self-responsibility

You're In Charge

Hi! One of the hardest things to realize is that we have to do it ourselves.  It, everything, all of it.  Now, it doesn't mean we don't get help, on the contrary, that is one of the best things about other people existing, they can help.  But they cannot do it.  If I am thirsty you could drink all the water in the world and my thirst would not be quenched.  If I don't like myself, you could love me unconditionally and I would only be able to receive a fraction of it.  You have to do it yourself.  Really.  You cannot ask your partner to do something different so that you can feel differently.  Well, you can, but understand that you are pushing in a direction that may not go where you would like it to.  When we put the onus on someone else to make us feel happy, sad, or whatever, we give away (or try to) our power to truly find joy, contentment and everlasting love to someone else that actually cannot, no matter how hard they try, give you anything of the sort.  

When you recognize that you are the key to your happiness you have to recognize that you are also the key to your pain.  I understand why so many people choose to put that on someone else.  Working on how you treat yourself is one of the most daunting things that we are faced with.  Most people much rather look at the 'wrongs' of others instead of paying attention to whether or not they are 'wronging' themselves.  Paying attention to the details of our actions, feelings and thoughts, is not something that most people choose to do.  Being disciplined about learning the ways in which we treat ourselves well or not so well is not something that most people practice.  The most common response to life is numbing out when things are not going the way we want them to, or blaming others and abusing ourselves.  No matter how aggressive you are about not being responsible for you, you cannot get away from the truth.  No matter how many people you have duped into believing that they make you feel one way or another you will never figure your sh*t out until you take all of it back.  

The best part of it all is that you are not in charge of anyone else.  You don't have to have the weight of the world on your shoulders, just your world.  You are not the cause of reason for anyone else's anything, seriously.  That  means you will need to unload the baggage of others.  It also means you will have to find another reason for feeling useful.  So many people don't feel useful unless they are helping someone else.  I totally get that, my work is to serve.  The first person who I must serve is me.  If I am not well fed, loved and nurtured what use am I to anyone else?  Additionally, once you really dig in and do your work you find out how much nothing is ever about anyone else… and it is all about, whether you want it to be or not.  We filter everything period, there is no hope of not filtering, as long as use our senses to gather information.  When you do your work you are better able to serve because you aren't trying to save, you are just helping people along their path, not trying to get them to go down yours, or have them take on an area of your own life you have refused to manage.

Be kind to yourself and loving, always.  You deserve it.  Be appreciative of each thing, experience, person that got you here.  Take charge of what you are in charge of and let the rest go.  Know that you are the boss of you and make it so you want to go to work everyday.

xo

a

charles1

ps.  Can you guess why I picked the photo for this blog?

Blame Yourself

Howdy, Something that has always been a challenge with me in relationship is when someone says, "you made me angry, or you hurt my feelings, or you insert blame here.  I first stop caring almost immediately (true story) because blame and Aina are like oil and water.  I literally separate from myself from it.  Then I go into explaining how I cannot make anyone feel anything.  That is solely up to the feeler.  You do that totally on your own.  I cannot tell you how many arguments I have been in where that has been believed to be a debate.  I am imagining that some of you right now are appalled at the idea that your feelings aren't because of someone else.  If this is true for any of you, "Welcome To Truth."  It may not be what you want but it is certainly what you need.

We spend so much of our lives blaming this person or that establishment, or this situation for how we feel, what we do, why we do it… we are running around shirking responsibility like it is our job.  Most people are seasoned pros at how to make it about someone else.  They said it with this tone, she looked at me this way, you made me a, b or c.  Another tool in the blame box is should.  You should have said this, or you should have done that and then everything would be a-ok.  Or you shouldn't do things that make me blah blah f*cking blah.  

The truth is your feelings originate with you.  Period.  I don't like street clothes in the bed, period.  Now no one makes me mad, it is just a preference I have.  I choose to be angry over it or not.  I don't have to be if I choose not to be.  If I am dating someone and they don't do something that I would like for them to do I can decide how I will respond.  It isn't written in the stars that I get pissed off with them.  They certainly aren't choosing my emotions for me.  I, along with the years I have been on this planet as Aina, experiencing her experiences and taking in whatever programming/conditioning I chose to take, help me decide how I am going to feel about not getting what I want in one situation or another.  I could be like most everyone else and decide that something outside of me is pulling the strings… but it just isn't true.  If I were someone else and that person had a different set of rules and programming/conditioning the street clothes issue wouldn't be an issue.  Because my feelings, preferences, want, needs are my own.  How I feel about someone doing anything is also my own.  I create the world I live in which includes the feelings I have.  Once you own it you can work on controlling it a bit… and you can most certainly stop blaming.  

The hard part of all of this is that owning your feelings is the Ultimate Responsibility.  When you realize you are the reason for everything in your life and you have no one to blame you have to start looking at yourself.  No one else can be a distraction any longer.  You will see how you allow yourself to be victimized by this or that feeling.  You allow yourself to be taken advantage of, sick, depressed, unhappy, abused, rejected, etc.  You also allow yourself to be loved, honored, cared for, praised, appreciated.  The ultimate responsibility is ultimately a blessing.  It reminds you that you are in the driver's seat.  Your feelings, your ideas, your situations are up to you.  The world you live in is the one you create, not the one you blame on someone or something else. 

So wake up and take responsibility.  Stop giving others credit for what you are doing.  You are the reason.  Always have been always will be.

xo

a