Rinse, Repeat

Hello, hello ;) Is there anything in your life that you keep repeating… over and over and over and over?  You fail to pay a bill, the same bill, each month?  You get into the same relationship, over and over and over?  You put yourself in a situation that isn't healthy again and again?  What is the friggin deal?

Life is about learning.  I know that I am someone who has taken years and years to learn certain things.  Others, not so much.  The areas that I have had to work on have been getting back to folks, returning calls, emails, etc.  I have made amazing progress and there is still so much more to do.  I remember reading evaluations from Wesleyan Women's Novice Team (I was the coach there for years) and the common thread was "Does not return emails/phone calls in a timely manner."  I remember, after 3 years of coaching there and receiving similar evaluations the entire time, finally embracing the fact that I needed to make a concerted effort in this area.  The problem is I had to work at it… and work it is for me.

When you aren't a natural at something everything about it seems foreign.  It is easy to fall back into how you did it before because it is how you did it the longest and it is what you are most comfortable doing, regardless of the repercussions.  In order to actually change your way of doing something (that wasn't working anyway and in need of change) you have to do the things that you do around it differently.  For example, I have had to set up various bill reminders and I do most of my bill pay online.  Simple is simple.  I hate paper and mail.  I would rather run 15 miles a day than open my mail.  Yep.  Seriously.  So when I get mail it piles up, fast.  Even with all of the 'paperless' billing they still send stupid crap.  See, what a judgmental statement about mail!  At any rate, I have had to change my mind about mail and bills as well.  It isn't something to be avoided because the avoidance leads to more discomfort than looking directly at it does.  I am certain that a lot of my issues around bills comes from the fact that I had very little money for a very long time and really no way to pay everything, so avoidance was a way to stay sane.  Since that is not the case anymore, old behaviors have to shift as well.

What area are you struggling with changing?  Where do you find yourself repeating a 'lesson' over and over yet feel like you still aren't 'getting' it?

You will continue to fall into the same situations over and over until you begin to change how you look at them, react to them and what you learn from them.  There are infinite layers to all of this stuff we call life and living.  There isn't an 'end' so let go of that idea.  Once you move past one issue another one will spring up that was being blocked by the recently departed one.  Life is about uncovering who and why until you can get to the business of being… and then we go over it again.