Lie To Me

Howdy! Most of us have two lives.  Our public and our private life.  We show the world one thing and we keep to ourselves, and sometimes from ourselves, what is really happening.  We spend a lot of our lives, if not all, denying truths, ignoring feelings, and creating stories to maintain the status quo.  If you are unhappy in any way about your life you must remember that you are the only one responsible for where you are right now (and always).  The same goes for anyone who is happy for where they are right now.

Think.  Take a quiet moment to sit with yourself.  Let everything come in.  Try it.  Brace yourself, what you may feel and find could be difficult.  The thing is, the truth has been close to the surface for most of us.  We do a lot of things to take our minds off of it.  We overeat, we get into relationships that take all of our energy, we do drugs, we create drama, we blame others, we sabotage ourselves.  Mainly we refuse to take a long look at how we do things and why.  We don't question our motivations, our choices, our beliefs.  We go along trying to live as pain-free as possible.  If the truth hurts then what lies are keeping you comfy?

It isn't about judging yourself or putting yourself down.  It is about knowing what is actually going on for you so that you can make some other things happen, things you want to go on for yourself.  When you keep yourself in the dark about who you actually are you cannot get out from under your own shadow.  It is hard to be directed toward something when you don't actually know where you are starting from.

When you admit what you feel, when you get in touch with all that you think, and when you embrace all of who you are your life changes dramatically.  We must let go of what we want to be to become who we are first.  We must stop running away from ourselves; it is hurtful, it is denial, it is stunting.  By letting go of all of the ways in which we numb ourselves we allow life in.  We allow the possibility for our public life and private life to be in harmony.  We are able to walk the walk instead of talking the talk.

Much love on your journey.



The Truth Lies

Howdy, I sit here reading all of the news about Lance Armstrong and feel like sharing.  I was, years ago, charged with a crime I didn't commit.  I remember feeling so alone, so afraid.  I remember feeling like giving up.  Years later, after I had been fighting the charges (it is amazing how long some things take) I pleaded no contest.  I did so because the chance was that it would continue to go on and on and on.  I was ready to move on, to forget about it all and get on with my life.  The charges were brought on by a stalker who threatened my world in so many ways.  She threatened to ruin my career, she followed me home, she scared my friends and co-workers.  She worried the judge who questioned her fighting the restraining order I'd brought against her.  The deal was if I was going to fight any harder I would have to come to the realization that I am a big black chick and a little white chick looks more innocent to most people, regardless.  I just don't seem like a 'victim.'  I didn't want to take any chances and I didn't want to continue to be judged any more than I was when the false charges were uttered from her mouth.  So I let it go and am so very happy that I did.

I remember when, from a jail cell, I sat horrified.  I had never (and still haven't) done any drugs.  I had never done anything to anyone that was criminal.  I went to college, paid (and am still paying) my way.  I was and am a pretty upstanding citizen who, for the most part, played by the rules.  I don't have a problem facing what I have done, it is really hard when you haven't actually done anything.  It is like you are yelling at an imaginary person.  You are fighting a fight that can morph and change because it doesn't actually exist.  It is pointless in so many ways that are hard to describe.  You basically feel like you are digging a hole the harder you push against it because you are acknowledging a lie.  You are defending something that isn't actually there.  Then, you face other people's feelings about what you 'should' have done.  One of my brothers tried to use this event against me, saying awful things about me.  I knew a few people in my life momentarily believe that I was guilty.  It was hard and scary and I got through it.  It is amazing to me how many people have opinions about things they know nothing about.  Ha!  It is very hard to understand what you don't understand.  The most you can do is acknowledge that you don't know.  It is also the kindest thing to do.

Since that event I have learned so many things, one of which is that I really, truly, don't know whether someone did or did not do something unless I was there… and that people are not to be trusted sometimes.  You simply rarely know the truth and, in my opinion, compassion is what is needed in place of judgement.  It is so easy to say that someone did something and for it to be a lie.  It happens people, it really does.  People lie, the cheat, they steal, they tear others down just to see them fall.  It is amazing how resistant we are to seeing that truth when it is all around us.

I believe it is also important to let people decide what is best for them and when.  Lance letting go isn't him giving up, it is him moving on.



Lies & The Liars That Tell Them

"To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development.  To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life.  It is no less than a denial of the soul."  ~Oscar Wilde Good Day!

Are you a liar?  Have you been honest every moment of your life?  Have you denied yourself love because of lies you have told?  I have lied, to others and to myself.  I have been caught in lies, gotten away with lies and squashed my light because I haven't forgiven myself for some of the lies I have told.  Because I know that I am a fantastic actor I keep myself in check.  I am aware of that liar part of me that enjoys showing up and I give her tasks that are harmless to others and helpful to me.  When you own who you are you become your greatest gift.

First and foremost when we judge we cut off knowledge; we distance ourselves from ourselves.  Second, when we judge we oppress; we put ourselves down and create a deeper hole to climb out of in order to see light.  When you lied  you had a reason.  It served you in the moment.  That part of you that is capable of lying, stretching the truth or bending reality is probably a very handy part of yourself.  Too often we run from what we are ashamed of and we lose the gift that experience has to give.  When you deny any one part of you, you deny all of you.  What you don't allow yourself to see about yourself becomes bigger until it gets the attention it needs.  You will find yourself faced with the parts of you that you try to ignore or reject either in others or by you expressing it yourself over an over again.  What your resist persists.

Owning your truth & your lies allows you to see patterns in your life a bit clearer.  It also allows you to have more compassion and to be more connected to others in general.  So many of us deny that we are capable of the very things we deem horrible, awful, terrible, sinful, shameful, etc. only to find ourselves in a situation where we are forced to go back on that judgement.  The universe gives you all you need to learn about love and acceptance which can sometimes be delivered with a punch.

Instead of looking back at some of your behavior and recoiling in horror, how about letting the judgement go.  See the action, delve into the reasoning you gave as to why you did what you did and see if that is true for you now.  Does that make sense to you now, do you want to do it again?  When you know what you can do, you can do it when you want to.  You become the master of you… you become free.