language

Some Thoughts on Death

Hello there, I believe that death is not unnatural.  I believe that it is the most natural thing that exists, right next to life.  People die just about every second.  People are birthed at a similar rate.  I don't know how helpful it is to tell everyone that death is unnatural or that for someone to die at one age or another is not "right."  It is as if life is a promise and not a gift or experience.  It is as if we still, after all of this time, don't get how fragile this human experience is.  We have this tendency to decide that life is only valuable after being lived a certain amount of time.  That if you haven't grown up, or had your own children, a job, sex, etc. that death shouldn't touch you.  Now, let me clarify for those who may be freaking the f*ck out.  I don't believe we need to kill one another regardless of how natural death is (and the same goes for killing animals).  I just don't believe death is unnatural and I believe that we could help the healing process for all involved in losing loved ones (that would be all of us at some point) if we changed the language around it.

When we are told that death is wrong and that a mother should never lose her child we set all the mothers who will lose their children (and that is a large number of people, babies and children die all the time!) to feel a hell of a lot worse than if we let them know that, yes, death can come to your baby because your baby is a human being and once that baby exists it can cease to exist.  If we stop looking at death as this horrible, horrible thing and look at it as a part of the process of life we may not feel like we were cheated out of something that we were never promised.  We may be able to feel a little less victimized by the death and be able to actually deal with the means by which (especially when a child has been murdered).

It is so maddening to me that we don't discuss death.  It is so damaging to all who will lose their children, that we haven't had the conversations prior so that there is space to talk about it, so that after the ones who will not see their children grow up don't feel so alone in their grief.  So they can discuss their experience of death openly and get support around it.  Death isn't contagious, it is promised.  Death isn't bad, it just is.  We all will go through it.  We all will lose someone.  We have to, at some point, stop behaving as though ignoring it will make it go away.  Talk about it and sex.  The two things that we either make naughty or wrong are the things that are often used to cause the most pain.  Think about it.  When we categorize things as bad they become those things for us.  When you change the way you see things the things you see change.  It is true.  We are powerful enough to stop being victims.

Now taking someone's life is a completely different discussion.  Why, how, when, what?  All of those things need to be dialogued about as well… I will say that it cracks me up (in a not so funny way) to see everyone so up in arms (pun intended) about violence in a country that was built on violence, that uses violence to solve all issues and perpetuates it every way that it can.  If we wanted peace we wouldn't support war.  If we wanted peace we would never flip someone off and curse them out.  If we wanted peace we would be peaceful.  Period.  Start with yourself.  Start with your own heart.  Start with how you treat yourself and see how that changes the world.

xo

a

What Do You Know?

Hello there, I would say that I know myself very well.  I am the expert on me… yet, I have, in the past couple of weeks learned about me in ways I didn't know I would.  So what of this knowing that I was so sure about?  Is it possible that what I believe I know is just what I have decided to tell myself or what I know about me so far?  I believe we put a little too much stock in who we know we are and what we know to be.

When we admit we have no idea we open up the possibility for learning.  I am not sure exactly when we become so rigid, but we all do.  At some point we actually believe that we KNOW something.  We think we know about others, the world, and ourselves.  Regardless of how many times we are shown something we didn't know before, at some point we begin believing that we know crap.  When we say we know, we cut off being open to what else is there.  When we say we know, we are soon shown otherwise.

Understand that everything is in flux, nothing stays the same, what we know is going to change.  We may think that it is important to have information, to master all things that we have chosen to.  There is nothing wrong with that inherently.  It is possible to master what we decide to until we are shown the deeper levels of that thing.  There are always layers to things that reveal themselves only after we are able to see fully the layer that we are on (or when we think we are done learning).  There is always more, always.

When you find yourself in a place where you are stuck on knowing change your language.  Instead of definitive responses say that you know what you like in this moment, or you know where you would like to be at this point.  Knowing, like everything else, changes.  Stay curious and enjoy the journey.

xo

a