support

Things Always Work Out

Aloha, Travel.  I enjoy it once I have reached my destination.  I don't always enjoy the packing, organizing and all of the questions that come along with whatever trip I may be taking.  I am no grouch I just don't travel the way others do… Let me explain.  I am not a fan of structure in certain areas of my life.  I am quite particular in most areas of my life.  How I make my mixes, what jog bras I like to wear, what clothing works for my body, what work I take on.  So when I get a chance to be relaxed I take it.  Balance is key.  I am not one who needs to 'know' everything.  If I get a phone call and it isn't someone I have saved in my contact list I don't worry about picking up right away (unless I am told to do so intuitively).  If I miss an exit, I miss an exit.  If someone cuts me off, I may say something under my breath but it is gone before it ever sunk in.  I certainly don't get pissed off.  When I travel, I don't make hotel arrangements (if I am alone) or create an itinerary (except that I will workout at least 90 minutes each day) until I am close to leaving (the day of or before).  I just wait until the time is 'right.'

So I am on Maui and loving life.  Sitting outside in the sunshine writing.  Pretty sweet!!!  I found a lovely big house to stay in with 3 people in the main space and two others that have their own private cottages.  We share the bathroom and kitchen.  In this big house is a man named Dahi.  He is humble and brilliant and may have been one of the reasons I came to Maui.  A mentor he is to me at this point.  Then there is Mateus.  Let me backtrack.  I walked around the airport on my way to Maui looking for food.  This friendly soul spoke to me and was hungry too.  We quickly discovered we were on the same flight and decided to meet up later after we fed ourselves.  At that time (during my layover in LA) was, in Aina fashion, securing a place to stay for the first few days on Maui.  I found something reasonable and booked it.  When we arrived on the island we exchanged info and vowed to meet up sometime soon.  I rented my car and was on my way.

The place I picked was supposed to be a private room with a mountain view and wi-fi.  It turned out to be a really dirty room with no wi-fi and no mountain view.  Human hair that wasn't mine took up about a quarter of the space (ok maybe 8%) and I slept in my clothes waiting until I could cancel my reservation and get my money back.  It was gross.  Around the time of me arguing (yep, I had to argue) with the owner's daughter to retrieve my monies, Mateus texted me.  He was at the beach and wanted to know if I wanted to join him.  YES!  Finally something relaxing.  So far my trip wasn't at all a vacation.  I relay the traumatic event to Mateus who quickly tells me about a place he just found.  They might have another space available.  We hang on the beach for some time, then take off to see the space I am now staying in.

If I hadn't had a shitty time upon arrival I may not have hung w/Mateus, I would have never met Dahi (more than likely) and I would not be sitting where I am right now writing to you about the necessity of following your intuition.  Trusting that things work out.  Understanding that you don't have to force nature.  All things in time.  Most people would look at me having a shitty room as a result of my lack of preparedness… instead of what I needed to open up to Mateus that I needed a place to stay.  Thank goodness I don't need to know, to plan or to organize that much.  I feel like a lot of life is missed when you do.  Before I left a lot of my friends asked me if I wanted connections here or if I knew where I would stay.  I have always had things work out for me.  (So have you).  I trust that this will continue to happen.  It is, after all, the norm.  I feel very fortunate because I am and so are you.

Where can you let go and allow instead of control?  Where can you breathe instead of worry?  Where can you let life unfold instead of planning it out?

Have a groovy rest of your day!

xo

a

Holding Space

Hello, Have you ever encountered another person who is dealing with something that you have no idea how to handle?  Has a friend ever unloaded something and you either felt defensive, confused or judged them about?  Do you know how to hold space for someone?

When you allow someone to feel all of their feelings, without comment or critique about the situation they are experiencing you are holding space.  When you help them come closer to how they feel with questions that are open and non-judgmental, you are holding space.  When you no longer push your ideas of what is needed for someone else, you are holding space.

