Howdy there! We all love attention. All of us. We just have so much baggage around it that most won't admit it, even to themselves. The truth is we grew because of the attention we received. Attention can be encouragement… we were all encouraged to smile, laugh, speak, crawl, turn over, walk, go to the potty and run. Our encouragement continued as we got older and then something changed. The attention we received started being judged. Maybe there was on child that got more attention than another and, believing in scarcity, the child that shone brightest was told to tone it down, in so many words. Maybe we saw someone want a lot of attention and act out when they didn't receive it… maybe we watched someone be judged because they were ok with being showered with attention. There are a multitude of reasons why people deny their attention seeking parts. Judgment is usually the top of the list.
If you let go of the attachment of being pleasing in the eyes of another would you want attention? If you were able to sit and talk about yourself, your ideas, your thoughts with someone who was genuinely interested in you and wasn't seeking to compare, how would that feel? Do you offer this to anyone? Do you offer attention, pure and untainted the way you would a 2-year-old just wanting to talk? I believe that most people don't know how to… we are so starved for attention ourselves that we act out in ways that perpetuate not being able to actually get the attention that we all desire.
If you aren't allowing yourself to receive attention you will probably have a hard time giving it to someone else. It is that way with just about everything. If you deny something for yourself you will most certainly deny it, if not physically, energetically, with others. Not only will there be denial, there may be resentment or judgment depending on how much you haven't allowed yourself that energy/activity.
What does attention do? Why is it important to give it? Well, attention is encouraging. It is nurturing. It is necessary to feel loved and cared about. So many of us feel lonely and lost. It is true. Ask anyone what is really happening for them and many will distill their issues down to feeling disconnected. The disconnection is most often with their own selves and that spills out and over to everyone else. It isn't that strange to see how disconnected we are. We text instead of talk. We check Facebook instead of call. We have 400 emails per day and feel to busy to actually eat a meal away from our computers. We have ceased giving attention in a real way to ourselves even. Even if we have a regular workout we rush away from it as soon as it is done to get back to texting, emailing, sitting, staring, straining and distancing.
We need to get over the idea that attention is bad. That someone who wants it is a brat. If that is the case we are all brats then. Sure, there are healthier ways to get attention than others… just like there are healthier choices for lunch today but you don't always pick those healthier choices do you? Start with yourself. Give yourself attention by first admitting that you like it and need it… once you get comfortable with your own needs you will be better able to hold space for someone else's need.
Until then, come here and talk to me… I will give you the attention you seek.