My Birthday My Way

Howdy, My birthday is coming up and I am going to do whatever it is that I want to.  This is normal for me and what I suggest for everyone else.  I will start at the beginning so that it all makes sense…  I was born on May 30th, 1974 at 5:30 am.  I was almost injured during delivery.  I was born on my back looking out… as she pushed my neck was bent more and more until the doctor's realized something was wrong.  Forceps were used to straighten my head out and one bruise on the left side of my head from that incident remains to this day.  The right bruise disappeared around the age of 14.  I was named Aina for this reason, among others.  In Yoruba my name means delivery had complications.  Complications indeed, my neck was almost broken and my parents had ended their relationship in dramatic fashion before I was born.

Each year, after my birth my mother would wake me at the time I was born, 5:30am on 5/30 and wish me a happy birthday.  She sometimes would go over the birth or how she named me.  It was a little ritual that I loved.  She would also ask me what kind of cake I wanted, once I was old enough to tell her.  So each year I would have a marble cake for my birthday.  

Fast forward into my mid-twenties.  I was having a rough time, engaged to be married (yes, the rough time when you are engaged is information, no?), starting a new career and just simply unhappy in some ways.  On that birthday that year I received no phone call.  Now, she hadn't been consistent in calling and there had been time where we weren't speaking actually… I moved out at 16 initially so it wasn't a rosy situation at all.  There was a need, that year, on my part to feel focused on, cared about.  I remember deciding, after being so disappointed, that I would never be sad on my birthday again.

Skip to present day.  I have about two and a half weeks before I am 39.  I plan on doing, as I have for over 10 years, whatever it is that I want to do.  I generally don't include anyone in on my day.  I have no desire to be with others, usually, because they might want something, or ask me questions I don't want to answer.  Catering to even the smallest need that isn't my own on my birthday is a no go.  Sometimes I travel (got that from my father who I have never seen on his birthday, he is ALWAYS in another country) and sometimes I sit my ass in front of the TV after a long run, and eat and chill and take a day of respite.  My doing what I want usually  confuses others.  They want to know stuff… which is why I tend to be on my own on that day.  Most of us don't know what it is like to literally care just for yourselves, not taking anyone else into consideration.  I will give you a scoop, it is a BLAST!  You become the center of your universe and disappointment is nowhere to be found.  You know that you are the one who is responsible for your happiness so you see to it… or at least I do.  

It is my day to make things uncomplicated, simple, unlike my delivery.  

What do you do for your birthday?  How would focusing solely on yourself change how you felt about birthdays over all???

Happy Birthday to you whenever it is…

xo

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