Thought Patterns

I Want It

gettingwhatwant Hi there,

I get what I want.  This is my mantra.  It flows, feels great when I say it and is true.  I say at any point where I feel a sensation of loss.  It works for me because I know what it is that I want.  Wanting is a loaded word and everyone has a feeling about wants when you ask them about it.  Wanting brings up a lot of stuff for most everyone.  You can feel vulnerable and exposed when communicating your wants.  You can feel unworthy and unloved when you are faced with a decision to want something and go after it or let it go.  Wanting can exemplify your feelings about yourself.

So many people tell me that they don't know what they want.  To that I say, poppycock!  You know when you aren't happy, right?  Well, this is an example of you wanting something and not getting it.  Go through your world, sift through your thoughts, check on your memories and see where you were disappointed.  Wherever that feeling of "should have" comes from is an example of you having a want, a desire that wasn't satisfied.  There is no woman or man on the earth without wants.  You spend everyday each day wanting a sh*tload of things.  Pay attention.

Most people try not to want (out loud) because they fear disappointment (which they experience anyway) and don't believe that they can get what they want.  So they pretend to not want anything.  They also don't believe they have the "right" to want what it is they want; especially if their want is up to another person to fulfill.  There are a few things that are flawed about this whole situation… wanting doesn't mean getting.  Wanting is an expression of your desire.  Wanting means you have done the work to find out who you are, what you like and what you would like to have in your life.  Wanting doesn't mean people are going to satisfy your desires… on the contrary.  When you begin to find out what it is you want you will understand that the onus is on you.  You are the only one that will be able to take care of your wants and needs, truthfully.  

When you get to a point where you can want without feeling guilty and instead feeling deserving, you will be in a place of safety that comes from within.  You will not expect from others in the same way and without permission, you will not limit yourself in the same way you have in the past and you will cease being disappointed on the level you end up at this point in your life.  

Want something?  Own that feeling, that desire.  Don't know what you want??  Stop lying to yourself.  Quit telling yourself those stories.  You want a lot, now admit it and get on with getting it.




It's The Little Things

Hiya, We don't always realize how the little things matter so much more than the bigger things.  There are so many more little things that, when put altogether, add up to waaaaay more than the big things combined.  Like insects.  If all the insects jumped off the earth at once the earth would possibly fall off its axis.  There are way more bugs taking up way more space and weighing way more than other living things combined.  Though I don't enjoy bugs, I appreciate them for, holding it down, so to speak.  I also appreciate the reminder that they play an important role in the function of this planet.   


The same holds true for the little things you say to yourself all day every day.  When you wake up to when you go to bed, what are the dominating thoughts?  If you wonder and cannot recall or are not aware of the dominating words, ideas or language you can simply look at your life and you will have your answer.  Do you love you life?  Every aspect of it.  Work, is it fulfilling and are you living your dream?  Love, do you have it in your life and if so is it you ideal?  Your body, are you happy with your body, is your body happy with you?  Health, are you healthy, do you feel great everyday?  Friends, are they supportive and who you want to be around?  If any of those things aren't where you want them to be what are the thoughts about them that come up for you right now?    What do you say to yourself when it comes to the various aspects of your life?  

One of the easiest ways to begin this awareness journey is to pay attention to what you say to yourself first thing in the morning upon waking.  What are the thoughts that come into your mind when you open you eyes?  What is the general feeling in the morning each morning?  What is your normal response to making a "mistake"?  How many times do you go over what already happened to criticize yourself for doing 'a' instead of 'b'?  How often are you called stupid in your own mind?  Do you use the word 'should' on a daily basis?  

Once you begin paying attention you will begin to see how your inner dialogue shapes your external reality.  If you think you aren't very good at something, chances are you won't succeed at it in reality… partly because you may not even attempt various things you have berated yourself out of trying.  Once you awaken to you inner dialogue and hear all that you have said, moment by moment, you may become appalled by the level of abuse you inflict on yourself.  Now imagine yourself as a little girl/boy and you are telling her/him what you tell yourself all day everyday.  This is what we do.  We are, everyday, raising up the inner child.  We have a chance, every day, to raise them up with love or fear.  How do you want to shape her/his world?  

The small things, in reality, are all there is.  We are but molecules all bunched together to create the illusion of solidity.  We are energy and we feed on love and are minimized by fear.  If you are each day, in every way, telling yourself that you matter, the bigger picture is going to be made up of those sweet loving thoughts.  If you, every day in every way are doing the opposite, the opposite is true.  

I am not saying to sweat the small stuff, but, instead, put effort into it.  It matters and so do you.  



