Your Change, Their Pain
Hi! Are you working on yourself? Have you made big changes in the past few months? What have you noticed about everyone around you once you stopped worrying about everyone around you? In my work I let most of my clients know that resistance is part of the journey, their own and then from the outside as well. Family and friends may not be supportive of the changes they are making because those changes effect the family and friends as well. Change is not something that is generally welcomed with open arms… This life change stuff is no exception. You may find, if you are getting your sh*t together, so to speak, that those you love the most don't love the developments the most.
If you are learning how to communicate your needs when you have never really taken care of your needs in the past, you are going to begin to set boundaries that were never set. This means people won't have access to you in the same way they once did. This may not just stop people from supporting you, this may actually piss them off. Your happiness is not the priority of anyone else, period. Your happiness, your development, your growth responsibility is directly in your lap to be taken care of. It has always been there, in your lap, you were just a neglectful caregiver.
Imagine the one that you love waking up one day and saying that the things that were normal and expected are no longer allowed? What if you were told that the very things you were happy getting from your partner came to a halt? It would be hard to recognize the changes as wonderful when your world is impacted, in your mind, negatively. Even if you know that the changes your loved one is making makes them happier, you may feel left out, left behind, confused and in some ways betrayed… You didn't ask for the changes after all, you are just made to deal with them. When communicating change to your loved ones, do so with the understanding that they may feel victimized by the changes you are making for yourself, that it isn't about you, their resistance… it is about them working hard to preserve what they feel is theirs.
When you go forward on this journey of growth and development it is important to understand that some of the journey you may feel alone. After all, you surrounding yourself with others who supported where you were… not where you were going. So you have been around others who believed your lack of self-care was ok, normal or healthy. So as you figure your life out, they may not fit in it the same way they did. It is not unusual for relationships to go through growing pains when one person in the relationship changes the dance. It is also to be expected that some of your relationships may not survive. As you grow you let go of things that no longer serve you, this sometimes includes your closest connections.
The farther along you go in your growth you may notice that you have lots of opportunities to practice your new outlook, communication style, belief system, etc… You may not call these confrontations opportunities, but that is what they are. These interactions with others give you the chance to truly solidify your work, to demonstrate or practice your growth in various ways. Look at each uncomfortable situation where someone or something challenges your newfound understanding as a chance to truly let the old fall away and stretch out in your new skin. It is a gift, this resistance, use it as such.
Remember, you owe the world your work on you, that is about it. Imagine if each of us spent our time figuring out how to be better towards ourselves? Imagine if we each took responsibility for our feelings, our joys, our pains? Imagine a world where we didn't project what was happening for us on others… where we could actually differentiate? This world is on its way… thanks for joining me on the journey.
xo
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