So often we insert ourselves into a situation someone close to us is having.  We want to talk about how we would do something, or what we think they should do or how they should respond.  We may, while trying to be their friend, actually shut down their process of learning what it is they really want/need.  When you hold space you give them the room to learn what it is they really want/feel/need.  You provide the energy and security to delve into the places we sometimes don't know how to on our own.  When you hold space you are giving that person the permission to follow his/her inner voice.  It is truly being supportive.

I have had my share of interactions where I have held space well and others where I have not.  It is a work in progress.  I love the feeling when I have let go of myself in a situation that doesn't belong to me anyway.  Learning about someone isn't about comparing or getting them to hear your thoughts on them.  Learning is about allowing them to share, speak, feel whatever it is they would like to.

Practice holding space for someone, whether they are 2 years old or 82 years old.  See how it feels to take yourself out of the situation and open up the space for them to express what they feel.  Try to ask questions that are more reiterations of what they said instead of leading questions.  Ask for clarity even when you believe you understand.  Be there, be open, be love, and what where it goes.

xo

a

Wind Beneath Our Wings

Greetings, I spend a lot of my time working to help others reach their goals.  I feel strongly about walking the walk and have never been one who has enjoyed when others only talk the talk.  I would never feel comfortable telling my clients to do something that I wouldn't do (unless it was due to a condition they had, or some other such concern).  I practice what I preach which allows me to trust in what I teach.  When I discuss teaching or coaching with anyone who is interested in doing the same I always ask if they have lived what they want to share.  Experience is the best teacher and certifications can be had by anyone.  When you are asking someone to sweat daily or asking someone to eat strictly you want to have done the same, in my opinion, so you know just what you are asking someone to do.  So you can support your clients on their journey to wellness.

Not everyone is going to become a Life Coach or a Personal Trainer.  Many people will be content to remain friends, family or partners of others.  Your role in supporting the one you love is just as important, if not more so.  You are the one that will hold your friend/partner/lover up when they are struggling with changes on their road to health.  Chances are you too could use some help around that very thing.  Bottom line:  without you they may not make it.  You are integral to their success on their journey to wellness.  Not moving your body or eating, in front of them, what they cannot (but would love to) eat is not only unsupportive, it is sabotage.

I have heard the argument, "Why should I have to change?  I am not the one on the diet!"  No, you aren't the 'one' changing his/her way of eating, but you are with the one who needs it.  If you don't have the forethought to be with someone who doesn't have to grow/change/develop in any way then you may have to deal with the dance you have had with this person changing.  You may have to change with it to keep the dance going.  Such is life.

Find ways to be supportive around the ones you love when they are learning to love who they are.  Find ways to get over the fact that everything changes including who you are with.  Know that your support of your friend/family/partner might be what catapults them to greatness.

xo

a

Of Moms & Children

Hi there, I was talking to my oldest brother today when he asked me if I thought about having kids.  We hadn't talked about this before so it was a welcome discussion.  He has 5 lovely children that are seriously the smartest and cutest and most awesome kids!  I let him know that I have no desire to actually be pregnant but could see myself adopting in the future.  The only way I would really want to adopt is if I am in a relationship where that makes sense and I am not the primary parent, in all honesty.  The conversation reminded me of the number of times I had been asked if I wanted kids.  I have looked forward to getting older so that the questions would go from excitement to (after I gave my age) sadness and pity and then just silence.  I have been asked by strangers about my childless life.  Once in a grocery store a woman talked about her children and I listened.  We laughed about something having to do with parenting when she asked me if I had children.  When I told her no she looked shocked and asked why not.  I told her, "Why ruin happiness."  I believe I offended her, which was not my goal.  My goal was to let her know that I was happy with where I was, which happened to be without children.

