death

Some Thoughts on Death

Hello there, I believe that death is not unnatural.  I believe that it is the most natural thing that exists, right next to life.  People die just about every second.  People are birthed at a similar rate.  I don't know how helpful it is to tell everyone that death is unnatural or that for someone to die at one age or another is not "right."  It is as if life is a promise and not a gift or experience.  It is as if we still, after all of this time, don't get how fragile this human experience is.  We have this tendency to decide that life is only valuable after being lived a certain amount of time.  That if you haven't grown up, or had your own children, a job, sex, etc. that death shouldn't touch you.  Now, let me clarify for those who may be freaking the f*ck out.  I don't believe we need to kill one another regardless of how natural death is (and the same goes for killing animals).  I just don't believe death is unnatural and I believe that we could help the healing process for all involved in losing loved ones (that would be all of us at some point) if we changed the language around it.

When we are told that death is wrong and that a mother should never lose her child we set all the mothers who will lose their children (and that is a large number of people, babies and children die all the time!) to feel a hell of a lot worse than if we let them know that, yes, death can come to your baby because your baby is a human being and once that baby exists it can cease to exist.  If we stop looking at death as this horrible, horrible thing and look at it as a part of the process of life we may not feel like we were cheated out of something that we were never promised.  We may be able to feel a little less victimized by the death and be able to actually deal with the means by which (especially when a child has been murdered).

It is so maddening to me that we don't discuss death.  It is so damaging to all who will lose their children, that we haven't had the conversations prior so that there is space to talk about it, so that after the ones who will not see their children grow up don't feel so alone in their grief.  So they can discuss their experience of death openly and get support around it.  Death isn't contagious, it is promised.  Death isn't bad, it just is.  We all will go through it.  We all will lose someone.  We have to, at some point, stop behaving as though ignoring it will make it go away.  Talk about it and sex.  The two things that we either make naughty or wrong are the things that are often used to cause the most pain.  Think about it.  When we categorize things as bad they become those things for us.  When you change the way you see things the things you see change.  It is true.  We are powerful enough to stop being victims.

Now taking someone's life is a completely different discussion.  Why, how, when, what?  All of those things need to be dialogued about as well… I will say that it cracks me up (in a not so funny way) to see everyone so up in arms (pun intended) about violence in a country that was built on violence, that uses violence to solve all issues and perpetuates it every way that it can.  If we wanted peace we wouldn't support war.  If we wanted peace we would never flip someone off and curse them out.  If we wanted peace we would be peaceful.  Period.  Start with yourself.  Start with your own heart.  Start with how you treat yourself and see how that changes the world.

xo

a

What Do You Want To Do?

"Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life."  ~Wayne Dyer What do you love to do?  What is the thing that, when you are doing it, brings a smile to your face?  When do you feel the most fulfilled?  Is this the work that you are doing in the world?  Why not?  So many of us feel that the work that we do to make money cannot necessarily be the work that makes us the happiest.  Where did this notion come from?  Who said we wouldn't be able to make a living doing what we loved?  Why have we kept this story going so strong as to make it the 'truth' for so many?

I don't believe anyone wants to be living a life where they are waiting for happiness.  When we wait for something to happen we miss all of the good stuff that is happening right now.  When we put off doing what we love, we put off love and I am not sure how that is ever something we want to do.  What if you told yourself a different story.  What if you told yourself that you didn't have to be starving to be an artist.  What if you told yourself that there aren't too many yoga instructors, photographers, doulas.  What if you didn't worry about the market being saturated with something that you too wanted to produce?  What if you didn't judge what you want to do before you even said it out loud.  What if you believed that there was and always will be enough room for each of us to do what we love and be supported in doing it.  How would that change things?  Who are they who make us believe these things?  Why do we go along and support so many ideas that oppress us?  It is like an animal going into a cage and closing the door behind him. What is the point of being locked into an idea that doesn't feel yummy?

We are afraid to leave the comfortable place of knowing what we are supposed to do.  What we are capable of has been decided by generations before us so we don't have to do the work to make it up as we go along.  When you take away the road map to the perfectly normal and expected life you take away your supposed safety net.  The funny thing is, though you may be living this normal life of obligation and responsibility there is nothing perfect about it.  You may struggle with motivating to do the work you have given up you joy to do.  You may live for the things that job can buy you, but still feel a bit empty.  You may be holding onto the idea that there will be a big pay-off in the end.  Yep, there will be and it might be death.  Just sayin'.  I don't mind breaking it to you, nothing is promised and no one is getting out of this whole life thing alive. Why would you ever think it was ok to live a life that isn't full of life?