You Dont Need To Know

not knowing-cr-adj-mod72r750web


You think you know but you don't.  We all want to know… something, anything.  It makes us feel like we are smart, special, in control.  Humans are pretty bad at going with the flow.  We set up our lives so we can get familiar and so that things aren't unpredictable.  We want to feel like we can tell what will happen next.  We stress about things when we don't know so much so that we can literally make ourselves "sick with worry."  Sick with worry is not a joke, it happens, people are exhausted from freaking the f*ck out on the regular.  The thing is, most of us don't know and don't need to know… that isn't the point of life.

There are ways that believing you know can become a hinderance instead of the freedom that most think knowing brings.  If, six years ago, you knew you were going to be where you are now what would you have changed?  If you knew the details of your life then how would you have judged this life you live in this moment?  Now, most of us are not who we were six years ago.  Most of us have some different perspectives, experiences, ideas that may have changed the way we view our lives now.  But if your six years younger self had known, he or she may have changed everything so you would be where you are… and wouldn't have grown into whatever you have grown into.  Knowing takes away learning.  Learning is growth.

You have a lover or a friend or a family member who says they know you.  The relationship changes.  You don't see each other for years, though when you were together the relationship was symbiotic almost.  You have experiences, thoughts, ideas.  You then speak with your friend/relative/ex-lover and they tell you that they know you.  You are trying to explain how you have come to see the world differently since you have been gone and they aren't having it.  They tell you who you are, where you came from, what you want, think, etc… You are invalidated, not heard, frustrated because they know you.  They know you.  What in the hell do they know?  Why is it even important?  

You have a friend/relative/ex-lover that it speaking with you after years of not being as close as you were… but you were super-duper close before, you grew up together.  You think you know them, how they would do this or that.  It brings you comfort.  It brings you a sense of belonging to one another, closeness.  You see them do the same things they did a long time ago.  You know them.  Then, they do something that surprises you.  You are unhappy because you thought you knew them and they acted "out of character."  Whose character are they acting different from?  Are they behaving differently from the person you have boxed them in to being or are they doing what they are doing, which is a direct demonstration of how little you know?

You want to know who you will be with, where you will live, what you will be doing in the future.  The future is dependent on you living the present moment.  Learning the present moment.  You cannot get to France if you don't first know where the f*ck you are.  You knowing that you will marry in 10 years, work as a consultant to large corporations helping bring about empathy in business in Paris does what for you now?  If you are currently waiting tables and in love with being single and totally self-absorbed.  Knowing what the future holds takes away the lessons of the present.  

You aren't supposed to know everything, on the contrary, you are being urged to be open, curious, excited about the unknown, not fearful and freaked out.  There are so many gifts in this moment and we lose those gifts when we try to see farther along than where we are.  The future will happen in a more amazing way than you could predict anyway.  Let it take care of itself by being right where you are, fully.  Besides, knowing is less interesting than being.  Being is where it is at.  Why not try that for a spell, see what shakes out.




Hiya, So you are going along and everything seems ok and then, WHAM, someone or something comes into your world and then everything changes.  You have feelings you've never experienced, you do things you never thought you would, you are spinning, spinning… and then you figure out some way around it, some way to either live it, leave it or make it normal.  It happens all of the time with love.  You fall in love, you go nutso feeling and doing things that you never had before, feeling like you are invincible and then, after some time it becomes your normal.  The funny thing is that we tend to forget that we don't know all of ourselves in the least.  It is a bit like goldfish memory (though that theory has been disproven, goldfish do remember things so those small tanks are torture), we actually think that we know how we would or wouldn't behave, even after surprising ourselves on a regular basis.  I mean really, at some point in your life you have done something you never thought you would and you have made it a part of your existence.

Throughout our day we talk to ourselves constantly.  There is almost always a dialogue that is going on in that head of yours.  Now, what are the voices saying?  Well, they comment on this or that and judge that and this and decide that they know.  That is one of the most important things those voices do for you, they tell you what is.  Honestly, the voices are working against you most of the time.  They cause a lot of confusion, drama, stress and fear.  They tend to tell you that something is one way or another and you tend to believe those voices.  Think about this seriously:  what have your voices told you and been right about; wrong about?  I would say that they are wrong most of the time because they like to operate on fear.  Even though the percentage of correct decisions/observations the voices make is low, we still consult those voices.  It is a partnership that doesn't seem sound.  Rarely are the voices ones of curiosity… rarely do we remind ourselves that anything could happen and after it does we might actually like it and want to continue experiencing what we once thought was unappealing, unsavory or beneath us.

What if the voices grew quieter or we didn't pay them attention or we reminded us of what was actually happening instead of what could?  What if you were open to the possibilities in life, you were aware that you didn't know what you would do in a situation you had never been in?  What if you decided right now, that you are in progress, you are in a place of discovery and will be the rest of your life?  What if you allowed yourself to be the growing and changing being that you are?  What if you helped the voices tell you what would allow you to be at ease most of the time and open otherwise?  You can, it is doable.  Now, even when you work on those voices serving you, surprises will still happen.  They won't shake your world the same way because you will be open to them, you will have known that anything can and will happen.  It isn't hard, in theory, to train those voices… it takes time, desire and unrelenting discipline.