Children are amazing.  Parenting is amazing.  It is also hard, thankless in so many ways, and not for everyone.  I truly believe we would do more good than not talking people out of having kids instead of talking them into it.  It is a lifelong career that can cause your hair to gray and give you ulcers.  Yes, children are blessings from the lord jesus christ our savior… but they are also not for everyone.  Seriously.  I have often been told, because I am great with kids, that I would make a terrific mom.  Being a great-aunt does not a great mom make.  Let's be honest.  I work out multiple times a day.  I am gone for long hours at a time.  I don't have a set schedule for food (though I need to) and I travel at the drop of a hat.  Oh, I like living like this.  So people say about my life as it is now that it would have to change.  And I say, no thank you.  I am glad to be able to move about when I want to move about.  I love taking naps when I need to and not having to be at the behest of anyone else, no matter how much I adore them.  What I would gain, from my perspective, is not tempting enough to give up what I have.

Knowing what you want is important.  Owning what you want is more so.  I know that I LOVE kids and they LOVE me.  I also love to see them head home to their parents.  I remember that my biological clock ticked once or twice in my life.  Both times I observed the tick tock and let the feeling run its course.  It passed pretty quick and I went on about my life.  It is amazing how strong our biology is.  I support parents and love that there are people willing to give up so much to raise the little buggers and, in turn, get so much back.  I believe that parents need support.  I believe that the children are our future, etc., etc.  I also believe that I am here to do something else; parenting a child is not my calling at the moment.  I believe I am doing what I am supposed to and, as I support those who are called to raise children, I welcome support around my decision not to.

Enjoy where we all are, respect each other's decision to be there and live your life (if you want to) :)

xo

a

Let Them Know

Howdy! I get some replies to emails/posts I send out and I read every one.  I am always open to suggestions on topics to write about and points of views to ponder.  I appreciate it all and want to make sure you knew.  I feel supported and loved even if I never know you read what I wrote, but when you let me know, the feeling is indescribable.  Recently I have been overwhelmed not only by the amount of love that I get from you, readers, friends, but also from the support I get from people who take my classes, ask me to coach them privately and organizations that feel I could in some way be an asset to their mission.  It seems that every day I am being thanked for doing what I am passionate about and there is nothing better than that.

When someone sends me gratitude I always feel honored and never really let it in too much, for some reason I have believed this to be a logical way of living.  I thought that being a bit detached from the love was a good idea…until Tuesday.  I received a reply to "What's Good" from someone where they wrote "For Aina's Writing."

Tuesday I was in a state of exhaustion that was rather intense (not enough sleep).  I was also feeling relaxed and open.  I then began reading my emails.  When I read the last one, and saw the last bullet I felt something in me open up.  I realized that I had just been pierced.  I didn't know there had been a barrier between me and feeling the love that was pouring out all of this time, but there was.  We all hear what we are ready to hear.  We can only receive what we are able to receive.  There are many times where someone feels criticized because they don't hear the compliments being given, not because they are being complimented, but because they have a block to hearing praise.  We focus on what we focus on.  There is a part of me that struggles with feeling deserving of being loved in various areas.  I have never wanted to let being loved go to my head, honestly.  How crazy is that?  When I felt the gratitude for me through that email, that idea of having a 'big head' around being loved was shattered into a billion little pieces.

Why wouldn't I want that to go to my head?  I want it to go to my heart, my cells, my DNA, my being.  I want love to be what I shower in, lotion up with and eat on a daily basis.  I want love to be what goes in and out of my mouth.  I want love to puff me up so I float instead of touch ground.  I have been pushing it away so I remain, what??? Closed off to receiving it?  My goodness what was I thinking?  When I read that last bullet, "Aina's Writing" I began to cry.  I cried because I felt it, finally.  I felt the gratitude that has been sent to me over and over and over.  I felt it from everyone that has ever told me that they appreciated me.  I feel it now.

Sometimes you have to keep letting someone know what they mean to you before it sinks in.  Sometimes you have to push your love up and all over someone with no expectation, only because it is true.  They will get it when they are ready. I did.

I want to thank you.  You.  You for loving me, for supporting me.  For telling me.  I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate you in a way where you could feel what I feel around it…  Until I figure that out I will just keep writing it, saying it, feeling it and sending it out to you.

xo

a