Howdy, Something that has always been a challenge with me in relationship is when someone says, "you made me angry, or you hurt my feelings, or you insert blame here. I first stop caring almost immediately (true story) because blame and Aina are like oil and water. I literally separate from myself from it. Then I go into explaining how I cannot make anyone feel anything. That is solely up to the feeler. You do that totally on your own. I cannot tell you how many arguments I have been in where that has been believed to be a debate. I am imagining that some of you right now are appalled at the idea that your feelings aren't because of someone else. If this is true for any of you, "Welcome To Truth." It may not be what you want but it is certainly what you need.
We spend so much of our lives blaming this person or that establishment, or this situation for how we feel, what we do, why we do it… we are running around shirking responsibility like it is our job. Most people are seasoned pros at how to make it about someone else. They said it with this tone, she looked at me this way, you made me a, b or c. Another tool in the blame box is should. You should have said this, or you should have done that and then everything would be a-ok. Or you shouldn't do things that make me blah blah f*cking blah.
The truth is your feelings originate with you. Period. I don't like street clothes in the bed, period. Now no one makes me mad, it is just a preference I have. I choose to be angry over it or not. I don't have to be if I choose not to be. If I am dating someone and they don't do something that I would like for them to do I can decide how I will respond. It isn't written in the stars that I get pissed off with them. They certainly aren't choosing my emotions for me. I, along with the years I have been on this planet as Aina, experiencing her experiences and taking in whatever programming/conditioning I chose to take, help me decide how I am going to feel about not getting what I want in one situation or another. I could be like most everyone else and decide that something outside of me is pulling the strings… but it just isn't true. If I were someone else and that person had a different set of rules and programming/conditioning the street clothes issue wouldn't be an issue. Because my feelings, preferences, want, needs are my own. How I feel about someone doing anything is also my own. I create the world I live in which includes the feelings I have. Once you own it you can work on controlling it a bit… and you can most certainly stop blaming.
The hard part of all of this is that owning your feelings is the Ultimate Responsibility. When you realize you are the reason for everything in your life and you have no one to blame you have to start looking at yourself. No one else can be a distraction any longer. You will see how you allow yourself to be victimized by this or that feeling. You allow yourself to be taken advantage of, sick, depressed, unhappy, abused, rejected, etc. You also allow yourself to be loved, honored, cared for, praised, appreciated. The ultimate responsibility is ultimately a blessing. It reminds you that you are in the driver's seat. Your feelings, your ideas, your situations are up to you. The world you live in is the one you create, not the one you blame on someone or something else.
So wake up and take responsibility. Stop giving others credit for what you are doing. You are the reason. Always have been always will be.