You are going to expand.  You are going to incorporate more into your world than what is currently in it now.  You will change, you will grow.  Love will do it to you, life will do it to you, be open and enjoy. 

Growing, growing, growing... - It's Oh So Quiet - Bjork :)



What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.

 This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:


Guest Rooms.

Trusting What Is.


My Soul.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We run as fast as we can from pain.  It is smart really.  If you can get away from what is hurting you then you can find safety, a place where you won't be hurt anymore.  Animals in the wild do it all of the time.  They sense danger or see it and they flee.  They run until danger leaves and then they confidently go back to whatever it is they were doing before.  They find a safe place to continue living.  What if the place that scared them, that was causing injury, that they needed to run from was between their ears?  

When you find yourself running from your past and you find your past years and years before, where are you running to, what from and where will you go.  The abuse isn't happening now.  You aren't the child that was hurt, the adult that was left, the person that was afraid.  You are ok and yet you are still running.  You found safety only to realize you never left the hurt behind.  You relive it on some level all of the time.  You find things to support that this is your new normal, that pain is around every corner.  You stop trusting, you stop believing, you set up your world so that what happened can never ever happen again.  What if what happened was a one off?  What if it was only possible to happen when you were 5 years old and now that you are an adult you are not capable of being in the same situation?  What if you have nothing to fear anymore?  

We replay what has hurt us over in our heads, by the relationships we pick that will mirror parts of our past pain, by not letting go.  We hold onto so many memories that don't serve us.  We decide that remembering the things that hurt you will somehow keep you safe.  What keeps you safe is remembering what things worked, where you were happy and loved and comfortable and repeating that.  Pain is a part of the journey.  Suffering for decades around that pain isn't.  That is a choice.  

What are some memories where everything was great?  Where you were loved, supported, cared for and safe?  What if you looked at your history as a gift for yourself and others?  What if you changed your ideas around your history?  What if you changed the way you saw what happened to you and the language around it?  What happened to you could be what happened for you… for you to be who you are now, all the drama, all the joy, all the experiences are piling up to create the you that you are.  And you are pretty great.



Momentary Struggle

Hi there, I know many people who are struggling… just simply struggling.  It might be because of things that existed in their past or have never happened in real life or because of being in a place that they don't enjoy in this moment.  There are many reasons for their struggle if you were to dig into it, which I do as a career and path to healing… but ultimately it is a lack of being present that is at the core of the emotional turmoil they are suffering through.  

When I was a freshman in college I began my rowing career.  I embarked on, what was at that point, the hardest training of my physical, spiritual and emotional life.  I was pushed to places I didn't know existed within me.  I was afraid on a daily basis that I wouldn't make it through practice, that I could possibly perish because it would just be too much for me.  An hour before practice I would pace my dorm room and imagine all of the various things I would have to survive in practice.  Everyday, without fail, I would leave practice, alive, feeling like I was the most badass person on the planet for surviving the unthinkable!!  This practice of fear and relief, of going to the imaginary place and then being brought to the present moment and realizing it wasn't anything I thought it was, happened over and over and over.  

I not only experienced this in rowing, I experienced this fear in many areas of my life.  In relationships I would imagine that various things were going to happen and be emotionally devastated as if they had already happened, until I was proven wrong.  And I was proven wrong every time.  The emotional roller coaster of worrying about things, then things ending up better than my worry told me they would, took its toll.  By the end of my freshman year I decided that something had to give.  I wasn't planning on quitting crew, or life, so I was going to need to approach things differently.  

By the time I graduated I had been working on being in the present moment on a regular basis.  Then I began my post college training in rowing on an elite level.  This was a completely new world of intensity.  Nothing I had done resembled the length or the difficulty of the workouts I was now engaging in daily.  I had done a lot of preparation over four years to get to the point where I could function without too much fear around impending workouts, and I was now faced with testing out my progress.  I remember my first workout was a simple 3 hour steady state row.  Just go, for 3 hours.  See ya, in 3 hours!  After I finished that workout, and felt more than fine… I realized that I would have to control my mind in a way that was no longer half-assed.  I was going to have to just stop the thoughts of worry, concern, fear to enter.  I was going to survive, if nothing the years previous had shown me it was that I was always wrong about what I worried about.  None of the doomsday scenarios had happened and I was, in all honesty, exhausted with being a victim to my own mind.  So I stopped.  I practiced every day, every moment, being in my body, in my life, in my feelings.  I worked relentlessly on it.  I created dynamics in my relationships where I didn't allow what wasn't happening to take up too much space.  

