listening

You Know

Hello! There is a voice inside of all of us… a knowing that we either are aware of and ignore or listen to… or it is so muffled we have a hard time believing that it exists at all.  Our lives are filled with rules.  Societal and personal, moral and random.  We have stuffed our own free will and instinct in a box and have allowed what goes on outside to lead the way for us.  We have spent so much time taking direction from outside, being told what is or isn't true.  If we were tapped into our knowing as a child we were quickly pushed out of it.  If we saw something that the grown-ups didn't see then it didn't exist.  We knew that fairies were in the back yard and for a while the adults may have humored us, but at some point we were told to grow up.  In this society growing up means ignoring what happens internally in order to fit into the external world in a way that isn't distracting, creative, disruptive, abnormal, extraordinary or outside of the box.  The idea of believing something that hasn't been proven by some guys in white coats means you are weird, or different or "woo woo."   By the way, those guys in the white coats don't know shit usually (or anymore than anyone else)… it's true.  They are usually taking direction.

How is anything understood?  How do we recognize the world?  Who says one person sees it better than another or can understand it more?  We may not see it in the same way but it doesn't mean that we don't see it, or understand it.  When we let go of a right or wrong, should or shouldn't, yes or no and allow all things to be we are better able to see.  When we let go of the hierarchy or who has the connection to the source of all, who is tapped into the universe and who isn't we find our own direct line.  When we decide that we know, we know.  When we practice trusting ourselves we take all of the life that we have as purposeful and personal.  When we stop comparing our footsteps on the path with others, we are better able to see the road signs and the flowers and the scenery along the way on our own journey.  When we stop forcing our attention and begin paying attention our voice has more of a chance to speak up and be heard.

The journey to knowing is different for everyone, however, discipline is indeed called upon in just about every case.  Discipline over your thoughts, allowing what you want to hold truth as being and being diligent about nothing else permeating, for a period of time.  When a thought that takes you away from your goal (knowing) comes up, having a way to pull yourself out of going into that thought and back into your knowing is necessary.  For example, when a thought comes up for me that isn't my truth (that I am where I am supposed to be) I begin to sing.  I don't have time to allow thoughts in that undermine my knowing.  In my quiet moments, in the moments where the only focus is on me by myself, nothing is "wrong" or out of balance.  So if I perceive things being out of balance I can quickly balance them by thinking differently.  Those thoughts and those feelings around those thoughts change what I see and experience internally and externally.

So, start with you.  Your thoughts.  Your knowing is there, waiting for you to turn the volume up and listen to it speak… teach… love.

xo

a

Can You Hear Me?

Hi, How often do you need to ask someone to repeat something?  How often do you have to repeat yourself to others?  Where did your mind go right now?  You were thinking, correct.  Which means you weren't listening.  Luckily I am not talking and you are simply reading.  If I were in front of you I would see that you were elsewhere and I would wait.  Obviously you would need a moment if I asked you a question.  However, we do the same thing, go off into the recesses of our minds, when no question is asked at all.  We drift off, thinking about ourselves, our experiences.  While someone is talking to us we make judgements, we get offended, we get excited, we apply everything they are saying to how we feel or think about it as if the world revolved around us.

Well, our world does revolve around us.  My world revolves around me and your world revolves around you.  For me to hear you I have to come out of my orbit for a bit and listen, hear, repeat and remove myself from what you are saying.  If someone is telling you about their sick rabbit you don't want to be thinking about your sick cat at home.  Though comparing is nice in certain situations (like the Match game) it isn't actually listening in the aforementioned scenario.  Hearing someone means removing yourself and being another ear, an open heart, a sounding board that echoes back what they are meaning.  Asking someone how old the rabbit is, what the rabbit is named, how it got sick, how they are feeling, when did they begin keeping rabbits… etc… that is going to bring the person speaking immeasurable comfort.  When you are interested in someone, i.e. listening to them, they open up more or at least feel a stronger sense of connection (as long as the questions aren't creepy or invasive (overly private)).

The next time someone talks to you, see how long you can keep yourself out of the conversation (as long as they don't ask you questions about you, that is).  See how long you can keep the focus on the person you are speaking to.  See what comes when you remove your ego and truly open yourself to being there, listening, hearing someone without the need to be the focus or focused on in any way.  We all like attention, we all need it.  Start by giving it to others and see what comes.

xo

a

Can You Hear You Now?

Good Evening :) We are all working towards becoming who we will be.  We are all discouraged at times and encouraged at others.  Sharing your journey, telling your story can be the catalyst for someone else to move forward.  Tell it, go ahead, be courageous and open.  Sharing is caring after all!  I encourage you to reply via email or through the blog post.  What is your story?

