for you to figure out how to live an authentic life without the pressure or sway of the judgment, fear or obligation of others. So much of what you think you want is based on what you think someone else will think/feel. We curb our behavior to fit into what is expected of us based on past teachings and judgments. This censorship goes so deep that we often don't allow in a thought that goes against these expectations; and if we do, we make ourselves pay with abusive condemning language.
What you really want, really, really want, is personal. You don't ever have to tell anyone anything actually. Now for you to get what you want speaking it aloud is a pertinent step, along with being open for it and wiling to work. Sharing what you want, however, is up to you regardless or what it is. Right and wrong have nothing to do with whether or not you are ready to speak your needs, desires, dreams, etc. When you can get past this notion of good, bad, right wrong, should or should not you can get to what is. What is true for you, what is real for you, what you may honestly, truthfully want in your life or want out of your life is something that isn't really held well in the hands of others. Not to say that you cannot find others to hear or listen in order to reflect back to you what you are saying; it is often the case that we can fail to understand what we are really saying when we never say it. The trick is to find someone who can truly reflect what you are saying without interjecting their own beliefs, judgments and expectations all over it.
Start with getting reacquainted with you, your deepest self. In all honesty you may never have truly met you. We start of being told that we are limited by societal and familial expectations. So get to know you, really know you without putting a judgment on what you are thinking or wanting. There are clues to knowing you aren't being honest to yourself which include a general uneasiness in your life; an undercurrent of melancholy. You may never have mentioned it to anyone and you may be great at pretending everything is ok, but when you have little moments where you want to let go or give up pay attention… your soul is speaking. Another clue is when you hate everything and make no bones about it. You are just grumpy, irritable and irritated. If joy isn't your default you have some opening up to do with yourself. There is no doubt about it.
Even if you aren't sure what to do when you know what your really want, at least you won't be surprised by your behavior and can, in some ways, prepare for the choices you will make on down the line.