That was a long time ago and I practice being in the moment without so much of a thought these days.  Every now and then I will notice myself drifting off into something that isn't true.  For clarification, things that aren't true are things that aren't happening now.  Literally.  Now you can have memories and you can have hopes, but truth, well the only truth is what I experience in the moment, everything else is interpretation… and to be strict, even this moment is an interpretation and skewed by my perspective.  So, though, I have and always do my work, there is a diligence that is necessary for mastery.  No matter how great you are at doing something, practice is always necessary to stay sharp and skilled.  

For those who are struggling any and everywhere, the true struggle is with yourself, your mind, your beliefs and your perspective.  You are the most challenging thing you will ever encounter.  The rest is cake.  You can choose to do the work or be done.  Good luck.   



First You

Hi there, I want to remind everyone to listen closely to what you say to yourself.  How are you talking to yourself in those moments when you are alone, working, walking, driving, hanging out with friends, on the beach, working out, looking in the mirror, taking a shower.  What do you talk to yourself about?  How are you nurturing yourself.  What do you focus on regularly?  What do you say to yourself habitually?  I think the single most devastating thing in the world is the lack of love most people have for themselves.  

We critique how we look in the meanest way.  We call ourselves stupid.  We are impatient with the natural flow of our growth.  We fail to honor what we want and need and give our power away to others.  We seek what we refuse to give to ourselves from others.  We take our health for granted.  We refuse to own our truth in favor of what we feel will please others.  We basically abuse ourselves on various levels.  

A great way to gauge how abusive you are to yourself by how abusive you are to others.  Remember, abuse takes many forms.  There is energetic abuse, verbal, physical, psychic, etc… We tend to take out our feelings about ourselves on everyone else around us.  When we put someone down, when we flip someone off, when we don't help someone who is struggling, when we call someone a name, when we imagine the worse for someone, we are bringing that energy to ourselves and showing the universe how we truly feel about who we are and what we deserve.  

If you knew that what you did directly impacted the direction this world would take how would that change your behavior.  If you knew that your very thoughts and the feelings around them created your reality, what would you do to adjust your attitude, focus your feelings and quiet the critic you take your queues from?  What do you have to lose to start changing how you treat yourself?  What do you have to lose to start to treat others the way you desire to be treated?  

In reality, you are your mommy, your daddy, your sister and your brother, your best friend, your teacher, your lover and your lesson.  You are your work.  You are here to learn the depth of you and in that way you learn the depth of all.  Try it… spend some time loving yourself, truly complimenting, praising, supporting, standing up for who you are.  Expect great things from yourself.  See how others transform around you, see how you transform around others.  When we treat our selves like the guardians we are of our hearts, we stop taking our hearts for granted… hopefully.  

Support is what we need between life and death.  Let's start with being our own greatest source of support and watch our love be reflected in the world.



Lovin' Life

Howdy, So much has been happening in my life, so much amazingness that sometimes it is hard to breathe.  Everywhere I look there are opportunities for my dreams to come true.  In some cases so much goodness and yumminess is available that I feel like it is a feast of abundance.  Yet, this is also my life.  My experiences, my universe and my joy.  I realize everyday, more and more, how lucky I am.  I have friends that adore me, family that I love (some of them, definitely not all, just sayin), work that fills me up and allows me to grow and expand daily.  I look at my life and realize that I have made it.  I am where I want to be. 

Now, don't get me wrong, there are days I am not pleased, moments I am not ecstatic and people who I end up ejecting from my world.  It is just that I don't spend time imagining these days, moments or people into existence.  I put my focus and energy on the things I love, that I am grateful for and let everything else go…  What you focus on gets bigger, so I focus on love, laughter, joy, happiness, cool people, beautiful animals and myself.  I focus, mainly, on myself.  This is what most people don't understand.  The work that is most important to complete or at least to engage in, is the work of learning and loving ourselves.

When you are able to spend time focused on what you love and loving who you are, even when that part of you isn't going to stick around, you have an easier time overall.  When you allow and accept yourself to exist without harsh criticism and judgments life becomes less of a struggle.  When you see yourself as doing your best, you do your best.  When you approve of yourself it is easier to approve of others.  When you let go of there being a right or wrong  way for you to be and embrace doing what makes sense for your soul, for your higher purpose, you begin to find compassion for others in a way that others can feel.  You begin to radiate energy that brings love to you, safety to others and peace all around.

Are you loving your life right now?  It isn't going to change without movement.  You will need to figure out if you want the change to be brought about by love or pain.  Either you will make things happen because something is hurting you or something is loving you.  Love is a way more fun motivator than pain…though we sometimes choose to ignore this fact and wait until shit hits the fan before we do anything differently.  You have all you need to make your world whatever you would like it to be…  your call, your choice, your life.  What's it going to be?