I was raised with the belief that we come back, time and time again, reincarnated.  I was also raised with the beliefs of the Yoruba tradition.  Polytheism, alters, gods with personalities, that was my reality.  It is what I remember the most if you were to ask me about religion in my life.  With that said, we were told, in every way, that we could believe what made sense to us.  I was interested in traditional religion, namely christianity, so I signed up for Sunday School one summer.  I remember ironing my clothes for school one day and burning myself pretty badly.  Honestly, that is the most I remember about going to Sunday School, that and the fact that I was bored out of my mind.  The great thing was that my mother allowed me to discover for myself what resonated with me in every aspect of my life.

Because I have a strong sense of discovering my own truth, I tend to feel comfortable with checking in with my inner self, my soul, my spirit, my guides to find the answers to the questions I seek.  I check in, daily, with myself to be sure that I am on my path, doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I never hear the voice of judgement or doubt, it is always a clear voice that urges me on.  I am very thankful for being in touch with that higher self, guides, or whomever, because I know that many people struggle to gather information about themselves.  So much confusion, so much stress, so much pain is felt because we are looking for answers outside of ourselves instead of realizing that the answers spring forth from within.  When you practice being your own savior you find that you never need saving.  This is true in terms of religion and other relationships.

Connection is key to finding the answers you seek.  When you remember that you are never disconnected from the source and that you are a part of the source, we all are, you have greater reverence for all things and people around you.  You see each moment as a gift to be opened, appreciated and moved on from.  Recognizing the impermanence of something/someone doesn't mean you don't value it, it means you recognize it.  It means you don't take it for granted.  It means you understand how profound each moment is, after all you won't get that moment back, ever.

With reincarnation as my understanding, learning is my driving force.  I take everything that happens (that I bring awareness to) as information.  It is important, for me to look at my world as the creation of my soul for my own soul's learning and development.

How do you take your moments?  When do you feel most connected?  How do you ask for help from your higher self/god/connection?

xo

a

Sit Still & Move Forward

Hi there! "If water derives lucidity from stillness, how much more the faculties of the mind!  The mind of the sage, being in repose, becomes the mirror of the universe, the speculum of all creation."  ~Chaung Tzu

So often we run around trying to fill our days with stuff.  We feel guilty when we sit still.  So many people feel like they have to be doing something, as if being still isn't doing something.  What are you trying to get away from anyway?  There are many ways to detach yourself from yourself and keeping busy is just as effective as the next thing.  What if you had free time and you spent it with yourself just listening in?  Really listening in and asking yourself questions along the way?

Have you ever just listened to yourself?  Have you listened and paid close attention to what you were thinking and what feelings went along with those thoughts?  Have you noticed how you try to escape various feelings either by ingesting something, hanging out with others, judging everyone around you, watching a video/tv/movie, shopping, or something equally as distracting?  Do you know what makes you tick?  Why you say what you say, do what you do, feel what you feel?  Do you consider these words, actions and beliefs are serving you consistently and are they in line with your gut instinct?  In other words, are you saying a lot in public and not doing it in private?  How close is your internal world with your external experience?

The truth of the matter is being still, checking in, holding your own space is where all healing and growth is synthesized.  It takes work to move from where you are to where you are going.  The great thing about it is that you only have to sit for a bit, be open and the information will flow to you, readily.  Oh, you also have to be willing to be uncomfortable.  Fully seeing yourself may be shocking for anyone who spends a lot of time wishing they were different from the person they are, even though they haven't spent much time with that person as of late.  At some point you will begin to enjoy your stuff, love it even, especially once you learn how all of the parts of you work together to keep you well, as well as you would allow.  It is then that you can release the parts that aren't elevating you and rise to your own occasion.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :) This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Space.

My Homemade Fruit Smoothies.

Foot Massages.

Self Confidence.

Open & Honest Discussions.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Listening is the cornerstone to any yummy relationship.  Do you have a hard time listening?  Being heard?  How does that affect your relationship(s)?  How would you like to communicate more effectively?   

"Any problem, big or small, within a family always seems to start with bad communication.  Someone isn't listening." ~Emma Thompson  

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others."  ~Anthony Robbins

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :) This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

The Spartan Race & Events Like It.

Live Music, oh so good.

Old Friends.

Emotional Intelligence.

My Sister's Gift From Miles.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Conflict is a part of life.  We all have to have difficult conversations.  How do you manage to keep it healthy?  What ways do you engage or avoid that make it de-escalate or escalate?  Here are some guidelines for listening that we could all use, I believe.

If you are sharing an issue:

Be aware of what you are feeling in your body.

Be aware of when you feel you need to protect yourself, or deflect attention away from the process.

To speak about your fears or feelings, the good ones as well as the hard ones.

To speak about yourself from an "I" space.

Not to talk about your partner or other people, not to label, invalidate, attempt to control or discuss any one else's behavior.  When talking about someone else, you can say, "When this happened, I felt this way." 

~From Dina Bachelor Evan's Book, Breakup or Breakthrough

When you talk about things from your perspective, using "I" you keep your feelings as the focus. 

"Learn to become empty to know the truth.  It is found between the words, between the breaths, and between actions."  ~DBE

xo

a