communication

Just Say It

Howdy there! Have you ever bitten your tongue, beaten around the bush, tried to infer what you were meaning?  How did it go?  I am guessing that you have had some success at having someone 'get the hint' and some epic fails where you just made it worse.  What did you learn from it all?  Well, I have learned that I need to just say it, get it over with and deal with the backlash, if there is any, because the beating around the bush leads to more ridiculousness than saying it 'straight' as it were.

I have done a great job, in my professional and personal life, of being direct in my communication.  However, there are times where I beat around the bush, and those times never end well.  Usually the lack of directness is because of the concern around how someone will respond.  Sometimes it may be due to not having a solid hold on how I am actually feeling or wanting from a situation.  Either way I end up having to deal with the fact that I didn't just say whatever the hell it was that needed saying.

Letting someone know you don't like them, you want them to leave you alone, that they are fired, that they aren't cut out for the position for which they applied, all seem like crappy things to have to do.  The truth is, doing it quickly, with tact and honesty, beats drawing it out due to the fear of an unknown (imaginary) response.  When you let someone know the truth and you let go of the attachment to the response that they will have once they hear it from you, all becomes a lot less stressful.  I have always appreciated being told the reason behind being let go, dumped, ignored, etc.  I know that this may not be the case for some, some people would prefer to not know if it isn't yummy.  I get that, but I also know that letting someone know why they were rejected is a wonderful gift that they can interpret in the way that makes to most sense for them.

The next time you have the opportunity to say what you mean to say, do it.  Say it with love.  Say it with the intention to heal not hurt.  Say it, most of all, say it.

xo

a

Holding Space

Hello, Have you ever encountered another person who is dealing with something that you have no idea how to handle?  Has a friend ever unloaded something and you either felt defensive, confused or judged them about?  Do you know how to hold space for someone?

When you allow someone to feel all of their feelings, without comment or critique about the situation they are experiencing you are holding space.  When you help them come closer to how they feel with questions that are open and non-judgmental, you are holding space.  When you no longer push your ideas of what is needed for someone else, you are holding space.

So often we insert ourselves into a situation someone close to us is having.  We want to talk about how we would do something, or what we think they should do or how they should respond.  We may, while trying to be their friend, actually shut down their process of learning what it is they really want/need.  When you hold space you give them the room to learn what it is they really want/feel/need.  You provide the energy and security to delve into the places we sometimes don't know how to on our own.  When you hold space you are giving that person the permission to follow his/her inner voice.  It is truly being supportive.

I have had my share of interactions where I have held space well and others where I have not.  It is a work in progress.  I love the feeling when I have let go of myself in a situation that doesn't belong to me anyway.  Learning about someone isn't about comparing or getting them to hear your thoughts on them.  Learning is about allowing them to share, speak, feel whatever it is they would like to.

Practice holding space for someone, whether they are 2 years old or 82 years old.  See how it feels to take yourself out of the situation and open up the space for them to express what they feel.  Try to ask questions that are more reiterations of what they said instead of leading questions.  Ask for clarity even when you believe you understand.  Be there, be open, be love, and what where it goes.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :) This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Space.

My Homemade Fruit Smoothies.

Foot Massages.

Self Confidence.

Open & Honest Discussions.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Listening is the cornerstone to any yummy relationship.  Do you have a hard time listening?  Being heard?  How does that affect your relationship(s)?  How would you like to communicate more effectively?   

"Any problem, big or small, within a family always seems to start with bad communication.  Someone isn't listening." ~Emma Thompson  

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."  ~Anthony Robbins

xo

a