Heyo! I am almost always doing what I want to do. Whether it is watching TV, doing push-ups, napping in the middle of the day, writing or just doing whatever I am doing. I think that there are a lot of things going on for most of us on many levels. We have what we want to do, what we think is expected of us, what is expected of us, what we think we should do regardless of what is expected of us, what we think about all of it (if we think about any of it). It is a lot to process. Most of us do a combination of what we think others expect and what others expect. We often squash our own wants in favor of pleasing others… then resentment comes later.
I sometimes am asked to go look at the moon. Let me tell you something, I never want to look at the moon when someone tells me to. Usually I am at home, relaxing. It is nighttime, usually, and I am probably happy to be home after working most of the day, if I am not still working. I enjoy the moon when I am out and about and it catches my eye, but not enough to stop what I am doing and go outside to see something I am not that excited about. If you like the moon enjoy it. If you want someone to know how much you like the moon, say so, but do they need to see it? Is it enough to just say, "Wow, the moon looks so beautiful to me tonight"; instead of saying, "You have to see the moon." Give me a break. I don't ever NEED to see something. You might want to share it with me, but need is a strong word. And besides, I really am not that interested in the moon if I am doing something else. Just sayin. So when someone implores me to look at the moon, or do this or that… without really seeing that I am content or fine or whatever, I usually don't do it. I think it is very important to do what you want to. The last thing I ever want is to resent someone because I have been doing what they want me to do when I could have just as easily not done it and been fine.
Though the moon example may seem silly to some, it is just an example of how much we feel the need to please… You may think that it is sweet that someone wants to share something with you. If you feel that way, then do what you want to with that. Just understand that not everyone feels the same, nor do they need to. We all have different wants, needs, desires, expectations… we are all figuring things out. I believe that we can be more helpful if we choose our language carefully. If we think about what we are really saying. If we are hearing what we are really meaning. Sharing something with someone can be done many ways without them having to do it too. Shit rolls downhill they say, and we learn how to make others bend to our will just as we have learned how to. So when someone says they don't want to do whatever it is that we are hoping they do, we take offense. What if you didn't. What if you were absolutely understanding about someone conforming to their own will? How would that change things? How would you feel? What if you started to do what you wanted….? Does that scare you? Do you think relationships you are in currently would suffer if you let go of expectations and started to own your desires?
Everything in your life would change. Everything. You decide when you want to truly become who you are; when you do, conforming won't be an option.
Hey, wanna see the moon?