The risk associated with doing what you love pales in comparison to the joy you get from doing what you love.  I understand that you may not want to walk into your job tomorrow and throw down you two-week resignation… but, if you know what you really want to do or have any idea what that is, then you are obligated to yourself to go toward that which is most healing and loving.  When you love yourself and share that with the world, the world is filled with that love.  Just as it is filled with the pain of so many people doing what they loathe.  Think about it.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.  Don't be trapped by dogma--which is living with the results of other people's thinking.  Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary."  ~Steve Jobs

xo

a

"You should exercise unrelenting discipline over your thought patterns.  Cultivate only productive attitudes… You are the product of everything you put into your body and mind."

~I Ching no. 27

Life is Movement

Howdy, When you stop growing you die.  Life ends when movement ceases.  Many of us search for stillness, for a reprieve from growth.  We use all sorts of things to basically numb, slow down, shut out, or to simply stop movement in any direction.  We look for security, stability, predictability.  We look for people to be enable us and call them 'kind' or 'loving' when they do.  I don't consider helping someone stay in an addictive behavior as being kind or loving.  Anyone who comes into my world will be challenged in the exact way they need to be.

"We find comfort among those who agree with us-growth among those who don't." ~Frank A. Clark

I am challenged every day.  I am challenged to do what I know to be the thing that I must do at any given moment.  I live purposefully and passionately.  I grow moment by moment.  I feel differences on a regular basis and I appreciate the 'struggle' that brings me to new territory within myself.  It is work, growth.  It is constant effort that can be attributed to growth.  Growth isn't about being still.  It is about movement.  It is about life.  Think about how we are created.  It isn't through holding of a hand or a touching on a shoulder.  There is movement that brings about life and movement that keeps it going.   Movement is key to life.

"All growth depends upon activity.  There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work."  ~Calvin Coolidge

I challenge people (and myself) to own their present situation.  To look at their habitual behaviors and discern whether or not those behaviors are actually helping them reach their goals.  I challenge people to actually look at themselves without the niceties of "being nice" and "being soft" in order to not hurt feelings.  Sometimes feelings need to be hurt in order for growth to be sparked.  Besides, when someone get's hurt it is information.  So often where there is pain there is truth.

Look into yourself, be honest.  See the places where you are 'stuck' or repeating patterns.  Watch yourself play the same tapes over and over in your head.  Do you want to remain here… this place or do you want to grow, move, live?

"I will grow  I will become something new and grand, but no grander than I now am.  Just as the sky will be different in a few hours, its present perfection and completeness is not deficient, so am I presently perfect and not deficient because I will be different tomorrow.  I will grow and I am not deficient."  ~Wayne Dyer

xo

a

Security

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." ~Helen Keller Happy Weekend! I am sitting in my living room watching a fantastic movie called 'Death of a Superhero' that is unbelievably fantastic. I will let you google and find out the details, but I highly recommend it. For anyone who will experience life or death the movie is a beautiful tribute to both. :) I found the movie after I sat down to write. I often don't know what I will write about until I sit down and am open to receiving inspiration from wherever it wants to come. Tonight it was in the form of this movie that ended up taking 100 minutes of my time (hence the late blog entry) and I am all the better for it.

Today the topic of death came up a few times in conversation. I honestly wish we spoke about death more. Death and sex: the two things that bookend life, yet we just don't want to discuss them. More on sex another time :) Back to life and death; I was thinking about how most of us are so caught up in being responsible and secure and so forth and so on that we refuse to live the life we want to. We want stability and security. The one thing I know for sure is the life is the thing that is the most insecure. We could go at any time! Seriously! Instead of encouraging each other to LIVE and celebrate this amazing gift and experience we put people in boxes and make them stare at screens all day to move things from here to there and there to here and give them two days to have fun, YAY! Really? Is this what we consider life… and if this is how our lives can be secure, is security something to strive for then? Security seems more like a way to stave off the fear we have of looking at the temporary state of all things.

Ok, ok, I can almost hear the questions about money and how does one support oneself??? "I hear you want us to "live" but how the heck will we do that if we are on the streets because we quit our jobs?!" I know, you "have" to work to make money to take care of the kids and the house and the dog and the cat and the blah and the blech." Let's go back to some other things we have 'talked' about, like the idea that you create your world. If you don't want to live a life that is all about "security" yet you would like to have all of the things you want to have (which by the way isn't about security at all, it is about having stuff so that you can use it while you are alive) then create that life! Seriously, get to work creating the life you actually want! Security won't matter when you are living your dream. Dreams are bigger and smarter than false senses of anything. True security comes when you embrace the fact that all things come and go, or rather, that there is no such thing as security.

"Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security." ~John Allen Paulos

"Only the insecure strive for security." ~Wayne Dyer

Enjoy your moments! a