expectations

I'm good, thanks.

Heyo! I am almost always doing what I want to do.  Whether it is watching TV, doing push-ups, napping in the middle of the day, writing or just doing whatever I am doing.  I think that there are a lot of things going on for most of us on many levels.  We have what we want to do, what we think is expected of us, what is expected of us, what we think we should do regardless of what is expected of us, what we think about all of it (if we think about any of it).   It is a lot to process.  Most of us do a combination of what we think others expect and what others expect.  We often squash our own wants in favor of pleasing others… then resentment comes later.

I sometimes am asked to go look at the moon.  Let me tell you something, I never want to look at the moon when someone tells me to. Usually I am at home, relaxing.  It is nighttime, usually, and I am probably happy to be home after working most of the day, if I am not still working.  I enjoy the moon when I am out and about and it catches my eye, but not enough to stop what I am doing and go outside to see something I am not that excited about.  If you like the moon enjoy it.  If you want someone to know how much you like the moon, say so, but do they need to see it?  Is it enough to just say, "Wow, the moon looks so beautiful to me tonight"; instead of saying, "You have to see the moon."  Give me a break.  I don't ever NEED to see something.  You might want to share it with me, but need is a strong word.  And besides, I really am not that interested in the moon if I am doing something else.  Just sayin.  So when someone implores me to look at the moon, or do this or that… without really seeing that I am content or fine or whatever, I usually don't do it.  I think it is very important to do what you want to.  The last thing I ever want is to resent someone because I have been doing what they want me to do when I could have just as easily not done it and been fine.

Though the moon example may seem silly to some, it is just an example of how much we feel the need to please… You may think that it is sweet that someone wants to share something with you.  If you feel that way, then do what you want to with that.  Just understand that not everyone feels the same, nor do they need to.  We all have different wants, needs, desires, expectations… we are all figuring things out.  I believe that we can be more helpful if we choose our language carefully.  If we think about what we are really saying.  If we are hearing what we are really meaning.  Sharing something with someone can be done many ways without them having to do it too.  Shit rolls downhill they say, and we learn how to make others bend to our will just as we have learned how to.  So when someone says they don't want to do whatever it is that we are hoping they do, we take offense.  What if you didn't.  What if you were absolutely understanding about someone conforming to their own will?  How would that change things?  How would you feel?  What if you started to do what you wanted….?  Does that scare you?  Do you think relationships you are in currently would suffer if you let go of expectations and started to own your desires?

Everything in your life would change.  Everything.  You decide when you want to truly become who you are; when you do, conforming won't be an option.

Hey, wanna see the moon?

full-moon

xo

a

Your Job Is Great

Howdy, When you do a good job on something that is good for you the thanks come in the form of improvement.  You don't actually get external praise for taking care of yourself.  I do think it is only natural to want to get some love for a job well done.  We all like positive reinforcement.  We all want love.  The thing is, at this point a job well done is a job that truly is just getting the basics done.  Most people aren't even touching the surface of going beyond what is necessary to just exist and feel great.  Feeling great is actually an accomplishment these days… and one that isn't reached very often.  We live in a world where people are sick and exhausted, unhappy and unmotivated, malnourished and obese, and believe that this is just living…  So when someone doesn't feel crappy, doesn't eat crappy, doesn't think crappy praise is sometimes desired.  I believe you need to praise yourself and move forward and not expect it from anyone else.

Your work is you.  You and only you, not even your kids.  In other words, the only person who you can be attached to an outcome with is yourself.  Your body, your mind, your heart and your soul are all yours to take care of at the very minimum.  We have gotten so far away from our selves that we think we aren't even our responsibility.  By the time we get around to recognizing that we have to take care of ourselves we are in a state of disarray.  Our bodies are hurting, our minds are slow, our emotions are stunted.  It often takes a big even to even alert us to the fact that we are gifted with this body, this heart and this mind and it may be able to take a lot of abuse but we do break at some point.  What if you didn't wait until you broke to keep everything running smoothly?  What if you didn't think it was a big deal to do the bare minimum to stay great?  Imagine that world where we are all running around feeling, looking and thinking our best.  What if breaking was a rare situation, the exception instead of the norm?  

We praise father's for not leaving.  We praise people for losing weight.  We praise people for getting good grades.  We have really low expectations it seems.  We have made doing the bare minimum as a person an exceptional feat.  At this point the ones that are doing their work steadily and succeeding are the exception and nothing to write home about.  I do believe in positive reinforcement, but with self-care, that is the by-product, end result, the point, everything.  When you take care of yourself you are taken care of.  You don't need to be told that you are awesome, doing a great job or coddled by anyone, though it is always nice, it isn't necessary or needed.  Your own self-confidence (another result of self-care) is plenty.  Your own sense of well-being is the reward for being great to you.  When you live your life as if it was the miracle it is and treated it with the utmost of care we would live in a different world.  

How can you stop taking yourself for granted and making excuses?  How can you stop comparing yourself to the broken ones around you and begin to look skyward with confidence?  How can you imagine something bigger something more for yourself and believe that not only is it a possibility but it is your destiny?  The only limits are those your mind can dream up, the only obstacle is you.  What will you do to get beyond yourself so you can fully rise to becoming your Self?

xo

a

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