The Way You Are

Hey there, I love my life.  Absolutely love it.  I have freedom and space and the luxury of not having anyone try to manage me.  It is a blessing.  The truth is that everyone can have that, whether or not they are in a relationship.  Too often we let our ideas of what relationship is or what the other person wants modify our behavior… until one day we feel resentful and frustrated about giving up things we were 1) never asked to give up and 2) didn't realize actually fulfilled and brought joy to us.  

Partnerships are interesting and necessary in a multitude of ways for a multitude of things.  The first is simple, we need help.  I have moved and lived in over 27 places.  95% of the time I moved myself… like couches and dressers and everything.  I would actually throw a couch on my back and carry it to the truck once I maneuvered it out of my house.  Being in a relationship can be a benefit when it comes to that type of sh*t among other things. :)  We also need to have ourselves reflected back for growth purposes.  Relationships are the only tool that help you grow.  You are perfect alone, with no one to show you who you are, how you are and where you are in comparison.  In relationship you find the areas that are triggered which give you a clear path of what needs your attention and work.  Partnerships are also fun, or can be.  Joy is an important part of a fulfilled life. 

What happens often is partnership becomes ownership.  We begin to tell the person when to go to bed.  What to wear.  How to feel: "Oh honey, don't feel that way about it.", when to do this or that… we also then imagine how our partners would feel about a, b or c situation so we avoid what we may want or otherwise be super excited about.  The above is a bit dangerous without background communication, like having a conversation about bed times and what is important for each individually.  The same holds true for clothes and living in different places… you must have the conversations about all of it before you assume you know.

What is more dangerous for our own mental and emotional health and well-being is all of the things we do because we think we should for the person or the relationship.  When your partner doesn't like the genre of TV show… you take their dislike as a demand and you stop watching.  When your partner says not to talk to them about something that is spiritual so you just abandon that side of yourself.  When you begin to think about what would be ok for your partner and, without asking, you change just in case.  This is why I am super psyched to be single, in actuality.  I have no desire to play this game again… and at the same time, I know it is a beautiful dance that must be practiced.  

"Don't go changin' to try and please me…" is more than just a song.  It is the roadmap to a happy relationship.  You have to do you, find out what you love, what you enjoy.  Own it and be its support.  Make sure you let the one you love know who the hell you are.  Make sure you allow someone to love you just the way you are, all of you.  Stop bending to please, stretching to connect, dying to be something you aren't.  Yes, relationships have compromise… but you must have a side, something of your own, to compromise… not just a blank slate saying write me into existence.  You exist, you are a spark a light and you need to shine, you need to be supported not dimmed.  Let relationship enhance instead of decrease your vitality.  Let love magnify you… make you bigger than you are alone.

Love, the ultimate creator wants you to be who you are, without reservation, without judgment or shame right now.  Not next year, not in a while.  Get on that, ok.

xo

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